Monday, November 7, 2016

How I got here

So, In my last post or two I talk about being lower-upper class, and when I mean lower, I mean really low - like barely upper class.

But::: it's true, I used to be seriously ill with essentially a lower class family.

I know some people have problems with ideas of "The Secret" --- but to me, these ideas more or less work, or at least mostly work. To me it just seems true that we create our own realities.

Though I have my core values in my mind, which I think of --- and they do come true --- so far they haven't totally completely come true as much as I'd sometimes like them to --- but they are coming true.

I tend to think the following thought when I'm trying to improve my life:

"Happy, healthy, wealthy, righteous, loving, peaceful"

Those are essentially my core thoughts designed to improve my life. How well have I been doing?

Happy ---- I used to be mega-depressed. And this is the first thought I ever really tried. I'd just sit there thinking and saying "Happy" over and over again, maybe with some "life's good" in there ---- my life was a pathetic depressed mess, but I do appear to have regained more control of myself being happy --- I am definitely A LOT happier than I used to be!

Healthy --- My mental health has improved, I have no major diseases besides the previously diagnosed schizophrenia --- but I am recovering from the schizophrenia, I'm doing quite well health wise, besides being kind of overweight. No diabetes. No cancer. Amazing stuff.

Wealthy --- Used to be lower class, am working my way into "upper class". However, this has not worked completely because I'm still not being paid much for my actual efforts selling things online.

Righteous --- I've always tried to be a good boy --- with my schizophrenia, a lot of people believed I had turned bad ---- but I'm a good boy again, and I have more control over how I guide my own moral compass ---- no more giving up control of my morality to the Mormons! And believe me, I think that's actually a real good thing!

Loving ---- I used to hate my life and just about everything. Now I don't. I love, or try to love, everyone. Basically, just decent respect for everyone, no deep bad feelings. Good feelings. This is more or less working for me.

Peaceful ----- This one is working well for me. Real well. I am basically just a real peaceful kind of guy. Yay.

And though "The Secret" seems to work for me, where I think these core value thoughts and they essentially come true in my life, one sad fact remains:

My brother has only been deteriorating, or had been deteriorating (he's still pretty deteriorated).

I've been thinking these great thoughts to improve my life, but it is very observable that situations for my brother have only gotten worse.

I can think of possibilities for why. Should I explain them? Maybe not. I am very sad for him. I hope he gets better.

So though I and my family have done pretty well --- My brother's situation has not been so well during this time. It's a pity.

Probably the biggest failure I've experienced on this list is the "wealthy" one --- I am quite wealthy all things considered, but  somehow I just can't seem to get paid for what I sell online. I've done all this work, and I don't receive much or any money for it. I wish this would change. I wish I would receive lots of payment for my work, especially as that would encourage me to do more.

I wish I would be paid. That's the biggest issue that's having a hard time coming true.

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