Wednesday, April 22, 2015

I was Disabled - now I'm just sabotaged

Trying to figure this out.

I just managed to read a whole chapter from a novel I've been working on for the past few years (spending most of the years not touching the book). The book is very long and a chapter in it is very long as well. I just read a whole chapter, enjoying it, understanding it, getting the gist of the story.

My brain works here.

After reading that chapter, I thought I'd go back to reading my manuscript (which I started a few years ago) and then getting back to work on writing this new book.

No luck.

I couldn't barely read the first paragraph. Not because I'm a bad writer --- but it's like there's something or someone in my head trying to stop me from proceeding on my project.

This "being in my head" is all too happy to sit there and read a lengthy sci-fi novel with me, but as soon as I set down to work on my own book, reading an already-written manuscript which is way shorter than the book I was reading, it's like there's someone in my head who is stopping me from proceeding.

I'm able to read a whole chapter from a very long novel. I am able to read my own writing most of the time.

But when I sit down to read what I've already written of a new book I myself am writing, my brain goes all wonky about it ---- my mind stops working and I can't proceed.

It's like I'm not allowed to look at, concentrate, think or do anything about working on my own project.

No idea. Is there any grand cosmic scheme causing me to be this way? Who knows. I don't know. It's just heck of annoying.

So, I'm not totally disabled ---- it feels like there's someone in my head, sabotaging my work.

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