Sunday, June 28, 2015

Confusion about Forgiveness

I was just thinking about how my old Bishop, Bishop Stevens (fake name) told me I had to forgive the Liabilities (fake name).

He told me I HAD to - absolutely must- required to - forgive them, yet he also told me at the same time to not talk to them any more.

?????

This simple instruction from my bishop may be a BIG KEY REASON why I lost my mind and became so mentally ill.

You see, the Bishop's instructions were fraudulent. They didn't work. They were self-contradictory.

I think it's interesting that the bishop would force me on these instructions, like I have no personal choice in the matter, and then because the instructions are self contradictory that I would go insane --- and then they force me on drugs because I went insane from being forced to follow self-contradictory instructions.


I would say that's actually abuse.


You see, when you forgive someone, according to President Kimball (who wrote the book on forgiveness), never talking to the person you forgave is actually the opposite of forgiveness, and is actually seriously condemned.

The bishop told me to forgive, but gave me a specific instruction to not actually forgive at the same time.

What a bunch of baloney. And I went so insane from all the BS, that I had to be forced on drugs apparently. That is actually what I consider to be abuse.



It's just so strange to me that this LDS Bishop could clearly contradict his own church's doctrine and position on so many matters, especially forgiveness, and then he can't be criticized even though he criticized Avril Lavigne for being a rock musician and criticized me for having over-powering hormones.



Anyway, I was talking to my dad about this bishop's instructions, and another way it related in my life::::

My Bishop made it clear that we are required to forgive ALL MEN.  Yet he also, apparently, instructed my mother to scream at me like she was demon-possessed just because I was playing videogames on Sunday.

I mean, he said forgive everyone, yet he's told me my mom to essentially abuse me just because I'm playing videogames on a specific day.



My dad, in my talk with him, said her angry screaming about what I did was not actually opposite of forgiveness ---- that you can forgive and feel angry at the same time, according to my dad.


I am so confused.



Apparently, my mom was forgiving me when she screamed at me to turn the computer off, threatening to pull out the power plug,


and after I smashed up the missionaries' car they forgave me by locking me up, forcing me on drugs, and telling me not to believe in God any more.

I am so confused.  If the missionaries were forgiving me by doing that, and if my mom forgave me by screaming at me ----- then what is the value of forgiveness when someone who does something wrong is being mistreated and forgiven at the same time?


I am so completely confused at how the Mormons consider the definition of that word "forgive".

Because of my mom's screaming anger, that means forgiveness allows anger.

Because the missionaries locked me up, that means forgiveness allows punishment.



Wait a second ---- what if I was actually just being condemned on each occasion, and the church only just CLAIMED that it was forgiveness -- but was actually just LYING???


Wow ---- that would mean the church is supposed to face even greater condemnation than what they inflicted upon me.


They give instructions of requirement to forgive --- but then in their actual action and behaviour, they seem to do the opposite of forgiveness.


Forgiveness is apparently angry and punishing as I have learned in my experience with LDS Mormonism.

So crazy. I deserve my AiSH. I was driven mad.

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