The easiest way I can explain this blog post is just to say that my mind races with thoughts about the same old things I went through, and I see no solution to it except to say "The LDS church is just garbage".
Yup ---- I can't make any sense out of what I went through anymore, and I can just make a blanket statement that says the whole church is just crap.
Should I go into the details of my thoughts on this blog? I dunno....
I send many emails to my "email friends" about my thoughts on these issues, and I dunno if publicly releasing this information or any variation on it will do any good -- besides, I've probably already discussed it before somewhere.
With all the bulk email I sent to Avril Lavigne's fan club ---- I finally got bulk email in return today.
If I'm going to spam avril with my psychological problems, I might as well spam her with cash as well, I figured -----
So today I got 10 emails back from a friend of Avril's, listing off various donations I've made, and basically gives thanks for it, although it's more of a tax receipt I think.
The thing is:::: In these 10 emails that Avril's friend sent me listing off my various donations ---- She doesn't even list ALL the donations I ever sent last year. She's missing at least a few.
So, yeah, I dunno, I send too much email, so to not be a completely useless spammer, I also tend to Spam Avril's charity with 5 and 10 dollar bills. They responded to me about that today --- and they didn't even mention every single donation, there were at least a few they left out and didn't mention.
So - what can I say about my psychological issues regarding what I went through?
It's interesting that by early 2003 the church had me blessing sacrament, asked me to speak in church, tried to call me to be an elder ------ but by early 2004 when I actually went to see the bishop to become an elder there was some unspecified accusation made against me that prevented me from progressing in the priesthood.
Basically, there was no problem with me being active in the ward and doing priesthood duties and even being called to be an elder by early 2003 ---- but by early 2004 there was some kind of accusation that suddenly stopped me from progressing.
They punished me either because the atonement doesn't have any power over masturbation, or because they essentially falsely accused me of something that I'm not actually allowed to know the actual details of said accusation either.
So it was all bs.
There's another story I would want to talk about, but won't because if you read my books you could probably eventually figure out what I'm thinking if by some coincidence you were to look at the same points of fact I'm thinking of.
Anyway, yeah, the LDS church gave me a wonderful patriarchal blessing, and some of the blessings were supposed to happen when I was a young man, but those blessings were taken away because of a false accusation made against me, which no one told me about for years.
Kinda causes me psychological issues. I hope you understand.