Wednesday, August 31, 2016

A Cause of the Insanity

So, tomorrow I'm getting my next injection (so maybe I'm being a little mentally-ill-like obsessive about the church that raised me right now), and I just thought of a list of things about the LDS Mormon church that don't make any sense at all, and in order to help anyone who might be wondering about Mormonism, I'm going to explain some of my confusions here:

1) Spencer W Kimball in his book "The Miracle of Forgivess", if I remember correctly, said that the woman who was not stoned for adultery at Jesus' behest was not actually forgiven --- she would have to prove her repentance through hard work before she'd be forgiven.

So, she wasn't punished, but she wasn't forgiven either.

While if you read D&C 64 and have any experience with actual Mormon legal affairs, the church is constantly forgiving people AND punishing the people they forgive:::

So while a normal person would say "forgiveness involves a removal of penalty", the LDS church appears to show some kind of system of punishing the forgiven and not punishing the unforgiven. Seriously confused.

2) It might take a while to notice this one, since there's a lot of information regarding Joseph Smith and Mormonism, but sometimes we get reminded that, according to Joseph Smith, because the USA Government did not redress the wrongs of the state of Missouri against the Mormons that the USA government would be overthrown and broken.

But then in another of Joseph Smith's prophecies he talks about how the US Constitution will hang by a thread and it will be the elders of the Mormon church who will save it.

Yeah --- go figure --- Joseph Smith, as far as I am aware according to the history I have been told, prophecied both in favour, and in opposition, to the US Government and constitution. Seriously confused --- why doesn't he just take a position and stick with it? Total flip-flopper.

3) And a few days ago I mentioned the church tells you to forgive everyone, but also tells you to be like God --- but God, in Mormonism, isn't much of a forgiver himself. It just gets confusing at that point.

The above information can be found in commonly understood information about the Mormon Prophet or church publications.

The good news, in my personal life, is I have some understanding that my Mom asked my Dad some church related question ---- because I found my Dad explaining all his personal experience reasons why he doesn't go to church.

To me, it's just good that my Mom will hopefully develop an understanding that the church is not what it claimed to be, and why I/we don't want to be involved.

Basically ---- while the men of my family totally dropped out of mormonism, my Mom and sisters stayed involved ---- and it's just good to see my mom ask my dad a question and for him to explain to her his viewpoint on the whole thing.

Church history is questionable to begin with ---- but even if we got past those problems and still wanted to be part of a social group ---- well, the men of my family each have our own reasons why the church doesn't even operate very well as a social group of friends.

And the good news is that my Mom asked my Dad about it, and he explained to her his position. She asked, I hope she listened to the response, and maybe, maybe some day, we'll all be able to move on with our lives.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Deleted Posts

I just deleted the last 3 posts on my blog --- all along a timeline "story" of how I found a business in my city that "shares" its name with one of my online monikers.

I deleted the posts because I did more research and only got more and more confused.

It's all just 2 and 3. I mean, really. The research I did makes itself look like some late-soviet-era (without being soviet) hocus-pocus that all goes back to the number 23. I'm serious.

Yup. No clue. It "predates" me, although suspiciously with the number 23 involved. No idea. Really weird.

Friday, August 26, 2016

My Reading

This morning I posted about health and nutrition, which seems like it was a somehow psychically-inspired post, because later today I realized that today's the day my family is going to see the family nutritionist, so yeah, whatever the relationship between plans for today and what my mind wanted to talk about, which seemed like a good feel-good news story for my blog - in it's way.

But now, I am going to talk a bit about what I've been reading.

For the camp at Waterton Lakes National Park I went on --- I was at a dollar store and bought a book sitting on the shelf. I'm only half-way through the book, but I see ideas or themes in the book that sort of remind me of myself, but mostly remind me of a good friend of mine, or at least someone who used to be my friend, before I went crazy.

Well, it's good to see that someone I once was friends with also seems to have a little bit of "fame" - so I can stop thinking about myself, and be reminded of him.

Anyway, yeah, just a book that reminds me of my friend --- and I'm only halfway through.

Yesterday I was at a grocery store where I saw a comic book in the magazine section. I don't normally see comic books like this in the magazine section, but for some reason I felt a great urge to buy this comic book, so I did.

Anyway, though it is pretty separate from myself and my work, it does bear some resemblance, as if it were inspired, by my own work.  This is actually a feel-good thing for me, imitation and flattery as it goes, makes me feel loved in a world where it's hard to get paid ---- so I can appreciate this comic ---- but yeah, it's use of Nautically eaten Carrots, Banana Split Puns and use of the word "Moron" and seeing how it's out just weeks after my latest video game, causes me to feel loved in that I might've inspired the famous-creators of this comic.

