Friday, December 30, 2016

Watching Eaglets Hatch

I turned on my Forge TV a moment ago, and in my video feed there was a livestream from CBC showing::: Nothing other than a bald eagle hatching her eaglets.

OK -- by the time I tuned in, I think all the action was already over --- but just very interesting when my book is The Eagle's Sore, that Eaglets feature as a noun in the book,

and CBC is showing me this video on the system I develop for. Huh.

What does it all mean????




And then I logged into the Cortex Store and found TADA! ANOTHER free premium video game for me!! Yay!

1) I wonder if Cortex is actually paying me in free video games, until I have enough to own all the entitlements, and only after I own the whole library are they going to pay me eventually? dunno. Just speculation.

2) Because I have the full download of The Bard's Tale installed and I don't have the attention span to fully play through that game at this point, my 12Gb (yes, only 12Gb apparently) of storage on my forge isn't enough enough to hold all the games I want, and have gotten for free. Maybe usb storage is an option though I haven't tried it on here yet --- but yeah, the USB port can be used for the controller - which is sometimes necessary - and for plugging into my computer. And if I need it for USB storage too, who knows.



Yeah.

There's all kinds of fun to be had on the Forge TV --- the biggest issue with myself is lack of attention span. There are big premium games that have storylines and everything, but I often prefer games I can quickly play without having to think too hard ---- Though I'm sure I have a great attention span, it has deteriorated since my childhood I think.



So yeah. I wrote The Eagle's Sore. 2.6 million price tag on amazon.ca. Youtube told me I am in the 10% economically even though I only make less than 20k a year, and now CBC has shown me a video on my forge of an eagle hatching eaglets.





OH ----- and last night I was feeling kind of hopeless, like I have nothing to look forward to in life ------ but my Mom said "I'm sure everything will turn out just fine".


For what my Mom has said to be true::: My business must become successful, like, earning more than just 1 or 2 dollars a month.


My mom has predicted the future, that everything will turn out fine, so we'll see if my business ever gets anywhere.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Am I Schizophreniform or Schizoaffective?

When first taken to the psychiatric doctors, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia --- and that label seems to have pretty much stuck in my life.

But in 2010 when I completely exposed my LDS/Mormon patriarchal blessing to the doctors and nurses, it was only logical to understand that rather than being completely insane in and of my self, that I was actually RAISED by completely insane people and was told to believe in them by my own parents.

At that point, the doctors finally decided to downgrade my diagnosis to "schizphreniform", and though that was the new diagnosis ---- the label of schizophrenia seemed to be what stuck in the minds of most people.

But, my mental problems have been way more than just delusions and hallucinations and bad thinking problems ------

in the beginning, without the HDBTP (Hallucinations, Delusions and Bad Thinking Problems) you might've diagnosed me with major depressive disorder or bipolar or somesuch.

Basically::: I have moments when I'm feeling extremely high, and moments when I'm feeling extremely low.

This, combined with HDBTP, likely actually makes me SCHIZOAFFECTIVE --- which is even rarer than schizophrenia.

Whatever ---- the drug I takes treats both schizophrenia and schizoaffective, so now I will talk about some of my thoughts during these highs and lows:::

After a short time of drinking filtered coffee, I've noticed my coffee brand that my Dad gave me for christmas, Melitta, actually seems to help me feel good.

The instant coffee I had been drinking before kept me regular, tasted different, and has way less caffeine in it I think.

Melitta has a nice taste, wakes me right up just like English Breakfast Tea, and I think I can observe that I actually FEEL better emotionally when and after drinking it.

So, I guess I'll end this blog post by saying that coffee and tea are pretty much gifts from God like Manna from heaven,

So it's really stupifying to see how Mormons think they are somehow better people for not consuming these substances.

I was always told for so long that coffee and tea were bad and evil and whatever -- do not drink. It actually created a sense of moral superiority in me for not drinking them --- which is actually one of the stupidest delusions I think I've ever had.

I love Cofffee. I love Tea. They are awesome drinks, and though maybe it is better not to drink these as a child, when you become older try them out, they are AWESOME.

Who knows??? Maybe the LDS/Mormon church banned these drinks BECAUSE they are awesome, as if the church has just been joking all along.


Which is the other thing:::: Though seriously awful to deal with, I have to wonder if the creators of Mormonism created the religion as a JOKE rather than even trying to be serious.


If Joseph Smith knew he was just making it up ---- it only makes sense that he's going to laugh his ass off about it afterwards, and make the whole religion as a joke.

It kind of makes sense.


And some Mormon people might have a problem with me saying that, but when I look at everything I know about this religion, it does kind of seem to me like one big joke.


So::::: I may actually be schizoaffective when I diagnose myself,
Coffee and tea are wonderful drinks that seems to help me feel good,
and Mormonism may have been joking when they banned these wonderful drinks.

