Saturday, February 20, 2016

Going Crazy

Today I was standing around my Dad as he was talking with some family members, and I'll just note that it's not uncommon for my Dad to start spouting(saying) delusional bullcrap about laws and government --- I mean, in some cases it's just his opinion and that's OK ---- but in other cases some of the things he says are just downright wrong/untruthful and delusional.

Like, today my Dad said it's illegal for the governor general and the lieutenant governors not to rubber-stamp all laws. I am educated enough to know that this is a load of crock and that the governors have constitutionally enshrined legal ability to veto any proposed law ---- it's just that they generally don't do it.

On other occasions I remember he'd talk about how you have to be at least 21 years old to be considered an adult in certain situations, and all of us the family know this one is delusion for him.

Anyway ----- having to live with my Dad's constant bullcrap legal-statements and his inability to accept that any government but the conservatives is legitimate, I'm afraid I am going crazy and kind of want to move out of the house now.

I don't want to be around him. He's just so... lets say, impaired in the things he says and talks about that I just have a deep desire to get out of his presence.

I was thinking about how I was growing up in this family, and as I remembered all the various aspects of my life growing up, it wasn't hard for me to start feeling suicidal again. I mean, just the memories of how bad things were made me want to leave life.

Like, both me and my brother have grown up to be psychologically screwed up individuals who spent many years of our lives with death wishes just because of how bad our situation was when we were growing up.

Unemployment, an evil sister, delusional statements by parents, a church that always tells you to forgive everything but then punishes you just for being a normal male ---I'm not going into detail, but the situation my brother and I grew up with so SO BAD that we were both going all psycho-crazy from it and wanted to die.

I think about my life, and I realize that people like Avril Lavigne have HELPED SO MUCH in bringing me away from the brink of suicide ---- Avril Lavigne is such a great extreme blessing for me --- she's like a therapist that took away the thoughts of self-harm and depression.

The sad thing though, is that it's not uncommon for members of the church I grew up with, the LDS Mormon church, to tell me that I'm not even allowed to listen to her music, much less be her friend, and I mean, with how absolutely shitty life was and how absolutely driven to self harm I was with the situation in life, when the church is telling me I'm not even allowed to listen to Avril Lavigne there is a real problem ---- because she is a bright light, she's been real helpful.

So, life is torture I guess. It's made more bearable by people like Avril Lavigne ---- but the church, a church which is supposed to be doing good and being helpful, is actually doing the opposite of good and helpful.

Anyway, so I would like to be able to move out on my own, to live in my own place, but the financial requirements are steep enough that it would be really-really tough, and it just blows my mind how much people can't spare the smallest amount of money for any of the work I've done.

More torture in life I guess. It's just too bad.


BTW --- I even have to wonder why my dad grew me up in that church ---- the LDS church in a book I have read seems to believe that "bad" dead people do come back to earth to possess the living and commit sins in their bodies -----   the church believes this, but my Dad doesn't.

So, why were we involved with this church if we don't actually believe the things they teach anyway? Yeah, I'm kind of confused about that.

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