Saturday, April 16, 2016

Looked up my book online

I looked up my book online.

I found a pirating website.

Aftermath got almost 10,000 reviews, with over a 4/5 rating.

How nice.

If I didn't get disability, the fact that no one paid would be taken a lot harsher I'm sure.

So, I'm in a state of happiness in my life, contentment with myself and with the world. I am aware that there are problems out there, but I think I can say I generally feel healthy about my existence, which is pretty good considering my life history.

Just getting along with people, doing good things, being peaceable.

I grew up poor, so I know what it's like to not feel capable of paying for things. Believe me, there are a number of things that I didn't feel I could buy when I was in high school just because of how poor I felt, so I understand, more or less, why I didn't get paid for my books.

My high school had all these vending machines in the public areas --- yet I almost never used them, just because I felt so poor. I was so poor I had to reuse my brother's old copy of Hamlet in English class rather than buy my own copy. I skipped the trip to Edmonton because I didn't think my family could afford it. Things like that. That's how it goes when your father is unemployed.

I did, however, order a yearbook ---- but because my brain wasn't working very well, I completely forgot and neglected to pick it up when the time came --- so I ordered a yearbook, but forgot to receive it. :(

I couldn't buy a class ring or anything like that.

Anyway, I just understand the mentality where it's hard to pay for things, I've been there.

One recent thought I had about how poor I was ---- the juxtaposition of being told to serve a $10,000+ mission for the LDS church while my Dad kept mooching fivers off my brother every morning just so he could buy fuel for his daily driving routine. My Dad couldn't even afford to drive --- it was my brother that kept the vehicle going. I mean, just think about that --- we can barely afford fuel to get around in, the church is taking 10% of our income, and we're expected to pay for our own missions that'd cost over $10,000. Yeah right.

I feel I can be at peace with "the church" now, and though there are some good things they taught, I feel that I might find resentment if I try to say something good about them. Yeah, it's that bad.

So, I'm just trying to be peaceful and get along, enjoying my life,

and it's nice that almost 10,000 reviewers had my book at over 4 stars rating.

And when you've been writing and developing video games as long as I have, I have learned that it might be too much to expect every person in the public who wants my product to pay the smallest price for it. The sad thing is, I even know what that's like, to "can't afford things".

So, I'm peaceful, I'm happy, I feel good that people appreciated my writing. And though I would've wanted to make my fortune from sales, I also know what it's like to be poor.


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