Monday, December 26, 2016

Trying to Deduce

So, I've been sitting here.

A few hours ago I wrote an email to my old psychiatric nurse about my problems about what's been going on here, you know hundreds of people want a free book, only one person purchases, like ---- if everyone wants it and it's so cheap - why not just buy it? Hundreds of people sign up for the giveaway yet only one person actually purchased a copy.

Something is wrong.

So I've been sitting here, thinking about stuff that's gone on.

I've figured out that I don't quite know what's been going on, but I don't have to necessarily blame a publisher, there are other options.

Like, in the past year I ordered some Bitcoin Mining ASICs from TWO different locations. Neither of them arrived.

So, at that point, I might wonder if a cheque was mailed to me, but it never arrived either --- I know I might risk reprisal from the post office for saying that, but hey, I had two items ordered, both never arrived, so maybe there was a cheque that never arrived either.


I know that my bank offered me a special non-public savings rate up to $500,000.

I know that I had a phonecall from another financial institution to discuss something about that account with me.

I know I had a phonecall from "a [unspecified] financial institution" to discuss the markets with me, and I found that a little suspicious.

If Amazon.ca is putting a 2.6 million price tag on my book, then that might explain why I'm having these things going on.

I don't know exactly who is trying to fuck me over, but it definitely seems like SOMEONE out there has a problem. I have no clue where to point any fingers though.

And google puts me in the top 10%, which is really strange when I make less than 20k a year.

I mean, with all the millionaires and billionaires, me with my puny 20k a year somehow ended up right in that top 10% bracket ---- yeah whatever.

So, the banks were checking me out. Two packages from ebay never arrived. Amazon and google seem to think I might be worth something, along with my bank maybe.

I do need to buy a house. I'm being told that I really should get moving out, and it's gonna be real tough on less than 20k a year, so if I'm actually richer than that, I'd like to have the money, so I can buy a place.




Please forgive me for being a bit asocial, I try to be a nice good person ------ but I'm of the opinion that certain four letter words are actually generally acceptable in most contexts, so I might "offend" some people (like my dad), but certain four letter words can just be used for effect to get a point across I think. Just my opinion.


So yeah, I had hundreds of people sign up for a giveaway, they all wanted a free copy of my book ---- and only one person actually paid for the book, as was reported to me.


Something is so wrong with that. Either society is unable to afford very small prices, or something else is wrong. Yeah.


I'm not blaming or accusing anyone, I just have a general idea that "it's a conspiracy!" or something. No idea who though. No idea exactly what.

Just stuff that goes on.

Now where'd I put my tinfoil hat? ;)

Coming down after the high

So, for Christmas I tried to appreciate all the care my people have shown me over the years, and that let me feel good.

And as a gift, my Dad is helping me transition from instant coffee to more traditional coffee brewed at home.

After my first cup of home brewed traditional coffee, I could say I felt like I was a God ---

and now I think I'm coming down off of that high. Here's why:::

I started feeling a little bit bad about my brother's condition and wondering if I shouldn't be saying anything about it at all. Yesterday's story is true, but is it wrong for me to tell it?

And then I started feeling bad about all the whining and complaining I do about my lack of sales ---- at least Author Solutions sent me another message before Christmas, so I don't think I'm quite in their bad books if they are still talking to me, which is good ------

But I've learned from Youtube that lots of people can't handle their personal finances very well, and that there are massive debt problems in our society ------ and knowing this is also a little depressing for me.

And though further away, though we are aware, there's been all kinds of poverty for other people out there in the world.

I was on a bit of a high, but now I'm feeling just a bit down about stuff like this.


If I felt like God ---- you know what an atheist would say? That GOD should do more to solve all these problems.


As that anti-materialism video said::: if I was watching that video then I'm in the top 10% economically.

I'm a little puzzled if that's true, but if it is true, then that means the vast majority of the world has serious, serious problems.

I know I'm kind of wealthy, but if I'm in the top 10% that doesn't say anything great about the condition of the lower 90%.  Very sad.  So depressing.

Considering that the USA is 5% of the world's population, that might explain how I got into the top 10%, but I can't really know for certain how that was determined.

I've known despair all too well through my life, I want to think and concentrate on good and positive things, hoping for a good and positive effect,

but even so, just coming down off my Christmas high.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Brother's Home for Christmas

My talk recently of the big push to move me out of my parents' house started when I wanted to move out because I couldn't handle being around my older brother, who also lives at home.

For the past year, my brother was undergoing different medication changes, and the whole thing was a flop, essentially, and he was, well, very very insane during that time, and I couldn't handle being around it so I really started wanting to move out.

