Thursday, May 28, 2015

I had to apologize twice

OK ----- so maybe I have some psychological problems still.

There were two occasions in the past two weeks where I was talking to my family within my household and two people in the house seemed to lack trust or faith in what I said.

The first issue was a money issue, and, paranoia is blamed for this, I was being treated like I was untrustworthy on this money issue.

Anyway, I just thought it was interesting that church leaders could truly do and say the wrong thing and can't be criticized, while I'm being criticized for a potential problem that wasn't necessarily true at all and didn't as yet exist.

Anyway, I got so angry at this member of my family, for his criticism for a problem that didn't exist and his lack of faith and trust.

So, I got angry, it was mild compared to past times when I'd get locked up in hospital ----- but I ended up feeling bad about my angry outburst so I, later that day, apologized.

But then, just last night I was talking to another member of my family about some point of fact I learned in a Youtube video I had watched, and this family member immediately seemed to doubt, started immediately questioning the validity of the factual claim made by the Youtube video.

The lack of faith and trust that this family member expressed in a youtube channel that really had no reason to lie, the lack of trust in something which I myself saw no reason to doubt ------ well, that kind of ticked me off too ------ I got angry with this family member as well.

I suppose I should mention that this family member double checked the youtube video's fact, and the fact turned out to be reportedly true.

So::::: I'm getting angry, essentially, over issues in my family where there's a lack of trust or faith. I feel bad that I'm getting so upset so easily ----- I think I'm wrong because of my angry reaction and outbursts towards these family members and their disbelief in people's honesty, so yeah, if there's anything I'm worried about myself at this point is that I'm getting angry too easily again. My anger is very mild compared to past outbursts, but I still don't think it's good.

So I'm just admitting that I have a bit of a problem.

Also note:::::: It's just so sad that we live in a world where people's outright honesty can't be trusted because of all the lies that go around all the time.

Yes ----- there are so many issues of trust and falsehood in our world, and it's just so sad that the truth can't be believed because so many lies get passed around too easily. Very sad.

But I shouldn't be getting angry. I feel stupid about that.

And yes, I apologized to the second family member as well.

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