Wednesday, September 28, 2016

New Pfhonge Version

So, today Cortex approved, and I released, a new version of Pfhonge on Forge TV. Now the game auto-detects which controller(s) you are playing with.

And then, when I logged into Cortex on my Forge, I'm told I am being granted another free game Entitlement from Cortex. And I think I pressed the wrong button, because the game didn't actually show up in my purchased games section --- but yeah, it was cool to see that, I guess.

There's just so much content on Cortex - and my time is limited and my attention span isn't too long anymore. Yoy.

And then, as I turned on my Mac Mini to write this blog post --- I am informed by my newsfeed that Apple's CEO will be in Utah soon ----- O boy. Yeah, my Dad bought a new iPhone for himself yesterday, my Dad bought a new iPhone for my Mom today, and now Apples CEO is visiting the home of the religion I grew up with.

But, before I saw that news on my computer --- I was remembering that one experience I had where I was at a special church event and my hair magically turned from brown to blonde. I mean, to some this may seem unbelievable --- but no matter how much I've started to deny my religion, the fact remains::: at a special church event, my hair actually *poof* changed colour.

Such experiences leave a boy thinking he knows the church is true. The church seemed so right for so long, and after knowing that my hair can magically change colour --- how is it that I can betray my church?

But then again, the church did kind of betray me.

The church seems magically real in so many ways ---- but Joseph Smith was a bright guy when he called it "Mormon", because that is an adequate adjective for how the church turned out ----- it seems to true, it seems so magical ------ but something just isn't right about it.

I suppose I have to give my Mom some leeway, I thought the church was so true at one time, backed up by magical experiences, so I can understand why she's so believing in it -

But I learned I can't trust everyone at church, and then I learned that there's something very wrong with the church itself, with how Joseph Smith started it.

How can the problems be reconciled with the magic? Heck, it's doubtful people would likely believe in the magic. But yeah, it's all a mystery.

Seeing the whole lot of Israeli visitors to this blog today, and then seeing such little recent activity anywhere else --- I almost wonder or feel like if I've gotten into any trouble. I hope to stay out of trouble and be a good boy ----

But, undoubtedly, with discussion of religion and politics and all, it could get hairy.

But yeah, that's actually kind of exciting that Apple's CEO is visiting Utah --- to discuss Tech and Social issues. Very cool.



My mom was just talking to my good sister on the phone, and my sister needs help with a certain situation in her life -----

My mom suggested that she could go talk to her bishop ---- but then said something along the lines of "But then again, our family hasn't always gotten the best advice from [LDS] Bishops".

Then she said that they should still be respecting these men who have the mantle ----

But anyway.



My mom is still being a Mormon more or less, but this is just a verbal admission that maybe the Bishops our family have had don't always provide good (or the best) advice.


This is like, serious breaking news for me, that maybe some of the things I've said have gotten through to my mom.

She's still very much a mormon, she just said she'd call the temple and put a name on the prayer roll...

But it's like seriously awesome for me just to hear a comment about a bishop's past bad advice. Yippee.


The Actual Truth versus what they say.

So, I logged in to blogger again today and was surprised to see over 2000 visits recently from Israel.

Well, I hope they noticed the part of my recent post where I do not condone all of Mormonism, because I don't want to seem completely evil to these visitors.

Anyway, when I said my Dad is very conservative --- yes he is. But he also likes ideas from other parties as well.  Though my Dad has been very anti-Liberal, he is is agreement with a number of the Socialist NDP policies. My Dad gets along better with the NDP than you might somehow think he would --- but in the end he tends to be in the Conservative camp.

So, today I was on facebook.

It's tough, trying to have a civil discussion with these people who I used to be better friends with.

It's weird --- but one of the old Mormon families who was a direct cause of my family being baptized into the church, well, I see the kinds of posts they've made ---- and they seem completely OBLIVIOUS to the actual truth of some things regarding their own religion, and religion in general.

So basically, a Mormon, who didn't know their own stuff or deliberately lied, converted my parents to this church, under false pretences.  Yes -- it is sickening, that someone who vocally declares untruths was converting my family.

We entered the church and grew up in the church being told one thing, but when I studied what the actual leaders of the church actually said, the truth was completely different.

This is one of the big problems with "Free religion".  The religion just does whatever it wants, misleads, destroys, basically --- it has free reign and sovereignty over it's own actions, and can't be held accountable because they're free to do as they please. Or not legally accountable, at least.

So yeah. It's just sad to me to see all the less educated people in the world. I may only have a high school education and a bit of university, but somehow, my studies of religion have put me lightyears ahead of all of these people who raised me including my Mom and this mormon family ----

My Mom and this person from this Mormon family are so much older than me, you'd think they'd have learned and would have the education --- but they don't appear to, or they're deliberately lying.

So yeah, I was told one thing about my church growing up, and when I studied the leaders for myself I found out it was actually the opposite. It annoys me. And this woman who helped convert my family is also, apparently, completely oblivious to the truth, strangely. Weird.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Got a Haircut Today

It's a bit late in the evening as I write this post, but I was having some thoughts.

One thing I learned from the vast amount of educational videos I have watched is that psychopathy apparently thrives in the Capitalist system::: Capitalism and Psychopathy go hand in hand, it seems.

Another thing I learned is that, based on stated evidence (in that video), you are more likely to become rich living in a SOCIAL DEMOCRACY --- and not a capitalist state.

In the last Canadian election, my Dad, who is very conservative, was fearmongering me about what other more left leaning parties would do to the country.

I've learned to not listen to or believe in my own family so much anymore --- the mental illness in our family group can be very tangible sometimes. It's very unfortunate, but hey, we create our own realities, and I just know that my one "evil" sister as a kid was deliberately trying to drive us crazy when she was young....

Anyway, in the USA they are all uptight and concerned, or at least some of them are, about the loss of their Gold and Silver money system.

I'm Canadian, so though there's lots of education on the american ways and history, I've had very limited exposure to Canadian history and issues of such matters.