Well, several weeks ago, my parents took my brother to the hospital, where he has been "living", getting treatment.

He's on his original old medication again ---- and it turns out, this is the stuff that helps him think, without this one special medication he's hopelessly lost in insanity. Worse insanity than my own.

There were a lot of really strange things about his behaviour before he went into hospital, but I think I will say the one that really gets me wondering here:

His cineplex scene card and his credit card somehow got cut in half. As far as anyone knows, only my brother in his own insanity would have done that. Yet, in hospital, and now that he's out of hospital -- he had no idea what happened to his credit card. In hospital he would ask for his credit card, like it was really important, and my dad found it, cut up.

And now that he's back for a day pass this christmas day, he is surprised to find that his cards were cut up.

No one really knows how they got cut up, but all the rest of us suspect he did it to himself in his insanity. And he completely forgot that he did it. And really makes no sense at all to cut up the scene card.

So, I should respect my brother's privacy --- but yeah, the whole push for me to move out started because I couldn't handle being around him when he's not well.

And on this one chemical he takes, he gets a LOT better.

It feels kind of too bad that I'm now set on a course to move out now that he's recovering, but hey, we'll see if this 2.6 million price tag at amazon.ca means anything.

In the past year, I know my mom received a letter from some charity that implicitly asked her for $100,000. That was really strange, because we'd have to sell our house to have that kind of money --- just really weird.

Yeah, in one anti-materialism youtube video I watched recently the video creator told me that "if you are watching this video, chances are you are in the top 10% of the world economically".

That's a really striking thing to say, considering I only recently subdued my massive credit card debt, and buying a new iMac would lower my net worth considerably.

So, hopefully this 2.6 million price tag is good news, although it is kind of puzzling and I just have to wonder.

Thanks everyone.

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 23, 2016

$2.6 million? Seriously?

Maybe the bookstores are now punishing me, or whatever, because availability of The Book of Finch appears to be limited on amazon.ca.


But what's really interesting is this:::

I looked at amazon.ca this evening, seeing my books, and I saw that someone is trying to sell a copy of The Eagle's Sore for 2.6 million CAD.


Now I really have no idea what to think.


The price of first edition book of finch is rocketing past $2000, and The Eagle's Sore is apparently at 2.6 million.


?????




That is an actual screenshot from my iPad.


I wonder if the internet is being hidden from me, if I don't receive fan mail and stuff like that. I don't know.



With how unpopular I feel often times, I really have to wonder about this now. 2.6 million for The Eagle's Sore huh? Wow. I'm in awe.  Not quite sure how that is though.


It all feels so disastrous, making no money, trying not to blame or accuse, seeing my books fail, and wondering how this $2.6 million price tag came up.


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In other news, I've discovered the joys of WINE (wine is not an emulator) on gnu/linux on my edubuntu machine.  Installed some old games from the 90s and had a blast. Loving memories of my childhood.  Thanks gnu/linux and wine developers for letting the memories replay.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

I think life is a struggle for most people - Merry Christmas

My father's timeline for me to move out, as far as I am thus aware, is within the next 2 years.

And true to cliche, I would like to make as much money as possible to facilitate the independent living goodness.

And though it's a disappointment that I don't make much with my work: I realize life is a struggle for a lot of people throughout the world, so I should just take it easy with people who can't or don't pay me.

I don't want a confrontation with publishers largely because I actually truly have no idea what's really going on:

like OUYA may regularly rank free games over paid games, for whatever reason,

and maybe these online bookstores recycled my books for their paper because nobody was buying.



Knowing something of struggles in the third world countries, and also knowing there's a huge debt crisis in western countries, I realize that life is a struggle for so many people. I'm guessing the larger portion of the human population is just struggling to get by, that it's a struggle for all of us --- so I'll try not to condemn anyone if I can help it.


And thank you, all you people from around the world that visit this blog --- I don't know who you are, but you give me someone to talk to, which is good because I am very lonely, having just family and a psychiatric community to talk to --- not really much in the way of friends.


And I am thankful for the psychiatric community --- for so long I rejected and questioned them --- but they have turned out to be immensely helpful throughout my life.


And my family keeps me company, and is the big reason I have help from the psychiatric community.



I hope to go through Christmas with a positive attitude, and leave my blog with positivity and warmness.


Happy, healthy, wealthy, righteous, loving and peaceful --- things I hope for all man kind.

Merry Christmas.

It'd be funny and all too expectable if I wrote this post shortly before Christmas, to wish a merry Christmas, only to come up with more to say on the holiday. OH well.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Realizing Something is Wrong

Today I met again with a doctor and nurse in the psychiatric hospital.

In reference to me getting housing, or even a mortgage, the nurse said I SHOULD have an RSP (Retirement Savings Plan in Canada) ---- but my Dad and I realize that an RSP -- which defers taxes -- is useless for me because I typically don't pay tax on my income.

