So, I'm at a point in my life where I don't really believe in Mormonism anymore. Either the religion itself is fraudulent, or I had to live with too much garbage in my own life from the local church that I just don't want to be involved anymore::: for me LDS Mormonism is kaput.
But I look back at my life, I look at some of my experiences I had with the church while I still believed and was fully supportive::
1) Patriarchal blessing::: I saw pure white behind closed eyelids as I got my blessing, and parts of the blessing miraculously came true or almost came true.
2) Special Church Event:::: There was a special church event I attended at my LDS Stake Centre, I mean, this was a really special event, and as I stood in the parking lot after the event my Young Men's leader met me there and as we talked he told me my hair was blonde. How did my hair "magically" turn blonde at a special LDS Event?
3) A Conspiracy of Ravens::: I had a visit from the Elijah Ravens one Sunday, and at church that day the lesson mentioned the Elijah Ravens. This was a miracle that involved the LDS church directly.
4) Jesus Visits::: About the time Jeffery R Holland was in Calgary, I heard in my mind "you will see Jesus soon" and as I was out for my walk that day, well, guess who I saw? Someone who looked very Christ-like, and also very similar to Akiane the Lithuanian painter's depiction too. This experience may have been brought with the coming of Elder Holland. Was Jesus there to support him or detract from him?
5) Struck Dumb::::: I remember being Struck dumb for the whole length of one talk that President Hinckley once made during General Conference. Try as I might to vocalize a sound during his talk, as I remember I felt I was unable to.
Basically, there have been all kinds of miracles in my life, many of which seem to directly involve the LDS Mormon church.
Yes ---- I know, some of us are at our wit's end about the LDS Mormon church, like me, either the church was historically fraudulent or they weren't treating me personally very nice in my own life, whichever the case, I didn't really want to be around it anymore....
But if the church is so untrue, as can be demonstrated by its effect on my life, or in history, THEN HOW ON EARTH DID I HAVE ALL THESE MIRACULOUS EXPERIENCES INVOLVING THE CHURCH????????
It's confusing as ever. Was GOD always gonna be blessing me that way regardless of what religion I belonged to? Or was the DEVIL trying to convince me of a lie? Or was the LDS church really the authentic truth? (which seems hard to swallow now).
Basically, if no one ever mistreated me at church, if church history was ignored or had been different, with these miraculous experiences I never would have suspected that the church was untrue, or that I wouldn't want to attend anymore.
Personally, to me, it's clear there there is some miraculous reality in the LDS church.
It is also clear that they talk the talk but don't walk the walk, they toot their own horns so much but just turn out to be a let-down.
But it's unclear how such a "bad" church could have so much "good" magic about it. So strange.
Just something to think about, something to ponder.