Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Old "friend" and a problem

So, it's almost midnight, but I thought I'd just mention that earlier today I got an email from someone I once knew.

I'm still not quite sure what they were trying to tell me with that email, but the name was perfectly recognizable and now I have their email address.

I kinda wonder if he wants me to talk to him like I talk to other people I know in email. Maybe he does --- but he hasn't responded to my response yet, so I don't know what's going on there. It wasn't exactly clear what he was trying to say with his message (yes - it was that vague).




And now for my thoughts on a problem in the LDS church, as I understood and experienced.



I was once told by a church member that the LDS Mormon Church is "The perfect place for imperfect people".

The LDS church liked to clearly explain that they are a place meant for imperfect people, they are designed to help the imperfect, which seemed to say that perfect people don't need to attend.

So yeah, they say the LDS church is the perfect place for imperfect people.

I sense dishonesty.

You know why?

The church is so uptight and legalistic, that in my experience they will make you feel like crap for the slightest imperfection.

If you masturbate, you are immediately disfellowshipped. If you look at porn, you can be excommunicated --- as I've understood the church. If you drink caffeine, coffee, alcohol or smoke then you will have x y and z members constantly trying to 'poke your eyes out' about it.

Basically, the church advertises itself as the perfect place for imperfect people,

which is a lie, it's not a good place for the "imperfect" at all, because in my experience they just torment people about little things they perceive as problems.

I will just now tell you that they will even criticize a male adult for wearing a sweater to church. I'm serious - I've seen it before.


Yeah.





So, I got an email from someone I once knew, and I'm wondering what this means, if I'm allowed to email this person like I email other people I know.



And the church claims to be "the perfect place for imperfect people", but that's a lie because they'll just torment you over the slightest thing they consider wrong. As far as I've understood.

Monday, March 30, 2015

My Position on Marriage

So - for any number of reasons for the past years of my life I've had myself under the impression that I will not marry.

I thought my debt seemed insurmountable - especially as I wasn't making much money from my book and video game projects -

But I found investing money was a good way to save, and well, I'm getting closer and closer to having my debt wiped out. Then I will be in the black and hope to stay there.


What does this mean about me and girls? Now that winter is over, it's clear there have been many very pretty women wandering around.


This is what I think:::

With the limited experiences I have with women, I am not aware of any woman who I would want to marry, regardless of how pretty is.

Just like the church where I feel like I was bitten, and now I'm twice shy, women are the same way. I had some really bad experiences with women throughout my life, and I'm not sure I want to open any of these doors into a relationship. I really don't know what I'm getting into.

I don't know their thoughts, their intellects, their beliefs, none of this. I know the simple fact that "ooh - she's real pretty" is not a reason to try to get involved.

Some people, in my experience, are just such disasters that I know I have to be careful.


Growing up in LDS Mormonism, you were supposed to date and figure out which girl(s) you liked from dating.

I wasn't much of a dater, especially as I was just plain out-of-luck-too-poor.


Yeah, I grew up poor, but I hear the people of western nations are in so much debt --- which means I'm doing pretty well to be getting out of debt --- which might make me attractive to women, and yes, I think girls are pretty, but I am twice shy about females.


I could use another excuse for why I won't get married, but it's not a public issue to talk about because of who it involves. I'll just say it's an excuse, but maybe not a very good one, but kind of a good excuse when I feel like being annoyed at someone for their mistake. Anyway.

So yeah --- I like pretty girls, and I'm getting out of debt, but deep down inside I'm twice shy because of previous bad experience.

Feelings on Fame

It's 4AM where I am. I haven't been able to sleep all night.

But my mind wandered and I had a thought that I have achieved fame.

And then I wanted to go back to my blog to discuss my fame, a bit.

I was gonna delete my latest political post because I didn't feel like having too much "political discussion" on this blog---

but then I saw that I had over 200 hits to this website at 3AM - just an  hour ago. I figured if someone thought my little political post was important, then I might as well not delete it.

So --- with thoughts of being famous, with 200 hits in a one hour time frame in the past hour, with hundreds of books distributed and a couple thousand video games out there ----- what have I achieved?


I got a new review for The Book of Finch today. Maybe 1 star reviews are to be expected considering how I compare my life to a movie that was rated so low that it might be considered a 1 star movie depending on what circle you're in.