Is the current system perfect? No, it could probably be a bit better ---- but a teaching from one of Sid Meier's Civilization Games clearly explains why currency, or a FIAT money system, isn't necessarily so bad.

FIAT Currency is good for helping everyone stay fed, keeping everyone in good condition, more or less, and I can see this as evidently realistic, with how the differences between FIAT currency and Gold and Silver would be.

So, I do think I have some understanding between the difference of FIAT and Gold, but FIAT appears to have done our society at least some good, so I'm not totally concerned about exactly what materials we use as money or currency.

Sure, Gold has value, but FIAT seems to be eminently more capable of keeping more people happy, unless you misuse a Fiat system ---- but from the Canadian history on such matters, well, Canada just seems to be a much nicer country that what I've heard of the USA.

Maybe I'm just getting rambly in this stuff. I just want to state my support for a caring community that takes care of everyone, whether it be in my own country, or the whole world. Socialism, or social democracy, more adequately fits those requirements, and not the capitalist system.


So, I was hearing news that people are upset about loss of jobs at one Albertan feedlot company.

In my own community, I was just getting a haircut at the local Combeau Cuts barber shop, when I heard the two hair dressers talking about how one has finally paid off her mortgage, and how she can now retire because her husband (I think?) can take care of both of them on his income.

And yes --- there is a job posting available at Combeau Cuts on Bowness Road now ---- so while the Wildrose party is complaining about some job losses, in my own community I see a lady who is wealthy enough to retire, making a new job opening at the business she works at.

In the past two or three haircuts, I was inclined to start tipping more. Today I paid the most I think I've ever paid for a haircut. And it doesn't bother me in the least ----unlike my father, I am not a total tightwad.


My father is a bit of a cheapskate, he's very conservative, and yet he also doesn't have much or any income.

Whereas I followed the Good Ol' Mormon teaching of "give said the little stream" --- I decided to try and pay people for their work and goods, and I feel I'm in good condition in my life.

My Dad is a good person in numerous ways, but in other ways I wish he could smarten up. But, alas, my family just happens to be the mentally ill one.

Mormonism had some good teachings ---- there have been many contributors to mormonism over a long period of time, and they do actually have some very good teachings. But, in the end, I can not accept them as a total at face value ---- they have had their history of bad things which I do not condone.

I mention Mormonism because I quoted one of their children's hymns, "give said the little stream". I can't remember the whole hymn anymore, but teaching a giving attitude was a good idea.

So, I was just having thoughts and all.


Maybe I'll just have to let go of my missing Chromebook too. I've lost a number of things over the years, as if my family can't be responsible around my stuff, but there's not a lot I can do about it.

To be honest, the Mormon teaching to forgive everyone is good and has the right intentions, there is so much goodness about it ---- But Joseph Smith kind of screwed up when he changed the very definition of the word "forgive".

Forgiveness is so good in so many ways, it's a beautiful concept. But as far as I'm concerned, Mormonism screwed up in that area, as they likely did in so many other areas.

And I just wish I could explain to my Mom and sisters what I know of the actual truth about the Mormon church. It's painful for me to see my family members continue in that organization, and just yesterday my Mom was even criticizing my Dad lightly because he (and I) don't keep the Sabbath day like the church says we should.

it's just painful to see my Mom not understand some basic differences between Christianity and what Jesus actually taught versus what Joseph Smith perverted it into.

My mom is supposed to be a very intelligent person ---- but she hasn't taken enough time to fully understand or consider the religion she seems to believe in so deeply, and it does bug me, to see her oblivious to how awful her church actually is or has been.

I hope my Mom will understand some day. I've tried to explain, but it just doesn't take hold in her. She's like oblivious to some basic concepts of the philosophy.

Bugs me.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Looked at Surveillance

So, I just looked at some surveillance we have for the past few weeks --- remember that day I mentioned (september 13th) where we went out, came back, and found something that was where it shouldn't have been?

No snoopers. It just magically happened to be that way.

Paranormal activity, I guess.

My Dad was the last one to leave the house, but he had no idea how that item of his ended up on my desk at that time that day.

SO::::: A preliminary search of surveillance found we had no snoopers.

I know I tried to blame a certain member of my household for maybe causing me some trouble:::

But I can also maybe suspect paranormal activity.

Some footage is way brighter than you'd think it should be,

And we have some people in robes wandering around ---- some of these are my parents, some of these I'm not sure because it's impossible to identify (like because their heads are cut out of photograph).

So:::: nothing unusual except for too-bright lights and unidentified persons in robes, who might've been my mom or dad.

So, we might've had paranormal activity.

Or someone in my house isn't very well behaved.

But there actually is a very high chance of something paranormal having happened, when I think about it. Some things just can't have happened because of a mentally ill family member.

So, it's not his fault::: it might be God, an angel, Ghost, who knows? Just weird stuff.

But if you are an atheist:::: then it's all too likely a mentally ill member of my family, except that bag of stuff on my desk wasn't put there by him and we know that ---- so Paranormal Activity becomes highly suspected in my mind.

Missing Stuff

The Mormons will tell you that you are always required to forgive everyone and everything --- but then when I did something wrong to the church, they didn't forgive me --- so the Mormons can f*** off about their forgiveness crap.

That's just the way I feel today as I discovered that my Chromebook has gone missing.

I've had numerous items which were of some importance to me just go disappear and missing over the years --- and always being told to forgive everything by the Mormons helped me let go....

But the Mormons don't actually forgive everything --- and it's getting ridiculous how this item of some importance and value which I always kept in one location just ups and disappears - without a trace.

Power cable is gone, Chromebook is gone, nothing found, nothing. Just disappeared.

The Mormons always tell you they require forgiveness ---- but their forgiveness isn't exactly what you'd think it should be, so they can shove it.

So::: has it just gone missing, or has it been stolen? Like, no one in my household claims to know where it went ---- which either means;::

Someone WAS snooping on our house, and took my chromebook,

Or there is a thief in my family.  Someone in my family just outright might be a thief.

