Thursday, July 28, 2016

Hint of Success - Sorry for the bad feelings

When I look at my sales reports for my books and video games, I don't see much reported. I might, if I'm lucky, have a buck or two in sales reported to me each month.

Seeing such a dearth of sales makes me feel bad. I start complaining about all the freebies I handed out and how it appears people wouldn't pay me the smallest price.

But I just spoke to my father earlier this evening about my bad feelings about not being paid, and how I actually feel good believing in my own mind that I actually make more money than is reported to me.

To feel good inside, I have to believe that my sales reports are illusions and that my money is not reported, and is diverted, and is being used for some hopefully good purpose.

Amazingly --- considering my history of mental health issues where I couldn't believe in something that seemed strange if no one else could comprehend --- amazingly my father accepted and is just letting me and allow me have this belief, however delusional, that I am making more money than is reported to me.

I don't know exactly how much I've made, nor do I know exactly where it goes - I have some suspicion I'm supposed to be like Kreskin looking for his cheque using mentalism on that information --- not that my telepathy is usually ever that accurate,

but I feel good believing I've made more money than is reported to me. I feel good believing that the money is being taken care of. A Mormon would say that good feeling indicates that this is the truth.

Anyway, I'll finish this apology for all my bad feelings for lack of reported sales with this story:

Ten (10) days ago I received a phonecall --- the voice on the other end sounded computerized, and claimed to be from the Canada Revenue Agency (like Canada's IRS) and basically told me I was in deep crap for some kind of, well, tax problem.

I hung up quickly ---- I'm not very good with phones, and I thought this was just one of those scam callers.

Maybe it was a scam caller --- but weirdly enough the next day two police vehicles pulled up to park in front of my house for a little while.

The police eventually left without bothering us/me, but it was just interesting to get a "you are in deep shit" call from what claimed to be the Canada Revenue Agency, and then to see police vehicles pull up in front of my house the next day.

To be honest:::: I really have not much clue how much exactly I make, if my funds are being diverted. The $23.01 I reported for "other income" taxes I reported earlier this year does seem like a joke --- a joke perpetrated by the bank and the companies supposed to pay me. But that is all the information I was given, physically.

And my Dad and Mom just seem to be happy with letting me believe whatever I want about my sales - whether it's reported or not.

As for good things my money might possibly be doing ---- I might be paying for my own Disability Benefit, possibly, for one.  It's quite possible maybe that I'm paying the government back or I'm just paying my own way now. Who knows.

As for the possibility of finally getting my hands on more money than AiSH ---- if I had my own money, I would want to be able to watch movies from very comfy furniture ----- my parents are against this for fear it would kill me ------- therefore I'm not likely to be able to do what I want to do with my own money.

At least I can feel good, I have some hope that the world paid me honestly, that the reports I receive are just illusions.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Cursing God

This morning I was looking at the rankings of my Cortex games, and I figured that my lowly ranked games indicated that people hate me.

My mom said it was because people maybe didn't like my games so much rather than me myself as a person, because they don't know me.

Eventually I figured it might be because I try to charge money for my work and people don't like paying ----

whatever the case, it's disheartening that I rank so lowly so almost completely consistently.

I decided I was gonna try some more binary trading. I asked God for help.

I asked him to tell me correctly whether I should "call" or "put" --- to help me make money.

So, I deposited my money, and made one trade with all those funds::: "God" "told" me to "call" --- I called, and that turned out to be the wrong answer.

My immediate response was to start cursing God.

"God, you f***ing idiot, I asked you for help and you LIED to me".

Maybe it wasn't God talking to me, but then again, it should have been God talking to me since He was who I was praying to.

God was deliberately giving me the wrong answers in binary trading. God isn't helping me achieve status on the Cortex Rankings.

It's like GOD wants me to fail.  He's supported me so much in my life, so many times in my life previously I was able to call on God and get his support to do things -----

but now it's not working out so well, it's like he's turned against me. I wonder exactly why.

Yes, I realize it could be as simple as there's a bunch of other people out there praying for him to turn against me ---- an explanation as simple as that might be the answer -------

Anyway. Yeah. I've tried loving God. And even if on occasion he does help me, in so many ways my life has been so entirely effed up from start to today that I wonder if God just happens to love playing mean tricks on me --- or maybe the world hates me, it's just like someone has hated me since birth.

