Sunday, February 28, 2016

Defeating the Scriptures

So: I've watched more of this guy's youtube videos. Initially, to me it seemed like an atheist argument that brought me back to christianity through reverse psychology.

But then I watched him have extremely convincing atheist arguments.

But there's a problem.

Yahweh may demonstrably be a mass-murdering psychopath, and the history provided by the old testament may not be all that truthful in reality, as I can see clearly,

but I still know there's something more out there.

At very least I am having very strong hallucinations or delusions --- at most I have personally discovered something "magical" that actually does exist and behaves as one would have thought God would behave.

Like, these atheists have absolutely RIPPED APART the bible.

There is lots of room to see Jesus Christ as an absolutely wonderful person in ways, I mean, the Old Testament was apparently a bunch of crap, and what Jesus Christ taught is still a huge improvement over the old covenant,

but even the new testament has some small coherency problems that need to be worked through.(or maybe large, depending on your opinion or knowledge level).





I am basically kind of confused. I have had very real personal experience with the "something more" that I can only explain as "God" --- yet the Bible, mostly the Old Testament though, is being completely torn apart and shown to be pretty much madness.



I know there is something more out there. I really do.



The God I pray to never stopped my masturbation, but he did punish those who upheld a prohibition on masturbation when I asked Him to.


Basically, I can pray to my God and get real results, and it's completely "unnatural", as near as I can tell. I even just recently have managed to have some success in small mind-reading experiments with my father.


There is absolutely something more -- but what is it exactly?


The atheists have absolutely ripped apart most of the bible, and religious society as I once knew it.


I mean, they can make Atheism seem so convincing, reasonable, rational,



so what have I ever experienced??? I am personally not relying on any ancient records for faith anymore ---- I walk with absolute knowledge of something that may be considered divine, even if it has been completely or allegedly misrepresented in historical record of the ages.




If the Bible is false ---- then what have I been dealing with this whole time?



If the Bible is true (which it mostly likely isn't at this point) ------ then how can I reconcile a loving merciful forgiving God with the mass murdering psychopath of the Old testament? If the Bible is true - something doesn't make total sense.




So, who have I been dealing with this whole time?




What the heck is exactly going on here? I am so confused.



I have personal eyewitness testimony of absolutely amazing things, and yet modern and historical religion just doesn't match up very well.



So, it makes sense that I'm considered disabled, if all I've ever really experienced is extremely strong delusion and hallucination ------




But there is truly still something more.




Can I give a simple example of how I know there's something more which I'm pretty sure cannot be considered to be just delusion or hallucination?



In early 2007, I'd watch TV and kept seeing recurring advertisements to The Number 23 movie.

Having my numerology about the apostles already heavily on my mind, I already realized there were similarities,

There fore I asked GOD, the guy I pray to, personally and quietly, to make me buy a lottery ticket on the day of the movie release and have the quick picks all coincidentally/magically print out the number 23 on each line (of the Super 7).


I mean, I didn't mention it in my book ---- but I'm pretty sure I ACTUALLY ASKED GOD FOR THAT TO HAPPEN, and only in my own mind ---- and it DID HAPPEN, just like I prayed for.


So, -wtf-?


I can't be an atheist with that experience, but the atheists have shown me I can't totally trust the bible either.


I have heard a voice in my head tell me my pet bird died, which I didn't otherwise know about, but it turned out to be true.



So what's going on here? What is the actual answer? What is the truth?




The one thing I suspect, the idea I've toyed with for a long time now, is that I might already somehow be "dead".


What I mean is, when I was growing up, I just remember that life was SO PAINFUL for me, that I just couldn't keep going. I was falling apart, I was going down. and everything, one day, just started getting better, and it got so magical --- as if I had died and gone to a heaven that looked like and very much resembled the world I had been living in.



Basically, I wonder if I'm already in a form of heaven. If I already died.  Maybe I am in heaven, and the angels of this heaven are explaining to me how the life I lived in my real life wasn't up to par because of all the false delusional ideologies people around me were following.



So it's all a really big question -- what the *** is going on here?


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On a side note, thought I am happier and life has improved monumentally over the years, I am noticing I have a psychological feature in my mind where if I start remembering my growing up childhood to teenage years, I do start feeling suicidal again.


I want to forget my growing up life just to avoid the desire to kill myself at this point.


I will note:::: I remember from my teenage years wanting to die so badly, that if the right tools had been provided to me, I probably would have done it.



And I am very sad, that just remembering my life back then will, somehow, psychologically, just remembering life back then will bring back suicidal feelings.



I know memories aren't perfect, but the memory of the desire to die is clear.



