Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Feeling Rejected by Mormonism

I grew up poor. I've never learned to drive a car because my or my family's finances were never good enough for that.

Being poor means I can't have a family of my own, and it's difficult because I'm disabled enough that it's hard for me to socialize and therefore work for a living, and the government income I'm on is just enough to get my debts paid eventually --- but there's little to no hope of ever marrying.

The LDS church said I would be sealed to a companion of my choice. They said I would be a travelling preacher to the nations as a young man.

Not only did the completely reject me from marrying any girl I would have wanted to marry (as at those points in life I might have had a hope of getting out of the hole), and thus also neglected to save Avril Lavigne's soul --- but I am actually seeing myself as financially incapable of doing what the church said I would do --- getting married and being a travelling preacher.

I COULD have been a travelling preacher (maybe) if the church didn't reject any notion of friendship between me and Avril Lavigne, but the church wanted to be hilarious so I couldn't go down that path in life.

So, another path I could follow to get to the goal of having a family and travelling and preaching for the Lord would be to sell product online and use those proceeds to fund the life the church said I was supposed to live.

I calculate that if 1/4th of the church (the 'church' meaning ~5 million active members, so about 1.25 million people) just bought only one of my products online from me each, for about $0.99 per product, I could afford to at least have a family - hopefully.

Basically, by putting out my books and videogames I'm the beggar with the tin-cup extended looking for just $1 each from my people.

There are beggars, who I find can get $0.25-$10 just for asking without providing any services.

I'm asking for just $0.99 from each individual, and I provide a product in exchange for that $0.99.

But does my church care about me enough to help me do what they said I was supposed to do? Of course not! Most people in the church don't give a rat's ass about me! And if they do download even a free product from me, the chances I'll ever get paid seem extremely remote!

Anyway --- The LDS church gave me that patriarchal blessing, it seems, without any care of helping me or even allowing me to achieve the things I was blessed with.

Maybe the church is punishing me for some sin and won't let me have my blessings because I did something naughty.

So much for the "forgive all men" requirement.

And if they are acting in God's name to punish me -- isn't it interesting that our kind merciful loving and gracious heavenly father and his son, well, God, essentially --- isn't it interesting that God would be the most unforgiving of all the mormons?

The mormons say such nice things about him, like I listed in the above paragraph, but according to their own doctrine GOD is actually the least forgiving and most uptight mormon that's ever supposed to have existed.

Everyone forgives. Except God. To earn forgiveness from God, it's a lot of hard work and suffering.

And that's what's strange about this situation:: I offered my whole lifetime of service to God so I could be forgiven of my sins, but the church instead punishes me in God's name so I won't be able or allowed to provide the service I offered.

If it's not God punishing me, then the only other option is that the people of this church are all failing to do as they are supposed to --- which is probably the more correct answer.

Anyway - that's just my rant.

I COULD do what my patriarchal blessing said I'd do, but the church rejected Avril Lavigne from salvation (which makes the church seem dick-ish) and even if I hold out my tin-cup looking for my $1 from ~1/4th of all the mormons, they wouldn't give it to me.

Either they won't help me because they are all disobedient (the commandment to help the poor) or they think they can punish me for my sins.

I offered my whole lifetime of service to be forgiven for those sins. If they punish me so quickly I WON'T be able to work them off. God said what he wanted me to do in that patriarchal blessing, and if he's not going to let me work for my forgiveness then I guess I'm just damned forever. The church wouldn't even give me a chance to put forth the effort to find the forgiveness.

I offered my whole lifetime in service. And the church rejected me. What more can I offer? I have nothing more than my lifetime to offer.

I already did everything I could do --- according to Mormonism, I should/may receive my salvation anyway, I guess. It's just disappointing that the church appears so dysfunctional.

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