Anyway, yeah, just what the stories in the comic talk about remind me of my own work, pretty specifically, although the stories are different and only lightly touch in relation to what I do. It's just that 3 matches like this in one comic book is probably more than coincidence (to make me feel loved) especially after release of my latest videogame.

Anyway, just noting this on by blog::: in a world where people don't pay for things, where trolls abound and life feels so abused sometimes, it's nice to see some "imitation" flattery from more famous individuals. Because, seriously, 3 matches and it must've been inspired by me, which helps me feel better and loved.

The Good News

With my last post which contained much sad and negativity-related content, today I feel so much urge to talk about some good news.

One thing I find at least moderately interesting, is medical science. Or at least, how medical science relates to my own health (and I am not a doctor).

When I was young, I was far less interested in biology and medical stuff. I had absolutely no aspirations to be a doctor.

But having been involved in Canada's socialist health program for so long, it's not hard for me to develop some interest in health-related topics.

How is my personal health? (Not that anyone really cares, but maybe a medical scientist might).

I feel such an urge to talk about about my health, although I'm not sure writing along post is good, though a long post might be necessary to get into detail.

Basically: I'm good.

Psychiatry as been good for me. Paliperidone Invega is a great drug, even with the massive weight gain I experienced.

In fact, the fact that I am rather "chubby" might be in itself good for my brain::: I have learned that fat, or at least some kinds of fat, are good for the brain, and basically, being a bit or rather chubby might actually be good for my mental health.

My empirical data for this goes like this:::: When I was really skinny, my brain wasn't doing so good. When I'm rather chubby, I am doing a lot better mentally. That is the basics of the science as I understand it.

My mental health isn't perfect, perhaps because I'm likely brain-damaged with genetic pre-disposition to mental health issues, but I think my drug has done me a lot of good, and being chubby helps with that.

As for the food I eat, --- this might be a controversial issues considering the kinds of people who would "not approve" of my diet in different ways ---- but I think I am doing well there. too.

If there's a good thing about McDonald's or really most of our Fast Food here in Canada, it's that there's not a lot of added sugar in a hamburger.

I do live on a fast food-based diet generally, the protein keeps me physically strong (which is really wonderful actually, even if I do weigh a tonne with all that meat) and actually, though so many people disapprove of Fast Food especially McDonald's, I am actually inclined to believe that my fast food diet has been GOOD for me, and that being rather chubby actually just helps my mental health.

When I look in the mirror, I see a rather chubby man, but I also feel good about myself, I feel that I am rather "handsome", in my way.

Anyway, medical science is interesting, and I could probably talk for a long time on what I think I know.

Anyway::: The fat food I eat isn't loaded with sugar, so of course I've never been diagnosed with Diabetes. That's a really good thing.  I'm chubby, so my brain is healthier, and all the beef I get form the burgers I understand right now gets turned into muscle for me, so I am able to stand and walk and do things, even with my extra chub. (I actually have really strong legs believe it or not).

If there's one thing that I'm not doing so good on::: it's exercise.  I am not an athlete. I do get probably maybe the minimum I should in exercise, and I'm not the healthiest when it comes to physical activity::: but that's my own fault and not the fault of my food.

Anyway, when it comes to my physical health, I feel pretty good about myself --- and that's good news.

I feel psychiatry has done wonders for me, and I appreciate fast food restaurants because I'm able to get good, easy, tasty meals without a lot of added sugar.

I remember watching a Ted Talk by a doctor who dealt with people with Diabetes ---- she recommended Fatty Foods and less carbohydrates.

Just understanding what I know, the burger places have been pretty good for me --- just get the diet soda.

In our world, a lot of our regular food items have a lot of added sugar. This is not good for us. And I have been eating a lot of food that actually doesn't have the sugar in it, and I'm happier with my condition because of it I think. I do have some sugar in my life, I fear sometimes that I might even enjoy sugar too much sometimes ----- but my staple diet is actually not sugar based.

Oh ---- and as for my home beverage consumption:::

Most of my sodas are diet. For a while my sugary soda was Pepsi Next, with it's 100 calories per can --- which is a lot healthier, I think, than higher levels of sugar.

With Vanilla Coke coming back to Canada recently, it has been a temptation to drink more sugar, so I can only hope eventually they'll brin Diet Vanilla Coke back to Canada.

But most of the sodas I buy are DIET.