Actually, last night I saw the new Ghost Busters movie, and in that movie the one Ghost Buster comments that everyone treats each other like crap generally all the time on a regular basis, to paraphrase.

Maybe I shouldn't feel particularly picked on ----- the human race in general is just so shitty that they are commenting in a movie that this is how things regularly are in life, if I remember the movie correctly.

And maybe God is to blame ----- if God is in charge of this world, he's obviously not a very good God if the world just happens to be this absolutely shitty.

Growing up as a Mormon I was taught that GOD NEVER LIES. He will always tell the truth.

I know, and have known, for a long time that this does not appear to be the actual situation. I think GOD withholds and deceives an awful lot --- just like this time I asked him for help and he gave me the wrong advice.

Who knows, if that thought in my head was even God ----- I do well enough at telepathy to know such things are absolutely real, I do get wrong answers, but generally speaking I know that mental communication is real ----- and basically, talking to God, I somehow received false information.

Anyway, yeah, today just sent me over the edge and I've finally begun to curse God. I asked for help --- and I got the wrong advice.  God should be able to beat 50/50 odds pretty repetitively, I mean, in my telepathy tests I beat really hard odds over and over again, and yet on a 50/50 test GOD FAILED.

I can't be-fucking-lieve this.

It's like God wants me to fail and isn't interested in helping me succeed.

Maybe the world is against me, maybe people are generally just evil in general ---- but it seems so interesting how I'm absolutely unable to succeed in my life and work.

People won't pay me for my books, my games consistently rank lowly, God lies to me in binary trading?

What exactly did I do so wrong to deserve this? I'm sure it might be something, but I wish I could be told what I did wrong, so I could remedy the situation. Of course, if it's because I'm deliberately ignoring girls and God wants me to reproduce, that might be a difficult one to remedy, but who knows.

As a kid I would often ask my sister or my family "what did I ever do to deserve this treatment?" (treatment generally received from my sister) ---- it wasn't that I did anything so wrong, it's just that some people are generally evil in their natures.


God f***ed up.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Life is Like a Dream

So, after last night's post, I was up this morning wondering if I should feel a bit, well, uneasy or "weirded" out by myself having last night's experience and then reporting the occurrence on my blog ---

I'll just say that some real cool stuff appears to be going on --- and I know that I probably shouldn't go into detail.

I mean, I'm not sure exactly what to do about what's going on rather than write, and just experience, but there is definitely some cool stuff happening, and it is almost like torture to have to know that I should probably keep my mouth shut on the details.

Basically, I'm just alleviating the torture of keeping a secret by saying stuff is happening, because yeah, what I saw this morning was too exciting ---- and I am so clueless about what to do about it. I only saw it.

I'm basically stuck in a dumbstruck state of awe ---- sort of ---- basically, no idea what to say, yet seeing it as exciting.


On the topic of keeping secrets:::: It can be like a torture sometimes to have to keep a secret ---- when I was first having my sexual problems since age 14, I was too embarrassed to talk about it, but lying about it and keeping it secret wasn't good for my psyche either.


Yeah, stuff happens, some experiences are easier to keep to oneself than others ---- this morning I'm going "cool!" but also knowing I probably shouldn't say much. It's like torture, kind of. :)

I don't feel scared about this morning's "no detail" news, but I wonder if I should be. Hah.

Oh ---- and I'm just operating completely on my own assumption or presumption that I am not wanted to be explaining this experience. I just have doubts that this is something I should go into detail about.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

The Lights are back

I would like to note that today my home has had 3 different computing devices have difficulty connecting to the internet. We did recently change our internet service a bit, so who knows, but it is weird how three computers in one day have had this difficulty.

I had just finished watching a "conspiracy theory" video on Youtube, I put my ipad down on my bedside table, and was laying in my dark bedroom.

There was a white glow, I'd say pretty bright, emanating from somewhere in my bedroom.

And it just disappeared.

It was there, for a while, plainly visible, and then it was gone, no idea where it came from or what it was doing there or how it disappeared or anything.

I am feeling a bit freaked out.

But then again, last night I had a similar experience where I was adjusting my head on my pillow in bed when I saw a bright light near my bedside-table iPad.

I thought about reporting that last night, but decided not to.

