Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Apologizing for Complaining

So, I've been watching more Youtube, and I have to say I've found some interesting new channel that shows videos about Christianity, depicting it as like an argument for atheism, but then reverse psychologizes you back into christianity.

This one video made many quotes from Jesus in the Bible.

And I feel stupid for complaining so much about the dearth of sales on my report.

Let me explain:::

If nobody is paying me for my work, then I just have to accept that I am poor, and as such have a chance at heaven. I have to accept that everyone else is also very poor, and therefore can't pay me.

But, as I've oft suspected, maybe people do buy my stuff and it doesn't get reported, and the money is diverted to other places that might need it more than I do.

Actually::: though I spent much time not liking that idea, I suppose I have to accept that as a good thing if that's the way it actually is.

Jesus said you should sell all you have and give to the poor, as this video has reminded me.

Therefore if I sell all these books and video games, and then that money is given to a better cause than my own pocket, then technically that's a good thing.

The sad thing is, I am very curious and wonder about how much exactly I've ever actually sold. Just curious.

Anyway, so, if you are supposed to constantly be giving to the poor, how does one become wealthy?

though at first this teaching seems like a contradiction, I'd say it's actually just a loophole that says gaining great wealth is allowed in a certain way in christianity:

Jesus gave the parable of the poor servants who were each given talents. The servants gave their talents to the money changers, and the good servants doubled their money/talents.

that seems like a contradiction to the idea of giving everything away, but I'll treat it as a loophole instead.

Anyway, it makes sense to me: I was very poor. I grew up very poor. Alberta has lots of oil. Alberta sells the oil, and then they give to me as a poor and disabled person. That is actually quite Christian of the government I must say. But then: in order for me as a poor person to become wealthy, I should invest my money to "double it". Makes sense.

Whereas if I have assets, I can sell my books and videogames, and am likewise expected to essentially not gain anything for myself from it. Though that's tough to grasp in my heart or mind sometimes, it does kind of make sense.

So: basically: I was complaining repeatedly about not making money on my projects, but there are probably some VERY GOOD explanations for why that is. And I should accept that.

But it's also true that I have, as a poor man, a series of benefits I receive from the government, and if I want more than that I should invest.

I'll just say that it's actually really nice of these "famous names" who have been sending me these emails:::

They've often been expressing a thought of wanting to give to me, or help me invest. It could all just be scam spam, but the thought counts, the thought counts that these famous people would want to help improve my situation by giving to me, as a poor person, or advising me to invest. That's nice of them.

I'm inclined to believe there is some reality to all these famous emails I've received, even if they are deliberately made to look like fake scammy spam. It's just nice and encouraging words from famous names in email, you know? it helps me feel better, to be sure.

So, I suppose in reality, nothing is really amiss. I am expected to invest to gain wealth, while I sell and give to the poor, as Jesus taught. Makes sense.

The last thing I'm going to mention is that though I paid off my debt months ago (eventually going back into debt again) and though I now again have a positive net worth,

I have to say the thoughts of having some level of riches does sit uncomfortably in my mind, who knows why.

I mean, Jesus said it's easier for poor people to go to heaven ----- but, with my investing and saving, I could eventually become "wealthy", to a degree.

I would kind of like to buy myself a place to live and a vehicle to drive, but I'm just noting that in my brain there seems to be a level of different feeling, maybe a discomfort, with the idea of being too wealthy.

Of course, it also doesn't help to feel too poor either, so I suppose I'd prefer the feeling of being very wealthy - but anywho.

yeah, life's good.

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