Friday, October 28, 2016

The Test Tube and Test Tube Simulations

So, over the summer I had one older computer in my house running a lot of the time:: it did 4-5 major tasks all at once.

The one major task it did which was probably the best reason to keep this computer running was the BOINC projects I had it working on.

At first, it was easy to get lots of work for the computer.

And then a while ago I noticed a big youtuber who once worked at Microsoft released a video where he asked his followers to participate in a BOINC project --- actually one of the same projects I had already been working on.

Whatever the case, I now find it extremely difficult for my computer to find BOINC work.

And this means I have fewer reasons to keep it running, or running so consistently.

The different projects had numerous explanations about why I couldn't find work, so here's hoping they didn't just rub me off as an evil man or something, and maybe it's OK because---

though in the past week I haven't been able to help universities with my constantly running computer, a local university did call me to help them do a study. Or rather, they are studying me, as part of their study.

Just weird how that is --- how i was using compute cycles to help universities, then the work disappears and now they've actually called me in for actual studies --- on me!

I'm not going to say much more than that, because there are some informations that some people aren't supposed to know in this study. Yeah. (don't worry, they know they aren't supposed to know).


Yup --- my family over many years has had many problems with family members' mental health.

I may have been real smart for a long time, I might still be smart, but I doubt, I seriously doubt, that I will ever reproduce or have children.  A loving family has been taken away from me because of my hellish-preexisting family circumstance of mental illness throughout our local family tree.

And yes, it is kind of hellish to have these kinds of mental problems so prominent.

It doesn't even have to be a violent mental problem --- the mentally ill don't even have to be violent (though they might be) but they will still be a big problem repeatedly over and over again.

I've had to live with this stuff for so long. It has never been happy for me. Ever since my early childhood.

I'm just saying a vague idea of what I'm thinking. I'm not going into deep detail though, because I guess I have to protect my family members' privacy a bit.

Just know that living with these illnesses is like a living hell sometimes, and as such I seriously doubt I'll ever get married, or have a girlfriend, or ever have kids. Just not happening. Sucks to be me.

I know it's not right to demean the mentally ill, as I have experienced mental illness and I understand what it's like ---- but having to be around it all your life is just painful.

What I can say is that the government saved my life and all kinds of helpful people have done so much good to make me feel loved in my absolutely poor circumstance of biological relations.

Thanks everyone.

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