But I don't even drink Soda all the time either::: I love tea and coffee, and have the odd zero or less than 0.5% alcohol beer.

I hear green tea is really good for you, and coffee also has health benefits.

Anyway, I guess I can stop blabbing on about my health now:

the basic way I feel about my health is good news::: I AM DOING GOOD.  If one thing could be improved, it would be my exercise habits.

The information in this post is my personal opinion with my own basic medical understanding::: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Why people hate me?

In the past 24 hours, I can see reported on Blogger than people from 9 (nine) different countries have visited my blog.

I look at my page for The Book of Finch, and realize that most people don't leave any reviews for my books, most people don't pay a dime, and of the reviews that are left, so many of them are so low rated (eg 1 star) that I can't help but wonder if I'm just hated.

You see my life has just been very shitty since the beginning. From being seriously assaulted by a sibling, to being hypnotized to kill people by the kids at school ---- my life has been so absolutely shitty it can be seen as no wonder why people hate my book so much --- my life has just been so utterly fucking awful.

But it's a true story, and I can't help but wonder if people just hate the truth.

Anyway. Hmmm.  The Book of Finch, the first book in the series, starts off with so many 1 star reviews --- but by the time you get to the last book in the series, a pirating website said there were almost 10,000 reviews that gave it an average rating of 4.5/5.

Anyway, just kinda complaining about how my life has been so shitty that people can't help but hate me because of how shitty my life has already been, etc etc.

From having a moral compass being instructed to hurt people by the church, to having members of this church bear false witness against me behind my back ---- yes, my life has just been absolute shit.

It's just sad that people seem to reject the value of my true story.

There are lots of Mormon-related books on Amazon, and many of them have high ratings regardless of if they are pro-mormon or anti-mormon ------ but somehow, my life's true story, the life of a seriously abused man, gets treated like shit, yet again.

So sad.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Almost Comical Insight on my iOS media

My last post said I was at a fork in the road, where I could become a politician to try to solve a problem that only tens of thousands of people have much education about according to Youtube --- and that more people would need more education in order to democratically change our society.

I said if people remain ignorant that I could make a choice to just take advantage of the problem.

Well, today, on my iOS media, Tai Lopez released a video (which I haven't watched) about how to send a message to a million people ---- and then on my Apple Music I see a new single from one of my favourite bands, Alter Bridge, that talks about "show me a leader who won't compromise".

Having just recently talked about very relate-able issues on my blog just two days earlier, I can't help but wonder if this is media urging me to take a moral position, and even just try to make an effort to change how our society is run.

The issues with me becoming a politician myself is that it's scary just how mentally ill my family is --- this does not reflect well on me --- and that I have taken many positions in my life which might be viewed in a dim light by so many people.

Personally, I have come  up with ways to view the female sex in a dim light, so it's very interesting that our local NDP MLA (who I supported) is featured on an Album Cover depicting violence against women.

I mean, I like the NDP in so many ways (although if I were to run I'd probably be independent) and it's just interesting how there is a sort of clash with the female sex in my life, and how my local MLA was featured on a music album cover that technically discusses the sort of issue.

Anyway, with the mental illness in my family, with seriously controversial issues throughout my life, I'm not sure I'm the one to solve some problems. although, it would be fun try, maybe, because as a young person I often dreamed of running for parliament.

I am typically throughout my life recognized as an intelligent individual, except for when my brain breaks, as is seemingly common in my family.

Anyway, just interesting that the things I spoke about on my blog two days ago seem to have just been directly responded to by a favourite musical group and an educational speaker. It just seems that way to me --- as if they are telling me to shoot for the moon or whatever, to try and make my fix for society.

Besides declaring the Mormon church to be a public nuisance, economically, for Canada, I would just have the government print money to pay off all the bonds the government owes, and never borrow money into existence again ---- I would direct the government to just spend money into existence. It's easy enough, it might create a bit of inflation, but I'm open to ideas about how to get rid of the debt, and just printing money and spending it into existence is the best I can think of.

Who would be opposed to this? Anyone who stands to benefit from Canada Savings Bonds, essentially. :)  But hey, I'm just posting this solution here in the hope that someone else will learn and take up the charge, because I've got enough problems in my own life that might hold me back.


Today, in my talk with my father, I will just mention a little problem with LDS Mormon Doctrine, that is irreconcilable and proves they are a dishonest church:

The Mormons teach their people to become like GOD, to try and be like JESUS. They even wrote songs about this concept.

The Mormons tell their people that they are REQUIRED to FORGIVE EVERYONE.