I have to say ----- local people around me in regular life congratulate me or seem impressed by my achievements of writing books and video games-----


But I'm going to stay modest and say that I understand the general public tends to think my work is crap.

It's true, I like my own work, and the people close to me like my work,

But when it comes to really producing quality content, I'm not sure I'm there yet, and I'm not sure I'll ever get there.

To me, it looks like any quality content from me is just ideas I had or a story I told which is then taken by someone else and turned into quality content.


I shouldn't toot my own horn, biblically speaking, but I have tooted my own horn, and found out I'm no good at tooting horns. When someone else toots my horn, they do a good job and seem to garner tonnes of success. Me - I'm unprofessional, pretty much an amateur, an intermediate or semi-pro at most, I think.

Yeah. I'm famous, thanks to all the wonderful people who decided my story should be out there --- but I suck at tooting my own horn.


Yeah --- how famous am I? At least thousands of people have heard of me I'm sure.


Wanna know what's weird?

When I was young, growing up, I desired riches, but NOT fame. I didn't care about fame or celebrity when I was growing up. I wanted to make tonnes of money, because I grew up poor and having money seemed important, but I didn't care for fame.

So, life turned out in a way that I wasn't quite hoping for ---- I attained all this fame, and have made very little money from it. So much for the law of attraction, this sounds more like the law of opposite attraction.

But yeah, sometimes I just feel so accomplished by having become as famous as I am --- but I realize the quality of my work may be looked down upon and that I'm really nothing all that special.


I was just a smart kid who did well in school who tried to have a good moral compass in life.

Things go all wrong I guess.


yeah.

To sum it up - the basic point of this post is to say I may be famous, and maybe that's something, but I'm mentally disabled and my work is probably just crap. I'd use a stronger word, but I don't want to use a word like that on blogger. Yeah.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Politics in my country

Sorry for another political post ---- It's really too bad that I sit here and discuss impolite subject matter like religion, and politics.

I'm trying to keep my nose out of politics, I don't want to be totally involved in that ---- but I will just say my piece about where I stand (yet again).

What colour best represents my political alignment? Orange. Kinda Orangey.

In my family, we basically aren't allowed to be liberals, but my dad will let me support the NDP, so yeah, in numerous elections, that's how I voted.

I can't say that my ideals are perfectly aligned with NDP ideals, I don't know the whole platform and have never lived under an NDP government before, so basically I'm just having to be happy living under a PROGRESSIVE Conservative Government ---- The Progressive Party was apparently something like the NDP back before the merger.

Anyway ----- I'm not a member of the party, nor do I totally follow or adhere to or know about all their ideals-----

But there are some things that I personally believe which are best represented by a "social" platform.

I believe everyone should have food to eat, and a place to live. I think everyone should at least be provided their basic necessities ---- at the cost of redistributing wealth from the very wealthy to the very poor.

I know what it's like to grow up in a certain poor environment with unemployed parents::: and I got lucky because at least my dad had already paid off the mortgage.  It's not nice.




I suppose you might take a position that people who don't follow rules, morals or ethics very well should be in worse conditions ---- and I know my family growing up was having deep behavioural problems ------ so maybe we deserved to be poor,




But, I basically think that having a guaranteed place to live, guaranteed food to eat and chances for advancement in society are necessary.


So, I'm not a total commie ----- I don't believe in pure economic equality, I believe in at least providing everyone with their basics ----- I also believe, however, that a certain amount of reward for greater effort, to put it simply, should be given.


I remember reading an article a while back about how Canadian politics, apparently, think that giving every Canadian a basic sum of money to live off of every year is a good idea --- it's accepted, apparently, by all parties. I am happy with this. They just disagree on how to get and redistribute that money.


I only saw that article once, and no one else ever discussed it as I understand, so yeah, don't know where that's going----


But yeah, Basically, I believe in creating a political economic system or climate where poor people are benefited with their basic needs. I believe people who put forth a good effort to do good should be rewarded beyond that amount.



Soooo ---- how would I answer living in a society where people think it's OK to rip off cheaply priced toys, products, games, music - whatever --- What do I say about that??