There just was something so completely wrong with my life growing up. There was so much wrong in my world. And it wasn't just me either ---- my brother experienced pretty much the same thing as I, we both had severe psychological issues at that time. There obviously must've been something VERY WRONG with the situation.

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Potentially Related to an NHL Player

I turned on CBC this evening to watch Hockey, and before the first game started, the sportscasters mentioned a name in their discussion:: Lauri Korpikoski of the Edmonton Oilers.

He's from Finland.



I was excited, because my great-great-grandfather and great-great-great-grandfathers were both Korpikoskis.


However, I didn't want to sign up for the LDS family history website, and I didn't want to risk money on an account at Ancestry.com/ca either,

But I look at these ancient families and see there are many children of these great grandfathers who have not been researched in my mom's family history file that could potentially lead down to this NHL player.

The issue is, however, that Lauri Korpikoski comes from Turku, Finland, and if we are related then his ancestors have to have migrated to that location within the past 200 years - no one in my mom's record is in the Turku region, though there are some who are close or almost close to Turku, sort of.

So, if we have a common ancestor, it might be Samuel Korpikoski, born in 1843, or his father Johan J Korpikoski, born in 1807.


The reason I recognized the name Korpikoski so easily is because there's a family legend passed down through the family that says we had a Korpikoski ancestor who stood with such great posture when he stood at attention in the army, well, apparently his posture was so good that he was presented before the Tsarina of Russia (which Finland was part of at the time). That's what some old relative was famous for.


So, No, I don't know for certain that I'm related to this Hockey Player nor do I know how we might be related exactly, and I'm not going to sign up for any websites to find out,

but I was just excited to hear the name Korpikoski mentioned in the Hockey Sportscast, because the Korpikoski ancestors were especially famous in my Mom's ancestral storytelling.




I remember on Avril Lavigne's fanclub website a genealogist announced that Justin Bieber and Avril Lavigne had a common ancestor (located in Canada), so, yeah, that's kinda like what I'm excited about --- except I don't know if or what the exact connection is.



It's so distant it doesn't mean much, but it was just so exciting to hear a family name on Hockey TV.

Friday, February 26, 2016

The Test of Truth

I think President Hinckley of the LDS Mormon church once said that his church stands or falls on the testimony of Joseph Smith about his first vision of God the Father and Jesus in the Sacred Grove. Either it was true, or it wasn't. And that's the whole basis for the existence of Mormonism.



Likewise, all these famous names I'm receiving in my inbox::: it's either true, or false, either these famous people are somehow learning of me and sending me email in some way, or someone is an identity thief and just loves to spam inboxes (or at least my inbox) with emails using famous peoples' names.


Remember when I got an email from a Conservative Member of Canadian Parliament and I thought that seemed pretty ridiculous?

I am now, finally going to actually name one individual who appeared in my inbox recently, and the whole idea of me receiving emails from famous people stands or falls on if this man actually had anything to with this email being sent to me.


if this man did have something to do with this email, then wow --- my fame has spread --- but I mean, I am actually sad at how bad it is for the possibility that this was all just an identity thief and scam artist's work.


I will also note, that with how I couldn't make up my mind very easily last Canadian election, that I think I'm finally going to take a position of political neutrality, because seriously, I don't feel like taking any actual positions on politics at this time.


So:: it was pretty crazy for me when I saw the name "D Trump" in my email, I checked the message and it does claim to be pretty much a message of sorts from the presidential candidate Donald Trump about his ideas on how to make american people earn more money, something like that.


Of course, this "famous person" message is completely different from the other famous name messages I've received, but I received it nonetheless.


I don't know if I'll ever find out if this email actually came from this man, but I'm just going to throw this out there that a very public figure's initial and last name arrived in my email. I was very surprised to see that.


I mean, I suppose it's possible that I could mention some other names that emailed me, but I'd rather not for the risk of possibly defaming someone for something they didn't send me, or even just so these famous individuals can maintain their privacy about their email.


I've just been confused by long enough about how legit this all really is, so I'm just mentioning one name, and really, it's either true or false.


UPDATE::::


I just had a look at the email again after writing the above post, and found that there's a UTAH address attached to this message that uses the name of D Trump as the sender. Yes --- this email is completely different from the rest, none of the others claimed to be from Utah, as I remember.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

On Binary Trading

So: I've seen ads in email and on websites, one of these "famous name" emails even mentions it to me::: Methods of making money through something called BINARY TRADING (or "trading binaries").

With all the advertising I've seen over the past few months for Binary Trading, I thought I'd give it ago, today.

I signed up my iPad using IQ Option, a do-it-yourself method where you choose when and what way to invest, without relying on any automated systems.

