So, this evening I googled myself (Kris Attfield) and found a forum thread that discussed The Book of Finch a bit.
I just want to explain that my emotions are such a mess::: for a while I couldn't bring myself to read mail from my old stake president, or even anyone in the church, because of severe emotional problems.
The Stake President was eventually able to somehow magically "charm" his mail enough that I felt good about opening and reading (I'm serious - it's an emotional thing for me)----
But yeah, as I look at and think about this forum thread, my emotions just turn to hurt and pain.
I might have something to fear about what they say maybe, maybe not, all I know is that with the emotions I felt about the thread, I don't want to read it.
I'm not saying that these are bad people or that they necessarily said anything wrong---- I really don't know, all I know is my emotions won't allow me to read it ---- just like my emotions turned me off reading church mail. It takes some special magic (which my stake president seemed to understand) to cause me to feel good and capable of reading what people are saying to me or about me.
Yeah ---- My eyes read one forum post that said my book was "an interesting read". I guess I can be happy with that. I was fine psychologically with that post, I know I might not be a very good writer to boot, but I don't really know for certain.
Anyway, with an Australian TV Personality being connected to me on Facebook for who-knows-what-reason and now finding a forum thread that seems to discuss a bit about my book, yeah, I see, I'm getting out there somehow, in a way.
What's amazing is that I've "rebelled" so much from the LDS church at this point ---- in my rebellion I still acknowledge LDS magic ----- but I pretty much rebel from the church ----- and it's just interesting because the LDS patriarch essentially predicted I would have some level of fame, some international attention.
I'm getting so comfortable with my life, of all the experiences I've ever had in life --- I'm at a very cushy point in life right now, and I'm mostly not even being paid for all the work I distributed.
Yeah, I can't help but wonder how this current "cushy" state might end or transition. If I'm becoming famous --- then what am I gonna do?
Being a famous person living on disability welfare seems like such a strange idea. Who knows, maybe people just decided that I shouldn't be paid for my kind of fame. Maybe.
Anyway, if anything of my current fame levels develops, I can't help but wonder if the old patriarch will be considered somehow "right" about his predictions. That kind of scares me, the possibility of travelling and preaching.
I get scared so easily.
But yeah ---- I've studied the "anti-mormon" stuff, and I realize that you don't even have to read anti-mormon stuff to discover problems with the church.
And despite all the problems with the LDS church, despite the fact that I myself have essentially rebelled, I'm not going to lie---- I really do have a witness of some LDS magic. There seems to be some reality there.
It's just a question of if it's Satanic. I made my verdict already.
there's no doubt the LDS church has good things in and about it ----- and it's probably to be expected that there have been so many errors in the organization,
So, I dunno, it might be good, and maybe all the blasphemy Joseph Smith committed will be forgiven ---- who knows?