First off, religiously speaking, I think if you're the kind of person who isn't going to pay a person for their work honestly then you deserve to lack riches yourself. I essentially believe - karmically - that a dollar SPENT is a dollar EARNED. If you can't spend a dollar on someone's hard work, but you would take it for free, well, in my spiritual believe structure that means you are or will be very poor. You will not benefit from not paying the man for his work, and if he asks only a small price which you are unwilling to pay ---- then yeah, spiritually in my mind, karma might demand you lose your wealth.

Anyway, I think if people had some money in the first place, however, that people might feel more willing to spend said money.


If you don't have money, then you will pretty much steal to provide. That doesn't help the business man.

But if you have money, even if it's your basic earnings from the government---- You will spend that money, you would not should not and will not steal, and the business man benefits from being paid for work.


Yeah. So, I believe in redistributing wealth from the rich and giving it to the poor so everyone's basics are provided for, but I also believe that people should not steal, so if you can't be bothered to pay a dollar for a product that costs a dollar and you'd rather steal it --- then either you are too poor to pay for it, or you deserve to be too poor to pay for it. Stealing just isn't right.



Yeah - they say a penny saved is a penny earned, but in my personal idea of spirituality I believe that giving to the poor, paying for all products and services honestly and basically just contributing to the welfare of others is essential on a path to good personal and societal wealth.


It seems, to the under-thoughtful, that paying for things and giving to people would actually just diminish your own wealth ------ Not in my mind ----- In my mind, the true path to attaining wealth is to deal with people honestly and to be generous.


Anyway, yeah, a bit of politics mixed with spiritual thought.


I think the poor should be provided for, even by the government, and I think people should understand that it's important for everyone's well-being (including their own) to actually pay for goods and services.


The rich should be generous, and the poor should be honest, essentially. Yeah.

<><><>

I kinda wish I didn't feel like posting my thoughts on this so much, but it's on my mind and in my heart, and I feel a need to talk about it so I post it here.


<><><>

UPDATE::::

Yes --- you could say this blog post is basically praising two Mormon songs which you grow up with as an LDS ---- "give said the little stream, give, oh give, give oh give" and "because I have been given much I too must give".

Basically, I look at those teachings and believe it is pretty sound to teach these things, it's something I agree with the Mormons about.

I grew up poor, but we were given enough to live on in the LDS church. And the LDS church was good for me because it taught me to do my best, and to not steal, so that's what I did and tried to teach my family to do, and now we're doing pretty good.

I just believe that paying for things honestly and giving generously, and never just taking - is the right way to be. If you are just taking something, make sure it's offered freely and make sure it truly is a gift. It's OK to receive ---- but being honest and being generous is awesome.

Of course we have to plan and budget properly, but as you do that make sure people are honestly paid for their efforts, and that you even help those who do not have.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

People Discussing my Book on Forum

So, this evening I googled myself (Kris Attfield) and found a forum thread that discussed The Book of Finch a bit.

I just want to explain that my emotions are such a mess::: for a while I couldn't bring myself to read mail from my old stake president, or even anyone in the church, because of severe emotional problems.

The Stake President was eventually able to somehow magically "charm" his mail enough that I felt good about opening and reading (I'm serious - it's an emotional thing for me)----

But yeah, as I look at and think about this forum thread, my emotions just turn to hurt and pain.

I might have something to fear about what they say maybe, maybe not, all I know is that with the emotions I felt about the thread, I don't want to read it.

I'm not saying that these are bad people or that they necessarily said anything wrong---- I really don't know, all I know is my emotions won't allow me to read it ---- just like my emotions turned me off reading church mail.  It takes some special magic (which my stake president seemed to understand) to cause me to feel good and capable of reading what people are saying to me or about me.


Yeah ---- My eyes read one forum post that said my book was "an interesting read". I guess I can be happy with that. I was fine psychologically with that post, I know I might not be a very good writer to boot, but I don't really know for certain.

Anyway, with an Australian TV Personality being connected to me on Facebook for who-knows-what-reason and now finding a forum thread that seems to discuss a bit about my book, yeah, I see, I'm getting out there somehow, in a way.


What's amazing is that I've "rebelled" so much from the LDS church at this point ---- in my rebellion I still acknowledge LDS magic ----- but I pretty much rebel from the church ----- and it's just interesting because the LDS patriarch essentially predicted I would have some level of fame, some international attention.