Using IQ Option's option of using less money at a time (thus risking less of my wallet), I deposted $30USD into the account, which is about $40CAD.

I managed to trade myself up to $45USD this morning. And then I went out with my parents, and as I waited in a hot van for my parents to come back (which took over 2 hours), I pulled out my cell phone and decided if I could make my $45USD even bigger.

I lost some, I gained some, the highest I remember getting was probably close to $50USD.

But, after a series of bad decisions and bad luck, I eventually found my account reduced to less than $1 value.

Here's what I think I noticed as I used the IQ Option system::: when I invested $1-$4 at a time, I felt I was more likely to make a profit, while if I traded with $5 or more it seemed like I was cursed to lose that money EVERY TIME.

So, trading small amounts, I eventually earned 50%, but if I started trading with higher amounts I felt like I couldn't win anymore.

And I lost nearly all of my $30. Made my way up to $50, but lost it all very quickly.

So, when it comes to binary trading, I'm putting this form of investment on an indefinite hiatus, because this form of investing doesn't seem any better than online poker if you can easily lose it all in one day.




And then I had a pretty heavenly evening of entertainment courtesy of my mother, which I will not discuss in any greater detail because it was just so good, the blog post would be like an advertisement for the company involved rather than actual news.


So, Life's still good. I'm enjoying it.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Apologizing for Complaining

So, I've been watching more Youtube, and I have to say I've found some interesting new channel that shows videos about Christianity, depicting it as like an argument for atheism, but then reverse psychologizes you back into christianity.

This one video made many quotes from Jesus in the Bible.

And I feel stupid for complaining so much about the dearth of sales on my report.

Let me explain:::

If nobody is paying me for my work, then I just have to accept that I am poor, and as such have a chance at heaven. I have to accept that everyone else is also very poor, and therefore can't pay me.

But, as I've oft suspected, maybe people do buy my stuff and it doesn't get reported, and the money is diverted to other places that might need it more than I do.

Actually::: though I spent much time not liking that idea, I suppose I have to accept that as a good thing if that's the way it actually is.

Jesus said you should sell all you have and give to the poor, as this video has reminded me.

Therefore if I sell all these books and video games, and then that money is given to a better cause than my own pocket, then technically that's a good thing.

The sad thing is, I am very curious and wonder about how much exactly I've ever actually sold. Just curious.

Anyway, so, if you are supposed to constantly be giving to the poor, how does one become wealthy?

though at first this teaching seems like a contradiction, I'd say it's actually just a loophole that says gaining great wealth is allowed in a certain way in christianity:

Jesus gave the parable of the poor servants who were each given talents. The servants gave their talents to the money changers, and the good servants doubled their money/talents.

that seems like a contradiction to the idea of giving everything away, but I'll treat it as a loophole instead.

Anyway, it makes sense to me: I was very poor. I grew up very poor. Alberta has lots of oil. Alberta sells the oil, and then they give to me as a poor and disabled person. That is actually quite Christian of the government I must say. But then: in order for me as a poor person to become wealthy, I should invest my money to "double it". Makes sense.

Whereas if I have assets, I can sell my books and videogames, and am likewise expected to essentially not gain anything for myself from it. Though that's tough to grasp in my heart or mind sometimes, it does kind of make sense.

So: basically: I was complaining repeatedly about not making money on my projects, but there are probably some VERY GOOD explanations for why that is. And I should accept that.

But it's also true that I have, as a poor man, a series of benefits I receive from the government, and if I want more than that I should invest.

I'll just say that it's actually really nice of these "famous names" who have been sending me these emails:::

They've often been expressing a thought of wanting to give to me, or help me invest. It could all just be scam spam, but the thought counts, the thought counts that these famous people would want to help improve my situation by giving to me, as a poor person, or advising me to invest. That's nice of them.

I'm inclined to believe there is some reality to all these famous emails I've received, even if they are deliberately made to look like fake scammy spam. It's just nice and encouraging words from famous names in email, you know? it helps me feel better, to be sure.


So, I suppose in reality, nothing is really amiss. I am expected to invest to gain wealth, while I sell and give to the poor, as Jesus taught. Makes sense.



The last thing I'm going to mention is that though I paid off my debt months ago (eventually going back into debt again) and though I now again have a positive net worth,


I have to say the thoughts of having some level of riches does sit uncomfortably in my mind, who knows why.


I mean, Jesus said it's easier for poor people to go to heaven ----- but, with my investing and saving, I could eventually become "wealthy", to a degree.


I would kind of like to buy myself a place to live and a vehicle to drive, but I'm just noting that in my brain there seems to be a level of different feeling, maybe a discomfort, with the idea of being too wealthy.


