Sunday, August 7, 2016

Did I ruin my career?

Maybe OUYA just didn't sell --- maybe people hate spending money ---

but a video I recently watched on Youtube about celebrities who do things that destroy their careers makes me wonder how much people might dislike me: how much I ruined my "career".

I was watched the first two lectures on a psychology course at a university on iTunes U.

In one of these lectures, the professor talks a bit about, and recites a poem about, how parents make mistakes when they raise their children, and their children turn out very poorly, or how parents pass on bad traits to their children.

I think my parents did a pretty good job at parenting, but two spots where they clearly failed in my life was that they raised me in the wrong church, and they sent me to the wrong school.

I don't want to go into detail here, but you'd get in trouble if you really tried to propagate that church, and you'd get in trouble if you went against that church (depending on who you're talking to) --- I mean, you are in trouble pro-church and you might be in trouble anti-church --- there's no winning --- so my parents just raised me in the wrong kind of church essentially --- this alone is enough to screw me over,

but then there's also the school they sent me to - FFCA.  Looking back on my life, I was in the very first classes of FFCA as FFCA just began to exist, but one thing about those early days for that school is that the school would essentially be the place to send students who were so "bad" that they got kicked out of the regular public system.

Yes, looking back I think FFCA was a school for essentially students with extreme to severe mental issues ---- and that was most definitely not a good place for me to be ---- although I understand why I was there if family mental history is any indication.

So, I know OUYA might not have sold, and I know people just don't like spending money ---- but I am a little "paranoid" maybe that anything I could have talked about at any point might've "destroyed" my "career".

The church had plenty of politically incorrect teachings.

School wasn't that great either.

I mean, considering everything I've been through in my life, it's almost as if there's no sanitized enough version of me --- someone somewhere is always likely to take a disliking to me, and boom - my career is over, or unsuccessful.

I mean, I didn't have to say anything to anyone at that time ---- but even though I resembled Avril Lavigne's sk8er boi in my real life -- her fanclub STILL rejected me anyways, although looking back I'm thinking there were probably at least a few, probably many, trolls on her forum.

I mean, knowing how things are:::: Just being a mormon could be enough to destroy a person's career --- and this is the church my parents chose to raise me in. It's not unheard of for someone to "fail" or "lose" at their career or job just because they were mormon.

I really tried to be a "good boy" growing up ---- but my parents raised me with a moral ideology that itself was extremely flawed at it's core.

So, I sit in fear that I've ruined my "career" -- that people will take immediate distaste to me, just like the celebrities mentioned in that video.

I mean, considering how messed up my life has been - I wouldn't be surprised if I was ruined.

I tried to be a good boy ---- and at the very core of my problems is how my family just didn't even raise me properly, and before that kind of raising just how misbehaved my family or some members of my family were in their very basic natures.  The failure started at a very young age for me.

At least someone was nice enough to leave a comment on my blog today - like I'm not being totally ignored.

I must admit, I do have some social anxiety, but this person was nice and it's just good to know that I'm not completely blocked or ignored everywhere.

Actually, some very talented and creative people have also followed me on twitter, so that's also good news.

I suppose there's something to be said for not judging and being slow to anger --- because you don't know what the other person has gone through in their life, like if you really understood how I was raised you'd see how socially or morally I am in or have been in a bit of a pickle.

And psychologically ---- just with how screwed up my life has been ----- it's very sad, but I hate hearing the daily sirens of city life ----- because though I try to be a good boy, and I've tried to be good ---- I can't help but wonder if they're coming for me again, for any number of reasons.

Just saying that alone might cause people to suspect me of whatever, but I'm just saying that I've got a psychological issue with hearing the sirens ---- because I was just in not-very-good-situations in my life where I'm in trouble for being a mormon and I'm in rouble for being against the mormons - there's no winning.

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