Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Interested Women

So, since 2013 now, I the rare occasions I have to be around females closer to my age, the women have started seeming more interested in me.

I don't need to discuss every "offer" I've ever received, sometimes there's email which seems to indicate (if it's not just spam) that there might be interested women,

I mean, on some rare occasions I think some 3rd party(s) has tried to hook me up with dating sites without me knowing.

Today, I met a nice girl who was about my age, and she immediately started comparing our astrological signs --- which, to me, seems like a sign that she might be interested.

It's nice to know that women haven't completely rejected me, that I might still have a chance. But I am very hesitant to even try to start a relationship ---- especially when I feel lacking in ways like I'm 30 and I haven't even learned to drive yet.

For so long I've felt resigned to live out my whole life without any female companionship --- the seemed like a very viable option to me.

But, in these not even-as-far-as-first-date encounters I sometimes have, well, I'm very timid so I'm not taking any leaps yet, but it's just nice to know that if I try, I might have a chance of finding someone.

So::: it makes me feel good to see "interested" women, but I'm not certain even right now at the age of 30 if I'm really capable or really a decent enough deal to really date anyone or do anything like that.

For so long now I figured I'd never find a woman. There's a small chance, as I see it, that my pre-determined situation may reverse. Not much of a chance though, at this point. :)


OK, so back in 2010 I met a girl online (not the same girl as Selena from LTW) who seemed a little bit interested in me. But, I still had the delusion that I might score as a Mormon, and as such the nude photo she sent me of herself fell on blind eyes. I have no idea who she was or where she came from, just that she was some girl on the internet who was interested.

Then in 2013 I saw a pretty girl wave at me in a parking lot like she was interested. At this point, however, I was still holding out hope for Avril Lavigne.

Now, as of a little while ago, I don't hold out [much] hope for Avril Lavigne, I really truly realize that I don't want to really be a Mormon ------

So what held me back from today's girl who seemed to express interest by comparing our astrological signs?

I mean, in my "dedicated bachelor" mindset it's hard to want to react to such flirtation, even if it almost seems obvious that it is flirtation.

But, she was nice, and she was pretty, so now I fear I might've hurt her feelings by not being more extroverted with her. I probably didn't hurt her feelings, she's probably fine, and I realize that I'm not likely to run into her again, at least for a very long time, so yeah.


Just wondering how to deal with potential women who might express interest, and how to try not to break their hearts by expressing no interest in return.

I'm just so timid you know? For a long time I was never planning on marrying anyone very much ---- I had all kinds of explanations I told myself that I'd stay single for.

But, on the "rare" occasion that I actually meet a girl, if she's interested --- what should I do? I mean, how do I politely be disinterested even when she seems so pretty or nice that I should be interested ----- and if I do become interested, --- I was just about to try to accept the possibility that I might ever be interested, but deep down inside I know that I would have extreme difficulty befriending or courting a female properly. Hmmmm.

Yeah------ Just confused by finding that women are still interested in me sometimes. It's scary, the thought of finding a girl ------ on one hand I know I don't want or need a female companion, on the other hand, some girls are truly interesting with how nice they seem or pretty they look, and I don't want to hurt feelings.

Am I really interested in women? Not a whole lot to tell the truth ---- i am attracted to women, but in my mind and in my heart, I find it very difficult to be interested in anyone like that.  The closest thing I have to interest is my base manly desire to, you know, which isn't really all that important anyway.

The one thing I would be interested in is a good woman who I could be very good friends with, someone who would be a good close personal friend --- and yes, marriage would be an option there. That's how a woman would really be attractive to me ----- as a good personal friend.

But with my timidness and my deep dedication to bachelorism, I'm not likely to marry, I just have some level of normal attraction which I try to ignore, and I'm just confused about how not to hurt feelings or how stupid I might be for missing a good opportunity.

**Just really confused**

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