Of course, it also doesn't help to feel too poor either, so I suppose I'd prefer the feeling of being very wealthy - but anywho.


yeah, life's good.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

More Email

I recognize that there's so much out there in the world that shouldn't be trusted. There's so much fakeness, so much delusion and lying, an lot of BS.

Even things that seem truthy, such as the LDS church for example, end up being untrustworthy in the end.

So I got this email today at an address that people don't usually write to ---- again from someone who claims they share their name with or are a certain Actress which I am sure no one has ever heard of before. It seems famous, but it's not that famous, but the name does appear on IMDb.


The thing is:::: the email looks so fake, it looks so much like SPAM, and I've had many other emails like this that don't seem legit. If emails like this really are legit, then someone should go tell LinkedIn that they need to make their emails look more legit. I don't even have a LinkedIn account.


But, if anything, the name of the video(s) this actress acted in do kind of relate to me in my own life personally on so many occasions. I just look at the title of the video, and I understand just how well the title of the video this actress was it relates to me.


So of course I am kind of confused about what's going on.




In other news, last night I was talking to God about my questions about how I could finally make some money so I could finally have more than just AiSH and move on with my life.

The best I can remember this morning, God said I should just keep trying. He also said that a lot of people are in deep debt and generally, the idea I got was that it really is just consumers who don't pay, often because of things like already-huge debt, which is something you probably could have learned from the internet and wouldn't needed to have had God's help in knowing.


Yes ---- So God just pretty much told me to persevere in my efforts, to keep trying ----- I'm not sure how much farther I can go actually, I'm not sure what more I could do that might bring me success. I could publish another book but there's a high chance that people would just rip that off too ---- I could publish another videogame, but I'd want new expensive equipment and there's no guarantee people would buy it anyways.


And, basically, at this point, this "actress" who sent me this email acted in a video with a title that pretty much sums it up. I'm not going to reveal too much information about that though.

UPDATE::::

OK --- I just looked at the past emails I've received at that email addy that doesn't usually receive much and found that there are a few messages from "somewhat-elevated-in-fame" females, although it is very easy and probably right to suspect there's something fishy about these emails.

Is there any truth in it? Maybe, but who knows? If it's real, they've decided to make it look like a scam on the surface, if it's fake, then it's fake.

I mean, though I know there are people who are scams and fakes, I wouldn't put it beyond a certain kind of individual to make their email LOOK fake but have some level of reality to it, particularly famous females who understand I've had a habit of bulk-emailing my own friends personally.

I don't want to explain to much --- it looks so fake, so it probably is, but part of me wonders if it's sort of legit but made to look fake anyway. I'm a bit crazy now I guess. Hopeful, wishful thinking. Delusion maybe. Huh.

It's just that when you see references to yourself in media over and over again, such things seem possible.

And I'm not going to even try explaining the things I've seen in media right now.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Going Crazy

Today I was standing around my Dad as he was talking with some family members, and I'll just note that it's not uncommon for my Dad to start spouting(saying) delusional bullcrap about laws and government --- I mean, in some cases it's just his opinion and that's OK ---- but in other cases some of the things he says are just downright wrong/untruthful and delusional.

Like, today my Dad said it's illegal for the governor general and the lieutenant governors not to rubber-stamp all laws. I am educated enough to know that this is a load of crock and that the governors have constitutionally enshrined legal ability to veto any proposed law ---- it's just that they generally don't do it.

On other occasions I remember he'd talk about how you have to be at least 21 years old to be considered an adult in certain situations, and all of us the family know this one is delusion for him.



Anyway ----- having to live with my Dad's constant bullcrap legal-statements and his inability to accept that any government but the conservatives is legitimate, I'm afraid I am going crazy and kind of want to move out of the house now.

I don't want to be around him. He's just so... lets say, impaired in the things he says and talks about that I just have a deep desire to get out of his presence.



I was thinking about how I was growing up in this family, and as I remembered all the various aspects of my life growing up, it wasn't hard for me to start feeling suicidal again. I mean, just the memories of how bad things were made me want to leave life.



Like, both me and my brother have grown up to be psychologically screwed up individuals who spent many years of our lives with death wishes just because of how bad our situation was when we were growing up.



Unemployment, an evil sister, delusional statements by parents, a church that always tells you to forgive everything but then punishes you just for being a normal male ---I'm not going into detail, but the situation my brother and I grew up with so SO BAD that we were both going all psycho-crazy from it and wanted to die.