I'm getting so comfortable with my life, of all the experiences I've ever had in life --- I'm at a very cushy point in life right now, and I'm mostly not even being paid for all the work I distributed.


Yeah, I can't help but wonder how this current "cushy" state might end or transition. If I'm becoming famous --- then what am I gonna do?


Being a famous person living on disability welfare seems like such a strange idea. Who knows, maybe people just decided that I shouldn't be paid for my kind of fame. Maybe.


Anyway, if anything of my current fame levels develops, I can't help but wonder if the old patriarch will be considered somehow "right" about his predictions. That kind of scares me, the possibility of travelling and preaching.

I get scared so easily.

But yeah ---- I've studied the "anti-mormon" stuff, and I realize that you don't even have to read anti-mormon stuff to discover problems with the church.

And despite all the problems with the LDS church, despite the fact that I myself have essentially rebelled, I'm not going to lie---- I really do have a witness of some LDS magic. There seems to be some reality there.

It's just a question of if it's Satanic. I made my verdict already.


there's no doubt the LDS church has good things in and about it ----- and it's probably to be expected that there have been so many errors in the organization,

So, I dunno, it might be good, and maybe all the blasphemy Joseph Smith committed will be forgiven ---- who knows?

Anywho.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Facebook Making Connections

So, a lot of my friends on Facebook are people I knew in the LDS church. For a long time Facebook would ask me if I knew someone who was obviously part of the religion in my local area.

I did actually know a bunch of those people, but I didn't friend them because I really am toning down my connection with the LDS church. There is good in the church, there is bad in the church, but there's enough bad that I don't feel like totally being involved anymore.


Anyway --- Today Facebook asked me if I know.... dum dum dum --- guess who? Well, I don't know who this person is exactly, as I never heard about them before, but apparently this person is a TV personality in Australia. I'm pretty sure it's australia, even though I didn't look closely at the location. Maybe it was the UK ---- but anyway:

Facebook has now asked me if I know this Foreign TV Personality. I do not know them, but I'm starting to get interested or wonder.


Yeah, a lot of the people Facebook asks me about these days are either Avril Lavigne fans, or friends of a distant relative who still lives in the UK.


I am so very introverted, and well, I'm not a very social person, so even if I do know you, I won't necessarily try to be your friend on Facebook. There are many members of my canadian and american family who I love dearly and who I am very proud of ---- but I am actually not friends with them on Facebook.

Facebook isn't a big thing for me right now, it was mostly me trying to market The Book of Finch. Ended up wasting a lot of money on that. Although, these days people have actually started to like my book without me having to advertise to them ---- so maybe I'm getting more and more famous.

I must be pretty famous, if a foreign TV Personality is being connected to me on Facebook. I wonder how Facebook makes these connections ---- am I like, being mentioned somewhere or what?

Not sure.



OH --- I guess I might as well say that though my telepathy skill isn't 100%, today after getting frustrated with Telepathy 0 (I managed to get a 5 streak and a 3 streak, and yes, I was feeling frustrated about the game) I turned off the game and tried a telepathy test with my dad:

With alphanumeric Pick 3 I managed to score a 2/3 in the right order. Yay. wonderful. That was the only test today.

So, I'm not perfect, I'm maybe mediocre or even slightly advanced in what I do, I'm not 100%, but I do have something going on.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

My Dad Warned Me

So, today I told my psychiatrist about my progress in telepathy 0, among other things.

When I made my great progress in telepathy 0, my dad warned me to not tell anyone, for fear that they'd change the game on me.

I don't know exactly what happened, but previously I could get 4-5 R's L's or H's in a row consistently, thus allowing me to get consistent 4 and 5 streaks.

But today I decided to keep track of the R's L's and H's with pen and paper, and I'm finding the most I get in a row of any 3 usually, and sometimes 4. There is plenty of alternation.

So, it's becoming incredibly difficult for me to do well, this time around.

I decided to give up when my mental readings came back completely black.

Just black. No real info. Just guessing now. Or maybe my "talent" just isn't working at this moment.

I wasn't really keeping track of my streaks today, but I'm thinking the best I did was probably a 3 streak, maybe a couple or a few 3 streaks. in less than half an hour of testing, I actually timed myself this time.

