Thursday, August 17, 2017

Catholic School maybe?

My Mom just admitted something.

I was talking to my Mom about how misbehaved and screwed up the students and my experience at FFCA, The Foundations for the Future Charter Academy, was.

My Mom did not want to hear a full description of events and behaviors,

but she said, "In hindsight, I probably should have sent you to the Catholic school instead."

Well, Avril Lavigne is French, so she's probably Catholic, so that would seem better in hindsight yeah.


In my experience, I do see good things about the Catholics --- but I hear some rumors too about problems.


But in all seriousness, if Avril's Catholic, and with how she helped me, that does put them in a very good light in my eyes.



My Dad said that when he and my Mom decided to become Mormon, they chose Mormonism because it SEEMED good --- and that Catholicism was not in their interests at that time.


But years later, Catholics seem pretty decent,


and a way better option


than going to a school where the majority of kids have serious behavior disorders and the teachers almost don't care.



So: the big news is that my Mom said that in hindsight I should've gone to Catholic school. That would have changed EVERYTHING.


Also, in hindsight, I'm guessing because Mormonism didn't really work out for me. But Jesus is still cool.

Plenty of Opportunity

As you might imagine, as a poor young man I had some desire to grow to be rich.

All these years later, with my 10-some-odd projects that I've completed:: I give the world SO MUCH AMPLE opportunity to each give me some small bit of money.

Typically, I do all this work for nothing. Nobody has anything to offer me, even if I ask for just 99cents to 3 bucks or even pay-what-you-choose.

No one can let me have anything. I am reliant on disability, and I'm on disability because of all the abuse I previously took in life.

Maybe people just don't like me -- in some small way I might understand that --- but in another way, I didn't get to choose the origins of my life, and how my community decided to raise me was not my fault. I did my best with what I could.

But now the community just decides not to reward me for any work.

My freebies and free products or even illegal rip offs are taken in droves--- I mean, hundreds to thousands of people will take something from me for free.

But the small payments I ask for? Zip. Zilch.  Pretty close to nothing [reported].

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Earlier this morning I was thinking about my life and I realized something::::

When I do a good job, or if I'm just a normal person:: I face either no reward, or I get hated or punished --- for doing good right or normal things.

But when I thought about those small circumstances in my life where I defected --- where I did things that people would typically consider wrong or very wrong ---- that seems to be when I get the most rewards in my life.

I usually try to be a good person and do the right thing, but looking back on my life, I just see more rewards for doing wrong, and more nothing or worse (punishment) for doing right.

That's just how I see my life, looking back.

It doesn't make any goddamn sense at all, but that is how I am remembering the events of my life. Not going into detail.


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So either people just don't pay me, or if people have paid me, the money likely gets diverted out of my own hands.

From my perspective, it seems possible that my parents control what I earn, but who knows, maybe my parents are just a lot wealthier now than they were when I was a kid.  yeah, they probably are.

At this point in my life, this might even be the wealthiest I might ever be in my life ---- but yeah, I'm just not used to the kind of wealth my family currently experiences, I'm used to being a lot lower in the societal economic hierarchy.

Maybe it's just the socialist government Alberta currently has -- who knows.


It's too bad when your family status goes up under socialism ---- but who knows, you never know if that's actually a normal effect of such a government for most people.


But seriously::: I am not used to the kind of money I have now, and reportedly that doesn't even include payment for my own work.  Either I don't get paid, or it gets diverted -- that simple.

I get no rewards or even punished for good or normal behavior,

While when I defect, that seems to be when good things happen.

And nobody can pay 99cents to 3 bucks for any amount of any work, while if it's free, anyone within the sound of my voice is way more likely to take it.

Honesty just isn't a big thing in our society I guess.


Sheesh.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Doesn't Blink About It

So, previously I had been thinking about how my Dad has two debit cards, and how it didn't fully make sense that he'd do all he does and my Mom doesn't get concerned about it. You'd think if he were spending her money like he does, that she'd be a bit more on his case about it.


When I had my birthday last month, this was the first year I didn't get a single birthday gift that I can remember.

No gifts.

Seeing my nephew with his party and friends and gifts at his birthday kind of depressed me about how all I got was a card and a cake.



Well, dental implant news::

My dentist's office closet-x-ray machine is too small to do a 3D scan of my head with my broad shoulders in the way, so they referred me to an x-ray specialist office, an office that exists exactly for the purpose I'm going to use it for.

Today, making my appointment at the X-Ray office, I learned I would have to pay $280 to their office on the day of the visit for their work.

My mom listened to that speaker-phone-call appointment booking, so when I told her that was an unexpected $280,



She basically just said she'd pay for it and it would be my birthday gift.



Again, like with my Dad's spending habits, she didn't blink an eye about it.



Obviously, I'm not poor like I was when I was a kid.  As a kid, finances were consistently in the dumps as far as I was aware.


I can understand how my family isn't really "rich", we aren't that or too wealthy, but somehow my mom could just pay that kind of money as a birthday gift for me and not blink an eye.



This is a completely new development in my life, things haven't quite been that way before.




SO:::: it's quite possible that my Dad's 2nd debit card is that he just shares a bank account with my Mom now --- that might be all it is.



And according to every report, I'm told, I don't get paid for my work.  I just wonder, speculate, and have hopeful and wishful thinking that people do pay me, but for some reason, my parents control the funds.


No one admits it, but I can dream can't I? :)


So yeah, I guess my Mom just isn't worried about money anymore.  That's the explanation.


We aren't really that rich, but we aren't poor like I was when I was young, so yippee. Completely new experience.

Expenses and Income?

This morning's news:

I just lost my 640gb external Firewire hard drive on my mac mini.

I booted up today, and my external drive is dead.

Losing my tooth, and losing my hard drive, I can almost feel cursed --- except I know there are legitimate explanations for how these things happened like I shouldn't have eaten that chocolate bar and that hard drive was getting old.

The good news::::

I had a 500gb external hard drive (USB) just sitting around that I could use instead. It'll have a lot less free space on it, but it will contain my data.

Other good news::: It can contain my data, because YES -- I had a backup. I have a backup. yay. Always back up your data. I'm so thankful for Time Machine.

NEXT DAY UPDATE::::

I just booted my mac mini again. I left both the replacement USB and Firewire drives plugged in during this time.

Well, the Firewire drive works again!  It just magically boom, works. Broken yesterday, magically fixed today. Weird. Who knows. Wonderful.



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The other news this morning is I accidentally checked Facebook this morning and I saw this in my news feed:


A story from just 15 hours ago says my The Book of Finch Facebook page is receiving quite a bit of attention.

Of course, I haven't "sold" a copy of that book FOR A LONG TIME --- I get like, no sales reports, nor do I get payments.


I, of course, would ask that people kindly pay me for my work, or donate to my bitcoin, is that too much to ask? In our debt laden society, perhaps it is.


Anyway ---- I've obviously made some waves ----- and either someone else gets my money or people just aren't paying it seems like.


Who knows --- this helps me suspect my Dad of receiving my payments -- though he never admits it.


But yeah --- please kindly pay me for my work. Even if it's just a small bitcoin donation, that would be gladly accepted. Or you can actually just buy the book.  But I stopped selling Kindle Ebooks --- I just wasn't seeing sales and that turned me off of ebooks.

I don't see Lulu sales either, but we'll see. Who knows.  Maybe people just like the freebie --- but really, I do ask that people pay me for something I did.  Letters to Whomever was NEVER free. Neither was The Eagle's Sore. It'd be nice to get paid.


Of course, people might view me negatively after reading my book --- but hey, I always tried to do what I thought was right, usually, and I can't help the fact that I was surrounded by all the crap in my environment at the beginning of my life.  That's just the way things go. I can't change my origins of birth or how people tried to control me --- that much wasn't my own fault.

But yeah, getting paid for my work would be nice. Thanks.

Monday, August 14, 2017

It's all in my head he said

I must be out of my mind.

I must be having one of those ultra-reality-altering-hallucinatory experiences again.

Last night my Dad told me I was crazy.

Today my Dad told me it's all in my head.

He told me to not make false assumptions.





SO: I am hallucinating this email my sister sent me that says she's gone from deep in debt to having a good level of savings without employment or unspecified low-paying employment that she never told me about until now and this is not making sense?




I'm pretty sure I didn't hallucinate my Dad's two debit cards, at two different banks, which he visits both of them and not with the company of my mom.  And he says he's not rich.



Yes - I must be out of my mind.



Something just doesn't make sense about how I see things.



It's like I hallucinate extremely elaborate big hallucinations or something.



He's not rich he says.



But he has debit cards at two different banks, and he visits both banks.



My sister just told me she now has "a good level of savings" ---- although just months ago she couldn't figure how to climb out of debt.