I think about my life, and I realize that people like Avril Lavigne have HELPED SO MUCH in bringing me away from the brink of suicide ---- Avril Lavigne is such a great extreme blessing for me --- she's like a therapist that took away the thoughts of self-harm and depression.



The sad thing though, is that it's not uncommon for members of the church I grew up with, the LDS Mormon church, to tell me that I'm not even allowed to listen to her music, much less be her friend, and I mean, with how absolutely shitty life was and how absolutely driven to self harm I was with the situation in life, when the church is telling me I'm not even allowed to listen to Avril Lavigne there is a real problem ---- because she is a bright light, she's been real helpful.



So, life is torture I guess. It's made more bearable by people like Avril Lavigne ---- but the church, a church which is supposed to be doing good and being helpful, is actually doing the opposite of good and helpful.




Anyway, so I would like to be able to move out on my own, to live in my own place, but the financial requirements are steep enough that it would be really-really tough, and it just blows my mind how much people can't spare the smallest amount of money for any of the work I've done.


More torture in life I guess. It's just too bad.



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BTW --- I even have to wonder why my dad grew me up in that church ---- the LDS church in a book I have read seems to believe that "bad" dead people do come back to earth to possess the living and commit sins in their bodies -----   the church believes this, but my Dad doesn't.

So, why were we involved with this church if we don't actually believe the things they teach anyway? Yeah, I'm kind of confused about that.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

It might be or seem relevant

How should I start this post?

In the past couple days, I've thought of so much to say.

I'll start here: when I write something on blogger, it seems a lot like someone or something at Google reads what I write and responds to me with related videos on my Youtube feed.

I recently said it's easy for me to ignore women, especially the attractive ones. Consequently, Youtube started showing me videos of how there's a massive shortage of marrying men and even videos of guys warning each other not to get married, and videos of reasons why men don't get married.

When it comes to my discussion of people sending me spam about giving me money, Youtube expressed an idea that rich people (including famous rich people) like investing, and generally I have a bit of an idea from people around me that I'm pretty much a one-man-freelance-sole-proprietary business, and maybe these emails are about investment.

I even had an email offer small business loans.

The thing about me being a business taking loans or investments:::: Before I ever thought about attracting investment capital for my business, even if I were to hire others with that money, is that I would like to know before hand that it's entirely possible and likely to get paid for products released.

So far, I have seen very little evidence that whoever has the money is actually willing to pay me for my work --- and therefore I do not feel confident in taking investment cash to create a real business. If I can't make money with what I already have, then I don't have much hope for future success.

But, furthermore, I was thinking today about some of the things I was telling Avril Lavigne in my writing to her (I sent her donations with messages attached) before I stopped writing before Christmas, and I realized it's entirely possible and even likely that this spam I receive from famous names may actually be real ----- it's like I was talking to Avril about things before christmas, and she talks about it with her famous buddies, and now they've been sending me spam-like email on related topics.  Yes --- a lot of my talking to Avril involved money talk. And now the famous people might be responding.

It could all just be scam spam too ---- but today I looked at my inbox and spambox and realized the spammers have seriously reduced the number of messages they send me --- for the past weeks I'd probably get at least several messages a day, and today I only got like 2 of these messages --- which means there's likely an intelligent force behind the messages and not just a computer mailing list.

So, it's nice of everyone to think of me as deserving for my effort, I guess it's the thought that counts.

And it's also funny, the thoughts about my discussion with Avril, and how a recent email I received from a famous name relates. I can see a sense of humour there.



In other news, Facebook has told me a bunch more people, more people than normal, have liked The Book of Finch out of the blue,



and today Google sent me an email offering me a coupon for advertisement. Again, it's the thought that counts, that they would try to help me somehow, although I still don't make enough from sales to make it really worth my while.



And my Ubuntu 15.10 just completely crapped-out and I had to reboot, so I might as well just end this post quickly.  yeah, it seems that Firefox, Chrome and Chromium all seem to have problems on pages like Facebook and Blogger that causes recurring complete system freezes. I hope Ubuntu 16.04LTS will finally fix this issue. Yeah.

Monday, February 15, 2016

Strange - Same Version Approved a Second Time

ICBM v1.5.0 was approved by the Cortex Store and published in late January. I have the email in my inbox still that tells me about this occurrence.

But just moments ago I received a second email from Cortex telling me again that ICBM v1.5.0 was approved. Again. Even though it's already published, and I made no new submissions.

I looked at both emails -- and it's not the same email. The emails are slightly different from each other.

Very mysterious.

I guess I could note that in the past day or two I checked ICBM on the Cortex Store and it was ranked in the top 4 of at least one or two of its genres, which is nice.

But no new reported sales.

Who knows.