So basically, the LDS church tells us to always forgive everything, but then tells us we're trying to become like a God who has a hard time forgiving.

Think about that for a moment--- let it process ---- it should become clear the LDS church is lunacy. But anyway.

Monday, August 22, 2016

At a "fork in the road" in life

Who needs a college education when you've got YOUTUBE?

I watch a lot of Youtube. Youtube seems to tailor itself into telling me things that I would be interested in knowing, or things maybe I should know.

What's sad is, there are a lot of very educational videos on youtube --- but I look at their view counts and see that practically no one has seen them. OK -- I'm saying 50,000 views is still practically no one considering the size of Canada or the USA.

It's very interesting how we live in a democracy, and we the people are supposed to be in charge --- but certain modern speakers of our era have declared that most people are actually very stupid, and I am inclined to believe this.

You see, when video game videos or "Let's plays" garner so many hundreds of thousands, even millions of views, you know what people are watching ---- while some EXTREMELY educational and informative videos have much smaller view counts, and if everyone just knew about these videos, there could be massive tectonic shifts in how our society operates.

One thing that's going on in my life, and I think Google, or someone, might be watching me or know this about me (and I realize this because of the videos in my Youtube feed) --- is that I paid off my debt last month. I charged up my debt again this past month, but I'm going to pay it off again very soon, and have in fact cut up my credit card and am planning to cancel my overdraft protection on my chequing account, so I can start to consistently live in positive balance territory and even save money.

This is where youtube comes in:

I'm at a fork in the road for my life. One thing I thought I could do to save money would be to buy High Yielding Bond ETF on the stock market, and collect lots of interest.

The interest for me, however, is debt and a payment for someone else.

And google has been very good to educate me that debt is a huge problem for a lot of people.

First: I don't think if I invest in bonds will in the slightest affect other people's debt, because I've learned that even if there's no money in the bank to loan out, that the bank can pretty much just print more new FIAT currency to loan out ---- so, technically whether or not I personally invest in bonds I don't think will make much of a difference --- but Google has been trying to shame me about the idea of holding people, essentially, in debt slavery.

First off::: I was educated enough in school to figure out how to pay off my own debts - so that's an accomplishment. If everyone could just read the right books or listen to the right instructors, well, that knowledge could be power for them. Personally, I found investing to be extremely useful in paying off debt --- but it is very important to learn good investment tactics.

Anyway, secondly, if people knew about how central banking worked and how messed up the economy truly is with the national debt (and so on and so forth), they could easily, in a democracy, figure out a very easy and simple solution to the problem.

Remember the "Occupy" movement from several years ago? That movement was headed in the right direction I think, but looking at the view counts of these certain educatioinal youtube videos, I don't think most people have the foggiest idea how the system really works or the very simple solution they could use to fix it.

So, back to my fork in the road:::

Should I become a politician to clean up the national economy, or should I just leave things the way they are and use 'the way things are' to my personal gain?

Unfortunately, I don't see much change likely ever happening unless people find the right education and figure out the problems, and knowing how most people aren't the brightest, this isn't likely to happen.

Basically, people's ignorance is their own demise, and my blog is not popular enough to spread the word far or wide enough to change things around here.

With my own father, I try to explain things to him and he often doesn't seem to care about the actual truth or how to solve it. I'm afraid this will be a problem with most people.

"if you can beat 'em, join 'em".

If people can't pull their heads out of the sand, get educated, and figure out solutions in a public forum, then the solution likely will never be found, and I will be extremely tempted to just take advantage of the way things are myself.

Democracy works when large portions of the population make decisions together, and have discussion::: unfortunately, I'm afraid most of the population is content to just watch "Let's plays" rather than get educated. It probably also doesn't help that there's a certain portion of the population which is essentially just trolls who don't care about the common good or anybody's welfare, but anywho.

There are some interesting and simple solutions to certain problems, but people's ignorance is their own demise. If people are to ignorant to change the way things are, then I just may be inclined to take advantage of the way things are myself --- as I understand some of how things work.

And really, when so many people downloaded my work, read my books, yet couldn't pay the smallest price for my efforts, it's not hard to want to take advantage of the system.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Proud to be Albertan

In my vacation, on my journeys, I happened to pass through the Albertan town of Pincher Creek.

Did you know Pincher Creek is near a rather quite sizeable or even large WIND FARM?

I looked up online how much electricity just one windmill can produce --- and with all those windmills near Pincher Creek, along with other windmills I've seen around the province, I think I can feel certain that Alberta's reliance on coal for energy has been reduced substantially.