But realizing how the nurse said RSPs are so freakin' wonderful and how i should have one ----


I then realized something moments ago::::

If the government really was taxing me 99%, then yeah, I should have an RRSP to have some of those taxes deferred and to save up for old age ----

So, basically, if the government is taxing me 99% -- then they are being REALLY "DICKISH" by taking my money without telling me how much I earn, making me incapable of deferring taxes and saving for old age.

Would the government really do that to me? Make me lose out on retirement savings because they don't want to let me know how much I earn???

Chances are, the government WOULDN'T actually do that.

So:::: Either people just don't pay for anything,

or worse.




When someone recently bought coconuts versus bananas, it shot up to 617 on the O-Rank.

One sale put that game at 617.

So how did Doorless Darts get to better than 100 with only one sale?

And why is Air Defence, a game that gives me a $9.99 donation when purchased, why is this game at 541 on the O-Rank and outranking CvB which is the only game I've actually sold in the past month??

One game sells, and then another game ranks higher than the game that sold WITH NO SALE REPORTED.


What the heck?  How the heck does the O-Rank work anyway? You'd think games would rank higher when they sell --- if games that sell rank lower than games that don't sell -- WHAT THE HECK?????



Either the average joe in our western society treats me like crap by not buying anything from me ----

Or, and this is quite possible, and highly hoped against, something just isn't right with the publisher's ranking system, something seems dishonest.


Actually, to be completely serious ---- in some ways I know OUYA/Cortex doesn't report perfectly, I KNOW THIS from experience,

and I also had one experience where I forced authorhouse to admit that they didn't pay me for a book that I bought from myself -----

So knowing from personal friendships that OUYA has problems reporting, and knowing that I once caught AuthorHouse not reporting -----

I can't help but really wonder if something is really wrong. I HATE to make accusations,

but the O-Rank is telling me that a game that received a 2/10 rating from OUYA Forum and hasn't sold any copies for a long time is ranking higher than my other really fun game that DID sell a copy.


Something just isn't right. Either society, or someone at these companies -- is doing me wrong.


Either society just won't pay me the smallest price for any effort, regardless of all I give for free, which makes society friggin' awful,

Or someone at these companies I publish through has made a mistake.

And I don't want to accuse, but this is the way I'm seeing it now.


Sometimes bookstores on the Amazon Marketplace will keep an even number of my books in stock, like 10 of each book in stock.  Well, for some reason one of my books has less than 10 copies in stock, while the other books all have 10, and nothing has been reported. And this has happened before, and I really have to wonder.


It's absolutely sick that people behave this way. I don't want to accuse anyone --- but with the evidence presented to me, What am I supposed to think?

And this comes with the big reveal from a psychiatric nurse that if the government is taxing me 99%, that I should have a tax-deferred retirement account at that point.

Bloody heck.



ADDITIONAL::::

After publishing this post, as if telepathically, my mind was filled with choruses of "YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE" ---- just mimicking and repeating D&C 64 from the LDS Mormon Church where we are required to forgive all men.

What is forgiveness anyway?

1) My mom screamed at me like a rabid demon possessed person simply because I played a video game on Sunday when I was 16 or 17 years old.

2) The Liability parents screamed at me like a rabidly demonically possessed individual simply because I was friends with their daughter.

3) The church penailzed me for confessing to masturbation.

4) The church was going to lay charges against me for what I did to their car until they decided their travelling preacher was actually schizophrenic.


Basically, with all the threats the church makes saying "YOU ARE REQUIRED TO FORGIVE" ----

Well, with all the times the church treated me like the list above ---- that requirement to forgive obviously doesn't mean very much.


Just today I was telling me Dad about how weird it is that a church that says they forgive all men would then start punishing people for things that aren't even wrong.

The church can F*** off now.

And it's just too bad that my mom and sisters don't seem to realize how wrong their church is.

It's like I'm seriously being held back by some magic force in my life at this point. Who knows if I've been cursed.


But yeah ---- the LDS church says they forgive all men, but then they criticize and condemn people for playing with cards, drinking coffee, and a zillion other things they think are so bloody wrong that actually aren't.


The WHOLE POINT of The Eagle's Sore is just to show people how STUPID that forgiveness policy really is. That was the whole point.


I do understand a value to forgiveness --- but the Requirement to forgive can fuck off.



So yeah, something is serioiusly wrong every step of the way through my life it seems ---- and one of the problems is the females in my family just CAN'T seem to figure out how wrong their beliefs are. it's like they aren't thinking or are hiding their heads in the sand or something.

