Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Being Kept Down

In the past year, I ordered 3 different GekkoScience Compac USB Stick Bitcoin Miners from two different sellers in two different orders on ebay.

None of them arrived.

Either we have a serious situation in our western society where we can't trust a lot of people, and companies, or, and this second option seems more likely in my mind:::: The government just wants to keep me down, the government wants to prevent me from making a lot of or much extra money.

Either so many people in so many walks of life are so completely dishonest ---- Or the government just doesn't want me to get too rich.

What else could the lack of delivery on two orders and un-reported sales mean?


Of course, maybe it's totally understandable why the government would want to keep me on a lower income::: my life has been full of trouble.


I am recovering from my mental illness, I'm being a good boy again:


But when Youtube explained to me the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath ----


I realized that I had either been a sociopath or borderline or almost a sociopath for so long.

I'm not anymore, I'm recovering, I'm doing a lot better ------

but a guy can only take so much abuse, and apparently too much abuse and trauma can turn a normally healthy person into a sociopath.


I was talking about this to my mom:::: my parents like to tell me I was a "bear" to live with, but they can't accept that I went through so many "abusive" experiences that would cause me to behave that way.

My mom has a complete disconnect from reality here: my Dad says I would be drugged because I was a "bear", or I was really just being very angry and unkind a lot of the time,

but my mom says I am a good person, and refuses to admit that I went through so many abusive and traumatic experiences that would cause me to become a bear.


To be honest, I think my Mom is in denial ---- I could list off a whole list of evils that I had been put through during my younger years ---- my Mom just didn't realize it, or didn't experience it with me.


My mom is completely oblivious to all or most of the abuses I've taken in my life, so she doesn't realize that I may have become a bit sociopathic.


I'm definitely not sociopathic anymore ---- I'm doing well and I'm recovering and I'm happier and life is getting better.....

but because I was so messed up for so long, maybe that's why the government wants to keep me poorer.


All I know is that I would like to eventually move out of my parent's house, but AiSH is nowhere enough to survive with on your own, and I'm gonna need to have a lot of money from sales to continue.


It's just sad how my mom is oblivious to the actual truth about her church, and she's completely oblivious to how badly I was treated for so long during my younger years.

My Dad readily admits I was a "bear", and he realizes both from my testimony and his own personal experience that a lot of people are assholes and life is pain, but my Mom views me a s a good person who never experienced so much pain.


She is in denial. She's really out of it.


She obviously had no idea what I was going through when I was younger.


Well, I'm just going to say this::: I would like to have a tonne of money available to buy a place to live and a car to drive::: I worked, I sold, and I would like to get paid. I don't want to have to live with ADD Dad, Schizophrenic Brother, and In-Denial Mom for the rest of my life.

I would like to have options to move on with my life, and I did my work, so I'd like my fair share.

I don't want to be here forever, but I need the money from my sales to move on. I'm not evil anymore. I just had a really poor upbringing (even if my mom doesn't realize it).

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