Monday, March 30, 2015

Feelings on Fame

It's 4AM where I am. I haven't been able to sleep all night.

But my mind wandered and I had a thought that I have achieved fame.

And then I wanted to go back to my blog to discuss my fame, a bit.

I was gonna delete my latest political post because I didn't feel like having too much "political discussion" on this blog---

but then I saw that I had over 200 hits to this website at 3AM - just an  hour ago. I figured if someone thought my little political post was important, then I might as well not delete it.

So --- with thoughts of being famous, with 200 hits in a one hour time frame in the past hour, with hundreds of books distributed and a couple thousand video games out there ----- what have I achieved?

I got a new review for The Book of Finch today. Maybe 1 star reviews are to be expected considering how I compare my life to a movie that was rated so low that it might be considered a 1 star movie depending on what circle you're in.

I have to say ----- local people around me in regular life congratulate me or seem impressed by my achievements of writing books and video games-----

But I'm going to stay modest and say that I understand the general public tends to think my work is crap.

It's true, I like my own work, and the people close to me like my work,

But when it comes to really producing quality content, I'm not sure I'm there yet, and I'm not sure I'll ever get there.

To me, it looks like any quality content from me is just ideas I had or a story I told which is then taken by someone else and turned into quality content.

I shouldn't toot my own horn, biblically speaking, but I have tooted my own horn, and found out I'm no good at tooting horns. When someone else toots my horn, they do a good job and seem to garner tonnes of success. Me - I'm unprofessional, pretty much an amateur, an intermediate or semi-pro at most, I think.

Yeah. I'm famous, thanks to all the wonderful people who decided my story should be out there --- but I suck at tooting my own horn.

Yeah --- how famous am I? At least thousands of people have heard of me I'm sure.

Wanna know what's weird?

When I was young, growing up, I desired riches, but NOT fame. I didn't care about fame or celebrity when I was growing up. I wanted to make tonnes of money, because I grew up poor and having money seemed important, but I didn't care for fame.

So, life turned out in a way that I wasn't quite hoping for ---- I attained all this fame, and have made very little money from it. So much for the law of attraction, this sounds more like the law of opposite attraction.

But yeah, sometimes I just feel so accomplished by having become as famous as I am --- but I realize the quality of my work may be looked down upon and that I'm really nothing all that special.

I was just a smart kid who did well in school who tried to have a good moral compass in life.

Things go all wrong I guess.


To sum it up - the basic point of this post is to say I may be famous, and maybe that's something, but I'm mentally disabled and my work is probably just crap. I'd use a stronger word, but I don't want to use a word like that on blogger. Yeah.

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