My mind is constantly got processes running about what I know or thought or experienced in the LDS church ---- and as it's in my mind, it sometimes comes out of my mouth, and my family can never handle it. They know what my problems and issues are, I think they do understand-----
But my mom doesn't think the church is as worthless as I understand it to be, and well, though they understand my position, nothing seems to stop the thoughts.
A Patriarchal blessing is almost as powerful or authoritative as an Apostolic Blessing.
Basically, apostles give Apostolic Blessings, and they are right at the top of the heap of the LDS church hierarchy.
A Patriarch is like, one rung lower than that in the power of their blessing.
Anyway, my Patriarchal Blessing told me I would have experiences where I would HEAR THE VOICE OF THE HOLY GHOST.
Basically, by some kind of explicitly declared divine right, I am actually allowed to hear the Holy Ghost speak to me, by voice.
But what bothers me is, though a blessing that's just a rung lower from the top has declared I'd hear the voice of the holy ghost ------ It seems that LDS people do not consider my opinion or knowledge about what the holy ghost said to be valid.
My opinion about what the holy ghost has actually said to me is actually completely invalid in the minds of certain LDS people for who knows what reason by who knows what authority despite the fact that a High Level Official Blessing Explicitly declared I would hear the voice.
Yeah. A rung lower than Apostle said the Holy Ghost could verbally speak to me, yet on the, like, one occasion where I've heard the verbal voice, my experience or opinion of the voice is immediately considered invalid as if the Patriarch was just nonsense.
Anyway, yeah. Hmmm. By divine high level authority I am authorized to receive a specific kind of revelation, yet somehow certain people in the church consider my opinion on revelation to be completely invalid.
I don't know how someone who rejects the power of the patriarch, or rejects the supernatural nature and beliefs of the church could be held in good standing, but apparently the church manages to hobble on with this system of thinking.
Really, no idea.
And that's what's been driving me nuts for the past half hour to two hours now.