In fact, there was a time when only my mom could afford one leap pad for all her grandchildren --- but now the good sister has one leap pad for each of her slightly older children, while paying off her debt and getting some good level of savings --- all in a matter of some months while currently being unemployed.




Yup. I must've lost my mind.





When my Dad says "it's in my head" ---- Is he referring to the answer about this situation, like I'm a mentalist and I should know telepathically?



I suppose I do have a recurring number appearing in my mind.  If this number is true, it should be easy enough to buy me some new equipment.  I guess we're just not doing that right now or something.



Maybe I'm just getting the "$10 limit" like my nephew did at the toy store.




I've lost my mind. I can't seriously understand what's happened. My Dad denies everything I think it might be --- tells me I'm crazy, it's all in my head.



Is that the power of the secret?  I would think thoughts about amassing great wealth, and now I just hallucinate a world where we've become wealthy???


Huh. Right. Who knows. Whatever.

I'm still wondering

Last night I sent an email to my sister.  I sent the same email to my Dad.

It was that email that got my Dad annoyed.

I basically had questions about how much money I made.  My magic 8 ball clearly told me multiple times that Dad did get my OUYA/Razer money --- but typically my Dad will deny this.




My sister did respond to my email.




Something about her response is also triggering questions in my mind.



You see, just a few months ago, my Dad told me not to talk to my sisters about my investments because it made them depressed.  Why did it make them depressed?  Because my good sister was deep in debt just like the rest of Canadians.  My good sister, the one who turned out right, was probably the poorest person in our family at that time.



But in her email last night, she said she has little debt and a good level of savings.



She said she(/"we"?) doesn't have the highest paying job around, but she feels wealthy too.



Now I'm really confused.



You see, she doesn't have a job.  Her husband HAD a job, but not anymore. They are both unemployed last time I checked.


While he was working, he apparently didn't tackle the debt very well.  They were just barely making it.



Maybe there's some secret about their finances that I don't understand or don't need to understand.


But she's not keeping it totally secret either --- she just told me some things.



But I'm still confused.



So, to summarize my confusion:::


Last time I checked, my good sister was in deep debt, and she and her husband were unemployed.


As of last night's email, she has little debt and a good level of savings, doesn't have the highest paying job, but still feels wealthy ----


thing is, I didn't think they worked at all at this point.  How did they come to a point of feeling wealthy with no employment income????



Not a high paying job, no job at all as far as I knew, yet still feeling wealthy. No clues what their job actually is though.



The information I'm seeing just doesn't make sense.  And it doesn't help when my Dad is keeping secrets and denies the possibility that OUYA or Razer paid him my money - which they were supposed to according to the arrangement.



He said I'm crazy.  He's kind of right at this point.


I am confused out of my mind.



ADDITIONAL::::


I just remembered my Mom's story about her recent visit to my good sister's place in a different town.

My Mom said my good sister's son was kind of accustomed to getting really cool toys. Like, the good toys. You know what I mean.

When my Mom was with my sister, they went to the toy store for the baby.

They gave the son a $10 limit on a toy for him.

He had a meltdown.  He's obviously kind of spoiled -- so used to getting cool toys, but now having a big purchase limit.


yes, he's kind of spoiled at that point.  Maybe that has some explanation or description maybe of how my sister paid off her debt and has savings. I don't know.  It just illustrates a bit here.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

I deleted my last post

I just deleted my last post on this blog.


It was apparently a slightly more popular post that normal, considering how interesting it was,


but I may have made some false assumptions in it.




Basically::::::: I had suspicions that my Dad is richer than he should be,

And since he was supposed to receive my OUYA payments, I wondered if he did get my OUYA payments.





But he vehemently denies it.




He was so agitated that I thought he got my payments (though he did SAY he got my payments) that he thought I needed an Ativan.


I was calm, he was agitated, and he said I needed the Ativan.



I'm still a little confused, things I've seen going on don't totally make sense, but hey, my Dad was very unhappy to hear that I had my suspicions.



Anyway, apparently, I am the crazy one.



I am delusional. I suspected too much.




But one thing didn't add up about his recent burst into my bedroom:::


HE was agitated, and he said I (me) needed the Ativan.

I am perfectly calm, he's the one with the agitation, he should take the Ativan.


Somehow, he projected his own emotional state on me and said I needed the drug that he should take.




Yeah, it's confusing.  Apparently, I was just delusional and crazy somehow.




But yeah, the internet just tells me that everyone is in too much debt to pay a small price for any of my work ---- that with all the unlimited amounts of currency in a central banking system that practically none of it could make its way into my wallet.




To me, it almost seems unreasonable that people just couldn't or wouldn't spend a buck on me.


I would have thought people could have paid me some small amount.


And though my Dad was lined up to receive some of my payments, and though there are some big clues that I've seen,


Apparently, I was just crazy to think that he actually received any money from my work, even though I was lined up to borrow the use of his bank account for receiving wire transfers.



He wasn't very happy.


He said I'm crazy.


Things just don't make sense about that.



I'm probably just the richest I have ever been in my life, and it's unusual to me.  But apparently, it's still not THAT rich.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

To be more transparent

OK OK OK ---- I guess I need to be honest with you guys, especially as you might even be my fan ----


I am asking for donations for my next project because I would like to see some community interest in one of my projects before I spend money to work on it.



The truth is, even after giving most of my liquid funds to the dentist::: I DO in fact still have more funding to my name.  It's just that it's serious emergency money, and it's about as liquid as a non-redeemable GIC (Guaranteed Investment Certificate, like a Certificate of Deposit maybe in the States).



I'm not too poor ------- but I'm not spending to my bottom dollar just to build a project which history tells me will not pay.



It would be nice to have some community support for my work for a change.



I have the Bitcoin addy up ---- it's a real easy way for me to "circumvent" Kickstarter.   It's like Kickstarter, but maybe a bit better.  Just a super easy way to fund me ----- no 3rd party necessary.




So maybe I'm rich enough that you think I don't need more funding ----- maybe I seem like a "fat cat", so why should you pay for my project, especially while most of my fellow Canadians are deep in debt?



Maybe it's not worth funding me ---- I COULD fund myself. I just WON'T when I have no evidence that anyone will pay me for anything.




I like to have emergency money --- in case of emergencies.  No point spending that money on something that might not pay.  I'll wait for either more expendable income or community support before I start work.




I get so many visitors to this website ---- and maybe you all already did buy something from me, but seriously, if you are so interested in me that I get all these visits to this site, I have to wonder why people don't donate.  Oh, right, lots of personal debt in Canada.


I dunno, it's just that I see all these kickstarters being funded and all these donations to Avril Lavigne ---- while it's like nearly nobody will spend a buck or two on anything i do.



It's kind of disheartening.



Who knows --- maybe people just don't like me.  I think people have never really liked me -- starting with my own family relations ---- but yeah, being a pinata starts at a young age I guess.


I'm a fun game that everyone gets to dislike altogether equally!! Yay!  Now that's funny!

How Did My Top-Super-Secret Information Leak?

Remember my super-top-secret game development plans?

Somehow --- something really weird just happened.



OK ----- so there's NO EVIDENCE of my game idea anywhere except me typing the title of my game into UNITY 3D on two different computers.



Apparently, that wasn't secure.




Either they somehow know what I typed into Unity, or they used a psychic or something.



Maybe it's just a big coincidence ----- but when I saw what I saw, I got freaked out.



You see, Just a moment ago I visited an Android fan site as I did some research on the game market on Android TV.



Just as I started reading the article, a big full-screen ad pops up from the website::::



An AD that is HIGHLY RELATABLE to my game idea. I have never seen such an ad before, and it's way too coincidental that it appeared on my device as I researched android tv games.



I guess I might as well expose a little bit of my secret.



As soon as I do, well, it's not a secret anymore and I can only guess someone is going to weasel off with my idea.





OK::::



The only information about my top secret game I had typed into  a computer was the following title:


"EXTRA Car to Joe's".



The ad that appeared on the android fan site which got me riled up was an ad for "Car 2 Go".



Yes, my game had some parodying ideas about a similar business concept existing in my game, with some fun stuff about it ------



That was one of my fears, that they might view me as a sort of copyright infringement ---- but mine wasn't an exact copy, nor was it the exact same name.


In fact, the only similarity in the name would have been the title of the game. In the game, it's a bit different. With only parody-like relatable similarities in some ways.





But yeah, I'm a bit freaked out that all the computer had was my game title, and now the Android fan site is showing me a full-screen ad for a business that did basically inspire my new game title.


Just freaky.



Dang.


And now that I've said this much, I can only figure to expect that someone might be inspired by this blog post.



Nothing's private anymore I guess.  Holy crap.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Hopes Dashed

I received an email today which claimed to be from some professional looking French tv site ---- and it referenced a supposed English Charity that wanted to give me a grant for humanitarian purposes.