It's pretty dumb at this point.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Feeling Better in my Heart

I was about to sit here alone, about to start a pity party, or a session of depression, thinking about all the disappointments I've experienced over the years, starting to wonder if people don't care about me, or don't value me, thinking about all kinds of hurt I've experienced.

But then I realized:: I get a disability benefit, I got Avril Lavigne befriending me (or attempting to), I got an increaase to that disability benefit --- I even got a pretty decent cheap education ----

And I realized -- THE WORLD DOES CARE!!!  Or at least, Canadian/Albertan society has cared for me.

And as I sat here thinking about how much people have cared for me, the good my society has brought me --- I started feeling considerably better in my heart.

Rather than focusing on all the negatives, I began to focus on all the good things, I focused on all the help and care and support I've received ----- and I physically started to feel better, happier in my heart.

So, I guess that might be good for a Christmas message::: think about all the good things, think about all the people who were kind and who cared ----- Just thinking about things like this brought warm feelings to my heart.

Be optimistic.

Interest versus Lack of Reporting

In my last post I complained about how the LDS Mormon church doesn't appear to care about what I said in my books --- I say this because of the complete dearth of sales reports.

But this morning I was looking at Amazon.ca and again, I realized that my sales might not be so reported and my earnings might get diverted.

What is my evidence?

1) ONLY 1 COPY OF THE EAGLE'S SORE LEFT IT STOCK ---
If nobody was buying this book, why would they have any copies in stock? What the heck?

2) The Book of Finch FIRST EDITION selling for over $1100 now.
If nobody was interested in my books, who in their right mind would try to sell first edition for that much??

3) There is some, it seems like, evidence that The Book of Finch sells sometimes --- I've noticed this repeatedly in different places over time ----
YET NO SALES REPORTED.


So yeah ---- Maybe people are interested in my work, and therefore it's wrong for me to complain about people not taking interest ----



But considering all the money I spent to publish and advertise my books (A LOT OF MONEY), it's a bit disappointing that I'm always facing completely empty sales reports.


What the heck is the problem here????? Does the government take or withhold my earnings? Which government?


I mean, considering all the money the government has pumped into me to keep me going, it wouldn't be a huge surprise if the government had me at a 99% tax rate ---


And though I am happy to share with my fellow man on so many occasions, it's just so disheartening for me to see no sales reports.

Especially when I would LOVE to buy a place for me to live, but it's beyond my reach likely for years.


Part of the fun of writing books and video games is just seeing sales reported --- but that fun has largely eluded me.

It's disheartening.

Though I could publish another book, why would I if I don't think I'm being dealt with honestly?  If I can't expect any gain from my effort --- why bother again?



So basically:::: I see hints and evidences that my sales in reality are far higher in number than the sales that actually get reported to me (often, nothing).


It might be for a realistic reason, like the government,


but it's entirely disheartening, and with the dishonesty it's hard to want to continue.


I spent at least a few thousand dollars on these projects ---- it's really too bad I'm not seeing the payout.


ADDITIONAL:::

I might as well also mention that I am well aware that when I give books away freely that there will be hordes of downloads. That just doesn't translate into sales of anything.

I am also aware that, supposedly, certain pirating sites illegally distributed thousands of my books.


I don't truly know exactly what's going on anywhere ----- but it's just really disheartening when people aren't being honest with me, when, apparently, the majority of people don't care about compensating me the smallest amount of money.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

The Mormon Church DOESN'T CARE

After being given a patriarchal blessing by an LDS/Mormon Patriarch that said I'd be a travelling preacher to the nations, you'd think the church would've cared about me a bit more.

What did the church do when I was being told I was crazy for believing in miracles? Nothing! They couldn't or wouldn't defend my belief. They just let me be depicted as schizophrenic --- they even upheld that I was schizophrenic ---- on one hand the church has told me I'll be a travelling preacher who'll work miracles, but then they decide to just go with the "schizophrenic" label --- as if that was ever going to make sense for them to have me as a travelling preacher.

When presented with defamatory comments about me by another church member -- the church just accepted it as fact and couldn't be bothered to question the validity of the statements --- even though I had absolute proof the statements were false --- the church didn't care.

And if I ever seemed evil towards the Mormons, if I ever seemed to become a bit persecutory towards them ---- if I cursed them, they were supposed to bless me (according to their own supreme leader, Jesus), if I ever persecuted them, they were supposed to do good to me (according to their own supreme leader, Jesus) ----

I mean, you'd think that if I was the prodigal son or the lost sheep, that the church would want me to come back and celebrate me for it ----- but do they? Not really.

ONLY ONE member of the Mormon church has done anything to express much care about me -- and she was a child in a member family that actually helped convert my family to the church.

I mean, it took her a few years to finally come along and see what I was doing ---- but she was like, the ONLY member of the church who seemed to care at all -------- Most of the church doesn't actually give any number of whoots about me, they prefer their travelling preacher to be considered schizophrenic, they prefer to believe in defamation against him, and they don't care to welcome him back.

