Friday, March 20, 2015

A Futile Effort to Serve the World

Ah it's the 20th of March and I've only now reached my 3rd blog post of the month. My brain must've really calmed down about past problems.

But, I almost decided to not post this post, because of how futile this problem seems to be.

Let me explain::::

I've been praying to God, asking Him for direction or guidance for something I can do with my life, asking for some kind of purpose for my existence.

All I get is either silence, or just being told that I can do whatever I want.

Life seems pointless.

So I go on thinking about how I tried to make money selling books, or how I tried to make money selling video games. Most people appear to be unable or unwilling to pay even $0.99 for my work. Doesn't make me feel very good about the quality of my work.

Anyway, growing up in school, I was top of the class. The LDS church blessed me with an especially blessed mind, which must've sent me over the top, because in just months after that blessing I became the stupidest boy at school.

Basically, Jesus said the first shall be last and the last shall be first, so if I was top of the class, getting an extra blessing in my mind would obviously drop me to the bottom of the class according to Jesus (believe it or not).

Anyway, I'm like the bottom feeder of the human race, and well, financial life for me just doesn't make any sense.

I get most of my money from welfare. I get the next most amount of money from investing. I make the least amount from selling goods and services.

I mean, the biggest way I make money is to do nothing with myself. The next biggest way of making money involves action, but it doesn't involve me actually serving humanity - I make all this money being completely self-serving.  And then I try to serve humanity with entertaining video games or informative books, and I get almost nothing out of it.

So, if I could say this basically:::::

I make most of my money from doing nothing or just being entirely self-serving,

While if I try to provide something to entertain my fellow man, I earn practically nothing.

To me, this situation seems entirely wrong. You'd think I'd be paid more for trying to help others or for trying to do things for other people, and doing nothing shouldn't produce the lion's share of my income.

Maybe I'm just so disabled that the only way I can have money is to be on disability and my products are just such crap that most people aren't willing to spend $0.99 on my hard work ---- obviously, I have nothing to feel very good about,

But it just kind of bothers me. Self-serving self interest with no help provided to humanity earns me all my money, while trying to do something for my fellow man nets me very little to no revenue.

Something just seems so wrong here.

OK ---- so my efforts aren't even worth $0.99 to most people. Doesn't make me feel very good.

I mean, you can stand in line at a grocery market, and you can buy a chocolate bar for OVER A DOLLAR, you can buy most food items for OVER A DOLLAR and people will happily pay for this one-use item that costs so much,,

while I ask $0.99 for an unlimited use item and people just don't buy it.

I guess my life is just worthless crap, I can't make money serving others while I make a lot doing dick-all.

How pathetic.

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