Monday, May 30, 2016

Bad Feelings turn to different less severe bad feelings

I suppose I could say that last night I was feeling a little bit angry. Those feelings have subsided.

I realize that most money is in the hands of the few, and that most people have very little money --- so I couldn't really expect to be successful.

My anger has turned to a bit of a despair - that the human race's condition is so "poor".

I'm 31 years old ---- this is supposed to be the period of my life when I'm most productive and making the most money.

But, like my early 20s (early 20s supposed to be your peak physical functioning, I think) -- everything is just crumbling around me and going wrong for what I'm supposed to be experiencing.

In my 20s I was constantly being told I'm crazy and being told to take drugs --- the result of being raised with a false ideology --- so my period of "peak physical health" was being ruined -

and now my 30s, everyone can't afford to buy squat, so my most productive period of my life is being wasted here too.

Heck, I was one of the smartest kids in school and that almost ended up getting completely wasted as well.

Just despair. Not the anger. I'm not angry at people, I realize there's seemingly valid reason for why I'm not being paid ---- I'm just not happy about it.

If I were to go see the psychiatrist about these problems --- guess what? The psychiatrist I'd go see would need to be paid for the help they give me. and guess what? If I'm not being paid, then I'm not doing much to pay my doctor. It's a sad vicious cycle.

Just saying, I guess, that I'm feeling better than 'slight anger', that now I'm just in 'slight despair'.


From time to time I get emails or friend invites on facebook from various different females who want to get into relationships with me.

It is kind of heartbreaking that I do this ---- but I am rejecting them all around.

First reason:::: I don't care anymore. I don't plan on having children. I don't really like women all that much anyway.

The only reason I ever really cared about dating and marriage is because the false ideology that raised me told me I should care. If it wasn't for that, really, I wouldn't likely care much.

I am attracted to females, but there are actually many reasons why I don't accept any of the flirtations I receive.

I'm too poor. I don't like women much. I was accused of wanting to hurt the girl I previously loved, and therefore I am unsuitable for a relationship. I'm not even attracted to women like I was when I was younger. I feel better off where I am than changing things around.

So::: if you've ever wanted to go on a date with me or whatever:::: Don't be surprised if I reject(ed) you. There is about a 100% rejection rate here, with the slight exception of my obsession with Avril Lavigne.


I am planning on releasing my new video game eventually, not that it means much because it probably won't sell, if experience dictates. I think it's a great game, it's like my crowning achievement at this point in my life ---- but I'm not expecting much from consumers or fans.

Which brings me to my next point:::: I extrapolated my piece of the OUYA sale pie with my piece of the OUYA game release pie, and I discovered something::: if my sales were typical of all OUYA sales, then OUYA was GOING TO GO OUT OF BUSINESS. They could barely afford one yearly salary of one employee with the money they were making, according to my calculation.

OUYA was a great idea ---- but again I'm just falling into despair because apparently a lot of people just can't afford to buy even small cheap easy to pay for items. It's so sad.

I mean, I would try to sell for a dollar for two reasons: To keep OUYA in business, and to try to make some money for myself to help me start my business in life, as well as just help me live my life - but, people resorted to free-only tactics, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that if people aren't paying, and even demand to not pay, then the business will die. It's so sad.

So, I continue on with my life. I've survived so far. I've had some really good moments in my life ---- but I have to state my observation that my life has been filled with one disappointment after another, something always going wrong in one way or another --- it's like I was cursed since birth, really. It's too bad.

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