Growing up in Alberta, everyone was giving me these arguments about why CO2 emissions aren't actually so bad --- but my brother eventually converted to the greenhouse gas theory, and I myself am just inclined to follow Jesus' teaching to agree quickly with your opponent,

so I feel good, I feel proud of my province, for developing a green energy sector like this.

I guess I might as well mention that the campground at Waterton Lakes was actually powered, as I think I was told and might've seen, is powered by a small solar-farm.

Anyway, yeah --- I grew up in school learning about the problems with all the smog and emissions from burning things, and now it feels good to see green energy utilized.

I know Alberta's coal was supposed to be 'clean coal' --- but it still makes me proud to see these wind farms.


I looked more at my rankings on Razer Forge Cortex. I am reasonably certain that I have sold at least some product ---- but sales reports aren't forthcoming.

I am living like a communist. It doesn't matter how hard I try, all I get is my regular monthly payment from the government, and I don't know how well I've failed or succeeded in my work.

Before I started writing this post, I came up with another explanation for why I might not be allowed to see sales:

Maybe it's just not fair for me to make tonnes of money in my work. Let me explain:

I have Albertan AiSH. I have an American ITIN. I build video games and write books.

What if there is another Canadian, or Brit, or Australian, who also writes games/books, but doesn't have disability like I do, and doesn't have an ITIN?

I know - it took me a while to figure out that I should get an ITIN.

If another Canadian is doing as much work as I, through building videogames, but is forced to sell them for free because of no ITIN, and doesn't have the support of disability like I do ---- It is in reality only fair that I would not have a huge giant financial advantage (through sales) at my disposal.

Thinking about this situation only makes me feel compassion for the poor guy who has no income like me, who works as hard as me but can't be paid --- I do feel compassion and that makes me a little proud to be as socialistic as I am, because of course my compassion wants the other video game developer to be taken care of as well.

OK --- that was all just speculation --- but that might be a reason or explanation for why I'm not allowed to have my sales ---- it just isn't fair to the guy whose situation isn't as good as mine, though he did as much work as I did.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Back from Vacation

I just came back from a vacation at Waterton Lakes National Park. Got close enough to a bear to be eaten by it --- lucky me that the bear wasn't interested in me or my food. Just kind of walked away.

Probably the biggest news from this camp is the few telepathy tests I did:

I did maybe 3-5 Alphanumeric Pick 3, and my memory is sketchy but I'm sure I got about 2/3 on the first two that I tried. I remember after getting two 2/3's in a row like that, I felt like I could win a prize for discovering paranormal --- but after failing subsequent tests at Alphanumeric Pick three, I decided to try out PICTURE TELEPATHY with my parents.

We did 4 or 5 picture telepathys, and 3 of them I did really quite well on. OK --- my pictures were never exactly the same thing as what my parents had in their originals --- but on 3 of the tests You could see that I had taken what they had drawn, and just elaborated on it and turned it into something bigger.

It might not make sense to you unless you saw the pictures --- but when looking at what they drew and what I drew, I could see how close I got.

For example: my dad drew a log, and I drew a wooden chest ---- two different drawings, except that my Dad's log appears in the drawing of the wooden chest. Weird eh?

Kind of like how my Dad's tree turned into a sailboat. If you saw the drawings (which I burned) --- you'd see a certain resemblance, which tells me that the telepathy is real.

The one thing I have on my mind other than the camp and the telepathy I did on the camp is the small amount of discussion about my past life as a mormon on the camp.

I didn't go on any long tangents on camp about the Mormons, but one thing I did think about and verbally stated was this:::

Regardless of whether or not I personally work miracles, it doesn't matter how you cut it --- the LDS Mormon church lied to me.  The spent years of my life indoctrinating me with how true they said they were ----- but just a logical look at what they said and how they treated me and it's clear they lied.

What I mean is this: If I can work miracles, and if I can hear the voice of the holy ghost, as the patriarch, who has "authority" said I can or do --- then the church lied to me when they contradicted, denied and told me to deny my testimony of the holy ghost.

if I can not work miracles, then the church lied to me when they said I could work miracles.

It doesn't matter how you cut it ---- I am just not personally compatible with Mormonism after the way they treated me.  Even if I could get past their questionable history and be with them as friends ---- well, they weren't really being my friends, were they?

I don't want to go into a long discussion ----- not only did they lie to me, but they just weren't very nice in the end really anyways. Some of them are very nice very good people --- but for the individuals who actually counted in my experiences, it just didn't work.