That would explain that one time my coffee cup completely disappeared without a trace, and we went looking for it, nowhere to be found, and the next day it was in the sink. No fucking clue.

Unless there's a "special" person in my household who can't be trusted --- and everyone should realise who this person could be, without me naming names. We already know, he's lied before, he's not exactly trustworthy--- and if he's absconding with my stuff ----

Serious??? I'm not supposed to bear false witness ---- but for all the stuff I've had that just magically went missing, there are only really two options::: Someone who comes into our house uninvited and snoops, or this one certain specially mentally ill member of my household.

I mean, my parents are very trusting --- but growing up in this family I know I can't trust the other children in my family ---- there is a very real reason life was hell for me growing up ---- and a reason why I didn't want to be celestially sealed to my family ---- some people in my family are just shite, and I thought we had improved over the years, but maybe not.

Last night I was just thinking about how great it is to see justice inflicted upon serious wrongdoers.

Last night I was thinking about how mormons say everything must be forgiven, but then I realize that some things that some people do are seriously so wrong that they have to be punished.

Anyway, one member of my family had a Karma attack in the past year, and considering how badly I was treated by this sibling in my childhood --- it is actually quite satisfying to see cosmic justice work out this way.

Anyway ----- I thought my family had grown out of the shitty behaviour, but maybe not.

Either we had someone snooping around our house who shouldn't have been here, and they may have offed with my Chromebook ---- or someone in my family just isn't trustworthy, and anyone who knows would know that there is someone in my household who fits that description, based on mental illness experiences.

It's just getting seriously annoying how some important items to me just magically disappear without a trace, like no one else can be responsible with my important stuff. Shite.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

More Sleep Delusions (dreams)

Last night, before I went to sleep, I was praying to God about how I'm pretty much wasting my life, and how I'm unsuccessful and how I'll never get married or have kids or have my own place to live and so on.

Last night's dream was something different though.

I dreamt I was in a Mormon town - and I was watching a favourite crime-based-tv-show with lots of coarse language, and everyone in this Mormon town got really angry at me because of it.

And then I dreamt that someone I once knew was now calling me his future son in law, and I was being interviewed for a temple marriage and everything. Of course, i have no idea of who the woman was supposed to be - there was no mention of her - but basically it was like I was going to get married as a Mormon in this dream.

What are the chances of this actually happening in my suspicion? 0%

I know I was praying to God about a similar topic the evening before the dream, how I'll never get married ----

But if God was giving me a dream where I was getting a Mormon Temple wedding and this guy in particular was going to be my new father in law ----- Psshhht -- chances of this happening: Extremely low to non-existent.

But it was my dream nonetheless.

Very strange.

No idea. No idea why God would give me a dream where I'm marrying in a church I've been trying to get away from.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Bunch of Garbage

So: after saying I was ready and willing to receive the funds at any moment, all they sent me was a boatload of more emails and no funds.

So, yeah, I'm inclined to agree with my family that it was all garbage --- and iCloud even told me it looked like junk to them.

So, me and this big company will hopefully just coexist on this issue. I came first, and it's just pretty cool that they had a similar idea, or liked my idea.

I mean, if I get emails claiming to be from someone important, generally I dismiss it as fraud --- but for a little while this looked like it could have been important.

I remember reading an online article that said scammers and hackers often claim to be real people from real companies to try to take your money.

So::: the facebook identity looked real enough --- but the person claiming to be this person was probably lying.

It's just sad how much scams, and how much crap people have developed into our world.

Oh, and the Bananatree games are coming back online.

Monday, September 19, 2016


OK, I just deleted my latest several posts:::: The story line was rather delusional I think - if it were real, it could have been important to me, but no, someone was just playing with me. I deleted the posts because there was absolutely no point in having that much content about something which turned out to be a scam on my blog.

In other delusion news, last night and a night or two ago I was suffering from some serious sleep delusions.

Basically, while I was sleeping, my brain would get an idea that I would absolutely latch onto and believe while dreaming, and this was a problem for my sleep - but when I woke up the delusion disappeared.

Friday night/Saturday Morning I dreamt that I had to finish playing a whole video game before I was allowed to wake up and get out of bed. Problem was: I wasn't playing any video game while sleeping, but my brain kept imagining this educational math problem game that comes with Edubuntu. yes --- that was a pretty bad dream, a bad delusion.

Last night I had the delusion that the Alberta Government was having another election, and this time neither the PCs nor the NDP were running in it. It seemed so real in my sleep, except it wasn't.

And then I also dreamt that one of my uncles died, and the thought of my uncle dying caused me great distress in my sleep, and I was actually mourning - in my sleep.

So, uh yeah. Just sleep delusions and stuff. I guess most people call it "dreaming".

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Computer Things

To continue on with yesterday's timeline where we found something on my desk that shouldn't be there ---

This morning I woke up and turned on my Raspberry Pi --- which is on this desk. it wasn't working properly.

Later this morning I turned on my mac on this desk (the post I wrote last night was on my Linux Laptop on a different desk) and my mac came up reporting that I was now linked to a new apple watch on my account --- although I didn't link any new apple watches, just this same one the whole time.

My iphone is on this desk, my apple watch is on this desk --- something mysterious about a suddenly even-if-temporarily-broken raspberry pi and a new apple watch report on my mac when there is no new apple watch. All on this same desk. Very weird.

What the heck happened? Why is my desk the centre of this weird activity? What was going on?

I most certainly experienced something coming home yesterday and waking up this morning ---- there has got to be an explanation -- but what it is it?

Big mystery. Something not making sense.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Moving Things

I got another one of those coupons from Google AdWords saying I should spend lots of money to advertise on their service. With the recent monetization stuff being talked about on Youtube, with this email, at least I can feel at least somewhat safe about my content. I think.

But, in all seriousness, I had written an email to my old psychiatric nurse a while back, and in this email I discuss how Amazon has also asked me to use THEIR advertising service --- I said to my nurse that I knew that if I paid $100 to Amazon that I already know I probably wouldn't make the money back in sales --- that I'd be more likely to bet with a rich person on how I'd fail and then win from the gambling based on my own expected failure.

