Tuesday, October 28, 2014

After Letters to Whomever Ended

I apologize if it seems like I'm constantly spouting off the same things over again and I can't shut up --- I have psychological issues, I need to talk about my problems, my dad doesn't discuss it with me, and I just have a feeling of an urge to need to talk about stuff.

In The Book of Finch, the Bishop decided that Avril Lavigne would not be saved. And if the church did decide to save Avril --- for some reason I specifically was restricted from being friends with her.

It seemed kind of unreasonable that the church would damn Avril to hell just for being a rockstar, and in the case the church did decide to save her - it seemed unreasonable that I would be restricted from being her friend because she sings about me and I was supposed to be a travelling preacher to the nations, and it didn't make sense that a travelling preacher would be specifically disallowed by his bishop from being friends with a girl who sings about said preacher when the holy ghost said they should be together and it was only the bishop's opinion that the holy ghost would not have said that.

When you think about it, if I was going to be a "famous mormon" who would teach the gospel to the world, it doesn't make sense that Avril Lavigne would have to be specifically excluded from dealings with me --- especially when she does appear to be singing about me. Doesn't make any sense at all.

And it didn't make sense that I'd have to just sit there and live in a church that treated me as bad and dishonestly as the Liabilitys (fake code name) did whilst not having any relationship with a singer who actually told the truth and was being kind to me.

In Letters To Whomever, I think I had some contact with someone from the church who visited my home who did admit that the Bishop was in fact actually wrong to enforce his personal opinion on me as bishop etc.

After Letters To Whomever was over, I was visited by someone else from the church who was belligerent that I would ever criticize my leaders.

Anyway, when a leader can be so freakin' seriously wrong, and then you still aren't allowed to criticize or say anything --- it's clear the church isn't true.

Just look at Luke 6:26:: it's bad if all men speak good things about you, because that is how they treat false prophets.

It becomes understood that Mormon leaders are false prophets who must be obeyed and can't be criticized.

The system doesn't work.


And I would also want to continue expounding on the topic of what forgiveness is and how the LDS church didn't behave anywhere near reasonable in the realm of crime, punishment and forgiveness, but that seems unnecessary, like beating a dead horse with a stick.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Illustrating what mormons mean by 'forgive'

I just feel like posting another written illustration of the difference between the word "forgive" to most people and what it means to mormons::

Dictionary.com defines the word "forgive" as "to pardon someone", essentially to say it in my own words (based on the dictionary).  "Forgive" and "pardon" are seen as synonymous.


When someone is pardoned of theft or murder: what happens? When someone is pardoned of theft or murder they stop being punished for that crime - or at least, that's how I understand it -- and that's how I understand forgiveness to work too, if you are forgiven of what you did, it will not be held against you.


In Mormonism, when someone is forgiven of theft or murder, are they punished?

As I have understood it, a person forgiven of a crime in mormonism still has to face the punishment but the victim or the offended just isn't angry anymore.

So though the Dictionary says forgiveness and granting pardon are the same thing, and they really are the same thing to most of us:::

Mormons hold that you can be forgiven of your sins yet still be punished for them at the same time.

At least, that is how I've understood it.

Mormons changed the definition of the word ---- and I think the LDS church is fraudulent personally.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

On Parental Insanity and the Mormon Solution

So, when I was growing up for a while in my late teens, a common theme in my life was hearing my dad complaining about the neighbours and always having his tools all over the place because he's trying to fix the damage he perceives our neighbours have done to our vehicles.

My dad was absolutely obsessive about this idea that a community of our neighbours was vandalising our transportation to force us out of our home.

My mom told me that my dad is actually crazy. This is before/shortly before I went insane myself. My mom made it very clear to me that my dad was actually having brain problems -- that he was completely deluded and insane or something.

Anyway, I, as the history goes, I started to have a tendency to rebel against my father. I discovered that I didn't have to listen to what he said anymore.

What did the Mormon church think? The mormon church thought it was appropriate to tell me that I HAVE to obey my crazy and deluded father.

That's correct::: My mom who is a trained medical doctor diagnosed my father with a mental illness before I came down with anything, and in my rebellion I'm being told that I'm supposed to obey the crazy man, the LDS church has told me this.

