Happy Holidays everyone,
Today I sent an email to my old psychiatric nurse.
Basically, I just have this little idea that "the internet lies to me".
I'm a programmer, I know how computers work, you can get them to do or say just about anything, nothing has to be absolutely truthful.
So, I am backed up in this idea with an experience where I got payment from Amazon for 53 ebooks from June and July 2014, and I got the money, yet my sales reports and amazon sales rankings never showed any sales.
Basically, I was paid for selling books that Amazon never reported to me, and as such I feel verified in this little idea I have that the internet lies. My reports from these various companies showing this or that to me for how famous I am may be entirely untrue.
If the reports are untrue, and it's quite likely that they may be, then I'm probably more famous than I am aware. From the way things look to me right now, I'm just a small guy, my reach is sort of extensive but I'm not really that huge. So, if there's any dishonesty in the reports, then it's quite possible that I'm quite a bit bigger than reported.
You know my youtube videos? Maybe not, but if you did you would know that "almost nobody ever watches them". As an example, I could speculate that I actually have many views, but Youtube just keeps the numbers down so no one realizes I'm popular. This may or may not be the case --- but it could be the way it is.
OK --- Maybe I am being a little deluded or overly-hopeful that I'm more popular than the numbers show, but, when amazon didn't report any sales and then I'm paid for 53 books, well, anything could be true at that point.
So::: If the numbers are dishonest, then where is all the money going? Well, if the numbers are dishonest, then that means that every company I have dealings with is adjusting my fame levels. It's a big conspiracy "against me".
But that's not quite what I think it is. I think it's possible the local government secretly taxes me so I can pay back the welfare they've given me, or maybe they figure I'm too disabled to know what to do with big sums of money so they use it in hopefully good ways I'd never have thought about.
So, basically, my recent experience with Amazon not reporting sales but then giving me the money indicates there's a possibility that I can't trust any of my "fame reports" and that I'm quite possibly a bit or a lot bigger than these companies tell me I am.
I guess that's OK with me, I can live with that. There might be a good reason for it.
Considering how most people really shouldn't be too cheap to spend a buck on any of my products, I could have sold many many copies of anything, and maybe I made a tonne of money, but I'd never be told about it.
And yeah, that's one thing that's been on my mind for a long time. I actually had that suspicion since even before the Amazon thing, and yeah, maybe Amazon just paid me to help me feel better and appease the other sensation I had that "everyone's too cheap to spend a buck!! They buy houses, cars, iPads, iPhones, all kinds of fancy stuff costing lots of money and they take my stuff in droves for free but can't pay a buck". Yeah, that was another attitude I was having, and Amazon was probably just smothering my fire of disgust for society with that payment - which was nice of them.
As for Mormonism, well, I've probably already said it all. But i grew up with that church and I just have psychological issues and sometimes feel a need to talk about it.
It's very sad to me that the LDS church gets so many people to get up and tell us all how much they "know" the church to be so freakin' true. I grew up with it, all these people bearing their witnesses that they KNOW the church is true.
But after a proper examination of all kinds of facets of the church, like doctrine, history, and personal experience, it's clear the church is not what they crack it up to be, and that it's not really all that great of an organization. If there's anything good about it, well, people who don't know any better get lost in that lifestyle, maybe that's "good" about it.
So yeah, there are all kinds of reasons to suspect that LDS Mormonism isn't actually so great, they all say they know it's true, but upon giving it a proper examination it doesn't really add up, stand up, or make any sense.
Here's an example:::
We know in the bible that Jesus stopped a woman from being stoned saying something like "Let he that is without sin among you cast the first stone" and no one threw anything because they all sinned right?
Well, according to The Book of Mormon, it's actually the WICKED WHO PUNISH THE WICKED, so therefore in the bible Jesus was actually supposed to say "Let he that is most wicked among you cast the first stone" --- and we all know how well that was going to work out right? If they all sinned then she's a goner according to the Mormon system.
Yup, there are so many ways that Mormonism just doesn't make sense, it doesn't add up or stand up.
I could say I experienced miracles in or with the church, which I think I did, but most people would say that was all hooey too, for whatever reason. So, really, there's nothing for me to believe in in the church.
Another problem is how Jesus died so that all mankind could be saved, yet somehow the bible forgot to mention the part that excludes Rock Stars or Avril Lavigne or whatever, because my old bishop seemed to think she would be damned and that God wouldn't want to save her.
I mean, Avril was truthful and she is talented, so those are two really good points for her for how or why she could be saved.
Yet, the bishop denied her truth and scorned her talent, damning her for the very same reasons that she should have been saved.
Mormonism just doesn't work.