Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Insecure about the miracles

So: My LDS patriarchal blessing told me I would witness and perform miracles, and I totally 100% believed it.

In fact, I do believe I really have witnessed or even performed numerous miracles throughout my life.

But when I discovered how absolutely flawed the LDS/Mormon church is, I become concerned. The LDS church is so flawed in so many ways it seems very unlikely that it really is the truth, much less the one truth.

And finding that the LDS church is so extremely flawed, I wonder where my miracles came from, God, or the Devil?

I've learned so much about Mormonism::: And to be honest, it seems completely unlikely that they really are the truth, even if they are people of good works and even provably miraculous.

Mormonism is attractive as a social group, a place to go to be with friends and others.

But even if the Mormon church really is true, I don't see myself being a part of it anymore.

First off, it's unlikely that it really is the one and only true and living church.

But if it is the truth, I'm not good enough for it, they didn't treat me very nicely, and a zillion historical and doctrinal reasons to call it quits.

Am I crazy to think I was really into the miraculous in that Church? I actually don't think so, I might have some level of insanity in my life, but there really was a miraculousness about what I was going through.

It may have been miracles from God, to help me get through life in a church that wasn't treating me very well, or they may have been miracles from the Devil, to try and convince me of a fraud that wasn't treating me very well.

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The church told me I'd witness and perform miracles, and then they treated me like I was crazy for having believed what they told me. Even if the miracles were valid, the church just seems totally unreasonable to be involved with.

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I'll just note, that in Mormonism, even if you live a perfect life, if you just have any anger or remembrance about bad things that happened, then you are automatically worse than the bad thing that happened. This seems unreasonable.

Also, in Mormonism, even if you life your life totally and absolutely forgiving everyone around you::: all the forgiveness you express won't necessarily get you off the hook when you've done something that's considered wrong.

It doesn't matter how forgiving you are, you can still be officially punished.

It doesn't matter how perfect you are, you are the worse man just for remembering a sin.

It just seems like a very unreasonable religion.

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