The light last night looked kind of like a hand or a finger trying to interact with my iPad --- and it was glowing a bright white. And it just disappeared too.

I did recently just get my psychiatric medication. Days before the medication I felt a bit "light headed" as the meds were wearing out in my body, after receiving the med my head feels better, but I have had these sudden white light experiences in my dark bedroom.

It's the weirdest thing and it seems so crazy. I do actually feel a bit scared. Right after I wrote that I felt a tingle envelop me all over my skin. Yikes.

I understand that some people may not take a post like this seriously --- but to me, as of the experience, it is as real as ever.


My hopes and dreams lately have centred around this idea that I felt like or dreamt that i could be a farmer, that I could grow crops and stuff. That takes training and money though.

One thing that I do need to be trained in however, is transportation::: I am very limited in my life by not being able to transport myself very well.

I might have to try and save up for driver's ed, and maybe I could try going for like a Class 7 or Class 6 license to drive a moped or something --- just to get around. That might be a good idea or a good way to get started.

Anyway, I do have some kind of attraction to the idea of growing crops, and I realize that if I'm going to get anywhere in life, I should learn to drive.

I should just note that being a farmer is just the way I feel recently, there were other ideas I had for things to do in past months as well. It all takes a lot of work, training, and money though.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

They're Watching Me

Not only does Google seem to respond to my blog posts and email with related Youtube videos, but also when I post on blogger it is appearing that sometimes "those guys" in the media also make reports on my Apple News on my iPhone that have some level of relationship or mimicking of what I'm writing.

I'll explain what I mean:

A week ago I told my story about how the LDS church forgave me.

As a blogger, I am essentially some kind of news reporter, in essence, I think. Well, shortly after I made that post, Canadian news through Apple News posted a story about a Canadian Reporter who also got forgiven in a similar way as I after an incident near FINNigan (spelling?) lake north of Belleville Ontario (where Avril Lavigne was born).

And then, this morning when I watched videos about Socialism, and Ezra Taft Benson's opposition to Socialism, I made my comment that Jesus was trying to pay me for my service to Him through Avril Lavigne, and how the LDS church wouldn't let me receive this payment.

Well, just hours later on Apple News, there was a story about Federal Government Employees who aren't being paid properly and are being required to get loans from their parents to survive, which is kind of similar to what I said on my blog about myself (except my parents didn't have much money themselves so getting a loan from them would've been hopeless).

And there was another story about an Alberta PC Government leader who had a "$20,000 Cell Phone Bill" -- which reminded me of how I was put on AiSH for believing in Telepathy and how AiSH is worth about $20,000 a year these days. Reminds me way too much of myself - this news story is so coincidental to me, though it's about something different, technically, as if even Regular News Media was just a distortion of the actual story.

Anyway ---- so::: Do I really view Avril Lavigne as my payment from Jesus?

You know how "The Secret" teaches you create your own reality?

I am having memories of talking to God when I was 13 or 14 years old, creating a deal with Him where I would serve Him all my life in exchange for exaltation ----- and I also asked him for a million dollars -------- and it may have all been put forth in a plan I gave him for my life where if my friendship with my then-crush didn't work out, and if it didn't work out for a good reason, then God would enable me to do my service for Him through some great payment system.

1) Knowing how absolutely bogus the thinking patterns of my classmates and people around me in general were, it wasn't hard to expect that my friendship with Annie Liability was going to end for no good reason, I think I even planned for the possibility of that happening, if I remember correctly.

2) I even think I remember walking out of the psychiatry office in 2001, being told I was crazy to believe in miracles and predicting the future, just praying to God that a rock star would tell the true story of what actually happened --- because people weren't listening to me.

And God responded with the asked for action. I got what I was looking for.

So many times in my life God has become real for me in my life, I ask him for something and BOOM it happens.

Though so many people argued against my relationship with Avril::::

I may have been stuck in a pro-Avril-relationship position permanently because IT WAS WHAT I PRAYED FOR.

So, there you go::: I really do view Avril as coming from God for me, and it's interesting to see how news stories on Apple News so closely relate to my blogger posts.


Commentary on PragerU's Youtube video about how Socialism makes us selfish

This blog post is more of a commentary rather than a response on PragerU's video about how socialism makes us selfish.