I did see some Mormons in Cardston on my trip --- and they definitely seem very good, nice, clean, well-mannered ---- but it wasn't hard for me to juxtapose that with my personal experiences with their people, a bit deeper under the skin than the superficial cover they have over the whole thing.

Whited sepulchres anyone?

On the surface in Cardston they seemed really nice and clean and courteous and polite ---- but then remembering how life actually was as one of them, and it was a disaster.

Anyway, time to end my post now, I guess.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Ranking Well

So: since the release of my 8th video game on the 8th day of the 8th month of the year,

No one has downloaded it. Everyone is ignoring. Oh well.

But what is interesting this this:

I bought someone else's game on Cortex a few days ago:

And today, after the ranking update, three (3) of my games are ranked higher than the game I bought not too long ago on the Cortex "Trending Now".

This is very 'feel good' news for me ---- but if I bought a game, and then three of my other games rank higher --- You'd think I'd also have sold some games too right?

OK --- So I'm not seeing sales ---- and yesterday I talked my psychiatrist thinking of all kinds of reasons why it's so hard to make money ---- there are very many possible reasons why I might not be making money ----- but it's just interesting to see three of my games rank higher than a game that I bought a copy of.

That either means that people really are legitimately playing my games, or maybe even that the Cortex business is in good hands and could end up being successful (this does look like good news for Cortex to me).

Of course, part of the fun of being a developer/author would be to see the sales report and get paid ---- but I suppose it's not entirely needed that I receive the money since knowing how I am I'm likely to blow it on the lottery or charity or something.

I mean, with disability, I can get by (for now) living with my parents ---- and it's true that money just has a way of "burning a hole in your pocket" ---- ah well.

Most of the reasons I can think of for why I don't see sales are pretty good, valid and legitimate reasons.

I enjoy OUYA so much that I would hope for their business to succeed. I actually don't get to enjoy OUYA enough because I often have no one to play with. But i enjoy it nonetheless.

Anyway, just excited, happy ----- I bought someone else's game and now three of my games are ranked higher than that game ----- just makes me feel so good in my psyche. :)

Monday, August 8, 2016

On the Government and Banking System in Canada

I mentioned last night that I had watched a video about economics and banking.

From a video I watched a while back, the narrator referred to the USA's current "borrow money into existence" system as a "con job"

In this video, the speaker referred to Canada's "borrow money into existence" system as a "great theft by the banks".

Basically: the idea is that under the current system, the government issues a bond, which it gives to the bank, and essentially the bank will print the money and give it to the government.

Seeing as this is how all or almost all money is created, and as how it's to be paid back with interest::: Our governments will NEVER get out of debt under the current system.

What this video talked about is how the actual true legal economic system in Canada is supposed to be "The government prints and spends money into existence" rather than "The government borrows money into existence".

The video said that there'd be no unemployment regardless of mental ability, and that everyone would be taken care of, essentially, if we did things the way they actually legally are supposed to be done in Canada.

I just wonder if I'd be more likely to actually sell my own products if the true system was being used, rather than people and a government making huge interest payments on debt-money, because he said "all money is debt."

I can see value of paper currency over gold money, now that I've thought things through --- in that paper currency is more likely to keep everyone "fed" rather than gold money, but changing the way money is created in our country might just do us some good.

Just saying.

Maybe i should post a link to the video:

So, there you go.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

The Value of Freedom of Speech

I am starting to see great value in Freedom of Speech.

Freedom of Speech is being able to say something, without facing serious legal consequences for saying it.

In some cases Freedom of Speech is technically wrong, because some people who say some things, like, for example, using words to hypnotize or instruct another to commit an illegal act --- in cases of giving instruction to do that which is illegal, Freedom of Speech might not be so good ----

But in cases of explaining a position that might not be regularly acceptable by society or culture, Freedom of Speech is really great because you have to be able to make your point without facing serious consequences ---- because  - what if you are actually right? :)

For example:::

People, especially "feminists", are typically completely opposed to anything that might seem sexist.

But in a pyschology lecture I watched on iTunes U today --- the scientific theory, that is based on actual biological observation - was presented (as also possibly fallacious) that women have less developed or less capable Super Egos.

It seems very, very sexist to say such a thing ---- except it can be observed, even by myself, in real every day life.

Remember when I said that my mom and sisters still believe in a church that us men no longer accept because of moral flaws in the theology?

That is an example of a lesser developed feminine super ego. I should've studied psychology a long time ago.

And this is something they actually talked about in an actual university lecture -- and it can be said simply because they have the free speech to say so, and don't have to fear the 'sexism' police.

