Thursday, February 12, 2015

Be happy with what I have, being comfortable where I am, and wonderings

So, this morning I remembered that from weeks ago I received two emails within days of each other telling me that big lottery winners wanted to donate large sums of cash to me, and these emails were somehow attached to schools of higher learning.

It is easy to assume that emails that offer large amount of money for little effort are scams.

But of all the emails I've ever received of that type, these two looked like they could have potentially been the most legitimate, although there were warnings on the internet that these messages couldn't be trusted.

Anyway, one of the emails was from a local lottery winner, attached to a local school, so it was interesting to see.

Anyway, even if the emails weren't scams, there might be some level of moral obligation to the donator for having received their donation.

With the possibility of obligation and responsibility, it's easy to put that much money aside and think "I'm don't think I'm ready for that, at my level in life".

Anyway, with the possibility that i could have received a fortune in donations, yet having rejected it, I find it easier to just look at my life and say "I'm happy with what I have. I just have to live with what I've got". Of course, I do have dreams of buying a condo or starting a real business building video games, but as I am right now, those dreams are far beyond reach.


With my OUYA games on the market, I also seemed to receive a few job offers, at least one or two of which appeared legitimate and one I even felt inclined to go for.

But I didn't go for them. I realize that I don't have formal education in computer programming or game development and that I can't even drive a car, and I realized that I'm far more comfortable with where I am in life than where I may have ended up.

Just being happy with what I have again.


And of course, this is the part where I put my standard wonderings about the LDS church or why my sales or so low.

First: sales:

Last night I watched a youtube video which talked about 20 teenagers who became self-made-millionaires.

I sit here and think::: what did I do wrong?? I mean, as a kid I grew up with an unemployed father and we were very poor, so that was hopeless, but for my real attempts at making money in the past 5 years, what did I do so wrong to achieve so little?

Well, I guess I'm not a total pro at what I was doing, that might be one. Bah, basically, I just compared myself to these people in this video and really wondered what I did wrong. I probably started off a lot poorer for one, and it didn't help that I became mentally ill for two, I guess.

Second: LDS church:

I look at my life in the LDS church, and I know that I'm not likely to go back there, there was just too much garbage coming from leadership and membership in my area, and it's interesting some of the "scientific facts" that are coming up which show the LDS church to be a likely fraud----

But if it wasn't for these rotten experiences with very imperfect people, I have a whole bunch of LDS church related miracles in my life which would have convinced me that the church really was true.

These miracles are fading into distant memory now ---- but I do still kind of wonder how GOD would let me experience so many miraculous occurrences in my life in relation to the LDS church  if the LDS church really was just a fraud.

I would have fully believed in LDS Mormonism if it wasn't for some really quite very bad decisions people made at the local level.

When I wrote my book and told of these magical occurrences, I wasn't lying, I still maintain my witness of these things today. I would've stayed with the church, likely, because of these things if the local people didn't turn out to be so "rotten".

Anyway, just kinda have to wonder how I could have experienced these miraculous things if the church really is a fraud. Very strange --- but there are some explanations for it, given to me by others, which are not heavily present on my memory right now.

Anyway, yeah.

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