In the video, they say we think socialism is selfless while capitalism is selfish, while the opposite is true: socialism is selfish while capitalism is selfless.

I thought about my own life. There was a time when I was quite capitalistic.

Did you know that Ezra Taft Benson, past prophet of the LDS Mormon church said that Socialism would never be established in America, and that the LDS church would make sure of that?

(I'm pretty sure that's something like how I remember he said).

Well, I was just thinking about my life, and regardless of how Benson thought the LDS church would keep socialism out of america :::

I've just realized that the LDS church actually FORCED ME INTO SOCIALISM -- it was essentially the church's own fault that I'm socialist now, regardless of how anti-socialist Benson said he was.

Basically, the church put me on AiSH, and that is an extremely socialist move, to put it simply.

My other option than AiSH was for me to be with Avril Lavigne --- Avril Lavigne was essentially my payment for how I offered to serve God all my life. The church preferred that I not serve God, that I not get paid with a Rockstar girlfriend, and that I end up taking socialist welfare for the rest of my life. That's what the church preferred.

So, though Benson in one video/talk I watched once clearly stated he was completely opposed to socialism and that the church would not allow socialism in america:

It was in fact his own church that forced me into a socialist lifestyle. Unbelievable eh?

Is socialism selfless or selfish? I can see the argument for how socialism might be a bit selfish, but it's also selfless at the same time --- or at least, depending on the characteristics of who you are and how capable you are.

Personally, I view myself as not receiving a whole total lot of goodness from the government, while the work I do might be "secretly taxed" and I earn nothing for my efforts.

Hmmm --- Capitalism would have earned me more than socialism I think, so for me in my own case, I am actually kind of being selfless as a socialist, so I actually think PragerU is wrong in this case.

My life could have been so much more if I had been allowed to be with Avril, who was my payment for a life of service --- but instead I can't even afford my own car or home to live in, while my efforts are either not paid or are being "secretly taxed".

Sorry PragerU, I do not view socialism as selfish, I still think it's a little bit selfless, although it does kind of make me more lazy.

I earn way less in my socialism than I would have in capitalism, I think. Therefore I am selfess. I am only selfish in the sense that I have more personal free time now, I'm selfish in the sense that I actually have greater personal liberty, now that I do not have to be at a job or do any service for God or anything.

So::: Economically, I'm a selfless socialist I would say.  Freedom/Libety wise -- there was a time when I had lost my freedom for a while, but now I feel I'm MORE free than I would otherwise would have been.

And finally, I'll just mention there was a TedTalk that talks about how it is easier or quicker to or more likely to become rich in the Social Democracy than in capitalism. So that's TedTalk versus PragerU for you.

I'm trying to think of what I would have preferred: being with Avril as a capitalist, or what I have now. I'll just say that's really hard to decide. The capitalist path may have ended up being one of the biggest mistakes I might've ever made on one hand, so though it would have been extremely profitable, there was also extreme risk involved.

Anyway - just interesting that the anti-socialist prophet's own church forced me into socialism.

It has only become clear that Mormonism is entirely completely deceitful and dishonest, in my eyes. believe me, I've done my research: they really can't be trusted, in so many ways for so many reasons. They just LOVE their freedom of speech, and by extension their freedom to do whatever as a religion.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Problems with Forge Gaming

When I'm trying to have fun with my Forge TV, today I ran into a difficulty where my controllers weren't working very well.

It first started with my Serval being very - just like an old OUYA on wifi-ish - and then I tried connecting with my old OUYA controllers, finding out that the system worked beautifully at that point.

I even discovered that I could quit a game on Forge with an old OUYA controller by holding down the system button for a second or two, and this would quit the game.

Anyway, long story short:::: though the OUYA controllers WERE working perfectly for a while ----- everything suddenly disconnected and I am experiencing great difficulty trying to enjoy my Forge System with any of my controllers.

1) Considering that the system ever worked just fine, I find it hard to believe that this is just normal for Forge --- unless the Forge system is a big prank/joke for everyone to "enjoy".

