Saturday, November 26, 2016


it seems that people are getting really interested in moving me out of my parents' home. It does kind of make sense to do this --- I just hope I can fit all the requirements in a budget, and hopefully save up investments.

Today I was talking to my Dad about how strange it was that I was raised in a church that would issue propaganda at Especially for Youth about believing in miracles, so we would believe in miracles, and how the church specifically and explicitly told me I would work miracles, and then they ended up putting me into psychiatry that wouldn't allow me to believe in miracles.

To me, it just seems kind of wrong that the church would raise me to believe in something that they would then put me into a program where I'm not allowed to believe in it anymore.

essentially:::: I got my diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia because I believed in miracles. The doctors made it very clear the miracles were wrong. And the church did not defend my belief.

But then as I was talking to my Dad about this::: boom! Suddenly it's OK to believe in miracles again, because my Dad said he believes in miracles.

I'm getting so confused.

I was told to believe in things, then told not to believe in those things, being forced on drugs for believing in them, and now I'm allowed to believe again.

Makes no sense at all. Why didn't the church ever defend my belief? Why didn't my Dad defend my belief?

I was raised to believe, then told not to believe under threat of detention and medication, and then it's suddenly OK to believe again.

What the heck???

But, I suppose all the problems that the church never solved or even caused has helped both me and my Dad decide that the church is just BS.

We believe in God, we believe in miracles ----- but the LDS Mormon church has so many problems, we don't believe in it in the way that they did.

Just so weird. Drugged for how I was raised, and then still being drugged but for "different reasons" now. No idea.

The doctors used to be "hardcore against miracles", but now it's totally OK to have miracles. Doesn't change the need to take medications though. Not sure why.

Who knows??? Maybe mental illness legislation is just a way for the good people who believe in God to take it easy and get some rest after being screwed over. That's pretty much what it's been for me.

I'm not sure I will ever understand::: raised to believe, drugged for believing, and now I'm still allowed to believe again. Makes no sense at all.

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