Monday, February 2, 2015

My Lack of Good Judgment

For the past day or two I've had this idea that I should comment on a recurring theme in my life::: I seem to exhibit a lack of good judgment in so many ways.

It was a good idea for me to build video games. That was fun. It was something to do, and I'm happy with my work.

But, I think I failed to impress the game-playing public, and I can understand why too: in all four of my video games, in the publishing and development and whatnot, I made mistakes.

1) Pfhonge - Didn't include the music until later, had a crappy main menu originally, and only eventually did I fix an internal crash or glitch the game had.

2) ICBM - I released this game on Xbox One Day One ---- that in itself, though a cool idea, was probably an error. The first release didn't have a "back" button during gameplay. When I implemented Autosaves, the game had a nasty crash that would happen every time on the 4th turn, and that may have destroyed my business. Good thing I fixed it though.

3) Air Defence - This game had a few bugs, and I liked my work, but somehow it earned the ire of an OUYAFORUM.com reviewer who made all kinds of nasty comments about it. I don't agree with a lot of what the reviewer said, and I'm disappointed no one just emailed me a suggestion to improve the game, but though Air Defence was pretty good (IMO) and it's everything I wanted it to be, it was probably bad judgment to create a product that would upset a reviewer.

4) Doorless Darts - This game was a pretty good idea, and it works pretty well, but there has to be some kind of explanation for why it's had only 2 sales after a month of being on the market::: either no one cares about darts, or there's one or two little problems in the game (which I have tried to rectify) that some people might notice and then they may decide it's no good and not buy it. Still, it's too bad no one has commented.

I mean, even with ICBM, there was a nasty crash in the game and NOBODY COMMENTED about it!  Either I'm not seeing my email, or no one wants to file a bug report. Hmmm.

Anyway, when playing video games I recently saw myself exhibit a lack of judgment:::

Pathfinder Online ---- My brother started playing Pathfinder Online in mid-January and so I decided I would buy in and start playing right at the end of January too.

Being an Early Enrolment dude, I got the good fortune of starting the game with 5 silver, which is 5 silver more than most players will start the game with.

Through playing the game, I managed to find my way up to around 6 or 7 silver. Not knowing that the banking system in the game was interconnected, I decided to take a journey and carry 4 silver with me. Bad idea. As I was running away from bandits (one of which was a wizard), my game crashed, and I had to log in only to find that I had died, and though I recovered most of my items, the most important items, namely the 4 silver and a recipe I was carrying, had disappeared. Really stupid move on my part. I was also stupid because I was a noob and didn't realize that I just had to right-click on that recipe to learn it, rather than having to run back to that other town to buy another copy. Yes --- I exhibited some bad judgment recently while playing a video game.

So, yeah, those are some video gaming examples of how I am a man who can sometimes express poor judgment.

In real life, I was mentally ill, and not only was the mental illness an exhibition of poor judgment, but being mentally ill and not completely realizing it was also another example of my poor judgment.

And before I went crazy, I was doing really-really good in school, but I had made some poor decisions back then too. Although, youngsters often make many poor decisions, so I suppose there was nothing special about me in that case -- I was special for being such a good student though.

Looking back on my life, I've started to think that I was a poor judge of character and choice when I decided to join the LDS Mormon Church. Of course, I was only 7 or 8 years old, and I was being indoctrinated with no opposing viewpoint presented, and the 3 older members of my immediate family had already joined the church, so maybe I didn't have much of a way to reject the church, especially considering how life was bad back then and I had hopes life would improve if I joined the church. Anyway, retrospect is 20/20, and looking back I see that there are so many things completely wrong with the church that I would never have realized as a child.

Heck, as a child, I didn't know the LDS church once practised polygamy, I didn't even know what polygamy was.  That's right::: When I was baptized, I didn't even know about the polygamy, I learned about that later in school. Stupid right?

Anyway, I am generally regarded as intelligent by those around me, but I do look at my own life in so many ways, and realize that I often exhibit poor judgment. I'm not perfect.

I just try to get on in life now, living peacefully and trying to do no wrong. I'm not perfect though.

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