So freedom of speech can be cool like that --- to state the obvious where someone might get offended --- regardless of the offence, if it's true anyway then it maybe should be stated.


I also learned some interesting stuff about banking and economics. Just very interesting stuff.

I guess my brain might be kicking back into gear --- sort of looking at many subjects, trying to be "well-rounded".

Did I ruin my career?

Maybe OUYA just didn't sell --- maybe people hate spending money ---

but a video I recently watched on Youtube about celebrities who do things that destroy their careers makes me wonder how much people might dislike me: how much I ruined my "career".

I was watched the first two lectures on a psychology course at a university on iTunes U.

In one of these lectures, the professor talks a bit about, and recites a poem about, how parents make mistakes when they raise their children, and their children turn out very poorly, or how parents pass on bad traits to their children.

I think my parents did a pretty good job at parenting, but two spots where they clearly failed in my life was that they raised me in the wrong church, and they sent me to the wrong school.

I don't want to go into detail here, but you'd get in trouble if you really tried to propagate that church, and you'd get in trouble if you went against that church (depending on who you're talking to) --- I mean, you are in trouble pro-church and you might be in trouble anti-church --- there's no winning --- so my parents just raised me in the wrong kind of church essentially --- this alone is enough to screw me over,

but then there's also the school they sent me to - FFCA.  Looking back on my life, I was in the very first classes of FFCA as FFCA just began to exist, but one thing about those early days for that school is that the school would essentially be the place to send students who were so "bad" that they got kicked out of the regular public system.

Yes, looking back I think FFCA was a school for essentially students with extreme to severe mental issues ---- and that was most definitely not a good place for me to be ---- although I understand why I was there if family mental history is any indication.

So, I know OUYA might not have sold, and I know people just don't like spending money ---- but I am a little "paranoid" maybe that anything I could have talked about at any point might've "destroyed" my "career".

The church had plenty of politically incorrect teachings.

School wasn't that great either.

I mean, considering everything I've been through in my life, it's almost as if there's no sanitized enough version of me --- someone somewhere is always likely to take a disliking to me, and boom - my career is over, or unsuccessful.

I mean, I didn't have to say anything to anyone at that time ---- but even though I resembled Avril Lavigne's sk8er boi in my real life -- her fanclub STILL rejected me anyways, although looking back I'm thinking there were probably at least a few, probably many, trolls on her forum.

I mean, knowing how things are:::: Just being a mormon could be enough to destroy a person's career --- and this is the church my parents chose to raise me in. It's not unheard of for someone to "fail" or "lose" at their career or job just because they were mormon.

I really tried to be a "good boy" growing up ---- but my parents raised me with a moral ideology that itself was extremely flawed at it's core.

So, I sit in fear that I've ruined my "career" -- that people will take immediate distaste to me, just like the celebrities mentioned in that video.

I mean, considering how messed up my life has been - I wouldn't be surprised if I was ruined.

I tried to be a good boy ---- and at the very core of my problems is how my family just didn't even raise me properly, and before that kind of raising just how misbehaved my family or some members of my family were in their very basic natures.  The failure started at a very young age for me.

At least someone was nice enough to leave a comment on my blog today - like I'm not being totally ignored.

I must admit, I do have some social anxiety, but this person was nice and it's just good to know that I'm not completely blocked or ignored everywhere.

Actually, some very talented and creative people have also followed me on twitter, so that's also good news.

I suppose there's something to be said for not judging and being slow to anger --- because you don't know what the other person has gone through in their life, like if you really understood how I was raised you'd see how socially or morally I am in or have been in a bit of a pickle.

And psychologically ---- just with how screwed up my life has been ----- it's very sad, but I hate hearing the daily sirens of city life ----- because though I try to be a good boy, and I've tried to be good ---- I can't help but wonder if they're coming for me again, for any number of reasons.

Just saying that alone might cause people to suspect me of whatever, but I'm just saying that I've got a psychological issue with hearing the sirens ---- because I was just in not-very-good-situations in my life where I'm in trouble for being a mormon and I'm in rouble for being against the mormons - there's no winning.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

New Game Submitted for Approval

So I've submitted "The Bananatree Brothers: Eat Carrots" for approval.

I fixed bugs, I play tested, I created icons.

During the play test with my brother, there were three main complaints: Icon needs to be more readable (fixed), Instructions need to be a bit clearer (fixed), and "The game wouldn't be any different if it was half or a quarter of the time long".

The last complaint I would disagree with, as:::

During the first long portion of the game, my brother immediately figured out some cheap tactics to employ and if the game had ended quicker, I would most definitely have lost --- without much contesting.