Anyway --- it's good I have this blog, because I can't seem to discuss anything remotely worthwhile with anyone in my family.  For years, whenever I've tried to discuss anything of importance to me --- I'm always told to be quiet.

It doesn't matter how much in-my-face the church is with how my mom and sisters attend and how they're forcing my nieces and nephews to believe in Mormon Jesus --- doesn't matter how in-my-face it is, my Dad doesn't want me to talk about it, he doesn't want me to research it ---- and it doesn't matter what I talk about anyway because no one ever wants to discuss anything with me.

So at least I have my blog. And I have my psychiatrist --- but the psychiatrist meetings don't last very long.

But --- the real reason I'm writing this post about today's news is relateable to a meeting I had with my psychiatrist --- or rather, how I didn't have enough time with the doctor so I talked about this the last time I got my injection with my injection nurse -----

Just today I got home from a trip to the zoo I enjoyed with my father and brother. I go to put my cell phone to charge on my desk --- and guess what I find?  A package of my Dad's stuff sitting on my desk. I ask my Dad --- what's this stuff doing here?  He has no idea how it got there..... and no one has any idea how it got there......

And knowing how paranoid my Dad is, he's going to automatically suspect someone was snooping in our house.

Maybe someone was snooping in our house ---- but from experience that our family has already experienced altogether several times before and this is common knowledge among us ---- something magical may have been happening.

I'm glad I saw those poltergeist videos that I mentioned in a recent earlier post, just so I can see something "magical" and therefore it becomes imaginable....

OK ---- So we found an item on my desk that no one put there. No one knows how it got there. Paranoid mind automatically suspects someone was snooping.

But what about that time I asked God to kill me in my sleep (I was suicidal at that time) and God put a book with a message on my desk during the night and no one knows how the book got there? (Book of Finch story in my book).

My favourite coffee cup went missing for a while --- no one knows where it went and no one could find it anywhere --- but the next morning I wake up, look in the kitchen sink, and the cup was right there, even though it had completely disappeared the day before.

I've had a few of my own important items to me just end up completely disappearing and never being recovered --- usually when big moves usually involving furniture throughout the house are made ---- yes, it's annoying that I'd have an important item that goes COMPLETELY missing at these times, but I'm surviving.....

But then more recently there have been items found in our van or house that no one knows how they got there.

We've found a screw driver in the van, special earphones in the house---- stuff just magically appearing in our stuff --- no one recognizes it, no one knows how it got there.

The very recent experience before today I discussed with my injections nurse was how I was riding in the back seat of the van when my Dad took my Mom to work. My Dad drives to the bank, and as he's in the bank, I get out of the back seat into the front seat. My Dad comes back to the van. He asks what all these crayons are doing in the cup holder --- how did they get there? When he left the van, when he drove my mom to work, there were no crayons in the cup holder ---- but as he was in the bank, as I got into the front seat, somehow crayons just magically and unexpectedly appeared in the cup holder. They weren't there before, and they just suddenly appeared even in my own presence, without my really noticing or taking care about it until he mentioned it.

It just seems like one magical like experience after another --- it's the strangest stuff ever, and I have no idea anymore. Life has just been very extremely magical for me---- and the one thing that makes it a little bit reasonable to experience these things is how the old LDS Patriarch said I would witness and perform miracles. Maybe there was some good in Mormonism --- except for how the church then put me on drugs for believing in miracles and wouldn't defend my belief that they themselves gave me originally. So, maybe there's a little bit right in the church, but also something very wrong. And I just can't discuss anything about that with my family.

So: a packageo f my Dad's hobby items just mysteriously found their way onto my desk while we were away from home::: was this somebody snooping, or just a repeat of past similar experiences that seemed so magical? Absolutely no idea anymore. It's the strangest thing.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Elder Quentin L Cook's talk this evening

I lay down in bed, turned on my iPad --- and saw a notification for a talk Elder Quentin L Cook of the LDS Apostles was giving on Youtube this evening.

I decided to watch this presentation, from beginning to end -- I was right on time.

His wife talked about how everyone needs love, acceptance and success.

He talked about how we should set goals, and how to get past dangers in life. I mostly remember the stuff about the goal setting.

I have to say --- they did wonderful jobs giving their talks, with only a few minor slip-ups in their speech.

They definitely seem intelligent.

Elder Cook's talk of setting worthwhile goals and trying to achieve them, to not be distracted by "Saturday morning cartoons" --- definitely made me feel like I'm wasting my life.

Anyway, I can see some level of high moral character in what they're trying to teach. They definitely seem to be trying to do something good.

Considering all the good that's to be done in the world, and how I'm just wasting my life::: how can I evaluate Elder Cook's talk, or should I evaluate his church instead?

OK ---- So I definitely got a sort of impression that Elder Cook is a man of high moral character when I watched the program.

But, one goal I know I would like to achieve in my life would be to become a farmer --- I want to buy land in the countryside, and work the land, and I just wanna grow crops, as something useful I could do with my life.

In order to this, it is practically essential that I learn to drive an automobile. In fact, it's just plain essential that I get my greedy grubby paws on as much money as possible in order to afford this goal/dream.

Problem:::: I have written 3 books and an essay, and have 8 video games:::: And Elder Cook's Church hasn't bought crap from me.

If the church loved, accepted me, and wanted my success, why don't they all just pay the small price I ask for my product?

There have to at least be a million people left in the church --- and if these million people all bought my stuff ---- I would feel accepted, loved, and I would be successful. I would be able to achieve my goal of becoming a farmer who grows crops.

But the church don't give a hoot about me.  Try as I might, the church ignores me, they don't care to love accepr ot help me succeed.

Why is that?

Well, my life was just absolute shit from the very beginning starting off at home with my family -----

And I used to love the church, as it tried to teach morality and good behaviour ------

But eventually, one family bore false witness against me, which nobody told me about to my face for years ----

And though I was going to serve God, the bishop accused me of making a deal with the devil ------

And though either the ghost of my grandma, or my grandmother's demon, sexually molested me right after my grandma died ------

the church punished me for being a sexual abuse victim.