The "Delusions"

I've gotten a few more of those spams that claim to be from famous people.

I got this one email today from a name that can be found on Wikipedia that says "You are about to start making money!"

That would be awesome.

With all the spam-gifting I've received, and with my Dad making a delusional statement last election that we'd pay more tax under the new government, and with a recent statement my brother made while technically out of his mind,

I definitely seem to be getting raised hopes of finally getting paid for something.

Who knows when I'll make my money. All these products published, and very few reported sales. Wonder what's going on.

I should also note that my telepathy experiments with my parents in the past week or two haven't turned out very well. But, telepathy 0 does appear to work a bit better still for me, though not as well as I would hope for.

And another spam email that says "I'm interested in you" - from a pseudonym. This one is romantically based.

Well, I guess it's not Avril Lavigne.

I'll just warn all the ladies::: I find it incredibly easy these days to ignore women.

At the age of 31 my hormones aren't the same.

And having grown up in the Mormon church, when I see an attractive female my instant instinct or reaction is to avert my eyes.


Sooo --- yeah, I'm a little pathetic to be taking my spam so seriously and reporting it on my website, but I think it's interesting that I get these "famous names" sending me email, with promises of financial gain.

It plays with my hopes, especially considering the delusional things my father and brother have said.


And my final comment for this post is::: I'm having so much fun playing around with Ubuntu Linux. It's not the perfect operating system, but it's useful enough and I just get to have fun geeking-out with it.

Friday, February 12, 2016

Embarrassed myself

Now I'm embarrassed. I've really jumped the gun.

You know that piece of tape I found stuck to my belly when I woke up in the morning?

It wasn't Avril's foundation nor was it an angel - it was a note my dad had stuck to the kitchen table that somehow rubbed onto me.

The note is actually about his HAM radio hobby.

I am so embarrassed.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Finding an Interpretation

So, I've figured out some seeming interpretation (kinda) of that piece of tape I found stuck to my belly that morning with a message on it.

The piece of tape either came from the new t-shirt I was wearing, or it was put there by an "angel".

The first part of the message was pretty funny:

EFHW

What do you think that could mean? put it backwards:

WHFE

now, an H is like a sideways I:

WIFE

WOW.

Now, this is interesting because the T-shirt I was wearing was one of the new Avril Lavigne Foundation T-Shirts I got from supporting her charity.

So, either Avril Lavigne sent me a t-shirt secret message with a potential meaning of "wife" attached to it, or there's an angel who stuck the message to me. Either are possibilities as far as I'm concerned.

I also figured out this much:

With the scratched out 15 and the 16:2:::::

D&C 15:2 and D&C 16:2 are the exact same verse. They say the exact same thing. I did not know that before this tape came along, so that's pretty interesting.

SO::::: was this piece of tape planted there by The Avril Lavigne Foundation, or was it an angel?

Maybe the rest of the message is a clue:

I don't know what "FT" or "pF" stand for, but 141-43 might be a reference to Genesis Chapters 41-43 - which refers to Joseph interpreting dreams of the people around him while he's in prison,

while D&C 120 and D&C 128, one involves an appearance of The LORD in the Kirtland Temple while the other deals with baptisms for the dead.


SO:::::: It does seem unlikely that The Avril Lavigne foundation would send me this message as a secret message taped to a shirt I would wear to bed ----


So, chances are it's an angel.


The funny thing about this is that at the end of The Book of Finch I talk about how I heard a psychic communication tell me my wife/companion is in the netherworld, like a spirit world maybe --------

This does seem realistic to me because of all the cuddles I've received from the invisible person all my life ------ yes, back in my early 20's, I was commonly being hugged and cuddled etc by someone who wasn't actually there.


Maybe this is a message from her. Maybe she likes me and wants to keep me to herself. Who knows.

Whatever the case::: It came in my sleep and it has something to do with "WIFE".

Is it an angel woman who wants me to herself, or is it God telling me to find someone? I'm thinking considering all my previous experiences with invisible cuddles, there's an invisible woman who wants me to herself.

And yes --- I've been told I'm crazy for this sort of belief ---- except I believed in Ghosts and Angels long before I knew for a fact they existed --- I believed it came true, I know what I know, and well, if I never reproduce with a real woman, then that's better for the world if I'm really just crazy I guess.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Strange Messages

So, I woke up this morning.

And I found a piece of masking tape glued to my belly.

Now, this piece of masking tape may have come from the t-shirt I wore for the first time this night, it may have been on the t-shirt before I got it and just came off on me.

Except I didn't notice the tape when I put the shirt on, and because there's a "message" printed on the tape, I'd almost kinda wonder if an angel put the tape there overnight while I slept.

