I saw my psychiatrist today.
With the recent revelation at the end of Barack Obama's presidency from the CIA about the Star Gate program --- the program where they developed psychic abilities and used these abilities to spy for their national security purposes -
when I was challenged about my years of mental illness, I basically said "The whole reason I was being drugged by this clinic since the year 2004 was because of my belief in psychic mental telepathy. What CIA recently declassified to public eyes basically vindicates my position in that belief".
At which point, I think it was the nurse, a new nurse, not the old one, revealed that I was being drugged for a completely different reason than the telepathy.
SO:::: The reason, for years, that I was TOLD I was being drugged was because of a belief in telepathy.
Then after years of being drugged, and having my position vindicated, I am now being told that I was being drugged for some other, not totally explained reason.
I mean, the one doctor would always increase the dosage I was on whenever I wouldn't decry my own belief in telepathy. I had my drug dosages increased repeatedly about some reason that wasn't apparently even the full reason I was being drugged.
I do have some suspicion what I was being drugged about ----- telepathy may have even made it clear on my mind what the actual reason for my drugging was, even before my 2004 stated belief in telepathy,
BUT NO ONE EVER TOLD ME TO MY FACE THAT THIS WAS A REASON FOR ANYTHING OR EVEN A PROBLEM FOR ANYONE. In fact, if I know what it was, as I suspect what it may have been ---- their issues with me never even were a problem and never even happened in the first place.
But, that is just my one suspicion that I was being drugged, a suspicion based on my "paranoid telepathy" about what people were saying about me behind my back ---- and I have some reason to believe that my paranoia is accurate on this one, although no one ever came to be about it --- even though they may have been drugging me about it for years.
SO:::: Unless I was being drugged essentially because of a false accusation that no one ever specified to my face,
then maybe it's because I believed in the LDS church at one time, and then because I rebelled from the LDS church at a later time.
I'm just getting really confused what the whole hubbub is about.
It was because of telepathy, as they explained, except there was something other going on that they didn't explain. Even though they always increased my dosage for telepathy.
It's possible i was accused of something, yet never told to my face about the accusation ----
and it's possible that they drugged me first for believing in mormonism, and then again drugged me for rebelling against mormonism.
So whatever, I'm getting really confused.
Basically::: Things just haven't been fully explained. The whole explained reason they were drugging me for years just disappeared as a reason --- I was vindicated.
Back when I was originally put in hospital (2002), I was having problems with my father because he wouldn't admit to my face to me that Annie Liability actually did want me.
Avril Lavigne eventually debunked that belief, by publicly singing, essentially, about my life and made it known that SHE DID want me, despite denying it.
During that stay in hospital I wasn't really allowed my full religious beliefs.
So years later back in 2004 I rebelled against the church that gave me the beliefs the doctors wouldn't originally allow,
Either I was drugged in relation with something to do with Annie Liability,
Or it was a belief in the church,
or it was a rebellion against the church,
the only other reason would be because I didn't like my Dad controlling my life but somehow the doctors might've thought I wasn't allowed to have my Liberty???? Even thought I have a RIGHT to Liberty????
So, basically, all I can suspect at this point is it might've been a belief in the church, a rejection of the church, or something to do with Annie Liability's false claims against me that I was put on drugs for.
It would be really seriously silly if I had to be put on drugs because I wasn't allowed to have a right to Liberty from my Father.
Also, when it comes to finding my own place to live, it is abundantly clear that using a low cost housing program to own my own place is pretty far out of reach.
Basically::: the possibility for me to own a place is still pretty distant.
And yet, the nurse seemed to think that I should now be saving up for a down-payment, and that's interesting, because how far out of reach that is for now. Hah. :) We'll see. Just as long as I'm not rushed into leaving in one or two years.
In fact, for now, it makes sense for me to stay home, and instead learn to drive rather than move out.
But yeah, thinking I could or should go for a down payment on a home is really quite optimistic to me. :)