Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Obsessed about church

You know what's too bad? The way when I grew up in the LDS Mormon church how they made me obsessive about learning and studying their religion --- I left the church long ago, but I am still obsessed with it.

I still remember when my old LDS bishop told me I was required to forgive the Liabilitys. (fake name).

These days I just sit here and wonder::::: What exactly did he mean when he said I should 'forgive' them?

You see, the real world makes it clear what forgiveness is: it's when you pardon, let off the hook, don't feel angry about, an offence/offender.

But experiencing the mormon life and looking at their books and scriptures:: I am getting VERY confused.

You see, in D&C 64, when "the Lord" tells us to forgive, he clearly isn't referring to the general world definition of forgiveness because he clearly states in his definition that you CAN BE ANGRY at a person you forgive and YOU CAN PUNISH a person you forgive.

In Mormonism, as seen in D&C 64, punishment and anger have nothing to do with forgiveness. The rest of the world defines forgiveness as an absence of punishment or anger, but the Mormons believe forgiveness is altogether something different.

Mormons say you are required to forgive, or else you will be punished for a crime worse than the original offence.

SO:::: It's obviously VERY important to forgive::: but if forgiveness allows punishment and anger, then what exactly do the Mormons mean by "forgive" anyway????

Spencer W Kimball in his book about forgiveness made two thoughts clear to me:: 1) Forgiveness means forgetting and 2) You remains friends with the person you forgive.

I mean, the rest of the world says "forgive AND forget" while the mormon prophet says "forgiveness IS forgetting".

Anyway, if I have to still be friends with the Liabilitys as I forgive them, that's kind of hard because the Bishop told me not to talk to them anymore, so that's not what forgiveness is. Either the bishop was wrong, or forgiveness has nothing to do with continued friendship like Kimball said it did.

So, forgiveness IS forgetting is the last definition of that word that I can remember as it has ever been defined as.

Well, if you are required to forgive every little bad thing that ever happened in your life, that means your brain is probably going to fall out of your head or something I'd say.

Basically, unless you have something like schizophrenia or alzheimers, you will probably not actually forget something that happened.

I have schizophrenia, and even I have memories of things.

Anyway, apparently, as I have understood it, just remembering an offence makes you guilty of a greater offence which the Lord WILL condemn you for, as I have understood the religion.

And I wish I didn't become so obsessive over all this, because it's all such complete garbage and I shouldn't be worrying about it. I just happen to be obsessed over complete garbage now. The church told me they were the one truth, they made me obsess about their beliefs, and then it turned out to be complete garbage. Hmmm.

Well, it's clear in D&C 64 that mormon forgiveness isn't anything like forgiveness in the rest of the world.

That's kind of like how the Mormons will say "We're not racist", when it fact it's very clear that their scriptures, as defined by the Avril Lavigne fan club, are actually EXTREMELY racist.

They claim about themselves to not be racist, but then their actual beliefs in their actual scriptures can clearly be deemed as being very racist.

So I have no idea. I regret growing up with this church, not that it was my choice. And at the end of my life I'll probably regret that I stayed so obsessed about it for so long when it was actually just a waste of time.

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