Yeah --- the other day the shifts were mostly consistent and it was easy to get the 4 and 5 streaks repetitively, but now I'm keeping track of the shifting and the most of a shift streak is 3, maybe 4, so there's a lot of alternation, sometimes with a pattern, but with unexpected changes in pattern.

Yeah --- the difficulty has increased on me I think. Or maybe today's just not a good day for telepathy.


But, after I told my psychiatrist about my playing of telepathy 0 the other day, she did suggest that I keep doing it and try to figure it out. Yay.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Flip Flop after final verdict

So, I gave my final verdict a day or two ago saying that I believe the LDS or Mormon church is from Satan.


Well, today I was back into talking about things with my family, and I started talking about good moral values that should exist in our society which I don't see happening, and then started looking kindlier upon the Mormon church again because the Mormons really do put in a good effort (or at least they're supposed to give this effort) to teach proper moral values and creating desires to choose the right consistently.

I told my dad that if the LDS church people had treated me nicer and had made better decisions, I would have had no reason to leave them. I loved the LDS church, and basically what turned me off was their misbehaviour and their disrespect for even their own rules.

I don't think I'll ever go back to church or make any effort to bother with patriarchal blessings anymore, but though I say the LDS church is Satanic, I just have good memories of attempts to teach people good moral values.


The LDS church really isn't exactly the same as a "regular" christian church --- there are similarities and in some ways it's almost the same or even so similar maybe it would be seen as the same ------


What do I think about all the "blasphemous" things Joseph Smith said about God? Well, even if it was truly blasphemous for him to say certain things, there's a probability, I think, that Jesus wouldn't hold it against him.

I can't claim to know a good answer for every claim of a problem in the church - my verdict as it stands is that they're satanic-

but I loved the LDS church for their way of trying to teach people, in their way, about Jesus and trying to enforce a good moral attitude in the followers.

But, even with all that goodness, well, even all the "good stuff" can turn rotten in that organization.

Basically, mormonism is like alcohol. In limited amounts, it's OK - and even GOOD for you. But, get too much of it and it becomes a problem.

The Mormons don't drink alcohol anymore, so I don't need anymore mormonism as I can understand.

The Mormons liked to teach that you could have a beautiful cake presented to you, but if there was any dog poop baked into that cake you wouldn't eat it.  ------- They said this about movies that were supposed to be good and entertaining presentations but contained a few bad words, those bad words make the movie completely unwatchable in mormonism. ---------- Well, I personally view the Mormon church as a beautiful cake presented to me, but because of all the dog poop in the cake, or, essentially, all the problems I see in the church, I don't want to eat the cake, which means I don't want to go to church.



So yeah, the LDS church is a beautiful cake with good looking frosting, but inside that cake there is dog poop baked within.


They said such things about popular entertainment, and now I am going to be clear and say the same about them.


It was a really great organization, but there are too many problems for me to eat it.

Yup.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

My Verdict

A While back I think I posted a blog post about "awaiting a verdict" or something like that, trying to figure out if LDS mormonism or Mormonism as a whole is of God or the Devil.

In Letters to Whomever I express my knowledge of LDS miracles, and I basically just agree with one of the general authorities who spoke in general conference that the LDS church is either of God, or it is of the Devil.

I have given the topic some serious thought, and some serious study.

Sometimes I feel so seduced by Mormonism that I want to go back to them, or I want to see them as right and good people.

Maybe some of them are good or right somehow someway,

but in the end, I'm afraid that my Verdict of the LDS church is:::

I believe, and this is my verdict, that the LDS church is of THE DEVIL.

They are so convincing, they are so deceptive, but I've closely and seriously examined them, and I am not convinced that GOD is really truly behind their beliefs and actions.

If the LDS church were of God, then God clearly lies.

God is supposed to represent truth, and the devil represent lies.

The LDS church probably happens to be Satanic, as is my verdict and opinion.


and, it's kind of sad how I realize how weak I am personally ---- just weeks ago I was feeling very seduced by the LDS. I only stopped or stemmed the seduction by remembering at least a few of the problems I understand about them.



Of course, trying to explain this verdict to my family might not be the easiest thing ----- as near as I can tell, I'm the only person in my family who gives this topic serious investigation, thought and consideration.

Sucks.