I mean, if the church really wanted me back --- then they would HAVE to buy and read my books, to see what I already know and think ---- BUT THEY DON'T.

I mean, even if I said anything evil about or towards them in my book ----- according to their leader Jesus Christ, they are supposed to bless me and do good to me for the evil I might have done to them----- BUT THEY DON'T CARE.

They didn't care if I supported them. They didn't care if I bring them down.


You'd think that if they really wanted me to be a travelling preacher to the nations that they would provide me with more economic support - don't you think? And what better way to provide economic support to someone than SUPPORTING THEIR BUSINESS.

I mean, seriously ---- I need like so much economic success before I can travel and preach for the church ------- but they honestly don't even bother to support my business.


If I'm a miracle worker, then they don't defend me against the label of "schizophrenic".

If I'm evil towards them, they don't bother to actually obey Jesus and do me some good.

They wanted me to be a travelling preacher, but then they wouldn't be bothered to support me in my business.


What am I supposed to think?


My Mom sums if up this way::: The members of the church just have different tastes in books and other entertainment.


But if this church really was so bloody freakin' "spend two years of my life dedicated to this organization" important to them, you'd think they'd support my business and give me some financial success so that I could actually DO what they said I should do.

But they don't.


Basically, the church makes it seem so friggin' important to do all kinds of stuff ---- but then they just don't seem to care about me at all. They want me to be their travelling preacher ---- but then they just accept that I'm schizophrenic and they don't do me any good one way or another.

I mean, I think last year they invited me to their christmas party, but even if I went to their christmas party, do you think they were going to buy and read my books? Probably not.


My mom basically made an excuse that different people are just interested in different things than what I produced:::


but seriously, if the church really cared about me enough to make me be their travelling preacher, you'd think they'd actually be buying my products. But they don't.


Even if I seemed a little evil towards the church at this point or that point, they should still be doing good for me, but they don't. They don't even follow that simple commandment by Jesus.


They wanted me to be a miracle worked and a travelling preacher, but they don't care that I was labelled 'schizophrenic' and forced on drugs, they wouldn't bother to lift a finger to defend the beliefs they gave me.

They just don't care. It's like they are completely apathetic.

Why should I bother being involved with them after this? There seems to be very little to no point.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

In Reference to Yesterday's Post

In yesterday's post I said I was getting these text messages telling me about these things I could do to get rich.

Today I got another text message, and this one explained to me that they send me these messages because I was actually REFERRED to their service by a friend.

I am a man of very few friends.

Today's text message came from the area code of Palm Beach Florida.

Though there is some small possibility that this was a reference to maybe a Mormon friend I have or had who I'm still on pretty good terms with ----

It seems that chances are the highest that this friend may have been Avril Lavigne. She called me a while back --- she knew this phone number.

Yeah, it just seems most likely to be from Avril.  Who else? Some small possibility someone from church ---- but I'm not so sure about that.

Actually, I looked at theavrillavignefoundation.com today and saw two things::: they've kind of messed up their paypal donations contact, so it's harder for me to donate now ---- but they've also added a "Join" option on their website where you can apparently JOIN the Avril Lavigne Foundation. Weird.



But despite there being some possibility that these get-rich offers may have originated from Avril, I think I will remain slow on the uptake, very cautious and reserved.

Can never be too sure, or too careful.



But in all seriousness, I am remembering right at the beginning of receiving these texts and immediately suspecting it may have been from Avril --- the day before I had sent her an email, I think the email said it was way too hard to make money trying to sell things, so I think my mind suspected it was her who signed me up for this get-rich stuff because she wanted to help me.


So ---- I suspected it at the beginning of these text messages for a reason, and now the text messages have confirmed they are referrals from a friend.

Yeah. Hmmm.


I'm just thinking I'd have to be incredibly brave (or stupid, maybe) to take up these offers --- just never really too sure what to think.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Unsettling Voice Message

Moments ago my phone told me I've received a new voice message. No ringer. Just a message.

I listened to the message:

It sounded like something was moving really-really fast. Like, maybe the caller was in a car or a train that was moving really-really fast.

After a little while of that sound, he said "Hello, Kristian? ---------- Kristian?--------- Kristian?". Hung up after a little bit.

The best explanation I can think of for where a voice message would come from where I don't even hear the phone ring, is if you are a caller who is, in any opinion, considered questionable in terms of, let's say, legitimacy.

Basically:: I used a handy little app on my phone to block all kinds of questionable callers.

Obviously they know who I am and how to contact me.




But I've known this for a while now::: for along time I've been receiving text messages with plots and plans of these people saying they want to help me become very-very rich.