2) I suppose it's possible, with how messed up my life's story is, that the owners of the Forge TV system (eg Razer) might've maybe decided they didn't like me, so they're giving me a hard time when I try to use my product.  This definitely seems possible, and there was a time when trying to publish a game that I might've had some difficulty with them ----- but they've never fully explained to me in writing that this is the case, so I am left with a third possibility:

3) There is a manufacturer or devices who likes pranks, jokes, and practical jokes, and when I'm using my Forge in the vicinity of such devices, maybe these devices (manufactured by a practical joker) emit erratic radio frequencies on bluetooth or whatever, or just jam the bluetooth communications.

Those are the major three possibilities I see for this situation. There's really no reason my controllers should have such difficulty unless everyone's Forges were poorly programmed, or there's a practical joke device in or near my home, or maybe Razer just decided they didn't like me and are giving me a hard time. Who knows.

I can definitely understand, considering the history of my life, that I may very much be very much disliked by people.

Considering how low my games are often ranked on the OUYA/Cortex rankings, it is not hard to suspect that I am disliked or even hated.

I understand how there could be a problem with people disliking me.

I will just say that I've switched course in my life since before, I'm on a different path than what I started out on, and I've tried to turn things around in my life that were wrong.

And, finally, maybe people just don't like me because people are generally illogical, irrational, and really are just dicks deep down inside ----- this definitely seems possible considering all the experience I've had with humanity.

Maybe people mistreat me just because they are people and this is just the way people are.  It's annoying as hell, but to be honest it does seem pretty normal considering it's like, always been this way all my life ---- someone has always got to have a problem.

Last night on YouTube I had just been watching a video where two scientific "celebrities" were discussing with each other how most people do poorly at math and are generally illogical and irrational --- this is the majority of the population.

I was usually or always very good at math, and I am an intensely logical thinker. I do not understand how people could be so careless with how they think and behave, although I do understand that this is just the norm for humanity. Oh well.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

To be honest...

To be honest about my computing news, I was using Manjaro, until yesterday I discovered that my laptop wouldn't boot while using battery power with Manjaro. So I've switched to try Linux Mint.

Manjaro was pretty nice, though it lacked great polish ---- while Mint is definitely polished, and also boots on my laptop while battery powered.

But yesterday, the thing that was on my mind that I would've written about if my laptop would have booted is this:

Yesterday my mind was full of thoughts about some of the negative experiences in my life, and then I felt pretty bad for a while about those thoughts ----- for a long time I was in denial about my mental illness, but everyone else who looked at me somehow could tell I was mentally ill. Well, now that I"m seeing my thoughts and feeling the feelings attached ---- yes, I do feel mentally ill, and it does actually suck.

Part of me wants to be a productive member of society --- but a lot of me is weighed down by massive negative experiences.

Last time I talked to my doctor, she referred to some of the repetitive negative thoughts I was having as "trauma".

So. yeah. I'm all screwed up.

But today's real news is that I'm now using Mint instead of Manjaro because it's more compatible with my laptop ---- and I finally signed up for and installed Spotify for fun to try out. Great goodness that this service comes with Mint.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Knowing Things from Telepathy

Telepathy is absolutely amazing.

It lets you know stuff that no one told you to your face. And I'm certain it works. I am able to repeatably demonstrate it over and over again with some level of success.

A few months ago I heard a telepathic thought say "MASSIVE AIRSTRIKE!!!" --- and then hours later my Apple Watch told me a report from a newspaper that the Americans killed hundreds of people in an air strike just moments earlier.

Well, this morning, about the time I typed this morning's post about my issues with LDS forgiveness ----

My telepathy was telling me that there was some kind of judgement somewhere that awarded me some great sum of money due from the LDS church.

I realized that this telepathy could be telling the truth, and I could only hope it was real,

and then something happened today.

My Dad got a phonecall from a business --- a business owned by at least one or two LDS people ------

The LDS business, which my parents still use, decided to tell my Dad that he's now getting a certain special discount on his service.

I don't know exactly how the situation works, or how much the discount is,

All I know is that a  telepathic judgement awarded me some great sum, and now an LDS business is charging us less than would be normal in this circumstance. Wow.

Interesting eh?

Telepathy is so cool.

Anyway ---- that's what I understood from the situation, with my telepathy at hand.

On LDS Forgiveness (Again)

Ever since I was very young, growing up in the LDS church, I was always being constantly reminded of the D&C 64 scripture that teaches that we are REQUIRED to forgive ALL men.

I went through so much abuse in my life, never lifting a finger in response to the abuses I bore, following the LDS requirement to forgive.

