Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Disbelief

Perhaps the biggest reason why I try to maintain a friendly attitude towards the Mormons is because part of my immediate family still believes in that stuff.

I may have experienced LDS - related miracles, but it is also true that the "Jesus" I saw in 2004 was smoking a cigarette, so it seems unlikely to my mind, most of the time, that the LDS church really is fully legitimate.

I may go to bed trying to think nice things about LDS Mormons, when by the time I get up the next morning it's usually not hard for me to have thought of something I don't like or appreciate about the church.

I try to stay friendly with the church because some members of my family still believe in it. There's no point trying to convince these family members of how flawed their beliefs are.

All I know is that even if I am being friendly ---- it is essentially impossible for me to fully believe in the organization.

In LDS mormonism, you always have to do what your leader says no matter what, and you aren't allowed to criticize at all.

I am completely unable to follow those rules with what i went through under past leaders.

I was told in my patriarchal blessing that I'd hear the voice of the Holy Ghost.

Guess what? Turns out the Stake President didn't actually believe in that voice, or was otherwise trying to deceive me about it -------- for this reason I can't fully accept the church.

My Bishop was probably worse than my stake president though, and well, for very similar reasons, I just can not accept the LDS church.

If LDS people insist that these are good men, which they do, then I find the church to be downright unreasonable and stupid.

The bishop told me to follow the council of psychiatrists. The psychiatrists didn't let me believe in the miracles the church said I would work.

I either had to follow the bishop and deny the miracles, or I had to reject the bishop and therefore be criticized for not following him and being critical of my leaders.

It was just a no good situation. I can NOT fully believe in the LDS church after that.

My mind could go on and on about the zillion problems I found in the church, but basically I'm saying I'm a fence sitter -- I'm a flip-flopper, the biggest reason I try to have a friendly attitude towards the church is because some members of my family still believe in it.

I think it's sad that they are so brainwashed that they don't understand or don't act on what I've tried to tell them, but that's just the way it is.

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I'll end this blog post by reminding you of my experience in the church::::

If you are imperfect in even a small way, the church will just constantly criticize you about it.

If you achieve that supernatural-godlike state like you are supposed to, then the church will just force you on drugs because of how crazy that is.

The whole thing is basically just unreasonable.

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