REALLY STRANGE. But not unheard of, considering that one night I woke up with my shirt taken off my torso, only remaining on my arms, and I have no idea how I got that way while I slept.

Anywho:

Maybe I should keep this to myself, except I'm not sure what it means, so I'll print it here:

<><><>
[in green ink]
EFHW
FT140-43
110pF
[in blue ink]
(the 110 is scratched out and replaced with)
128
(a scratched out)
15
[in green ink]
(a scratched out 16)
16:2
<><><>

That's the best I can describe this message on this blog beyond scanning the piece of tape.

I mean, "EFHW" kind of reminds me of the hebrew "YHWH" or, and "16:2" looks like it might be a scripture reference. I'm not sure what for though.




In other news, I also got another strange email::

and I've received other emails like this before, but I never paid attention from them because they didn't seem legit:

it's a message from "Google" from a non-google email to my non-google email. Doesn't make a lot of sense that Google would do that, so it probably wasn't Google.

The thing is though, one of the names that appears in the email line of the message is "GRIF" (grif).

The interesting thing about that is this:::: the FIRST TIME I met Avril Lavigne in person, I was wearing a SHIRT that had the name GRIF printed on the back.

So, I am now more certainly suspecting that these messages are from Avril Lavigne herself or someone near to her. Of course, when the one message said it was a millionaire, that probably referred to Avril herself.

And seeing as how I saw a "body double" of Avril at my psychiatric clinic a number of moths ago, it really could be her. Wow. Cool.

Living in my crazy world

So: in the past week or two I've received a couple emails saying that someone who wants to be my valentine has left me a sizeable sum of money at a certain website (or something).

I didn't click the links because so far none of these gifts have worked out, or I wasn't sure how much I could trust any of it.

Anyway, it's real nice that I'd get one email saying a millionaire wants to date me (a while back) and now my wanna-be-valentine is leaving me monetary gifts at some website.
No idea.

This is kind of the strangest spam I have ever seen.

So:: who is this valentine? My first guess is actually Avril Lavigne, my second guess is that it's some who-knows-who rich woman who is in desperate need of a man (like, I might be suitable?), and my other guess is that it's just spam.

Anyway --- a little about my crazy world:

A few months ago I was going to the hospital for my regular psychiatric checkup when I saw a girl arrive in the waiting area (as i arrived, arrived at same time pretty much) who looked remarkably similar in appearance to Avril Lavigne --- she even had the rips in her pants to prove it.

What's weird is this:::: That day on facebook Avril said she had a checkup for her Lyme Disease, and in that photo she wore the ripped pants except all her clothes were a dark colour.

The "Avril" I saw in person wore light-coloured clothing, but the rips in the pants were very similar.

3 weeks later when I saw the psychiatrist (the day of the sighting was injection-only) the doctor looked surprised that Avril would be at the hospital and suggested that it was just a body double.

Either it was Avril, or it was a body double.

If it was a body double:

Strange thing is, I've seen who I recognized as Jesus Christ appear at the hospital maybe once or twice, depending on how you want to identify Jesus (whatever the truth of his appearance is) --- the most convincing appearance when he looked like (in 2015) the 20 year old version of the 30 year old I saw in 2004, and was being security escorted like a dangerous maniac by guards, shortly before an LDS apostle died.

Anyway, if the Avril I saw on that day was really just a body double --- who was it? The part that scares me is that I had been reading in a magazine about actual appearances of the Virgin Mary (Jesus' Mom) throughout the world at that time, yes about that time my magazine article told me about the Virgin Mary appearing ---- so what if the Avril body double I saw was? um? yes, it's a scary thought. Just speculation though.

Or it was her, though that seems unlikely.

Heck --- all of this seems very, very unlikely, but it's the crazy world I'm living in, I guess.


UPDATE::::

OK, I Just checked my email again and today's Spam is from a woman, who like so many emails before her, wants to "befriend" me. She identified me personally by name and said she liked my pics on instagram.

Except I DON'T HAVE an Instagram account.

DaWha?

I really have no idea --- it all looks pretty spammy, but they know my real name, they seem to know where I live, and they are personally targeting me it seems.

The thing is --- Their email looks like spam. I mean, it might be legitimately personally for me --- but they make it LOOK like spam. Seriously.

I mean, it does appear that they know who I am and they want to talk to me or do something with me, but it's all so spammy it's hard to tell what's going on here.

And yes --- the fact that it's spammy is probably just in response to how I refer to my own emails to friends as spam, though I send a different kind of "spam"(not really spam, just bulk email to whoever my friend happens to be, not that I've done that for at least a few months now).