I mean, maybe these true stories seem a little critical, and the church can't accept any form of criticism whatsoever even if it's true, so of course they don't give a hoot about me, and can't help me achieve doing something useful with my life.

So though Elder Cook seems all highly moral about doing good things with yourself ----

It's his own church's fault I'm wasting my life ----- all they have to do is pay me for my work, which they don't, so now I can't farm the land, and I'll never achieve my goals because disability welfare just isn't enough.

So, I respect the church for trying to be morally minded and teaching good things --- they definitely give that impression,

but in my actual experience they have performed SO absolutely poorly, that they can't even just admit a past mistake, and help me on my way to continue to try something else good. They can't admit my story is true or they hate the truth of it, and as such they will not give me the dollar to help me achieve my goals.

If I'm wasting my life, it's their own faults.  They could buy massive quantities of my products at any time --- but they don't ---- so I never get to learn to drive a car.

Want to know why my Dad didn't just teach me or give me the education to drive?  My Dad was very poor. Guess why? I mean, he was self employed, he had useful product ------ People just didn't want to pay him for it.  People's inability to pay money has turned my life into a useless waste of time.

So there you go.  Cook seems like a man of high moral character, but it's his own church's fault I'm wasting my life.

Today's Interesting News

Yikes, I realized a little while ago I mentioned TowerFall (game) in regards to my dating preferences and that today's 9/11.

I didn't mean any disrespect: I noted that the Prime Minister said 9/11/2001 affected many Canadians from coast to coast: and I am included in that.

I was extremely upset by the tragedy, and personally, after all the personal problems I was experiencing at that time, the tragedy was the final straw that caused me to lose my mind and I went barking mad for a long time. I was one extremely messed up person at that time --- I didn't handle it very well.


I also noticed that Avril said something to commemorate the tragedy today, and then she also said she was preparing her Veggies for Fall.

Sorry, I can't help but see the food reference and the "TowerFall" video game reference as significant --- especially as she celebrated National Siblings Day and then Jetted off to the Bahamas later that week earlier this year ---- She's like my psychotherapist or something, trying to make me feel loved or something.

Anyone who doesn't know: TowerFall is an OUYA/Cortex video game, and my latest video game centres around eating your veggies. I hope no one is offended by me making these references. Bahamas were important because Banana Island is a location in the games I created.


But the real reason I started writing this post::


For a while, my telepathy hadn't been doing so good.

Today I prayed to God, asking Him to let me read my Mom's mind.

The first test I did with my mom I got 1/3.

Then I tried again.

I wrote down: C A R

her original was: B A R

------ this is one of the best examples of telepathy I have ever experienced, likely made possible by the fact that I asked GOD for help.

Atheists seem to be very intelligent people and it's so tempting to want to take on Atheist viewpoints ---- but after so many experiences like this, where I can pray to God and get the real help I asked for, I can't really personally be an atheist.

I then tried a test on my Dad and failed.

But something really interesting happened today: Part of my brother's new insanity is that he's taken notice of my telepathy thing, and he's become more of a believer. Sometimes I wonder if he and I have some level of mental connection.   Here's an example of what I mean by that:::

Today, I was pacing between the kitchen and the living room, and my brother was just seated on a chair in the living room. I was thinking, he wasn't saying anything. We were both being quiet.

And I was thinking something that was moderately humerous ---- and the humor I was thinking would be a no-go for Google monetization ----- but anyway, I thought something moderately humerous, and just as I finished thinking it out of nowhere he just burst out laughing. I was chuckling to myself too -----

But that was just interesting, so I thought something I was laughing at to myself, and he bursts out laughing at the exact same moment.  Seemed extremely coincidental.

But another experience like this was a week or two ago when he and I were both silently sitting at the kitchen table. I suspected we may have developed a link, so one of the things I thought was "I'm going to say 'HI', and when I do, you say 'Hello'".  So basically, I just tried telepathically transmitting the idea that I would say Hi and he should say Hello.

I said Hi.

He grumbled a quick "hello", as if he was mumbling.  We didn't talk to each other that whole time other than that.

Anyway, I earlier suspected that he and I may have had a link, but it wasn't a concrete link and I didn't mention it because it wasn't concrete.

But today's laughing experience startled me enough that I'm now mentioning this.

And I'll just say, if I remember correctly --- the first mind reading test I did with my brother worked out well enough.

So, Kreskin and me and my Parents seemed to have driven my brother to being a believer -- which has kind of been crazy for him --- but I do recognize that something might be real, something might be there. -- although, he does seem to need some level of help, even if some of this is perceptibly real.

I will finish this post by saying I know there's more out there, because over a year ago I had been watching Youtube videos of Poltergeists caught on Camera, just objects going flying on security footage for no reason ----- and then the next day I was hanging around upstairs when I heard a crashing noise downstairs in my bedroom. No one had been in my bedroom, but I found that my light fixture had fallen from the roof and that the light fixture's lense was completely shattered. Definitely seemed like a poltergeist to me --- since I had only just watched the videos the night before, and never on any other occasion has something like this happened out of the blue.

The magic is definitely real as far as I'm concerned.


And I hope no one will be offended at my references to the tragedy, a tragedy that seriously upset me and I ended up losing my mind at that time.

Continued Talking

Still no visitors to this blog from Japan --- but continued messages in Japanese.

The Japanese writing talks about getting a room, pretending to sign forms, and keeps mentioning the word "suck".

OK --- someone is feeling amorous for me, I get it, but I've had a zillion other english emails about the same thing as well.

I suppose I feel good that someone cares about me this way, and I am only reminded of my disability with how I can't actually drive an automobile or transport myself easily.

I also feel like these Japanese messages are like the revenge of Avril Lavigne, because these messages would say or have similar themes like I'd send Avril.

It is actually nice to feel cared for --- but in this case, I'd have difficulty safely transporting myself to this room she'd get with me, and I can only imagine what kind of difficulty the language barrier would be like.