Both the email addy and charity listed looked legitimate.

But the problems::

It doesn't fully make sense to me that a charity would give me a grant for my business desires ---- business desires which are modest in nature and might not be worth much.

Another problem:

I did some research on the email. It probably wasn't real. Found out it was likely fake.




I've received email from people claiming to be lottery winners who want to donate (years ago) and I've had any amount of other stuff like that go on over the years ------


And of course, I have to be on my guard, considering how much fraud goes about ------



But REALLY:::::: If you want to help fund my project, it's as simple as donating to my bitcoin address on this website. There is an easy way to give money to me::: Bitcoin address.


All these offers of money become suspect when they want me to do other stuff, and they won't just donate to the dang Bitcoin addy.




Considering all the OUYA games I've sold, and how popular this website is ---- it's quite possible that all my visitors may have already paid me some little amount of money already.

But it's just not enough.


OUYA just wasn't successful enough. Maybe I wasn't good enough.



It would be a shame if I had to scrap my future development plans just so I could live my life with whatever I already have and less waste --------- but hey, the market's saturated and the audience is limited --- so that might happen.




If I didn't need the dentist now, I would be in great financial shape to work on a new project. It's just too bad I lost my crown.




HECK::::::::  It's quite possible that my new project idea is more than I can chew ----- so I may end up all in failure anyway.  That's a real possibility.



I would love to imagine a huge likelihood of huge success and "making it"   ------ but it seems quite likely that I just won't make it.


Imagine me being super-successful eh? Wouldn't it be nice? ;)

Thursday, August 10, 2017

New Option?

As I write this, I am downloading the Linux version of the Unity 2017 editor onto my Linux Laptop.

The good news about my Linux Laptop is that with the latest release of Linux Mint (18.2 Sonya) I have had ONLY ONE crash in my whole time using this new version of the operating system -- which is quite commendable to the OS devs. That one crash was only after a great long extended period of running.

I have only 4gigs of RAM and my Pentium processor has no L3 cache and only 4x256k of L2 cache --- so it might be questionable how well this machine will be able to handle game dev operations ----

especially as this is the Linux version of Unity, which isn't all that super official.

I tried using Linux Unity 5 in an Ubuntu virtual machine, and I was left wondering how to even create an instance of a first or third person controller. Hopefully, I'll be able to figure it out.

Either Linux version is missing things, or things have changed since Unity 4.

I MIGHT be able to get playing around and maybe even started on a project with my laptop. Fingers crossed.

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Well --- if you ever wanted to make a Linux Ubuntu Server using an Intel NUC running with a Celeron processor ---- I'm starting to think I'd recommend AGAINST that ---- get a faster processor.

I'm finding that the Celeron is painfully slow for big tasks ---- and I've got one big daily task which I haven't yet been able to complete in time, --- I extended the wait time to 9 hours for regular operation ----- but in testing I've been waiting 4 and a half hours already and the job still isn't done.

On my computer from 11 years ago ---- this task would not have been a problem, it was a lot quicker than this Celeron.

Just saying.

Of course, my local computer shop had a special order option for a Quad Core Celeron for only 20 bucks more ---- would that have made more sense? Of course, that option was 100mhz slower, so maybe not.

1.6mhz is fine for a light task machine ------ but for server operations where big processing is involved daily, it takes a LONG time to complete the task.

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Of course, my new game project will still require funding for some things --- and that's not going to happen for a while because I'm still paying the dentist and living my life. It'll be two or three months before I can afford Unity Plus I think.




Oh ----- and since it's the government of Alberta that provides me with funding to live my life, and since a lot of what I own is actually something I could have because of the Alberta Government --- I kind of have to wonder if somehow the Alberta government claims anything I might earn.  Just speculation.


Of course, more recent Youtube videos explain that there just weren't a lot of people playing OUYA games. That might explain it.



I actually did plug in my old OUYA today and played around a bit with it --- I'm glad the versions of the games I have left on that system seem to work well enough.



But I wonder if I'm considered to be one of those sucky developers. I know I made a lot of mistakes throughout my OUYA dev work ---- and one OUYA employee even told me at least one of my games was one of the better games ----- but how good was I at that job really?

At least I can feel some level or semblance of achievement with Doorless Darts ranked #5 in Sports on Cortex and CvB ranked #7 in Fight on Cortex. I think it's the Fight genre where I'm ranked like that. Maybe it was Dual Stick. Dunno, can't remember.


So::: I do wonder if I am disliked for "political" reasons or if my games legitimately did just suck. But I like my games, and though I may be "politically" confused, I have to good reason to be politically confused. Maybe it's just a saturated market with a small audience.


At least I'm able to live happy and comfortable and I have the stuff to do to keep me entertained. Yippee.


UPDATE::::

I finished installing the Unity 3d software on my Linux Laptop.

It looks very nice, looks like I could have a lot of fun developing with this ----

problem is, unlike the free version of Unity 4, there is no free access to first or third person controllers.

$75 for a Unity Asset for Third Person Controller.

Not happening right now.

I am tantalized by the Unity 2017.1 environment on Linux --- I am actually wanting to get started just by seeing how much fun I could have.

I just don't have all the assets or tools I would need easily, and I don't have the funding for a few months.

I only just gave my dentist most of my currency the other day. And I need the rest just to live and enjoy the life I can during summer break.

Sorry.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Dentist Having Fun

Today I saw my dentist.

I am paying for this storyline of visits myself -- no insurance.

I got today's bill and more estimates for the upcoming visits.

When I added it all together:::

The very first visit in my adding I just rounded up to $600.

Add the first visits to the current visit and the estimations, and the answer is "$5501".

If you look at 5501 upside down in a calculator, it says "loss" --- or maybe f"loss".

That's great --- except actual floss itself probably wouldn't have helped in my case. But I can see the dentist is having fun.

But then, I remembered that the first trip in this storyline I think only cost $598.

So, when added up with the actual price, the answer is:

$5499.

When you look at this number typed in a calculator and having the calculator upside down -- it looks like the dentist with his glasses on with HIS mouth open. Kind of.

Like very fancy emojis ---- except it's the price you pay for the dental implant.


Very funny.


I'm just glad I can afford it ---- and I'm not even really crazy for having bought that $400 nuc at the same time.

I can actually afford this. That's AMAZING.

When I was a kid, things were a lot more difficult, and I think the difficulties back then and the financial situation also as a difficulty all snowballed into my mental illness. But I'm getting better now ----- and now I see how a lot of people suffer from insanity and poor financial health.


I guess the reason I don't get paid for my books or games might be because of poor financial health or poor mental health throughout the community of the world as a whole.  Those are the real explanations that might make sense.

Unfortunately.

Monday, August 7, 2017

A Review of my new NUC

The reason I bought this NUC is that it can be used as a home server without being as electricity hungry as the computer it replaces which is 11 years old.

My NUC model comes with a 1.6ghz (2.16ghz Turbo Burst Frequency) Celeron Processor with 2mb of L2 Cache (2x1mb) and I got it with 8gb of RAM and a 1TB HD at 5400rpm.

The system costs a bit less than $400CAD with 2-year warranty included, not including monitor or keyboard.

There's a cute derogatory term I could use to describe this machine which I won't use here in case someone gets offended. A better description would just be to say "You get what you pay for". This is the kind of modern and new computer that reminds us why we like buying faster hardware. Very seriously.

OK, so I'm running it with Ubuntu Server 16.04 ---- this thing is supposed to use only a maximum of 65 watts at any given time, so that makes it attractive for home server purposes.

I'm using it for::: 1) Bitcoin node and miner 2) file server, including network backup of other machines, 3) virtualization server.

It works fine for Bitcoin mining. Nothing wrong here.
I'm still in the process of downloading the information for the Bitcoin node, which is not unexpected.
But I had to stop the Bitcoin node in order to get any speed in fully backing up the system.

The Bitcoin node, as it is first loading, is a processor intensive task.
Backing up the whole system is also a processor intensive task (encrypted backup).

After about 12 hours of letting the system load Bitcoin and back up at the same time, the back up only got about 50gb of backup completed, and the Bitcoin node maybe 20% of its work done.

I had to turn off the Bitcoin node, and when I did, the system sped up considerably in the backup process (getting ~30gb of backup done in about 30 minutes to an hour).

AS A VIRTUAL SERVER:::: Once your guest operating system is loaded, it actually works quite well ---- but booting the Virtual Server is again, painfully slow --- but once it's loaded it works well.



But in all seriousness ----- this is the kind of machine that really does remind us why we like faster hardware.


I loaded the GParted OS onto this machine in order to create more space for my /home partition.


The process took over 4 hours, and I was only using less than half the hard drive space total.


At the end of the GParted task ---- I saw the status bar say there were 4 minutes left --- so I used my Apple Watch to time 4 minutes.