So, during the game I figured out ways to counter his cheap tactics and I came up from behind and I ended up winning the game.

The game was different because of how long it is --- so my brother's comment was not only untrue, but also:::

Just shows that he typically only has fun when he's winning. He's been this way for as long as I can remember. He and one other member of my family are like this.

Yeah, I'm not going to take that last complaint seriously, especially as my brother is the kind of guy who will write to Triple-A game devs and criticize their games harshly, just because he (my brother) isn't winning. Yeah -- it's kind of sad. So no, I'm not taking that last criticism seriously.

And it's unfortunate that any member of my family only has fun when their winning, but hey, I can't change that - it's kind of the way things are, like any of my family's biological mental issues, I think.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Turned a potential exploit against the now-foiled-potential exploiter

So, I've been working on the game more --- writing spaghetti code to try and solve a problem, and then realize the solution is actually much simpler and going back to delete spaghetti code and just making the right fix. Absent minded I guess.

But:: amid some "bug fixes" I made ----- I found a "feature" of the game that could potentially have been used as an exploit ---- so I altered some code and what would have been an exploit becomes a bad idea and is turned against the exploiter ---- so this exploit will NEVER be an issue in an actual release (unless, for some dumb reason, I change the code back).

The game has made a lot of progress, but I have to say --- I'm getting tired of sitting here looking over the same dumb problems for hours on end. I need my breaks. :)

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Progress on new game

I think I've made a lot of progress in the new game I'm making - especially as I had more ideas on how to run game gameplay.

The new ideas made me think about charging for this game, but alas, I've already said it will be free.

Though I've made lots of progress, there were at least two problems I was trying to solve today which both took me hours to figure out ----- and it's really sad because the actual solutions to the problems were really quite simple and straightforward. I guess my brain is still broken, I guess.

Although, I suppose part of the problem is that the online documentation I was looking at wasn't totally or entirely helpful. One problem I solved by figuring it out myself eventually --- the other problem I solved by looking at the "incorrect" answers given in forum documentation and finding the correct answer among the incorrect answers. Holy cow.

So:::: this game is looking like it's going to be good, and as such I suddenly want to make it premium ---- but I don't want to renege on the statement I already made that it'll be free. Oh well.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

New Video Game Coming

A few nights ago I had a dream about a new video game in the Bananatree series. And in my dream I was so excited about the idea, that I started to build it in my dream.

When I woke up, I was still pretty tired, but I kind of thought: what if this game is a bad idea?

Well, the idea has persisted and I feel rather driven to build it.

Because it's a game I've still never quite seen before, and because it might not be the greatest idea (although - it might still be fun, especially maybe for children) I'm thinking I'll be releasing this game for FREE ---- it's not like I get paid anyway.

For a while I was having some moderately imperative feelings to charge for this game --- but I've been playing around with Linux a lot lately, and it just feels right now to offer another free product.

The game is tentatively, but I like it, named "The Bananatree Brothers: Eat Carrots".

And it's not quite going to be like the other bananatree games. It's still on Banana Island --- but it's no longer the first-person-banana-planter we've all grown to love.

Today I finished programming, or mostly finished programming, the camera interacting with two characters controlled 3rd person.

Here are some of my problems:

1) I am very absent minded, and problems in the code don't stick out in my eyes so it's hard for me to find some bugs I've had to fix. But I've mostly fixed things now.

2) I think my Apple devices' bluetooth are causing interference for my Forge's bluetooth. I had to disable bluetooth on Apple.

3) I think someone out there likes hacking me or trying to hack me. It's come up over and over again in past months ---- but today I changed one line of code in MY scripting, and all of the sudden the OUYA-SDK/Drivers for Forge crapped-out (not by my own doing) at compile time --- the code for the OUYA SDK was very much changed --- but I didn't change it.  At least I found a new ODK at the OUYA dev portal and have updated.

Here's an interesting point:

I might not really get paid for my video games, but it's very interesting to note that it feels like the "Pro" options of software (like Unity) have been enabled for me --- I mean, there was this one type of lighting that used to be disabled for me because it was supposed to be for Pro users --- but I can use it now --- very weird --- it's like someone paid on my behalf for Pro.  Also included in this phenomena is Mixamo ---- I've never personally had to pay Mixamo a dime, and all of the sudden I have like a whole bunch of access to their software, or at least so it seems.

Maybe I did make money ---- and maybe that money is being diverted ---- maybe to finance my game building habit.  I guess that's not so bad. :)