Monday, June 8, 2015

Where to go? What to do?

All kinds of questions about all kinds of facets of my life.  All kinds of wonderings and complainings I could whine about ----- but I don't have a lot of people in my personal life who I can really talk to, much less offer good information.

What should I do? Where should I go?

I've got ideas about things I can do next with my life, but I am very limited because I don't have much money and I've NEVER BEEN ABLE to afford to drive a vehicle.

You kind of need to drive a vehicle to do so many things in life, as I understand, but I was never able to afford a vehicle, so I can never do those things in life, which means I can't afford it again. Vicious cycle. The cycle gets worse when you add the fact that I've had huge problems in life and mental illness.

So, I looked at some Youtube Videos of some people who have great success selling books on kindle.

And I sit here ----- seeing the likelihood that I really do have people buying my books, but then noticing that I'm not getting paid or seeing sales reports.

Yeah. Maybe there's a reason for that. Why do I feel like I'm getting screwed over in life, every step of the way?  It starts out very young, when your siblings can't be bothered to be nice or get along ----- and it just grows and grows all throughout your life as people are constantly behaving like total dicks at you until it gets to a point where you write a book about it, and then you aren't allowed to be paid for your sales.

I guess the purpose of my life is just to take crap from people, different people, over and over again. It all just keeps coming. Over and over again having to put up with someone's BS, and I can never really be allowed to be truly successful, even if I put in all the effort in school and really tried hard all my life until I suffer a breakdown from all the crap and am mentally and emotionally unable.


So yeah, wondering what to do with my life, where to go. I have some ideas of things I can do, but it's not much.

The real limiting factor for me is being unable to drive my own vehicle ----- and I've never been able to drive because I've always been so poor.

At least my mentalism is picking up.

In past weeks I've had some great success in testing with computer electronics, and in just the past few days I've had some pretty good results in human-to-human testing.

So yeah. Maybe I will eventually get to the point where I could work as a mentalist of some sort, doing something. I actually really seem to have gotten better recently, and I swear I'm legitimate at it. I'm not the best, I'm not perfect, but I think I've gotten better.

yeah. I could write another book, maybe, but I already know that chances are dismal that I'd get paid.

So yeah. I'm reliant on Alberta's AiSH program ------ but it's not enough to get me driving or owning a house, and that really limits me.  And for whatever reason, I'm not getting paid when I try to sell books or video games, so I still can't drive and I'm just really limited.

And yeah, perhaps a reason why I can't get paid is because of all the bullcrap I've been through in my life ----- it starts very young as your siblings refuse to get along and be nice, and it just grows and snowballs through life as everyone seems to behave like complete dicks and you can never do anything or accomplish anything despite being the hardest working student and getting top grades, and you just end up suffering a break down and then you're screwed and you're not getting paid for your book.


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