Subject: Extremely Good Telepathy Results

I just sent the following email to some people I tend to write to on a regular basis::

<><><>

Hey Guys:

So I was updating my computer, and while I waited for the updates to install (and my computer was unusable) I turned to my iPhone to do some telepathy 0 testing.

The first test I got wrong.

But from that first test I learned something important.

You see, I’ve noticed a pattern of “right shifts” and “left shifts” in this game. I got the first one wrong, learned what kind of shift was being used, and then proceeded to get the next 3-5 right.

Now, I got that 3-5 right (I can’t remember how far that streak went), and got something wrong and had to start again.

Anyway, my brother is in the room with me, and every time I had a good streak I would say “I made it [this far #] and then I got it wrong”.

Guess what? I had a 5 streak, a 4 streak and another 5 streak all within a few minutes of each other, probably in less than a 10 minute period.

So I had two 5 streaks and a 4 streak all in a very short period of time, probably within 10 minutes or less.

If someone is looking at my results on some hidden server, that would show that I beat the odds in an extreme way, just calculate 3^4 and 3^5 —— those numbers show the odds of how many attempts I would have to make to get that much result under normal circumstances.

I definitely exceeded statistical expectations::: a total of at least 14 right in less than 10 minutes, in the form of two 5 streaks and 4 streak.

Anyway, yeah, just figuring out the puzzle of left shifts and right shifts is really working for me. Unfortunately, I’m not the best at determining if it’s right, left, or honest at this point. Sometimes it’s right, sometimes it’s left, and sometimes it’s honest, and knowing this much only gets me as far as a 5 streak, and the pattern changes, and I have yet to find out how to really just KNOW if it’s left, right, or honest.

All i know is I can get excessive mid-high-level streaks in short periods of time now that I’ve discovered shifts.

-Kris Attfield

Friday, March 20, 2015

A Futile Effort to Serve the World

Ah it's the 20th of March and I've only now reached my 3rd blog post of the month. My brain must've really calmed down about past problems.

But, I almost decided to not post this post, because of how futile this problem seems to be.

Let me explain::::




I've been praying to God, asking Him for direction or guidance for something I can do with my life, asking for some kind of purpose for my existence.

All I get is either silence, or just being told that I can do whatever I want.

Life seems pointless.




So I go on thinking about how I tried to make money selling books, or how I tried to make money selling video games. Most people appear to be unable or unwilling to pay even $0.99 for my work. Doesn't make me feel very good about the quality of my work.



Anyway, growing up in school, I was top of the class. The LDS church blessed me with an especially blessed mind, which must've sent me over the top, because in just months after that blessing I became the stupidest boy at school.


Basically, Jesus said the first shall be last and the last shall be first, so if I was top of the class, getting an extra blessing in my mind would obviously drop me to the bottom of the class according to Jesus (believe it or not).


Anyway, I'm like the bottom feeder of the human race, and well, financial life for me just doesn't make any sense.



I get most of my money from welfare. I get the next most amount of money from investing. I make the least amount from selling goods and services.



I mean, the biggest way I make money is to do nothing with myself. The next biggest way of making money involves action, but it doesn't involve me actually serving humanity - I make all this money being completely self-serving.  And then I try to serve humanity with entertaining video games or informative books, and I get almost nothing out of it.

So, if I could say this basically:::::



I make most of my money from doing nothing or just being entirely self-serving,

While if I try to provide something to entertain my fellow man, I earn practically nothing.




To me, this situation seems entirely wrong. You'd think I'd be paid more for trying to help others or for trying to do things for other people, and doing nothing shouldn't produce the lion's share of my income.



Maybe I'm just so disabled that the only way I can have money is to be on disability and my products are just such crap that most people aren't willing to spend $0.99 on my hard work ---- obviously, I have nothing to feel very good about,




But it just kind of bothers me. Self-serving self interest with no help provided to humanity earns me all my money, while trying to do something for my fellow man nets me very little to no revenue.



Something just seems so wrong here.



OK ---- so my efforts aren't even worth $0.99 to most people. Doesn't make me feel very good.


I mean, you can stand in line at a grocery market, and you can buy a chocolate bar for OVER A DOLLAR, you can buy most food items for OVER A DOLLAR and people will happily pay for this one-use item that costs so much,,


while I ask $0.99 for an unlimited use item and people just don't buy it.