Hmmm. Seriously. Who out there knows me well enough to use my real name with my personal address, make it look all spammy and be this way with me?

Two options:: Avril Lavigne, or maybe one or two of those spam emails I actually responded to when I wasn't thinking about what I was doing.

Either it has something to do with Avril, or it's just some random spammer out there who I actually replied to once or twice. Haha. Scary.


Sunday, February 7, 2016

Now Accepting Bitcoin Donations

SO::: I've written a bunch of books, I've published a bunch of video games, I've written this blog ---

and I get all this spam telling me people want to send me gifts in the forms of gift card donations and the like.


So: now, if you want to send me "money" or a helpful "thank you" for my work, just click on my bitcoin donation link to send me some digital currency.

So: no more need to spam me with gift cards that I might be confused by as scams, and I can't seem to accept anyway.


So, yeah ---- if you feel I've been hard working to tell the true story of what goes on, or if you think I've been hard working to entertain people, and you are sad that people haven't been paying me much of anything, then feel free to compensate me with a bitcoin donation. thanks!


Monday, February 1, 2016

Why should I trust this?

OK then.

Remember all those emails from famous people I received who were trying to give me gifts?

I just received another one today.

It claims to be from an Albertan MP in Stephen Harper's old government.

He's trying to give me a giftcard to a steakhouse.

As if all these famous people suddenly found it very enticing for some reason to be trying to give me gifts and gift cards and stuff.

Well, it does seem absolutely ridiculous that this would happen at this point.

OK - I did click on the link, and it sent me to some kind of "survey" website, but the website was blank (although that may be because I'm using Midori as my browser and it may have been incompatible).

Maybe they're trying to get me to fill out surveys for these gift cards. That might make sense --- but where do all these famous names come from? Like, really, an old conservative MP????

It does actually seem unbelievable at this point that this would be real.

Maybe it's a totally legit survey operation, but I can't be too certain of anything I see online - you know? Online safety must be remembered.

Not sure what else to say. It just seems unlikely that an MP would attach his name to something like this.

But, I guess the thought counts; The thought that I should be reimbursed for my work or the thought that I could still fall in love. It may all be spam, but at least it can help me feel loved. Heh. How pathetic is that?

Am I supposed to do this?

Today, I was sitting in the van for a little while (less than 20, likely less than 10 minutes) and I decided I would play Telepathy 0 again while I waited.

For a while, I was getting pretty much zero telepathy inspiration, so I was generally getting the answers wrong --- but then I prayed to God and asked for help, and a voice in my head told me the answers to something like 2 or 3 FIVE Streaks in that short little period of time.

Basically, the point I'm making here is this::: I can pray to God for information or inspiration, and it is scientifically verifiable to be real that He responds, because I went from doing very poorly on my own just guessing, to getting at least a couple 5 streaks while I listened to a voice in my head tell me the answers.

So, this evening I've been laying in bed, bored out of my mind, and I ask God "What should I be doing? What am I supposed to do?"

Not very long afterward it became clear in my heart and in my mind that I'm neglecting to fall in love with my "wife".

Basically, after praying to God about what I'm supposed to do with my life, I had all kinds of thoughts and feelings enter my mind about how neglectful I am to some woman because I haven't loved her or married her.

My response? My response to that is the reason Avril Lavigne was such a great girl to try to date was because she was singing about me ---- and she could have paid for our relationship with the money she earned from singing about me.

I grew up poor. I still have never learned to drive a car. I am trying to save, I am trying to earn money,

but even with $200 a month in interest from investment (which I don't make yet) that still wouldn't be enough to have a wife or girlfriend.

I tried selling books and videogames, but people or somebody isn't paying me, so really, I'm high and dry without the cash I would need to afford a family or a girlfriend.

If I have a 0% chance of getting paid then I have a <20% chance of having a girlfriend, even if God is making me aware that I should be marrying.

With my income, as far as I see it ever being, I can only afford to take care of myself. Families are expensive. Living with a woman would be expensive.

So, I do sense the heartbreak, God has made it abundantly clear to me that I'm not lovey or loving enough, but really, I can't be, I can't afford it.

There are a number of other issues mixed in with why I find it so easy to stay single, but the biggest reason is that it would just be too expensive to pursue a relationship.

God has apparently made it clear to me that I'm supposed to love a woman. But I can't. Like the spiritual requirement to avoid masturbation completely conflicts with the natural requirement to have sex, God's idea that I should get married completely conflicts with the fact that I don't have the income to support a wife or family.

Also::: though God made it clear I was supposed to love a woman, he's never made it clear WHO this woman is. I have no clue what or which woman I am or was supposed to love.