4 minutes on this NUC is much longer than 4 minutes.
2 minutes is much longer than 2 minutes.
and 1 minute is still considerably longer than 1 minute.




So, it is completely slow --- I'm still waiting for my system to be completely set up after more than two days of getting the system set up.


BUT ---- Once the system is set up, I think the NUC will run its tasks just fine.  That's what I THINK will happen.  It's going to be a lot more laid back once most of the heavy work is done, so it should work OK I'm guessing.


The worst that could likely happen for my purposes at this point is the hard drive gets full ---- along with possible slow downs in anything I might do.



You get what you pay for. Reminds us why we like fast machines. It's taking over 2 days to set up completely ---- but once the heavy work is done,  it should ride along smoothly for the little server tasks I put it towards, especially great because it runs on low power.

I'd give it 3/5 stars.




I would give it more stars because it works just fine considering the price paid ----- but I know a lot of people would probably be highly depressed by how slow this thing really is, so as it's not as super zippy as one would like it gets 3 stars.


As a home Linux desktop without much going on, like for email and browser --- I think it would be fine, with closer to 4/5 or 5/5 stars.


As a server 3/5 stars.

Simple Linux Desktop: it would be 5/5 stars.


Yay.




Oh --- and initially booting the OS is actually quite swift. Works great - just fine.



UPDATE::::

This morning the NUC finally finished the job I had set it to do -----

So I turned it off, and plugged in THE WATTMETER.

Turned off, this NUC uses 4watts.

Turned on, as far as I used it, it used between 13watts to 20watts at any given time.

20watts was with my bitcoin miner running.

13 watts was typical with the monitor turned off (but not including the monitor itself in the measure).

Running consistently at 20 watts for a year, I estimate this device would cost me about $10.50CAD -- for the year, in electricity charges.

But, it's usually running at less than 20 watts, so that lowers the cost a bit.

Friday, August 4, 2017

I Took the Plunge into New Hardware

I decided I should get new hardware --- to save electricity on always-running purposes.

The 1.4ghz mac mini with 4gb of ram and 500gb HD costs ~$600cad new or ~$500cad refurbished.

I decided to go for a 1.6ghz NUC with 8gb of ram and a 1TB HD, for only a bit less than $400 --- 2-year warranty included.


This MIGHT become a developing machine --- but probably not.


I'm replacing older more electricity hungry hardware with this NUC --- maybe but probably not for development.



And man ---- I'm sure glad I didn't go for that mac mini ------- because even with better hardware and a less resource hungry OS (Linux) ------ this 1.6ghz NUC is still painfully slow.


It'll probably work for what I'm going to use it for ----- but yeah, it's good to know I could get better hardware for cheaper, and not have risked trying to develop on something even slower.


But seriously ---- adding 400mhz to the clock speed would likely make this thing work quite a bit better. Hah.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

More Computer Discussion

Remember my posts from earlier about me trying to decide what kind of new computer I want on a new budget for a new project?

At first, I thought I would get the cheap computer --- something I can afford on my budget.

But then I thought against it because a 1.4ghz mac mini with 4gb of ram and a slow hard drive probably wasn't going to cut it for my development purposes, especially with the size of the game I was thinking of.





Well, today was our house's day for Furnace maintenance ------ and the technician was just talking to me and my Dad about computers --- apple computers specifically.

He said his laptop battery died a while back, so he decided it was time to get something new ---- he said he has a six-core machine that is more than he needs when he's just checking email.

But then he said when he gets into his computer graphics work that the computer slows down a bit.

Then it turned out that he said something about having done some work on Pixar at his graphics school ---- he said something about the work done on "Monsters Inc".

So, yeah, basically I just got the impression that our visiting furnace technician just said he did some work for Pixar, and that he's into graphics arts with his six-core Mac.




The main point of his message was this:::: Steve Jobs changed the world, and that for most people they don't really need anything really powerful computers wise.



So, though it may seem like an argument (that he may have unknowingly made) that said the 1.4ghz mac mini would be fine for my project ---- well, he didn't actually argue that as it wasn't involved in my earlier discussion on this blog, but it almost seemed implied ------ I would actually disagree because I've seen a 4gb mac with a slow hard drive operate before and it is painfully slow -- even just for email.


With only a 1.4ghz processor, and working on my biggest game project yet ----- I don't think it's suitable ---- although a better mac mini is currently out of my price range, mostly due to dental expenses.





So yeah, just weird how our furnace technician basically said he does graphics arts on this six core mac and his film school or graphics art school did work for Pixar. Huh. yeah. Interesting.


but he must be highly educated ---- because he also said he attended a law school for a while.


OMG. I'm not even going to say what I just suspected.



MORE:::::

Just yesterday I received my injection at the psychiatric clinic.

I told my Dad about how weird it was to talk to my injections nurse about recent movie releases ---- not only because of the topic itself, but it's also a little strange because my current injections nurse I've had for quite a while,,,

he looks similar to George Lucas.   He's not appearing absolutely the same as George Lucas ---- but he looks a LOT LIKE George Lucas.

That's probably more than I should say considering how information can be treated ---- but yeah:::

yesterday I feel how strange it is to discuss movie releases with a guy who looks like George Lucas who is acting as my injections nurse,

and today we get a furnace technician who talks about his film school's work for Pixar. Huh.

Just how things might be going I guess.

Haunted or Controller Lag?

In the days of OUYA --- if you didn't have wired internet to your OUYA --- and if you had multiple controllers,

your chances of "controller lag" increased.

This was highly annoying to so many people I'm sure, but considering how close "OUYA" is to "OUIJA" in the name it definitely could seem like your OUYA was haunted and there was a ghost controlling the machine.





But I was just playing with my Forge ---- a Cortex game.



Nyan Cat.

Rainbow Ride.


I felt I needed some mindless amusement to pass the time.


After a while of playing, I just put down the controller and left the game to its own devices. Of course, I "died" when not manipulating the character.


So, I played again, and again, just put down the controller --- but something different happened this time:::::


My character moved ITSSELF ----- my character was playing the game without my input, and it survived for as long as I let the game play itself.


The character never "died" ------ I was the one who manually ended the game.



I even took video with my iPhone of the incident ---- where my character was controlling itself and the game would not end ------- it really was as if the game was haunted at that point, and not in the non-intelligent "controller lag" way.  It was like some other intelligent being was actually controlling the character as if it were haunted.


Of course, the developer may have just programmed the game to do what it did --- it's possible ---- but seeing it play itself like that after I put my controller down definitely made me think of the "haunted controls" issue from OUYA days.



I still think Forge and Cortex are pretty decent services ----- but most people just didn't vote for the cheap and free system, so that's the way it goes.



"cheap and free" can actually be an awesome way to run a business, but for some reason, people opted for the more expensive NVidia Shield, which especially didn't make sense as I learned in a review that the Shield seemed to lack content (or it did back then).


But whatever, humanity doesn't make sense a lot of the time.



Cortex is pretty decent I think, it's humanity that tends to be defective.

Trying to Sound Smart

So:::: I'm not super-popular, but since my birthday I think I've noticed far fewer visitors to my blog, so I was thinking, and have come up with some things to say that I've figured out to try to sound smart, as well as to get my viewpoints across.


So, for the past long while, I've been learning about different potential banking systems a nation can use, like the current central banking system, or other options like gold or government fiat or even possibilities involving crypto currency.


We currently use central banking systems, and I think I've figured out some things::

What are taxes for?
1) Taxes pay the interest to whoever owns government debt.
2) Taxes lower inflation and;
3) Basically just make life more bearable/affordable, typically for people poorer than yourself (included in point 2).


That's basically how I look at it in a nutshell.  The government doesn't NEED taxes --- but if they didn't tax, then inflation would be like a runaway locomotive.

I even made a python script to act as a simple economic model to illustrate various spending rates and tax rates. Heck, this python model even shows that it was totally expectable that apparent massive inflation that happened back in the 70s and 80s - so I must be on to something.


So::: what use is this information?


It's useful in helping to figure out what kind of government you support with their different economic agendas.


Conservatives would typically spend less and tax less. If you spend more as a conservative and tax less, then there will be big inflation, I think.

But in my opinion, a government that spends little doesn't get much done.



To be honest, if a government is in debt, that debt doesn't totally matter too much (but it might add to inflation), unless you want to tax to pay interest and if the interest takes all your taxes and starts increasing taxes. So debt for the government isn't the worst thing ever, except for inflation and taxes.


But generally speaking, I'd say it'd be better for the government to hold all the debt rather than the individual citizens themselves. It's just nicer that way.



So:::  A conservative government would try to typically spend less --- which means there is less money in the economy or otherwise more debt for consumers, and basically the government just isn't taking care of people or doing things while the people themselves get dug into debt.


This is actually kind of problematic. It's a depressing picture in my mind I think, and I think we've seen this happen before.




