Tuesday, June 7, 2016

"Feel Good" Rankings

I looked at my ranks on the OUYA O-Rank a few moments ago, and though my games are generally "middling" - I am feeling better about their positions.

There was a period of time where most of my games appeared to be in competition for last place --- and this caused me to wonder or imagine ideas about a possibility that people might hate me.

It happens over, and over again in my life ---- I might be wrong, but when someone is treating me "lowly", I have often wondered if I am personally at fault or if I'm somehow become personally disliked by individuals around me.

However, upon thinking it through more --- I have generally come to understand that the human race generally treats everyone else like trash -- me included, and it's not because they specifically don't like me. People just aren't nice to each other in so many occasions.

As I a child, I would often wonder what I ever did to deserve some of the treatment I got from one of my sisters ----- I never did anything wrong, it's just that she got her kicks from ruining my life.

Anyway, so just seeing my games middling the O-RANK is helping me feel pretty good about myself, probably because of the absence of wondering in my mind if people just hate me because my games were ranked lower for a while.

And then, there was those odd moments were my games were ranked generally higher --- and I guess that made me feel pretty good too.


Don't mind my constant whining and wondering about getting paid ---- I look at my understanding of the world and realize there are many possible reasons, even many potentially valid reasons, why I'm not seeing tonnes of money flow in.

And I'm actually learning to accept that too ----- Youtube has been showing me videos about lottery winners, the good things and the bad things, and it is generally shown that very bad things can happen when you've won the lottery ------ so maybe I should just accept that I can live my life comfortably without more money and just be happy with what I have.

There were originally two main goals in my mind for why I would want to build monetary wealth --- 1) have a chance with Avril Lavigne and 2) maybe preach to the nations like the LDS church said I would.

Both of the above have become less and less important to me as time has gone on, the new reasons I would want to make money are to live comfortably and do whatever I want with my life ---- but I'm pretty much already living that way already, mostly.

So really, life is good, life is wonderful, I may have goals of attaining great wealth, but there are so many reasons why that actually doesn't need to happen. It's not wrong to be motivated by the profit motive --- profit motive gets us to do stuff ---- but it's the journey that counts, and I've learned to be happy with what I have rather that obtain a goal that may end up being a pain in my ass anyway.

Yeah. It would be fun to see money pouring in, but I will instead accept a decent rank on the O/Z-Rank to satisfy my cravings for success. :) hahaha.

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