And whenever I talked about potentially punishing someone for their evil actions, the LDS church just reminded me "you are required to forgive them".

So::: having forgiven so much pain against myself in my own life, I decided to test the LDS church on how they forgive people.

So, I caused a little trouble for the LDS church or people in my life, only to discover that the LDS church institutes forgiveness by locking you up, forcing you on drugs, and telling you not to believe in God anymore.

I mean, wow, holy crap.

I went through all that abuse in my life, being told to always forgive and thus believing there was nothing I could do in response to all the crap I got in life ----

but when testing the LDS church on the topic of forgiveness, they give a very heavy-handed version of forgiveness that involves detention, chemical abuse, and removal of constitutional rights.

Holy crap.  I can't believe in this church anymore.  After everything I had ever forgiven, and this is how they treat me?  Holy crap. I forgave so much by not lifting a finger against the offender, and the church has now taught me that forgiveness involves serious abuse and condemnation of offender. Wow. Not what I was expecting.

The church can go away now.

It's just too bad the women of my family haven't figured these things out yet.

But yes --- that was a total load of hypocrisy, where I'm being told to not respond to serious abuse that builds up over the years, and if I do one thing wrong myself, the forgiveness I receive comes in the form of an extreme penalty.

I do not like the church anymore, I will just say. They lied.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

I am sick/insane

I was just watching a movie, combined with various youtube videos, and I'm seeing now::

I am insane.

George Carlin, the Acclaimed public speaker, once gave a talk about women and men, but mostly women.  He said women are crazy and men are stupid, and women are usually crazy because men are stupid.

Something has become clear to me.

I am a woman with a penis.

I was one of the smartest kids in school ---- another very smart kid in my class happened to be an actual female, just to note.

A few months ago I told my psychiatrist I had a dream where I got a sex change, where I physically became a woman. Now I understand.

I'm not going to get surgery or dress in drag or anything ---- but I have some more understanding of the psychology and science now.

I was smart. I was not stupid like a man, like how George Carlin stereotyped men.

And I'm crazy. I'm absolutely insane, like how George Carlin stereotyped women.

And I even have an idea of why I'm insane too::: Just like George Carlin said, because of all the absolute stupid crap I've had to put up with in my life.

I'm sort of attracted to females, but not nearly as much as other men would be I'm sure.

So, in so many ways, I am more of a female than a man --- it's just that anatomically I'm a guy.

But I'm crazy like woman, and I'm not stupid like man.

And I have to say::: I'm kind of sick of my crazy life. I like my life more these days, now that things have calmed down so much -----

but what my life once was is absolutely sick. I was insane, straight out of my mind in those situations.

And actually ---- my insanity technically wasn't a problem with me ---- my insanity was actually a normal, regular, natural response to the situations I was presented with, I think.

I even had a dream where I physically became a woman once. Wow.

Anyway. I'm sorry I'm crazy, I can't help it --- George Carlin was absolutely correct in his observation that the insanity or craziness is caused by environmental factors such as other people --- there's no denying that, and I even agree.

It is so sad life turned out that way ---- but if the stereotypical male really is stupid, then I suppose it may have been unavoidable.  Boys will be boys, as they say. Although for me, it wasn't just men, it was also partially driven by some women too.

So there you go::: I always wondered why God gave me man-boobs, and now I know, I must be part female. weird. Naturally part female. Huh. I think I've heard such things mentioned before.


And it's just too bad that my Manjaro crashed as I typed this post ---- maybe I can observe that Blogger works best with the current LTS version of Ubuntu, rather than with any newer or updated software, weirdly enough. Just a guess.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Looks like HOTM looking at me

Just 53 minutes ago HOTM (Heart of the Matter in Salt Lake City) released a video on Youtube which I found in my youtube feed and watched where a caller named "Kristian" calls in to the show and asks the host if Christians should watch secular movies.

The simple title of the video was peculiar enough for me to click on --- but when I saw that the caller shared his name with me ---- well, it's starting to get a bit coincidental considering the subject matter of my life.

Anyway ---- the show mentions this Kristian character wanting to come on to the HOTM show for his Honeymoon ------

This is all too representative to me of like an invitation for ME (yes, me actually) to go to their show and visit them. This call-in looks too contrived to be real --- if it's real then it's awfully coincidental with myself.

