Saturday, May 2, 2015

What will I work at?

So::: I was the smartest boy at school so often growing up ----- and I ended up losing my mind and becoming disabled ---- things that used to be easy for me to do in school suddenly became very difficult, either impossible or near impossible - my brain doesn't work.

Though I, perhaps delusionally, argued with the psychiatrist --- it was clear - I was disabled, and for that reason I can now understand that I really did deserve my AiSH. Things actually worked out well for me ----- the LDS path was the wrong one to follow, as I can now see.

So ---- How disabled am I now, and what do I intend to do?

For a long time, I was unmotivated to do many things. I was mostly motivated just to "delusionally" argue with the psychiatrist.

But now I feel motivated. I have ideas of things I can try to do. Maybe it's not much, not anything too grand --- but what I think I might do with my life might suit me right now as I try to recover from mental illness.

So, I'm motivated ---- the next step is just to find the drive and/or attention span to sit down and do things.

I found I liked helping my sister move from one house to another. But, I'm so introverted and unskilled, much manual labor might be hard for me to find, as I am not very socially inclined and I can't even drive a car.

So, what else can I do??

I could try to learn to play Piano --- I've already learned a little bit, and found that I am capable of making a little bit of music. Of course, right now I'm still mostly untrained, so yeah, learning and practising piano is on my list of things I could do.

I could buy some books (once my budget allows) and re-learn trigonometry, and then try to teach myself Calculus as well.  In grade 12 and university, my brain was so broken that I couldn't really do calculus --- at all --- a good demonstration of how bad my brain broke ----- but I'm going to hope I'm recovering, because I want to just sit down with a book some day and try to learn it by myself.

And I might try to write another book. I've already mentioned this. I think it might help for me to write my book while I'm on a vacation. I don't know --- it really depends on how well I can concentrate on this kind of work with my environment. I have ideas for my next book, we'll just see if I can do it. Of course, I already know I probably won't get paid much or at all, but I can still try it to do something.

So, yeah, basically how this ties in with the upcoming election is I think that even if you live on welfare ---- the basic will to do stuff, to drive away boredom, exists, so I think basically that everyone should be provided for their basics ---- and the human drive to achieve and fight boredom will drive the economy to even greater things. That's what I think. I, of course, am not the smartest, I'm just saying what I think I know or understand, basically just trying to HOPE that we get a government that helps the poor and provides for everyone -- and then everyone will figure out what they want to do with their lives and do it. I know not everyone has great motivation or drive, and maybe those people just need to live that way, if it makes them happy, but I'm hoping there are enough of us who do have the drive to do things. I can't say for certain how well it would work out though - and I'm not even the policy guy or the brains, this is just my opinion.

Of course, I don't actually belong to the NDP so I can't say I know for certain all their intentions --- what I know is that they have some good ideas which do help the poor, and that they are considered socialists, so they, well, should be our people's Robin Hood. :) or whatever. :)

Oh ---- and if I do manage to teach myself calculus ---- then maybe I'll even go back to school, like my brother is going to. If my brain starts working, I can only imagine it would be good if I got a real education. We'll see ----- who knows what to expect considering my history of being the smartest and the dumbest --- I was really bright for a long time, but I've also been dumb as dirt for a long time ---- my brain just didn't work.

And knowing what it's like to be poor and in need is why I support a government which should help the poor. :)

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