So, I saw my psychiatrist today.
Maybe things about psychiatry are supposed to be kept private, but I just feel like explaining how I might have unravelled a bit of my puzzle regarding my earnings.
I told the doctor and the nurse that I have seen some of my book-in-stock-levels on Amazon, and since the number of in stock books was odd and variable at one marketplace on amazon, that I must be selling copies of my books --- it's just not being reported to me.
I then explained that I can think of many different possible reasons why I might not be having my sales reported, and as I said this I saw the nurse's face smile, like a knowing smile,
Like a smile of "Duper's Delight".
I'm not a psychology expert, but I have learned enough to know that it can be hard to keep a straight face when you're lying.
Basically, nobody has any answers for me about my sales or where my money is going ---- but mentioning I can think of many reasons and seeing the smile come across the nurse's face is easily a clear sign of Duper's Delight or something akin --- like she knew or knows something.
I will just mention that a psychiatric nurse may also have qualifications or employment as a social worker at the same time.
SO::: essentially my suspicion that the government has something to do with my diverted earnings may have some level of truth to it.
Here in Canada, the government is in charge of health care (a socialist health care system) ---- and when I told one nurse how much I was making early on in my video game career, shortly after the sales slowed to a dribble.
It seems so clear that I might be paying for my own AiSH, or that I'm somehow contributing to the community.
Don't blame the NDP either, it's been this way with the PC's too.
Well, with all the help I received from the community when I was having problems, it might only make sense that I'm giving some pay back --- that I am now contributing something too.
So, I have some idea that my sales aren't fully reported to me, and the case of Duper's Delight I found in the nurse today (who may also be a social worker) makes it clear that it really likely is the government, or something like that, diverting my earnings.
Basically, just what I understood, from her smile. I had suspected it for a while.
But in all seriousness, it's not like I'm not benefitting from the community or whatever --- as exampled by my mom shelling out a few hundred dollars for me to buy a new iPad.
When I was young, it would have been unheard of for my mom to spend that kind of money on an electronic toy for me personally, not even for the whole family, unless it was a business computer for my Dad ---- but the economic situation has improved to a situation where my mom could reimburse me hundreds of dollars worth for a loss.
Which is real nice.
So it's not like I'm not getting anything from people.
One mystery however, is how much have I really contributed?