I guess my life is just worthless crap, I can't make money serving others while I make a lot doing dick-all.


How pathetic.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

What I learned about Politics:

I'm just writing this blog post to tell a bit about what I learned about Politics:

Unless you are very wealthy and are very interested in your cause, NEVER GIVE MONEY TO A POLITICAL PARTY.

Growing up, I was very interested in the concept of a democracy, and I was all growing up brainwashed by Mormons and the NRA.

I grew up, found out there were problems, and shifted my viewpoints.

Anyway, it's easy and happy for me to give money to beggars on the street -- 98-99% of beggars I encounter get something from me, if I remember correctly. There are some reasons why I haven't been absolutely perfect about this, and if I actually explained them you might understand.

Anyway, I can give to beggars on the street in the community and be happy with that, and feel good about it.

Every month I donate a big chunk of my money to charity. I think it's a good cause, I'm happy about it, I'm very ra-ra about this. This is where most of my donations go.


Now ----- I grew up as an LDS mormon, and I grew up feeling very hypnotized to pay tithing. They just drive it into your skull how important it is to pay tithing.  Long story short, eventually I started feeling pretty bad about giving money to the church. So I stopped.

Similar for political parties:::: I joined the wildrose party to help a family friend, and at an election I liked JUST ONE issue that was my key issue that the wildrose had, so I donated a bit of money to the party.

Big mistake.

It's like this with both the federal party one of my family members donated to and myself with the wildrose::: It's like EVERY MONTH they phone asking for money.

Basically, it started being a negative thing for me to be asked every month for money. Every so often getting a phonecall and finding out that it's just looking for a handout.

It's easy, nice and pleasant to give to the poor.  It's beautiful to give to a charity of good works. I started to feel bad about giving to the Mormon church, and well, the Wildrose party just got freakin' annoying with all their phonecalls asking for money.


OK ---- it's true that I would get a bunch of phonecalls from my one charity asking if I could donate more, but guess what? The last time they asking for more donations --- I gave it to them ---- and then, yay, they stopped calling and asking.

To tell the truth, I'm not made of money so I can't give every time a charity asks, and I'm glad they stopped phoning so much ---- but at least when they did phone I could feel good about the help I was giving others. And they stopped phoning so they aren't bothering me too much, that's nice of them.



But the Wildrose party was just constantly phoning, like maybe once a month, about, and always asking for money, and well, to tell the truth:::

1) The constant hand in the pocket is EXTREMELY ANNOYING.
2) I'm not nearly as concerned about politics now as I was when I was younger.
3) I'm very ambivalent about Mormons, and well, the Wildrose Party apparently has huge mormon influences, so that kind of turns me off that party.

Basically, if you change your mind about who you are going to vote for --- it gets especially annoying to constantly get phone calls from a political party that only seems to want money.


Basically, I didn't care for all the phonecalls or all the requests for money.



So, at least, happily enough, I became aware today that my membership in that party has "lapsed" ---- which is great because I thought my membership was supposed to have "lapsed" long ago. Who knows.



Yeah. Ummm. I don't want to be unfriendly the Wildrose, but because of their mormon influences I'm not inclined to support them right now.


But yeah, I'm glad my membership is over, and I hope all the phonecalls asking for a handout stop.


I feel good about giving to beggars, I feel good about giving to charity, but giving to the church and giving to a political party are beyond me right now.

Friday, March 6, 2015

An "Aha!" Moment

In my studies, I keep having "aha!" moments which show to me definitively that Mormonism definitely never could have been true, such as my discovery of Luke 6:26.

I mean, I really do have a testimony of miracles in or related to the LDS church, and I recently received a letter from my stake president that I really did feel warm holy-ghost feelings over, but even with the miracles and even with the warm feelings, even if Mormons are the nicest people in the world ----- I am not convinced that the LDS church is or even represents the truth.

The reason I'm crazy is because I believed in that church so much. I have definitely hallucinated and/or seen angels, but I am not inclined to believe that it's the LDS church my divine manifestations are trying to propagate.

Anyway, here's a recently released video which provided me with another "aha!" moment. The only way this video would be incorrect is if the bible is incorrect, and I am highly doubtful of that. Anyway, have a good look at this:





Have a nice day.