When I look at my sales reports for my books and video games, I don't see much reported. I might, if I'm lucky, have a buck or two in sales reported to me each month.
Seeing such a dearth of sales makes me feel bad. I start complaining about all the freebies I handed out and how it appears people wouldn't pay me the smallest price.
But I just spoke to my father earlier this evening about my bad feelings about not being paid, and how I actually feel good believing in my own mind that I actually make more money than is reported to me.
To feel good inside, I have to believe that my sales reports are illusions and that my money is not reported, and is diverted, and is being used for some hopefully good purpose.
Amazingly --- considering my history of mental health issues where I couldn't believe in something that seemed strange if no one else could comprehend --- amazingly my father accepted and is just letting me and allow me have this belief, however delusional, that I am making more money than is reported to me.
I don't know exactly how much I've made, nor do I know exactly where it goes - I have some suspicion I'm supposed to be like Kreskin looking for his cheque using mentalism on that information --- not that my telepathy is usually ever that accurate,
but I feel good believing I've made more money than is reported to me. I feel good believing that the money is being taken care of. A Mormon would say that good feeling indicates that this is the truth.
Anyway, I'll finish this apology for all my bad feelings for lack of reported sales with this story:
Ten (10) days ago I received a phonecall --- the voice on the other end sounded computerized, and claimed to be from the Canada Revenue Agency (like Canada's IRS) and basically told me I was in deep crap for some kind of, well, tax problem.
I hung up quickly ---- I'm not very good with phones, and I thought this was just one of those scam callers.
Maybe it was a scam caller --- but weirdly enough the next day two police vehicles pulled up to park in front of my house for a little while.
The police eventually left without bothering us/me, but it was just interesting to get a "you are in deep shit" call from what claimed to be the Canada Revenue Agency, and then to see police vehicles pull up in front of my house the next day.
To be honest:::: I really have not much clue how much exactly I make, if my funds are being diverted. The $23.01 I reported for "other income" taxes I reported earlier this year does seem like a joke --- a joke perpetrated by the bank and the companies supposed to pay me. But that is all the information I was given, physically.
And my Dad and Mom just seem to be happy with letting me believe whatever I want about my sales - whether it's reported or not.
As for good things my money might possibly be doing ---- I might be paying for my own Disability Benefit, possibly, for one. It's quite possible maybe that I'm paying the government back or I'm just paying my own way now. Who knows.
As for the possibility of finally getting my hands on more money than AiSH ---- if I had my own money, I would want to be able to watch movies from very comfy furniture ----- my parents are against this for fear it would kill me ------- therefore I'm not likely to be able to do what I want to do with my own money.
At least I can feel good, I have some hope that the world paid me honestly, that the reports I receive are just illusions.