I suppose it's nice that someone would care enough about me to offer another way to become rich ----

But we live in a world of "buyer beware", where so many people can't really be trusted, and that feeling just sinks in that the offer may be too good to be true.



Thanks for thinking about letting me be wealthy, if you want to help, I take paypal or bitcoin donations.


But if this involves me putting money in first, not really interested::: I've already had so much bad experience with one problem after another.


Just can't trust people it seems. And if your call went straight to voice mail on my phone --- then chances are people don't trust you. Hah.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

A Man and his Guardians

Strange experience today.

Someone came to our door this morning - my Dad answered.

The man at the door started asking of we've received some kind of energy rebate I think was worth $50.

Immediately, this seems like a messed up situation because it wasn't too long ago when the Provincial government announced that door-to-door energy salesmen were no longer legal.

He didn't quite seem to be a salesman - but it was energy related, it was at our door, but it was about some kind of energy rebate.

It got stranger when he pointed out that he had three (3) body guards with him, who were standing on our front walkway.

When my Dad told him that we had to leave soon, he asked when he could come back to discuss it some more --- WTF????

I am just wondering ---- who goes around with three body guards to discuss energy rebates, and then will even take the time to come back and discuss it later?

Something is SERIOUSLY WEIRD about that.

Was it organized crime?
Was it a rock back or musical group?
Was it Jesus and his guardian angels?

I mean - what the heck??? It doesn't seriously make sense to me that this would happen - yet it did --- it doesn't pan out or seem totally logical in any way.

MAYBE it had something to do with green energy --- but it's still seriously weird because door-to-door energy salesmen are ILLEGAL now, where I am.

Just the strangest thing ever.

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But another one of those really weird moments I had in the past months::: when "Avril Lavigne" gave me my psychiatric injection some weeks ago ----- turned out that was a body double---- there's a nurse who works at that hospital who just appears to look considerably like Avril Lavigne. It's not Avril though. This is simply of interest now because that injection took place just days after Halloween.

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But yeah --- the situation we faced today didn't make a whole lot of sense. Who the heck has 4 people running around talking about $50 rebates and they'll come back later because somehow that's somehow important and worthwhile to do with 4 people?

The heck?

I'd sit there seriously thinking about how "Jesus-y" the experience was --- but yeah, who wanders around in groups of 4? Like, a musical group maybe? No idea.

UPDATE::::: 11:19PM

I just realized something. There were 4 of them and my Dad.

Maybe they were energy salesmen --- but if they were confronted legally about it --- at that point they might try to claim "Freedom to peacefully assemble", as it's mentioned in the constitution if I remember correctly.

To be honest --- that's a very interesting tactic, because the constitution, if a judge agrees, could make that kind of behaviour legal.

But let us never forget to around the turn of the millenium when us high school students were being told by our teachers that the government of alberta made it illegal for the teachers to peacefully assemble in larger than small meetings ---- I'm guessing the notwithstanding clause may have been used. Not sure. Can't totally remember. I just remember one of the teachers (I kind of remember) telling us such a thing.

So yeah. Door-to-door energy salesmen are illegal, but in groups of 4 they might call down their constitutional right to assemble as such. Very interesting.

Monday, December 12, 2016

A New Account at ALC

In my last post I said it was suggested I could write another book, and I figured I might, or maybe could.

This morning I checked my email and found that the Author Learning Centre (a website that is part of the Author Solutions banner, where I originally was put on the mailing list by using AuthorHouse) --- has given me some kind of new account that I can actually use, apparently without having to pay, I think?

So weird. You used to have to pay for this website. Now I've magically got some kind of new account that I didn't have to pay for? Not sure.

It's kind of like how, somehow, when I originally used Mixamo for my games I was able to get some freebies from the site but most of their availables had to be paid for ---- but in later usage of that site, everything suddenly became free for me --- never seeing a price tag again.

This kind of thing really makes a guy wonder. Am I actually so profitable that services I use or would use for my businesses somehow get bought and paid for without me touching the money?

I have to wonder what really goes on. From what I'm told on my computer, I am very unsuccessful ---- but the websites that tell me this have enough obvious errors in them appear over time you can't help but wonder what the actual truth is.

I mean, you buy a game and it goes up to 600 on the O-Rank --- yet your own game was ranked better than 100 with only 1 sale.   Things like that make you wonder what actually goes on.

I'm actually guessing that the GOVERNMENT is managing my earnings for me.

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As for government, and my Dad with his new shiny Certificate of Merit from the Conservative Party, it's weird how the other day I was talking to him about how Pure Capitalism wouldn't work and how Pure Socialism wouldn't work, but then he decided to argue for the socialists saying:

"Actually, pure socialism WOULD work --- the problem is some people just get greedy".