OK ----- LADIES:::::

There is a SMALL chance you might be able to be with me, as a friend:::

You either have to be Avril Lavigne, OR

You have to live locally, and be intensely interested in playing video games with me.

At this point in my life, the woman I'd be looking for would have to be a gamer in a way that we could have fun together. Basically, a playmate. (haha)

But seriously, I'm not totally interested in women anymore, and if I were to have a girlfriend she'd pretty much need to be capable of satisfying my gaming wants and needs.

So, I admire Avril so much just because of how much she has helped me in her way --- Her sk8er boi song was monumental in my life, so I always or usually have an open heart to Avril ---

But for me to have a girlfriend, it's not so much about the sex as it is about the gaming.

But, in the end, I'm not even totally attracted to women either ------

Just today I was trying to explain to my Mom about some of thee problems I've had and I see in the church ---- but I know I can only expect my Mom to continue attending that organization.

As I grow older, my yearning for love grows weaker and weaker, my yearning for gaming grows and grows ------ and in so many ways, women have not been that interesting to me.

I'm all "gaga" about Avril simply because she pointed out the true story of events that happened in my life, while everyone else just seemed to ignore key parts of the story.

Avril Lavigne is "heroic" to me. She's got like, heroic or legendary status in my eyes for what she actually did.

If I don't get Avril, then the kind of girl I would have a relationship with is capable of visiting me at my place, and is interested in playing video games with me and my family. Overt sexual conversation would be frowned upon in my home too --- if the woman is, basically, just all about sex, you can bet it's going to be turned off. It's about a friendship, not about making as many babies as possible, and even less about making as many babies, and then killing as many babies, as possible.

So, if a woman approaches me with much sex in her speech, I usually get disinterested. If the woman wants to play Towerfall with me, that's a lot more interesting.

I may just be overly-obsessed-and-paranoid, but I'd also get it if these messages are just the revenge of Avril as well. Or maybe it's just human nature to fall in love with a famous person.

Friday, September 9, 2016

Extremely Nice Japanese Words

So, I got another email from the Japanese speaker a little while ago.

Here is the verbatim Japanese this person sent me:


In english, this translates into: (according to Google translate)

"I want you to be happy, just like that. Even be life if there is no monetary allowance"

How nice of this person!! Wow!!!

this actually just lifts me right up, to hear offers of cash, but even without cash just kind words.

I once said something very similar to Avril Lavigne, and these Japanese messages are like me being treated how I once treated Avril -- almost.

But this lady who shares her name with an ancient Japanese political figure --- who is she? Is this like, what? I don't know.

Well, that was an incredibly nice message to send me, to hope for my happiness, even without money, after offering, seemingly, a tonne of cash,

because I had just finished writing an email to Alberta Health Services talking about how I'm driven to a sort of annoyance or madness with how hard it is to get paid for my work - with no answers why.

Kind words in Japanese - nice touch. Seeing as how a profile of a Japanese lady was involved, I have to wonder what this is really about --- except it also mentioned a tonne of money and a celebrity guest, so who knows. Heh.

But those were definitely nice, encouraging words that lift me out of the dismal despair I've developed just thinking of not getting paid. Even without the money: just be happy. How nice. Beauty.

It's harder for me the relate with the author, because it's not a language I actually understand, but I definitely feel the kindness. It's just so awesome, just receiving those nice words!

More Japanese Messages

So: I received a bunch more Japanese messages, and from these messages I think it's clear that they are or have responded to what I said about their original messages on this blog.

The thing is: No one from Japan visited this blog in the past while. The two top countries to visit my blog right now are USA and Canada.

One of the responses they sent me said that there would be no burden on me for accepting this money, and a mentioning of how I would have peace of mind if I didn't take the money.

They seem to want me to pretend to fill out the forms, and a whole bunch of stuff about money for me.

What do I think?

Knowing everything I know, from the recent realization of Krieger, and a Jazz Singer, and the 23 involvement, with a past experience where Avril Lavigne once spammed me about her then-upcoming trip to Japan, and also knowing in the past that I have a history of "spamming" Avril with donations for her charity:::

I'm inclined to believe that these messages are just the "revenge of Avril Lavigne" ---- I send lots of messages giving her money, she responds with lots of Japanese messages talking about giving me money.

So, I find it unbelievable that a normal person would just want to give me this kind of money she's talking about, so I'm inclined to believe that Avril Lavigne is just having some fun with me. The clues add up to it being her, I think.

I have had a history of spamming her with donations, so it only makes sense that she'd respond by spamming me with stuff about giving me money, and leaving hints and clues here and there that it's likely her.


Oh yeah, and I read all the email. Japanese is quite broken when translated into English. I did not click on all the links though.

So yeah, seeing as how they responded to this blog, and seeing as how no one from Japan visited this blog that recently, and considering the subject matter and history, I'm inclined to believe it's just Avril responding to me. Good for her.

No normal person would likely give away that kind of money. It could easily all be a joke.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

More Personal Communications

More from this Japanese woman:

I figured out her name, and looked it up on Google.

There's an ancient Japanese royal figure who has a very similar name, and the dates involved involve 2 and 3 enough for me to wonder.

I found two facebook pages of people using this name, and the one says she works, it seems, with Marvel Entertainment, which I think belongs to Disney.

This is all very interesting --- I just kind of wish it was plain to understand in english.

Looks like she wants me to fill out the form or something --- which is hard because it's all Japanese.

Something about a transfer ---- Uh oh ---- if money is involved coming to me, either that means I'm obligated to do something or there's something wrong ----- and I'm wondering exactly what I'm obligated to do.

I will just say, that a few years ago an old family friend offered me a job to work for him, and when he mentioned the pay, I couldn't help but accept the job. But when I actually started the job, it entailed life choices I wasn't totally supportive of (like starting my own corporation) and doing very stressful work where if I screwed up then I could easily have been screwed over. I ended up lasting a week at that job.