But a government that spends more creates money and gets things done, causing people to have employment and resources to support them. Taxes here do a bit to equalize the wealthy with the poor --- but the main point would be to keep inflation lower with the higher taxes.



But what's really interesting is there was a TED Talk that said you are more likely to become a millionaire or billionaire in a social democracy rather than in a capitalist environment. That was pretty interesting.





So:::: from my perspective::::

A conservative government means fewer services and more debt for individuals ----

While a socially conscious government means more available services and lower debt for individuals ------


that's how simple it is ---- in my own mind thinking about this with the help of a simple computer model --- me trying to be smart like I used to be.





So, if this is an essay, I would just try to point out that social democracy makes way more sense than capitalism, or rather  NDP better than Conservative.


That is how I see it.



Conservative === fewer services, more personal debt,

NDP ==== many good services, individuals more likely to be financially successful in life.



That really is actually how I'm seeing it right now, with everything I've learned.






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On the religious side of this, I know LDS Mormon Prophet Ezra Taft Benson was saying that socialism is some kind of evil because it forces you to pay taxes, essentially ---- he believed people should be allowed to choose or not to choose to pay their taxes, is basically what I understood.


Here's the problem:::


If Millionaire A pays taxes but Millionaire B doesn't pay taxes ------

Then Millionaire A becomes less wealthy and Millionaire B becomes more wealthy than they would otherwise have been if they had both been forced to pay taxes by law.


Again, how I see it.


Basically, in an "optional tax system" people who don't pay would be overly advantaged and people who did pay would be overly disadvantaged --- which really just isn't right, THAT is actually an immoral system, that essentially punishes those who want to do good.


But if everyone pays taxes, then the system is fair, no one is overly advantaged for being greedy, and the good and charitable person is not overly hurt for their goodness.



So, yeah, basically the past LDS Mormon Prophet thought that forcing people to pay taxes was wrong (paraphrased), but I do not agree.


If you don't pay taxes or choose not to pay taxes, then you are really just exhibiting signs of narcissism and the like, and that's really not a good thing.


I believe that taking care of people is a really good idea. The least one can ask of all is to have all pay their taxes.




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In my thoughts and models, I was mostly basically considering income tax ----- I'm not going to state an opinion on tax-free savings accounts except to say that I still view TFSAs as socially conscious, which I accept.





So there you go, this is me trying to write something that sounds smart and might seem overly complicated who doesn't understand things I've learned.



It's also basically my way of saying "Social Democracy looks like the way to go", which is why I like the NDP.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Thank You Everyone

It's 22:27 on July 28th ---- these are my last few hours of being a 32 year old --- so I guess I might as well thank everyone for the massive goodness they have done to me throughout my life to, perhaps, "keep me afloat" through or after severe difficulties.

I look at my sales and my blog ---- and though I have some interactions with some people, I'm not really hugely popular ----- and though I don't make much more than a disability benefit ---- I think I can tell that there is a greater community out there that tries to show me some love, even if it doesn't mean monetary reward.

Thanks, everyone ---- it's been great to receive "certain honors" that help keep me happy despite very poor circumstances in my life.


Other than "thanks" for all the kindness and emotional support ---- what else can I talk about?


I remember sometime last year I think it was my Chromebook disappeared, only to show up much later in a place where it wasn't supposed to be.

Now I'm missing two other items::::::

a stone of Blue Calcite, which I bought in Banff at their Rocks/Mineral store -----

and the Zippo and carrying case for it that I had since I was young has also disappeared.




I know --- Zippos are for smokers, and I don't smoke --- so why would I have one?

As children, my brother had a way of looking up to Indiana Jones as a role model --- and Jones had a zippo, so he needed a zippo too.

And, as young boys are, I was also compelled by young-boy-psychology to follow in my brother's lead and get a zippo too.

My Zippo was made of plain brass but had my given name engraved on it.

An interesting thing to note::: Finch, with their album "What it is to Burn", released a Zippo-like lighter with the special edition of their album --- I still have that today I think, but I never use it.





So yeah ------ my life has been so full of problems, I can only feel great gratitude for all the people who have attempted to make my existence more bearable. Thanks, everyone.





And like my Chromebook once disappeared ---- I am now missing my Blue Calcite stone and my Zippo lighter ----- so who knows.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

New projest indefinitely stalls?

I've been thinking

What's the point of spending all that money on a new computer for "development" when such a weak computer would probably make a very weak development machine --- especially when history tells me I can't expect people to pay me for my work, and it will be a lot of work without reward?

What's the likelihood that I should rather use that money on something that is more likely to be more rewarding, yet takes less effort on my part?

Yes ---- it's messed up when a guy can be paid more for doing dick-all rather than for actual work. But hey, if that's the way it is, that's the way it is.

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A few days ago I received a birthday wish from an LDS Bishop in an email. I responded with a bunch of stuff, including questioning why the LDS church doesn't have the sealed portion of The Book of Mormon ------ because if the LDS church was actually faithful to their beliefs, and if the church was true, then they would have the greater part or the greater 2/3rds of The Book of Mormon ---- which they don't, which means the LDS church is likely just not doing something right.

The next day I then proceeded to start reading the online book of The Sealed Portion by Christopher Nemelka, just to learn more about what he says. The first chapter of Lehi (which I already read) I found to be quite explanatory, although I don't necessarily still believe in Mormonism in any form.

Well, from my reading yesterday, I actually learned that BLAINE BANANATREE and THE BANANATREE SERIES OF VIDEO GAMES is actually a religious video game/ series.

I had no idea I was building a game based on any religion when I made those games ----- but if the Sealed Portion is accepted as an actual religious text, then technically I may have been inspired to write a religious video game without even knowing it. It's weird.

There are numerous ways my Bananatree games can be looked at ---- but the potential Mormon religion aspect of them was a big surprise to me. I had no idea. A big coincidence. I wouldn't have expected.

So now the first chapter of Lehi sounded extremely explanatory to me, and without me knowing my game series may have been inspired and relatable to a potential book of scripture. OMG.





But in all seriousness ---- according to Mormonism, if the LDS Church doesn't have the sealed 2/3rd greater part of the book of Mormon, that means they were not faithful to their beliefs ----- which explains why I experienced such difficulty with those people

Like, the non-faithful kind of difficulties I experienced were a ballerina girl who was a total Mormon who couldn't get kicked out who didn't believe in invisible ghosts and angels, such were just hallucinations to her, as well as the church telling me I'd work miracles and then forcing me on drugs for believing in miracles.


Yes ---- something is wrong with that whole shebang, and that explains why the LDS church doesn't have The Sealed Portion - it was withheld from them because of their lack of faith in their own stuff ---- most of them like or liked to get up to tell everyone how they knew the whole shebang was so completely true ----- but it looks like the actual truth was these people weren't even faithful to these things.  If they were faithful, but still no sealed portion ----- then there's a problem with the whole belief system right from the get-go.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

What I have decided (new project)

I thought for a while about my options for my new game idea.

One big factor in trying to garner public funds for my project is stress. I'm a "modestly" capable game dev who is looking to build his biggest project yet, and I fear big disappointments if I make use of public funds to build such a project. Stressing.

Plus::: The indication from my MLA's office was that they would expect me to use discount hardware for my new project --- and not necessarily mac hardware either ----

Therefore, to avoid the stress, build a project that I like the idea of, and basically use my own choice of hardware:::::

I am opting just to buy the cheapest Mac mini I can, which will probably be pretty crappy for development, but I will either use this mac mini as my legacy machine for my older smaller games, or I could try using it for my new project,

And that way I might have a way of building something without having to share old and new software on the same computer.

Of course, if this new Mac Mini turns out to be absolute shite with the development of games (which it probably will be) ---- then I do have another use I've been thinking about for a while now that I could put it towards.


So::::: I basically come out a winner, except financially, where my funds are limited and I've got big expenses and I can't expect to get paid.



So, to me, this game is worth building.

But not everyone may agree --- that's stressful.

To avoid stress and basically get the same level of hardware I would've gotten from the government anyway (if I got anything) ---- I'll just buy a really low-end computer to try to help and hope the dental fees aren't too much too fast.





So:::: if you consider yourself my enemy, now is the time to buy all the cheap mac hardware you can so there's nothing left for me to purchase. You have a few days to do this. Once my funding is available, I could easily buy a cheap mac mini ---- and your plans to stop me will be foiled.

Good day everyone.

Monday, July 24, 2017

My MLA's office replied

A little while ago I received a reply from my MLA's office.

There are no plans to increase the monthly aish living benefit.

But they had two suggestions for me::::

One was a business that sells lightly-worn laptops for cheaper. I went the website and found very little information.

The other was the Alberta Foundation for the Arts.

I could make an application for my project, and if approved, I could receive some funding money.





