OK - I have learned that many people from many different religions experience feelings upon questioning God that make them think their own religion is the truth.
Every religion is different, but each religion is believed in for the same reason --- because asking God produces a feeling.
This of course, just began to help me understand that maybe there are brain issues involved in such "spiritual" experiences, and that God has nothing to do with it, unless God wants us to believe random things, or unless that feeling is actually the devil.
Now --- Where do I fit in all this?
I did not lie when I told my experiences.
I am a legitimate nutjob, I grew up with LDS Mormonism, it drove me crazy --- but some things need questioning.
Avril Lavigne seemed, to me, to be a sort of fulfillment of my patriarchal blessing. She may have been put there, singing "about me" because of God, but she also may have been put there by man-made influences.
The real big question, and a real seriously sad and spooky question::: why was my next door neighbour reported having been shot to death on Christmas Day in 2006 only for a couple months later for Jim Carrey to release a movie that is essentially about my life::: including the death of a next door neighbour on "someone's birthday".
My neighbour is reported dead, and a movie about me is released that says as much.
Was all that purely man made? Did my next door neighbour even actually die? And why did my lottery tickets print out so many 23s?? Is it some kind of CIA or CSIS conspiracy?
Of course, lets not forget that when it comes to personal experiences with deity or personal revelation:::: I am actually a truly serious case of absolute "hallucination".
I mean, I could be sitting in bed, or sitting anywhere for that matter, and I know that I have had many experiences where I feel like I am actually engaged in sexual relations with a person who is not physically or visibly present with me where I am. I just feel the interaction.
Also:: most notably in October 2010, I hear thoughts in my mind telling me Jesus will appear soon, and I do actually get to see someone who I would identify as Jesus. Your mind is blown right?
I am actually serious. All these kinds of experiences have settled down in the past while, although sometimes I still wonder about some of the lights I notice in my darkened bedroom.
Anyway --- it does seem kind of fraudulent that we would ask God questions regarding the truthfulness of random religions and find out they are all true even though that doesn't really work:::
But personally, I think it would be reasonable if we could SCIENTIFICALLY examine things I know to have happened in my own life. Don't believe in any notion of anything about me in blind faith --- I try to be truthful, but if I thought something was God and it turned out not to be, you know what I mean.
Anyway. yeah. How can we measure the truthfulness of my claims? I don't intend on travelling and preaching anymore, I intend to enjoy my own personal and private life ----
But perhaps we should be asking the question::: What exactly is Kris Attfield experiencing in these experiences?
Why hallucinate being touched sexually? Why see visions of Jesus? Why is the next door neighbour dead, and where did the popular media about him come from?
I think I have proven to some extent the reality of "God", or something like that. You may not believe that I proved God, therefore I may be crazy, so just wonder, first of all::: was the media just being playful when they reported my next door neighbour died? If he actually died::: is that not in itself a real evidence of an existent God or Devil?
anyway, I don't want to control anybody, but I would like to get my experiences figured out. I'm probably not just "totally loony", as I see reality in my experience, but if I am just a loony, then great, I live on my government disability welfare --- and that works for me.
I guess it's all just about finding the truth. there was so much that happened, and I don't know if we'll ever really figure it out. I would like to know what the actual truth of what I experienced is though. And yes --- it's hallucinatory, but when your hallucinations involve successfully predicting the future, well, something is going on - right?
Earlier today I thought maybe I'd post about peacemaking and asking everyone to get along, stop fighting, live peacefully, coexist harmoniously. But then I realized that I don't know every situation of every person or society in the world, and thought that maybe I'd be insane to try and take on that topic - with my limited knowledge and experience.