It looks like this Japanese woman is offering me payment for something ---- but I'm not exactly clear on what ---- and that this involves filling out a form in Japanese, which is hard for me, and then whatever the work involved will be, who knows, and if I don't know what's going to happen, then how stressed out am I going to be? Will I be able to do it? Yoy.

I mean, if this involves Marvel (which I think is now part of Disney, if I know my stuff) then that's pretty interesting, but I almost wonder if I'm going to get stressed.

And there's no guarantee that the Marvel facebook of this woman is even the right facebook, although with the money involved it could be.

I wish we could just have a normal chat in English --- trying to respond to a Japanese Person in Japanese might be difficult, and I'm not sure I want to fill out a form to have payment when I'm not sure what the work will entail. Yoye.

Luckily, there was no mention of confidentiality so far, if I remember, so I hope it's OK to mention this on my blog ---- because I'm not sure what else to do.

The Language barrier is probably the worst thing about these emails so far --- but it's intriguing the information I have found from them.

Personal Communications

Most of the time, I don't get anything useful at my email address where I try to get comments from people for my OUYA games ---

But in the past little while I've been receiving Japanese emails from a presumably Japanese person.

I'm writing this post to say::: I can see your messages. The Japanese doesn't translate very well into English, I've managed to glean something about a large amount of Yen, something about a deal, an escort, concerns of feelings of anxiety, and something about an unidentified celebrity being involved.

I suppose I do feel special receiving these messages, but they don't at all translate very well into english, and if this is about me visiting Japan for some kind of deal or something, I can already see that the language barrier will probably be an issue, because I'm having a difficult time just translating these written messages, and trying to understand exactly what they're saying.

There looked like there's a form to fill out, except I really have no idea at this point.

Considering that there was a lot of money mentioned, and some kind of special celebrity involved, I suppose I could feel intrigued by this ---- but I think I'm not understanding the idea of the messages well enough.

For all I know, this could range from me working at a Japanese game company to me appearing on Japanese TV --- or whatever, it isn't exactly specifically understood on my mind what exactly these messages are trying to say.

But, considering the messages did take into account the social anxiety I might end up having, it does look kind of like this is specifically for me, kind of.


Earlier this week, I think it was, maybe it was last week, someone contacted me on Youtube, we talked for a bit, and this person said they would buy my book.

Maybe my book is so freaky that it'll blow this guy's mind, but Amazon and Lulu have seriously reported 0 sales in the past months. Maybe I need to wait longer, but this seems ridiculous, that I would be told that my book is going to be purchased, and then nothing is reported.

If he said he'd buy without buying, then that seems like borderline trolling kind of.

But then there's the possibility, which I have long suspected, that sales just don't get fully reported.

A while back I found an article online that reported that on the Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert said that Amazon really isn't very good with reporting book sales ---- I just remember seeing that article ---- so who knows?


Got another email from this Japanese person.

They assure me this is legal.

They mentioned again a celebrity guest - and they gave me a profile of a Japanese woman.

The birthday of the Japanese woman matched the birthday of a Japanese woman with a similar name on Wikipedia --- but the birth years were different --- but whatever the birth year, she's a bit older than me.

This Wikipedia entry says this woman who shares her birthday is a Japanese Jazz Singer.

Interesting. I listen to Jazz often enough on Apple Music.

Of course, looking up this Japanese woman's name on Google, and I find a reference to "Krieger's preferred woman" ------ sounds like Kroeger, or Avril Lavigne's husband, although I'm not looking at the actual page, just saw the title line.

OH ----- and they want me to have a passport. I think it's a passport, they call it something a bit different, but I'm thinking it's probably a passport they refer to.

YES - I DO have a passport, and I am intrigued ---- if I'm going somewhere am I allowed to bring my father with me? I don't want to be too lonely. Although, he might resist, and I really don't have much in the way of travelling companions at that point, because I'm lonely.

SO::: yeah. Huh. No need to re-iterate the details. Just interesting that the name is similar and the birthdate is similar to a famous singer on Wikipedia, and that "Krieger" would be mentioned on a Google search.

This is absolutely interesting to me, although I'm still not fully sure what to think --- and I don't know how to respond at this point except by posting this stuff on my blog.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Millionaire Treatment

OK --- I've made my decision.

My advice to anyone out there, is to just completely avoid binary trading, robots, by yourself, whatever - avoid it.

Here's why:::

One company I used to binary trade, they were an amiable company that I got along well with --- but I found that though I won a bit, it was far to easy to just lose your money with them.

I recently tried signing up for, and found upon signing up I immediately started to receive the "Millionaire treatment".

What I mean by "Millionaire treatment" was all the phonecalls I received in just a day or two from them or people like them who want to talk about money and trading and crap.

I mean, it's known that if you win the lottery, you might expect a zillion crazy people to start phoning you up all the time ---- so yeah, that's basically what this was ---- all these phonecalls just for signing up for a  service. Not my kind of business.

So, I sent and the binary broker messages asking them to delete my accounts, I REALLY didn't appreciate all the phonecalls I started getting in just one or two days. That's not normal business.

So, my review of binary trading::: Just stay away from it.

You can still be very profitable trading at a regular bank on a regular market the regular way, and it doesn't involve a zillion spam phonecalls in just a few days either. :)

Phonecalls and stuff

So, I recently signed up for a new "trading" service online.

You've got to be real careful what you sign up for ---- though the demo program of this service seems to work well enough --- well -----

As soon as I logged in to this service, I got a phonecall from someone at their business. To verify my ID -- fine sure. I could accept that they'd phone, if only to make sure I'm a real person.

Well, when I was talking to one of my publishers about one of my books, they'd phone and we'd talk, and I had a hard time talking to people --- even about a specific business I'm particularly interested in.

I mean, when OUYA's programming engineer phoned me to help me with something, I had a hard time with that too --I mean, I needed his help -----

But I am INTROVERTED. I'm not comfortable with too much socializing.