I'm sitting here ---- that sounds like work, but it also sounds like fun.


Is my idea really worth it?


My idea is basically kind of like a self-employment kind of thing to keep myself busy. It is also a unique idea I have never seen before in the way that I'm thinking of it.


I start feeling a little bit scared anxious or nervous at this point.


I would have something to do. The more funding I get, the better I'd be able to do the job (like seriously:::: with funding I could purchase usage of actual music rather than creative commons).



It's exciting that this might be an opportunity ------ I just wonder if my idea for a video game is really worth it. It's unique as far as I know ---- and it would be quite a bit of work I think.



How likely are people to actually "go" for such a project though?



Another thing::: If I get funded by the government, then I might end up going on Cortex again anyway, as I wouldn't need to actually get paid as much with government funding.


Of course --- it would be wise to use the latest unity I can (2017.1) ---- and that will mean expenses for me.


yeah.  Anyway.  Just things to think about and feelings about it to drive me nuts.


At least my MLA's office was happy to hear from me.

Not that mentally ill

I was just looking at some of my memories from The Book of Finch.

People seem to misunderstand my mental illness in the community.

I think they get my identity confused with my brother's identity.

You see, generally speaking when I end up in the psychiatric hospital --- I end up in there for maybe 10 days, 20 days, a month.



But when my brother has problems, and I'm not even going to describe these problems except to say they are serious --- he will be in the hospital for month after month after month ------- and he never really makes a full recovery, even on drugs.


While I ----- I haven't been in the hospital for like 6 or 7 years and the doctors are saying the drug I am on (the injectable version of Paliperidone) works great for me.



You see, there are people who will say that I am the one who is completely insane ---- which means they do not know what "completely insane" is.


I am actually a good and normal person who has historically been forced to live in environments where I am surrounded by people who aren't thinking very well or aren't making very good choices ------ and that's a big factor in what can drive me mad.


I'm basically ill because I'm around other people who are ill all the time or used to be around other people like that all the time.



People have said that I'm completely insane ------ but if that's what they say then they really don't know what "completely insane" is.


I'm insane because I'm always around insane people. Or I used to be.



Someone who is closer to "completely insane" would be my brother --- so don't get us confused with each other.



I spend 10-days to a month in psychiatric hospitals, and now I'm doing well.



My brother will be in there for months and never makes a full recovery.



Stop calling me "completely insane" please.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Supporting Benefits

Within the past 24 hours, I wrote an email to my Member of the Legislative Assembly requesting that the Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped benefit be increased in value, to minimum wage levels.

I said I did a whole bunch of work, I paid lots of money to publish and advertise this work, and yet people just wouldn't pay me for my work -- not even the smallest price.

I'm in a situation where to pay for everything, including more work, I basically need more money.

My main source of income pays less than minimum wage, so it only seemed reasonable to increase it to minimum wage levels - as the Alberta Liberal Party has also indicated.



It's great that someone who claims to work in the entertainment industry, who speaks Japanese, would reach out to me and offer me so much money (millions) in order to "own" me - but I don't actually see any money and it is very difficult to read all the thousands of Japanese messages --- copy and paste into google translate, for such short messages, which there are thousands of, would definitely be a huge effort.


I don't mind paying tax. If I made millions, I would easily pay my taxes ---- I believe in the public good.

So, I'm basically in a situation where I would like to have more money ---- if I make millions I accept paying taxes, while if I'm still on benefits I do need more benefits to keep going.



You might ask "Why don't you just sue whoever infringed on  your copyright?"


First off:::: I don't really know WHO did that. I know someone did, but no idea who.

Secondly:::: Since I was very young I was trained to just forgive everything. Just to let everyone off the hook.


I may not sue anyone, but I do need more money to continue, and also to live well ---- so that's why I request an increase in my benefits - something one major (ok, maybe they are minor in Alberta) political party has already argued for.




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It is absolutely awesome that compensation would be offered for all the inspiration others might take from me. Absolutely awesome. I just don't understand Japanese very well, and I don't actually see the money either.  It would also help to note, maybe, that my bank doesn't have a SWIFT code and doesn't do wire transfers.



So who knows what's going on ---- but for me to continue, I should have more money, whether it be compensation from the rich or increased benefits from the government.


I was taught to forgive everything.  That means I'm not much at enforcing rules --- I am based in love and plainly just respecting my fellow man, and I hope to receive respect in return.


and I could go into a detailed conversation about Christan/Mormon philosophy on that thought, but I won't.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Projects

I was thinking about how much I would like to get to work on my new idea.

It's unknown how well this project will be received --- because again, it's not something I've seen before --- it is a more or less sort of an original idea for a game.

But history tells me that people don't pay me. And if people don't pay me, then there is NO point in risking going back into debt when I may not be able to recuperate the principal + interest from sales.

That's what Kickstarter seems to be about::: Gauging how interested an audience is in consuming a product, and if they are then letting them invest in it.

I've already been in pretty deep debt for projects that didn't pay. I am NOT doing THAT again.

So::: really, in order to continue with my next project, I do need money.

I do have money. But that's earmarked for dental work. I need more money. Preferably donations or payment for previous work.

Just paying for Unity 2017.1 Plus alone would be like $40CAD a month, which I am not willing to shell out right now especially when I'd still want to get other things as well. Doesn't work on my current budget, with my current capital.

Of course, before anyone donated to me --- You might think they'd want some idea what they are donating to.

Well, again, history indicates that OTHER PEOPLE SEEM TO LIKE MY IDEAS TO SOME LEVEL ------ and therefore if I don't want to give away ideas, then I need to keep my ideas secret.

Remember Sk8er Boi? Like my actual life story.

Remember The Number  23? A distortion of my life story.

And in the past few weeks, I have discovered 4 recent or upcoming AAA film products that I can feel I can relate to either from my life or from my work.

Of course, these aren't exactly copies, and they are only elementally relatable or comparable ---- but it does appear that my ideas might've influenced some people.

And no, I'm not going to list these projects here. If you know my work, you might see a trailer for something which is similar.



I can only hope that some day I'll get paid.



Not only just to afford equipment for my next projects ---- but just to live my life. I live my life sort of "well enough" as it is ------ but my Mom will eventually retire from her job, and then it might be wise to have some more income from my work.




But yeah ---- if People aren't going to invest/donate to my next project, then the project either won't get built or will take a lot longer to build.



Who knows::: maybe the game market is so saturated no one will care --- maybe people think I'm evil or something. Maybe people are in too much debt (in Canada this is likely true).




Well, if most people are not interested or in too much debt ----- You'd think these people who might take some inspiration from my work would take steps to compensate me somehow -------

and It's possible they HAVE taken steps to compensate me.

But I don't actually see actual money anywhere, and it's really hard to read all the Japanese emails (the thousands of emails) that are hard to translate and too numerous to want to try ------  even though these emails MIGHT indicate that someone was or is willing to pay me.


I don't know.



It must be the biggest joke ever for a Japanese writer to offer me millions of dollars worth of currency ---- only to keep sending me more and more short messages in Japanese that I have no easy way of interpreting.

Copying and pasting all those messages into Google Translate takes a lot of time and effort.

It's millions of dollars being offered, but it seems like a joke when it takes so much effort just to read each short message. And there are thousands of these messages piling up.

Anyway --- it was an offer of millions, who knows how much that still stands, but the emails still come ------ and I'm not even sure if it was Sony or Disney.



Yeah --- I don't know. Maybe it's all a joke ------ except offering me millions, and then me seeing all these movies I relate back to myself and my own work ------- something might be going on.



And I'm still overburdened by the idea of paying for $40/month Unity Plus.





On a side note::: I just remembered a while back this Japanese person tried to set up a Snapchat account with my email address.  That's a sign that someone is truly trying to interact with me, but I didn't know the password to the account which was set up in Japanse with my address, so I didn't go for that ----- I made my own snap chat account.


I don't know. I have no one to snap chat with.


But yeah ---- someone out there is truly "interested" in me, sends me lots of emails I have difficulty reading, offers lots of money, I see movies I compare to ---- and who knows.


Maybe my next game should be for PS4 ---- but I need more documentation and resources definitely to do something like that. It's hard when I get thousands of short messages I can't really read --- i have like, little to no idea what's going on.

It just seems kind of funny.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Lots of News

Unfortunately, just a day after posting how I would like to receive Bitcoin donations in order to help begin work on my next video game --- boom, I found news that says sometime around July 31st there will or may be a Bitcoin network disruption where it will be unwise to try to spend or receive bitcoins.

This is highly unfortunate. The network held such promise.

But yeah, if it's true that the world or people really are as poor as I hear --- then maybe I can't expect to receive much funding. Debt is rampant.



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But last night after watching a Netflix show about how rampant debt is ----- I thought I received a telepathy involving two of my old friends from school.