It would be nice to tell people about my experiences on that show (not unheard of to happen in that context) ---- but I don't drive, and I'd hate to travel alone ----- and I have no friends, and no one in my family would likely support me in this venture, even if all the men of my house have turned away from the LDS church.

It's nice of HOTM to post this video, I actually welcome this feeling of invitation ------ but I'm not at a stage in my life right now where I can go where ever I want ------ I don't drive, and I'm pretty friendless and I don't want to travel alone ----- and my family is either still Mormon or doesn't want to hear anything about Mormonism anymore.

But, though this video feels like an invitation to me ----- it wasn't an explicitly stated invitation explicitly to me ---- it was just implied.

What fun.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Errata: Sorry

My previous post, which I just deleted, talked about a paranoid belief that I had that said the government was garnishing my bitcoin mining.

I just checked on my miner - shut it down for a reboot --- it turns out one of my TWO ASICS had crashed or something, so as near as I can tell the system will be coming back to normal running.


Monday, July 4, 2016

A Streak of Bad Luck - new beginnings

So, after writing about how effed up I feel my life was, and then talking to my doctor about the same stuff --- and doing a lot of thinking about all the sad things in my life that don't make sense --- according to The Secret, I was setting myself up for some failure - with all that negative energy.

I enjoyed my Canada Day -- that was a plus, but the next day I felt like I wanted to buy a new computer that runs on low power, so I went and bought a Raspberry Pi from a local computer enthusiast store. I bought the Pi kit that includes the little keyboard -- so I was splurging. Also got a 128gb micro sd card with that.

Well, I was new to pi, I was learning, and I ended up busting my Pi's SD card slot. I tried fixing it with a soldering iron but it turns out I'm not very skilled at that.

I thought I had wasted my money. I thought I had destroyed my pi. Good news though::: My Dad has much more training with the soldering iron than I do, and he fixed it. Yippee!! I probably haven't given my Dad enough credit in my writing -- but that's another story.

So, while I was fiddling with my Pi, the case it came with, and my 128gb micro sd card --- I ended up completely snapping my sd card in two, causing it to be unusable. What a stroke of bad luck.

So I waited a day, planning on what I was going to do on Monday (today).

And as I was waiting for my parents to wake up so we could go buy another sd card (don't worry, this computer specialty store actually has a nice low price, I got lucky on that count) I ended up making a big mistake on my linux laptop and I "pooched" my Ubuntu 16.04 system. I just went and effed my laptop up.

The good news is, I had an external hard drive backup of my home folder! yay!

Well, having watched many youtube videos of other dudes using and playing around with different Linux distributions, I decided I would try something different from the standard Ubuntu in my next installation.

So, I'm writing this post on my laptop, running the Cinnamon version of MANJARO. It's quite nice actually ---- not as polished in a number of ways like Ubuntu was, but it's still really quite nice.

And I managed to buy a new sd card, upon which I installed Ubuntu MATE for Pi on my Raspberry Pi.

So, I'm trying new things now.  A bad story, a streak of bad luck turned into something interesting. I suppose there was always a good silver lining throughout this story, always someone there to rescue me, so it wasn't so bad. I'm happy now.


On the spiritual side of things, this morning I woke up and my empathy or telepathy was sensing an extreme sense of anger against me or some such ---- it didn't feel good.

Well, I found that when I prayed to God saying "Dear God, I'm sorry for all the sins I've committed" --- after praying that to God I found my emotions immediately cleared up and the intense negativity I was sensing disappeared, replaced with a cool calm.

So, again, the Atheist community has some very interesting arguments --- but very real experiences like this where I can totally change the way I feel emotionally just by thinking some thoughts (praying to God) is pretty interesting to me, it's like my personal proof of something more.


There you go. I'm a happy camper now. I had some bad luck, but was rescued. I'm even enjoying something new on my laptop. Yay.

Oh --- and restoring my duplicity back up on Manjaro was actually pretty straightforward. I'm glad it worked.


As for the lack of credit I give my Dad ---- I often say my Dad was unemployed. Mostly true, but not entirely true ---- he did do SOME odd work, and he tried to run his own business as a software developer. Unfortunately, apparently his software got pirated so he didn't make much money, so that's a reason why I was so poor as a kid. Short story here I guess.