So my phone told me last night that I had two phonecalls from two Unknown callers. I could only have hoped that it was Avril Lavigne wanting to go one a date with me --- although that itself would also be scary for me, maybe more than I could handle. Ah, but I wasn't available at my phone at that time

Well, I was busy today, and got another phonecall which I decided to answer --- and yes, the voice was female and the name started with "A", so that was kind of intriguing, but it was about trading or something.

Uh oh. Just by signing up for this service that I've only tried out so far, I'm already getting more phonecalls than I'm comfortable with.

I hate joining political parties because they keep asking for money on the phone.

Basically, if you are like me and have a hard time with socialization, due to anxiety or just plain introversion ---- you really have to be careful about what you sign up for.

I mean, it was promising that this phonecall was from a female whose name started with "A" ---- but if I'm going to get daily or multi-daily phonecalls talking about something I would privately like to do on my own time, I'm not sure I'm going to appreciate that.

Anyway, if I'm going to review this service I will not name at this point: I'll just say that the demo seemed to work, so far, but I am not impressed with all the phonecalls I suddenly got.

Maybe the "A" named female had something to do with Avril -- if just to play on my hopes. Heh.

But I am nervous enough about things. Ugh.

here's the scary thing though::::: I KNOW that I sent Avril a recent email telling her that I was allowing her to be friends with me.  When I got those two phonecalls last night that I didn't answer, I was wondering if it might've been Avril (she has my phone number).

Well, I got the phonecall today and it did happen to be a female --- and the name started with the letter A. Coincidence?

I'm just scared kind of. Not too good with people, but I recognize that though it has everything to do with trading, it also likely might have something to do with Avril.

I say that because someone texted me suggesting a like-service after I said Avril could be my friend if she wanted to ---- and yeah, when I got that text I suspected it could have been Avril - so I was intrigued.

I mean, Avril may have nothing to do with all this ---- but Since my email to her, and since getting all these messages, I keep thinking it might be her ---- and then the female voice claimed to be an "A" name.

Is she being complicated? Hah. :) Hopeful, wishful thinking.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

I just realized my "mistake"

Wow --- over 500 or about 500 visits to my blog within the past 2 or 3 days. Huh.

But yeah --- I was just in the shower moments ago when I realized I had made an innocent mistake.

Avril Lavigne is holding her birthday promotion. You can donate to her and leave a message.

The message I left her said: "Maybe include canadian provinces (besides quebec) in "State" on form. Also: Avril, I'm very limited in what I can provide this month, because I'm trying to force myself out of debt. Good luck."

I just realized moments ago that my exclusion of Quebec from the list of possible "states" to say your location is in could be seen as "racist".

It was actually completely innocent. Let me explain:::

Avril's rules for her charity promotion say "Regrettably, the residents of certain countries will be unable to enter the Promotion for a variety of reasons, which include local sweepstakes laws and compliance legislation. These countries/provinces are Burma/Myanmar, Cuba, Iran, Libya, North Korea, Sudan, Syria, Quebec, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Jordan, Lebanon, Qatar, Yemen and all African nations with the exception of South Africa. Other countries are void where prohibited."

If you read carefully, QUEBEC IS EXCLUDED ANYWAY.

So, though it might be seen as racist that I would exclude quebec in my posts, I was actually just having these very rules from the promotion on my mind that already exclude Quebec.

You might look negatively at me about my post, but please realize it's Avril's own rules that already had theme excluded.

500 visits to this blog seems like a big deal - I'm afraid I pissed off 500 people with that comment on her promotion.

Any other news? House is clean, having good time ---- but wishing I could buy land in the country, which will probably never happen because it seems pretty impossible for me to actually make money. I'm stuck with a disability income only I guess.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Anybody Out There?

I get visitors from all around the world visiting this blog,

and I get thousands of downloads of my products:::

Yet very few people leave reviews for anything, and pretty much no body gives me comments suggestions or bug reports in email.

I can think about my Eat Carrots game, and I could suspect there could be a line of code or two I could modify to make the game a bit better --- and maybe add an optional rule to change up the rules a bit, ----- but nobody is asking me for anything. In all my time as a game dev, the most commentary I received was harshly critical and even borderline just trolling on OUYA Forum.

I have to admit, the harsh criticism on OUYA forum did inspire me to improve my game a bit ---- but I am a little disconcerted that no one just writes to me to let me know things that could be improved, or what they think.

I do get the odd email at my game-dev-email, but it usually isn't much of anything to do with my games.

Anyway ---- I asked my Dad if he wanted to play some games with me this evening ---- he is largely not interested in gaming.   In fact, most of the time I usually have no one to play with, so I'm a little sad about that.

I got this email from a gaming-related thing that asked the question "Money versus Morality?" ---- in my mind, this is just a reminder that giving to others is a good thing, and hoarding to yourself not so good.

I can accept that there's all kinds of places money I might earn may end up --- just to help other people out.

And youtube has been telling me that 95% of the money in banks doesn't actually exist anyway, so maybe when most people pay me, there is no dollar bill transfer ----- and me being in Canada might be a different banking system.

So money doesn't exist, and if it did redistribution of wealth could end up happening anyway.

The way to riches, it seems, is through investing.

But developing video games can be great fun ---- and I just wish I could play with other people more.

I can't even drive a car. Guess why I'm on OUYA? Could never afford a whole lot in my life due to poor employment and the fact that people didn't really pay my Dad for his software product. Couldn't afford to learn to drive, or buy a car, or anything. The good part about this is it kept me more securely at home, away from wasting my time and life on a Mormon Mission. I just had to say that ---- though I could have guessed there was something wrong a long time ago, if my parents had more money, with the amount of peer pressure the church puts on people, I would have been more likely to go off somewhere else to tell people the Mormon way. It's good I didn't.

Anyway. Life is actually pretty good for me considering, I'm pretty happy with things.

There are things about the past in my life which I am most definitely disappointed about ---- but I can't control other people very well, and well, it's just good that those problems don't appear to exist in my face anymore.  Growing up can be so hard.

I wish I could have game time- to play with my family (since I don't have much really good friends).

My family is just too busy, young, old, or crazy I guess.