So, on this blog, I mentioned how I was email chatting with this girl from another country who wanted to be my girlfriend. Though she seemed to be falling in love with me, I ended up shutting it down --- there are any number of paranoid reasons you could say I shut it down, but the biggest logical or logistical reason I had to shut it down is that I just can't afford a girlfriend or wife.
A few weeks ago, I got another email from yet another girl who wanted to be my girlfriend or wife or whathaveyou. I didn't even respond to this one because I already know I'd probably turn it off eventually, and it's just best not to start something which might or likely won't end well.
So, I'm kind of feeling bad about shutting down girls who might be interested in me.
Part of the problem might be that now that I'm 31 years old, my testosterone is lowering and my interest in the ladies has seriously decreased.
Another problem is that I don't see much money coming in and I really just can't afford having a wife or girlfriend.
If I were supposed to reproduce, then I'd have the capability to reproduce. And you'd think I'm supposed to reproduce seeing as how I was the smartest kid in school for so many years running and that I was essentially a leader (as I see it) in rejecting Mormonism because that church turned out just to be really-really-non-intellectual ---- I mean, maybe you'd think I was supposed to reproduce just because of how completely brilliant I might've been in my life (I'm not just tooting my own horn or making a circular argument here either, I know I'm smart because other people tell me I'm smart, even in the years of my mental illness I have been considered intelligent) --- you'd think I'd reproduce, but seeing as how I just don't have the kind of funding or capital, I just can't afford it nor, without paying me enough for stuff, society might just deem me to be the kind of guy who actually SHOULDN'T reproduce.
I mean, I can live quite happily without having children of my own I think. Maybe having a girlfriend would be nice, but really, I just can't do that.
So, to all the ladies who feel I might've turned them down::: Society just doesn't seem to see it fit for me to have children. Doesn't matter how I aced a math final exam in school or generally just had high or top grades ----- the world doesn't give me the funding (through actually paying me properly), so I can't.
It's kind of funny that Google would go so far as to actually have special blurbs on their search pages for The Eagle's Sore, because I've only ever actually sold TWO copies of that book to anybody, one of those persons I know personally. I've bought plenty of books myself that I have given away (around 20, I'd say), and I've given away few legal freebies as ebook downloads ---- and though I've only had 2 real legitimate sales of my book, somehow Google saw fit to put special blurbs on their search pages for my books. Wow.
So. 2 copies sold gets you a special blurb on Google search pages. I guess this is a world where 4 sales gets you to 82nd on the O-Rank. Absolutely astounding that this is how bad the economy is.
I might be forgiving, but all those 70-80% of christians who are likely responsible for downloading illegal copies of my products should realize the bible also says "Faith without works is dead".
So though the wages of sin is death, and Jesus made payment for that, now that you are saved through Christ I suppose I should mention you are expected to work anyway because faith without works is also dead. If you believe in Jesus, you should probably do whatever the work is that's necessary to pay me my 99cents. Hah. :)
Of course, I guess it's also written somewhere in Corinthians that no one fell to any sin unless we were all doing it, or something like that ---- and maybe that's why the economy is crap, because everyone decided not to pay for things. :)
Anyway, I can't have children because people don't pay me. In order to have children I should be able to afford at least a place to live, probably transportation too--- as well as just having the food and clothing and all that stuff, you know? At this point I can only give that to myself, nobody else in the equation. Unfortunately.
As a final note, I'll just say i was writing this blog post on an Ubuntu Linux 15.10 machine, and that the operating system completely crashed twice during the writing. (Thank Google that Chrome remembered what I had already written upon restore) --- anyway, my Ubuntu linux has crashed too frequently while my Macs do much better, I think. I like Ubuntu --- but it's not totally perfectly stable.
Did I catch a virus that clamd (Clam Daemon) didn't scan? Does Clam Daemon even try to scan for viruses? I dunno, maybe I should just do a virus scan while I sleep --- maybe it's a virus, but it's also quite possibly just an unstable operating system problem. Just thought I'd share that with you guys out there.