I got another one of those coupons from Google AdWords saying I should spend lots of money to advertise on their service. With the recent monetization stuff being talked about on Youtube, with this email, at least I can feel at least somewhat safe about my content. I think.
But, in all seriousness, I had written an email to my old psychiatric nurse a while back, and in this email I discuss how Amazon has also asked me to use THEIR advertising service --- I said to my nurse that I knew that if I paid $100 to Amazon that I already know I probably wouldn't make the money back in sales --- that I'd be more likely to bet with a rich person on how I'd fail and then win from the gambling based on my own expected failure.
Anyway --- it's good I have this blog, because I can't seem to discuss anything remotely worthwhile with anyone in my family. For years, whenever I've tried to discuss anything of importance to me --- I'm always told to be quiet.
It doesn't matter how much in-my-face the church is with how my mom and sisters attend and how they're forcing my nieces and nephews to believe in Mormon Jesus --- doesn't matter how in-my-face it is, my Dad doesn't want me to talk about it, he doesn't want me to research it ---- and it doesn't matter what I talk about anyway because no one ever wants to discuss anything with me.
So at least I have my blog. And I have my psychiatrist --- but the psychiatrist meetings don't last very long.
But --- the real reason I'm writing this post about today's news is relateable to a meeting I had with my psychiatrist --- or rather, how I didn't have enough time with the doctor so I talked about this the last time I got my injection with my injection nurse -----
Just today I got home from a trip to the zoo I enjoyed with my father and brother. I go to put my cell phone to charge on my desk --- and guess what I find? A package of my Dad's stuff sitting on my desk. I ask my Dad --- what's this stuff doing here? He has no idea how it got there..... and no one has any idea how it got there......
And knowing how paranoid my Dad is, he's going to automatically suspect someone was snooping in our house.
Maybe someone was snooping in our house ---- but from experience that our family has already experienced altogether several times before and this is common knowledge among us ---- something magical may have been happening.
I'm glad I saw those poltergeist videos that I mentioned in a recent earlier post, just so I can see something "magical" and therefore it becomes imaginable....
OK ---- So we found an item on my desk that no one put there. No one knows how it got there. Paranoid mind automatically suspects someone was snooping.
But what about that time I asked God to kill me in my sleep (I was suicidal at that time) and God put a book with a message on my desk during the night and no one knows how the book got there? (Book of Finch story in my book).
My favourite coffee cup went missing for a while --- no one knows where it went and no one could find it anywhere --- but the next morning I wake up, look in the kitchen sink, and the cup was right there, even though it had completely disappeared the day before.
I've had a few of my own important items to me just end up completely disappearing and never being recovered --- usually when big moves usually involving furniture throughout the house are made ---- yes, it's annoying that I'd have an important item that goes COMPLETELY missing at these times, but I'm surviving.....
But then more recently there have been items found in our van or house that no one knows how they got there.
We've found a screw driver in the van, special earphones in the house---- stuff just magically appearing in our stuff --- no one recognizes it, no one knows how it got there.
The very recent experience before today I discussed with my injections nurse was how I was riding in the back seat of the van when my Dad took my Mom to work. My Dad drives to the bank, and as he's in the bank, I get out of the back seat into the front seat. My Dad comes back to the van. He asks what all these crayons are doing in the cup holder --- how did they get there? When he left the van, when he drove my mom to work, there were no crayons in the cup holder ---- but as he was in the bank, as I got into the front seat, somehow crayons just magically and unexpectedly appeared in the cup holder. They weren't there before, and they just suddenly appeared even in my own presence, without my really noticing or taking care about it until he mentioned it.
It just seems like one magical like experience after another --- it's the strangest stuff ever, and I have no idea anymore. Life has just been very extremely magical for me---- and the one thing that makes it a little bit reasonable to experience these things is how the old LDS Patriarch said I would witness and perform miracles. Maybe there was some good in Mormonism --- except for how the church then put me on drugs for believing in miracles and wouldn't defend my belief that they themselves gave me originally. So, maybe there's a little bit right in the church, but also something very wrong. And I just can't discuss anything about that with my family.
So: a packageo f my Dad's hobby items just mysteriously found their way onto my desk while we were away from home::: was this somebody snooping, or just a repeat of past similar experiences that seemed so magical? Absolutely no idea anymore. It's the strangest thing.