As my Dad enters his old age, and socialist parties value the elderly more, he's suddenly argued in favour of economic equality.

He's often very conservative thinking, but in this one recent episode he suddenly became a socialist. Wow.

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I can often think of so much to say, but right now I'm almost blank.

But did think of this much to tell you:::: For so long I've been treated like I'm so insane, I have been called COMPLETELY CRAZY -----

the problem with that statement is that if I'm 100% crazy, then that means my older brother is 200% crazy, and that doesn't make sense.

It just makes me wonder if people confuse me with my brother. You know, they may hear that my brother is crazy, and then when they encounter me, they think I'm my brother.

Because to be completely honest::: if you think I'm completely crazy, you obviously don't have any idea what "completely crazy" actually is.

I'm a lot saner than a lot of people would seem to believe ---- if you want someone who went completely out of their mind, your more likely to find such a case in my brother.

If you were to compare my symptoms with my brother's symptoms, you'd find that my symptoms are actually comparatively mild ---- the biggest problem people experienced with me is that I went all angry because of the shit hand I was dealt in life ------

My brother is worse than that. He might not be all angry all the time like I was ----- but my brain functions quite a bit better than his actually.

Just sayin' ---- people who say I'm completely insane don't know what "completely insane" is. They really don't.

Just makes me wonder if people confuse me with my brother.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

My Life's News

I was just trying to login to Amazon --- basically there are some problems. It might be due to previous problems I was having before, or it might be because they've changed one of their services I've used a bit and the software has bugs. Whatever the case:: I sent them a message to explain my problem.


Anyway, what's going on in my life?

One of the biggest pieces of news I could think of, as I sat alone in my bed room, is that in the past months about 2-4 females seemed to express at least mild interest in me. Mild. I stress the word "mild".

I suppose I am kind of handsome, but I'm guessing it's the Apple Watch they like. Just my guess.

And thinking about this, I look back on my life and realize there has been some level of interest from females in me for many years.

All these girls with mild interest in me almost might make me seem like an "alpha" male, but I realize I live in my parents' basement and it's likely going to take help from social services to movie me out, so at that point I'm also kind of an omega male at the same time.

Who knows --- Maybe I'm like the rumoured "zeta" male I once heard about. I dunno.



Someone recently suggested to me that I should publish another sequel to The Book of Finch ---- I have worked on another book already actually, and it does have good content ------ but when nobody pays me, and I'm not sure how much I really want to discuss the new information in a book format ----- I'm not too sure I'll release this book, or at least not yet. Or maybe I will. I'll have to think about it.


So::: there's some interest in a new book, I'm just not sure it'd be worth it to release.


The interesting thing is how I've written so much blog, and I've written this draft of a new book ---- when I go back and re-read what I've written from just years ago, I realize I've forgotten so much, and that it's a good idea to keep a written record just to make sure you are able to remember the things that were once going on. I'm surprised at how much I forget.



So:::: especially if I'm going to publish a new book ----- I hope Amazon manages to fix whatever bug they're having with my account, whether the bug is caused by me having some problems earlier or whether it's just a new system they've put in place and it's not perfect yet. I did notice they appear to have some new software on one of their services I use. maybe it's just a new software bug.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Planning

In a recent newsletter from Plan Canada I received recently, they said one or two of the places they've been charitably helping don't need their help anymore - the situation at those locations has improved.

And then, I am also realizing that my parents DO want me to move out at some point, and I NEED to make as much money as possible, so donating to charity and low-return ethical investing might not work so well.

Aggh.

My brother is away from home right now, so it feels totally safe to stay living with my parents --- but if things go wrong again, then I'll be wanting to get out pronto most likely.

It's just too bad that where I end up in my future housing pretty much entirely depends on the mercies of the local social welfare system.

Really::: beggars can't be choosers, so because I never really got paid much for my books and haven't been paid for my video games ---- I can't really make much personal choice about where I'm going to live, unless I stay at home and in the vicinity of a potentially crazy family member.

So::: there you go::: I could stay at home, invest ethically and charitably ---- but my parents will eventually want me out and I don't like being around a crazy brother ----

so I should save up as much as possible and make profitable investments to help,

and in the end, since people decided to not pay me for my work ---- I don't really have much choice in where I'll end up living anyway. Huh.


For the longest time I was planning that I would just live with my brother, either we'd stay at home and live together at home or we'd move out together --- that we'd be each other's support ---- but now that I've seen what he's like when he's not taking the right meds, now that I am reminded of how bad his problems are ------ I can't do it with my brother anymore. I need to be more independent, but I don't get much choice and, yeah, people just didn't pay me.

Huh.

I might be able to stay with my parents for a few more years---- and when I move out, I don't suspect I'll have much choice about where I end up.

So it's really just too bad.