I've been reviewing all kinds of memories in my head, many of these memories I know I've written about ---- and it's strange just how much reality seems kind of fake, or dreamy, or not real.
OK ----- When I was young, reality seemed much more real --- and much more painful.
There used to be a lot of pain in my life. And for a long time I've wondered if I died and actually went to some kind of heaven that was like my normal life, except less painful and even more enjoyable.
But all I can say is reality is, where I am, what it appears to be to me. I may be alive, but life seems like a dream.
I have had many "psychic" or "psychic-ish" experiences in my life. It is testable and repeatable. Scientifically verifiable.
Reality just doesn't seem so real. It's like I'm living in a fantasy world where I'm like some kind of Jedi or Wizard, even if not the most powerful.
On Netflix I watched the first episode of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, based on the books by Douglas Adams I think it was. One of the starring roles is Elijah Wood.
Anyway, the first episode seemed so ridiculous, yet somehow relateable to real life. I'm not saying real life is necessarily the way that show was ---- but it kind of spoke to me, the show, about how reality is.
The line of singing right as the credits started said "You will never get want you want. You will get what you deserve" ------ and this seemed like a good thing for this show to point out, because religion generally tries to teach people to do good things, to be good people, and there will be blessings if you are good.
Like Karma. What a wonderful concept, and I think I believe in it. For some, "Karma is a bitch" as they have said, but when you spend your life trying to be a good boy from start to finish, great things happen, Karma looks well upon the good soul.
And I have experienced it in my own life too, the concept that we create our own realities.
According to Joseph Smith the Mormon Prophet, if you are purified and cleansed from all sin, God will always do as you ask.
Joseph Smith combined Karma with The Secret.
And it rings pretty much true to me. I don't control people, but I do control myself, and I have tried to be a good boy, and life has been good to me. Not perfectly wonderful, but good enough to know that it could have been worse.
Anyway, I guess now I'm just rambling.
I have so many memories, and life seems so strange, like a dream.
Another thing I thought about this evening was the LDS/Mormon church, again. It seems like it tries to do good, they might mean well. But from another perspective it seems awful. So, there's good and bad in the organization, and I have to figure out how to properly love them while keeping my distance. Very confusing.