So, my recent experience with my stupidity in dealing with my video game development situation brought on more thoughts::
What if I was just having another pipe-dream when I fantasized or planned to attract Avril Lavigne into going on a date with me?
Basically, the big reason I was ever interested in Avril, the original reasons I was befriending her --- was because of my position in life as a Mormon.
It is because of the Mormon church that I had any interest in Avril Lavigne.
But now the Mormon church isn't part of my life anymore, not nearly like it used to be, and now there's only one reason why I would try to spend time with Avril::: because she's my hero and I'm extremely thankful for what she's done.
But that's like, 1 reason. Mormonism gave me many reasons to befriend her. But those aren't reasons anymore.
And my 1 reason, that she's my hero, isn't a very good reason to spam her with ton in donations in order to get her to go out with me. I can send her donations every so often, but I have a life to live, and I don't really have too much hope of attracting her to me with my level of income.
It would be huge expenditure with little payback.
Basically, I am actually very happy with where my life is right now. I'm comfortable, I'm happy, and the Mormon church isn't part of my life anymore so many of the reasons I would have tried being with Avril don't matter anymore.
Also: her fans didn't like me for being a Mormon, and they also didn't seem to like my rebellion against Mormonism, so there was no right choice there. It just wasn't going to work maybe.
Maybe if I win the lottery I can consider making a nice donation to her to get that date ---- but I need to live my life realistically and budget appropriately, no pipe-dreams.
I mean, I might've had a pipe-dream that I could get a date with her, but I am well aware that my chances of ever getting married to anyone are extremely low.
So, I know I have little chance of ever marrying, so I'll just live realistically within budgeting restraints, and not go on some grandiose delusion adventure that will break the bank. :) hah.
I love her, but I can't afford her. I can afford her more now than before, but things have changed.