They were shocked by something. I couldn't quite figure out what they were shocked by, I made two guesses in the email I wrote about the contact.

Now I wonder if they were shocked by the news of Chester Bennington's death.

How sad is that??? It was shocking to me too.

Years ago when I was in Avril's fan club, she had a form for us fans to fill out where she asked questions like "What are your favorite bands?" and "Who is your favorite singer?"

I did actually have Chester Bennington listed as my favorite singer ---- on Avril's fan club.

Maybe Avril didn't like that ------ but back then at that time, I was very impressed by his music.

It's so sad to see him go.



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And in more mentalism news:::: I just happened to see some daytime tv today where they presented a mentalist named "Bobby Motta".

I am very impressed.


I would say he is actually basically more skilled at the trade than I've been, more or less.


And now I might have some realization about some of the hallucinations I felt when I was younger:::: of course doctors said it was schizophrenia ------- but it may actually have been me feeling what someone else actually feels. On their skin.

I thought it was ghosts ---- but what if it was mentalism? Who knows.




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Well, this blog post has information related to other media outlets --- which I think is not something that is very necessary to post on blogger ----- but all the stories I relate to myself in my own life, in actual truthful ways, so I wonder if that makes it OK.



I think blogger has a rule against copying other sites and reposting the same old news ---- but in this post, I really am just relating some news back to myself.


Like, it would actually be irresponsible for me to ask for donations on Bitcoin, find out there could be a disruption, and then not tell anyone who might potentially donate to me. It kind of has to be said here.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Why I Need Donations (Bitcoin)

There are numerous people from many countries who visit my blog. I should have enough publicity to attract attention to my projects.

But, the projects I've worked on so far JUST HAVEN'T PAID.

Do people just dislike me? I don't know --- the guy at Linux Mint said he was "honored" to receive my donation to the Linux Mint Project, and recently Plan Canada told me my name has power --- like that meant something. I'm not totally certain that people just don't like me. But I don't get paid.

I have a project idea I'm wanting to begin work on. I know that chances of this project achieving popularity or monetary success on Forge TV Cortex are very low. I loved OUYA, I think Forge TV is actually a pretty good platform ---- but other people didn't buy Forges, even didn't like Forges.

So it's time to move on.

For my next video game project, I think I would like to do it on APPLE TV.

To get this right, however, I am going to need money. I need new equipment. I need an apple tv for starters. I'll need controllers. Heck, I might need a new mac --- the old one is for Unity 4 Android TV development and the drives are getting pretty full. Heck, I might as well, if I can, go for Unity 5 Pro this time.

All that would've been possible if I had only been paid for my 10+ projects of previous work. But I didn't get paid.

So, you could say that I could start a Kickstarter ---- but I don't like that idea. I'd have to tell you about my super-secret project before it's even fully started, and then it wouldn't be super-secret.

Why keep it a super-secret?  Because I know through my life plenty of times people do like taking my ideas. Some times I give my ideas away. But for something like this, something I want to do myself ---- I don't need anyone knowing what I'm going to be doing. Kickstarter doesn't allow that.

So::: What can you do?

I have a donation bitcoin address you can donate bitcoins to. If enough Bitcoins are acquired, I am certain I could use those bitcoins to buy the equipment I need.

Look at my previous projects. Sure, I've made many mistakes along the way --- but I eventually remedied all or most of the problems. If you have any liking for any of my previous work, just know that this new project I'm thinking of is an even bigger idea --- it will take a lot of work, and I'd like to get it right. I am more experienced now after all the 8 Cortex games I've published. I just need capital to set up a new work area.

Here is a list of things I would think I would want to buy for my new project:

1) A New Apple TV. My current Apple TV doesn't play games, it's the old kind.
2) A New Mac, hopefully with at least 256gb of flash drive --- it could be a Mac mini or a mac pro depending on funding.
3) Whatever it costs to be an Apple Dev. I heard it's not free.
4) Unity 5 Pro. That would be nice, although not absolutely necessary.
5) Unity Assets. I'm not an artist, it actually helps to be able to hire someone else's help.
6) Controllers and cables. Let's not forget these are essential.
7) I might even need to purchase documentation. Maybe.
8) Maybe a new TV. My old TV is my monitor for my Forge Development station.


There you go::: that's a list of stuff I need Donations for. Kickstarter would make me expose top-secret information and wouldn't necessarily succeed if the goal is not met ---- plus it's more work for me, and makes me feel scared.

Anonymous Bitcoin Donations are a good way for you to provide funds for me without me having to deal with Kickstarter. It's also cheaper. If you want to be anonymous, you can be. If you want to talk to me, send me an email.

The Bitcoin Donations just build up over time, while a Kickstarter could fail and nothing happens.


Basically::: If you want to help me in my next project, I'm happy to receive your bitcoins.


If people don't pay me because they don't like me, then I really have to wonder why the Linux Mint guy was honored at my donation and why Plan Canada thinks I'm so powerful.


Yeah, I have paranoid thoughts that maybe I don't get paid because I don't have Charisma ----


But at least some respectable individuals DO seem to like me.


So, to help me with my next project, please just send me bitcoins. Work will completely stall without new funding ---- I have other things to pay for in my life, and though I can pay for those things with the money I have, I won't be able to afford a new project with how things are at this moment by myself.


Thank You.


Donate Your Bitcoins to:
1PSf7nJVCYMnc9iEZhVYiSBAYEdzhaDuhg


New Game Maybe?

Yesterday I got an email from Plan Canada that said my name has power. My blog gets enough international attention that maybe it does have some power. But, alas, to some I may be a villain, while to others I might be a sort of hero. You can't please everyone.

Anyway --- yeah, I gave my moral support to a Plan Canada campaign to end discrimination against women in developing countries so these women can get the medical help they need during childbirth. Lots of women die from childbirth complications in developing countries, so Plan just wanted my moral support in ending discrimination and finding treatment for all those women. I supported.

Of course, though I have some heart and essentially would like to see a better world where more women don't die at childbirth ------ I still might possess a stain from back earlier in my life where I was basically treated like I was a threat to the girl I loved, and as such I myself will never get married. You see, I was treated like a threat to the girl I loved, that concept got passed into The Number 23 movie----- and yeah, it kind of makes me seem so bad that I will never reproduce.

Am I actually that bad? I don't think so -------- I haven't hurt a female since my childhood roughhousing with my sister when we were kids -------- but still, ah maybe I'm just being foolish --- but I think I enjoy just living with my parents now. And I don't have enough income to actually have my own family.  But yeah ---- I support some women's rights despite previously being more or less accused of being a threat to the girl I loved.

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And I have an idea for a new video game. If I build this and complete it, it'll probably be the biggest project for a video game I have EVER worked on. This project will involve me paying for someone else's help with artwork (unless you want to see my really-shitty art), so I'm going to need to get some funding together in order to afford this project. No, I don't need a Kickstarter, I'm just waiting to be able to get access to some savings I have right now.

I can only hope that this project is within my abilities. But I do feel enough drive making me want to go for it.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

For Sale on this website ---- 1ST ISSUE COMIC ---- SPIDERMAN

To buy this item, write to me your name and mailing address at <krisa@icloud.com>, and I'll respond with an email containing the bitcoin address you can send your payment to. Then, upon receipt of payment, I will, as fast as I can, get the item shipped to you ---- and this item gets special faster shipping treatment because of the expense and awesomeness of it.

ITEM 11
FIRST ISSUE COMIC --- MARVEL COMICS DIGEST STARRING... THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN (ARCHIE DIGEST SPECIAL)
Well, this is the first issue of a big name comic hero, so I'll be selling this for pricey. It's in pretty good condition, basically new --- unread as far as I know although my Dad and I did quickly flip through a few pages to see some of the drawings. In color. Good condition.
SHIPPING---- Paying the full price of this product, I'll ship it as fast as is economical, it will be insured, and you can sign for it at the door. This is the one item I'll give good special service to the buyer for.
Price: 1.02BTC
ONE IN STOCK

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Did Someone Try to Buy Something?

I woke up a while ago, early in the morning, and checked my email. As of 18 minutes ago, I got an email that says:

"7 USD online purchase"

In the subject line. It is sent to the wrong email address, but it sure got my hopes up that someone wanted to buy something from the bitcoin store.

But no, there's no purchased item listed, no address, although this could be a name.

ITEM 9 (an earlier version of TES) is the closest priced item in my store, but it's still a bit more expensive than 7 USD.

Anyway, no address listed, I can't really help.

There is a "Get more information" link ----- AGAIN it just goes to that same old "TMZ" weight-loss article.

I wonder what that's all about. Is my email censored? Is someone having a joke? Who knows.

So, yeah, there aren't enough details in this email, and it says USD, not bitcoin --- so I'm not sure I can help.

