After I wrote last night's blog post about how reality doesn't even make sense to me, I listened to music, then went back to bed, and woke up in the morning with reality making even less sense.
I went to bed wearing my clothes or pyjamas as any normal person would wear their clothing.
But when I woke up, though my arms were still through the armholes or sleeves of the shirt, my head was not in the neck-hole of the shirt, somehow my body and head had exited the covering of my shirt while I was sleeping leaving only my arms covered by the sleeves.
That makes no sense whatsoever, and I have no memory or idea of how that happened. I was very well rested in the morning.
It reminds me of hearing about alien abduction stories where the abductee wakes up in the morning wearing the wrong clothing.
I don't know what happened, but "reality doesn't make sense" stands after that. No idea how my head and body got out of my shirt while my arms stayed in, while I was sleeping. No sense at all.
I was also reviewing more Youtube videos discussing various aspects of my old religion, the LDS Mormon Church.
I can say I am so ashamed of having been a member of that church, and I am so ashamed of letting that church deceive me so badly.
I am so thankful to people like Shawn McCraney and others who clearly show how that church could not possibly be the truth it claimed to be. Now I know better, now I've walked away.
But, I am ashamed for having joined that church and being involved in it for so long. I didn't even serve a mission, and I essentially left the church before I was even 20, but I am still ashamed of having been involved with it.
When you are 8 years old and getting baptized into mormonism, you don't really know what the issues are. When I got baptized - I had never even heard of polygamy.
It's just so shameful.
But, realizing that there is such a thing as a lie and deception, I suppose maybe some day I might get over my mental handicap about getting married, if I can afford to get married.
Just because some whackjob from the church years ago thought i was going to hurt the girl I loved -- that never meant I actually ever had any desire to hurt her, which I never had any desire to do so as I remember.
As I go about my business in the day, I see women around me smiling at me. It's too soon to say if I'll ever find a woman, but I do see how girls do seem to invite me to be friends with them or whatever.
I've had so much experience with girls being somewhat interested in me, and maybe it is just my brain problems stopping me from proceeding.
Yeah - the church was completely off, and i shouldn't let even their false accusations of past control my life anymore.
I'm the kind of guy who kind of needs Youtube to be a sort of support group for me when letting go of mormonism.
My dad listened to me talking about what I thought and experienced, and he's been able to let go of mormonism real easily, he doesn't even like hearing about the church he's so annoyed with it.
My brother also seems to realize something is wrong with the church, and he just listens as on occasion I've told him some of the issues.
My mom and sisters however::: inasmuch as my mom should be the smartest person in my family with all her degrees and everything she should know and understand, somehow my mom and my sisters still attend the LDS church and practise it, claiming belief.
I think it's very sad, that the women of my family haven't figured out the issues, even if I've had some time to try and explain some things.
But, I can now say that I am so thankful that I started having "overactive hormone" issues after my grandmother died in 1998. It was so hard for so long having those issues in the church, but I think I'm free now, I think the deception was being shifted towards being thwarted because I had overactive and uncontrollable hormones.
So, thankful for sexual problems, got me off the wrong path.
And that's all, just my thoughts about my shame for belonging at the church, my joy that the men of my family understand, and the sadness and confusion at how the women in my family haven't figured it out.