Although on Amazon.com you can get a paperback of TES for about $8.

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In other news, I've had 25 game downloads since my updates to Pfhonge and ICBM.

That is a REALLY great result after offering the updates.

Of course, at least 10 of those downloads were pre-release downloads from Razer, so it's awesome that there were 5 downloads of Pfhonge and 10 downloads of ICBM after release. 1 of each of those games was myself downloading my own game I think.

There is one almost-sort-of "bug" in ICBM I found --- it may be a feature, but who knows ----

When you save the game and quit, restart the game and load your save --- 1 of your 3 saves is already used ------ the way to get back to 0 saves used is to reboot your console before you restart the game and reload your save.

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So yeah, the recent "business" almost became awesome. but it wasn't enough to actually make an order. Ugh.

Was it trying to tell me that someone bought the paperback from a different retailer? Who knows.

Monday, July 10, 2017

I guess I'm considered a business??

Obviously, the banks are watching.

I'm guessing my chequing account bank really likes that I'm actually TRYING to do something, so they for the past year or two have been giving/offering me special not-for-the-public high-interest savings rates on my accounts.

And though I do everything as an individual, I am really just me working as myself --- pretty much like a STAR ------ (like self-employed kinda) not really as an actual business.....

My bank has sent me TWO emails from their BUSINESS department now.

I really am just an individual trying to make an extra buck for myself ----- (maybe even to someday start an actual business if I am successful at what I've already tried, which I haven't been)

but the bank sees fit apparently now to send me an email from the business department - though I don't own any business accounts.


Anyway --- their business email basically advertises that you can give gold or silver as a gift to someone for their wedding or whatever milestone.


AND YES ---- If you want to buy Silver ---- NOW IS AN ESPECIALLY DECENT TIME ---- The price of Silver is especially low as of late --- really good time to buy.


Here is my warning, however::::: My understanding is that there is a supposed collusion of bankers who are actually deliberately keeping the price of silver artificially low. So, the price of silver might not go much higher until these bankers stop artificially lowering the price.

So, it's a real good time to buy silver ---- but you have to be real patient for it to go up to a non-artificial value.

My broker says most advisers consider silver to be in a bear market right now. That means the prices are low --- and it's a good time to buy, with a hope that prices will go up some day.

Remember: Buy low sell high.

Silver is really low.

It's supposedly artificially suppressed.

really great time to buy.


But who knows when it'll turn into a bull market.


Who knows if the bankers will deflate the price even lower.

Who knows.


UPDATE:::::

I took a closer look at the email from this bank.

The email LOOKS VERY REAL. It even calls me by my name. It's sent to my proper email address.

But the domain that sent the email I do not fully recognize as an official domain of this bank unless it's something new.

And the link in the email also looks questionable just from looking at it.

The email looks so real.  But usually, I consider things like this fake when I see the wrong address or wrong linking URL.

If it's fake, then it's scary that a "fraudster" would know my name and know where I bank, plus my email.

I can only hope it's a real email ---- but the domains they have listed in their addresses don't look official.

I went to a browser and visited the domain that sent the email.

It's basically got the under-construction temporary page from the website service provider.

The name of the provider is "hover".

My game name on various platforms is "Hover Finch". Yeah, strange.

What's it all mean? OMG.

It looks like a very real email from the business department directed directly at me ----- but the URLs in the email are questionable, and the name of the domain service provider is the same word I use in my own gaming moniker.

Just so strange.


Should I be scared? This is a bit weird.


Either it is the bank or it isn't.

If it's real, then the bank is using confusing addresses.

If it's not real --- then that's really scary how they know my name and where I bank.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Updated 2 Games For Cortex Recently - awaiting approval

Yesterday I updated Pfhonge, so it works so much nicer now on the new hardware and software ---

and today I updated ICBM, so it works even better on the new platform too.

Just have to wait for approval to publish the updates.

I suppose I can say that I've been sluggish on this work because I don't feel very popular (low on O-rank) and I've had lots of other things to do for a long time.

Today and yesterday I was able to sit down, clear my mind, and just get to work. Other days generally weren't like that.

if you want to play my games, you'll have to get a Forge TV -- cuz my games are still Cortex/OUYA-exclusive.

I think you can still buy Forge TVs from the Amazon marketplace. Look it up.




But the sad and strange thing about working on video games, books, and blogs is that I often feel like someone hacks my files, changes my source code, inserts typos into my writing.

It's actually quite often I look back on something I typed out, and I don't remember making it be that way.

It does actually feel like there's a hacker or something that changes my files. Maybe it's just me --- but seriously, I'm doubtful often that all the typos are my own fault.


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As for yesterday's story of finding mysterious Canadian Tire Money next to my emptied K-Cups on our outside picnic table ----

I asked my Dad --- "Guess what I found when I composted the coffee?"

He had no idea.

I told him how I didn't even notice it there while I was emptying the K-Cups --- but I said I found the bill.

He said he put it there. he said it had been wet and he put it there to dry.

-----

To me, this makes my Dad seem weird. How'd he get is CTM wet, and why dry it outside on a picnic table???  Just seems a bit strange.


So ---- either my Dad is being a bit weird, or it was God or an angel or something and my Dad is still being a bit weird anyways.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

A number of interesting and strange things to say

I've got a bunch of ground to cover in this post, so here goes::

Today while I drank coffee while everyone else watched the Bowness Stampede Parade --- I realized that yesterday, July 7th 2017, was indeed a special day.

Not only was it "777" day, but my next birthday from this day would be my 33rd birthday in 22 days.

Yup, my 33rd birthday is 22 days after 777 day.

Don't worry, I used yesterday as a day to ask God to bless the world.

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So, I've done Pfhonge version 2.2.0 update. It fixes a bug, optimizes for Android TV 6.0.1 and increases the number of allowed free plays.

I told Cortex that the update took so long because I don't feel very encouraged by the lack of popularity I seem to be experiencing on the platform.



Then, I made myself another cup of coffee --- when I remembered and realized that my parents wanted me to put the coffee from my used K-Cups in the compost.

So I took the K-Cups outside, and with a bucket on a kid's picnic table in our yard, I emptied the used coffee into the bucket.

I took the coffee bucket to the compost and came back to retrieve the used plastic part of the k cups.


I was met with something REALLY strange::::


Right next to my emptied k-cups, I found a safely-placed 10 cent bill of Canadian Tire Money.

????????


Who on earth would put their Canadian Tire Money next to the work I just completed? I didn't notice it before. It was so strange.


I remember, as I wrote in The Book of Finch, coming home from church and finding money from who knows where in my pockets -------



but now, after predicting I'd have an increase, after working on an update, after a special day, after doing as my parents ask::: BOOM ---- Canadian Tire money I find as if I was receiving payment - kind of.


It's only 10 cents CAD and only redeemable at a store here in Canada called "Canadian Tire" --- automotive, sporting and outdoor goods store.



If my Dad put that CTM there ---- that makes little to no sense.



If it was Jesus ---- I have to wonder if Jesus really knows how much this bill is really worth (it's mostly worthless).


back in 2001 "God" gave me $22.  Now he's paid me 10 cents. Huh.


yeah, just interesting and weird.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

The Gears were turning in my head.

I was out with my father and brother today. And I silently thought to myself (my dad hates it when I talk it seems).

Remember that cropped screenshot from a few days ago where my Amazon Kindle Sales Report was entitled "Terms of Service" in the title bar?

That did seem a bit odd.

but today I thought about it.

Terms of Service.  What are the TERMS of SERVICE IN MORMONISM??? My books are heavily based on my life as a Mormon.

In Mormonism,

Service is a philosophy where you believe you will receive vaguely undefined blessings from working to help someone for free.

Amazon's "terms of service" were an empty sales report.

Mormonism's terms of service were clearly stated to be where you work for free.


Maybe that's what it was, maybe something like that was going on.




Is Mormonism really true? No and sort of. There are truths and good ideas mixed with falsehoods and bad ideas in that church. There are absolutely wonderful people in the church, and absolutely defective people ---- it's really a mixed bag.


The Mormon church has good things about it in ways, although it itself isn't necessarily the best thing --- I eventually got so annoyed with the situation there that I eventually refused to go back. Ever.


but, if I miss anything about it, it's true I sort of more or less miss the social aspect or social life of it. I'm much more lonely these days. But I'm comfortable anyways.




So yeah:::: Maybe I'm expected to work for free when telling crazy stories of Jesus appearing and all that ---- many people may view trying to profit off of stories like that as immoral.


From my perspective, I had a very interesting life, and it'd be really too bad if I couldn't profit from the story. But anyway.



My deal with God was I'd serve him for the rest of my life in exchange for exaltation.

Exaltation in the Mormon church entails marriage.

The church took away all the girlfriends I ever had and wouldn't let me get married. I'm not working for them anymore. End of story.