I mean, the LDS church told me I'd work miracles, but when the psychiatrist determined that I was crazy because I believed in miracles, the LDS church or bishop did nothing to defend my belief and even encouraged the psychiatry. Later when the psychiatric doctors discovered my patriarchal blessing, they decided that I wasn't so much crazy as I was either legit or misled --- I am not actually schizophrenic according to the new diagnosis.

But the LDS church thought I was schizophrenic (for having believed what they told me) and that I should be obeying my Dad, who my mom says is crazy.

Anyway, so in my dad's crazy and deluded or at very least very upset state about neighbours and their vandalism, he asked the church what he should do to deal with neighbours who wrong us so much.

In my experience with the LDS church, whenever you try to take someone to law in church over anything, the only response you will ever get from the Bishop or Stake President is D&C 64 that you are required forgive the person who wronged you.

So, it can be understood that the church required us to forgive the neighbours causing my dad's problems.

Now::: what did they mean by this forgiveness?? First off::: the church didn't lift a finger to help us prosecute any criminal acts.

Forgiveness in this case was "completely let it off the hook AND don't even remember that it's happening" --- which means the church did dick all to help us respond to a situation in our community. It also means we went on living our lives with my dad constantly reminding us of something we were supposed to forget and never realize was still happening.

Anyway ---- the church did dick-all (that's canadian for 'nothing') to help my father deal with possibly criminal matters in our home and community.....

so later when I strike the missionaries' car (after the church rejected my testimony of the Holy Spirit), here I am actually testing them to see how well they forgive me.

Did they forgive me?? If you call being locked up, drugged and told to not believe in God anymore forgiveness....

anyway, when my dad had his problems with being vandalised, the church's definition of forgiveness there was "do dick all about it",

but when I did something to the missionaries the church's response of forgiveness was to make me suffer, which wasn't really forgiveness when you think about it --- oh and I got the punishment on top of making restitution for damages.

So if I understand mormonism, they were supposed to forgive me even if I did nothing to pay for the crime --- but we did pay for the damages and they still made me "suffer the consequence" of what I did.

So, basically::

Church tells me to obey crazy dad.
Crazy dad told by church to forgive a whole list of perceived wrongs.
Church fails to forgive son who is upset about church blaspheming holy ghost,

and I guess I could also mention "church leaders forgiven for blaspheming holy ghost".

Yup. That's another story about why I don't trust mormons anymore.

I can see that people are clearly upset with the LDS mormonism, and I am too.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Problems to Think About

OK - I have learned that many people from many different religions experience feelings upon questioning God that make them think their own religion is the truth.

Every religion is different, but each religion is believed in for the same reason --- because asking God produces a feeling.

This of course, just began to help me understand that maybe there are brain issues involved in such "spiritual" experiences, and that God has nothing to do with it, unless God wants us to believe random things, or unless that feeling is actually the devil.

Now --- Where do I fit in all this?

I did not lie when I told my experiences.

I am a legitimate nutjob, I grew up with LDS Mormonism, it drove me crazy --- but some things need questioning.

Avril Lavigne seemed, to me, to be a sort of fulfillment of my patriarchal blessing. She may have been put there, singing "about me" because of God, but she also may have been put there by man-made influences.

The real big question, and a real seriously sad and spooky question::: why was my next door neighbour reported having been shot to death on Christmas Day in 2006 only for a couple months later for Jim Carrey to release a movie that is essentially about my life::: including the death of a next door neighbour on "someone's birthday".

My neighbour is reported dead, and a movie about me is released that says as much.

Was all that purely man made? Did my next door neighbour even actually die? And why did my lottery tickets print out so many 23s?? Is it some kind of CIA or CSIS conspiracy?

Of course, lets not forget that when it comes to personal experiences with deity or personal revelation:::: I am actually a truly serious case of absolute "hallucination".

I mean, I could be sitting in bed, or sitting anywhere for that matter, and I know that I have had many experiences where I feel like I am actually engaged in sexual relations with a person who is not physically or visibly present with me where I am. I just feel the interaction.

Also:: most notably in October 2010, I hear thoughts in my mind telling me Jesus will appear soon, and I do actually get to see someone who I would identify as Jesus. Your mind is blown right?

I am actually serious. All these kinds of experiences have settled down in the past while, although sometimes I still wonder about some of the lights I notice in my darkened bedroom.

Anyway --- it does seem kind of fraudulent that we would ask God questions regarding the truthfulness of random religions and find out they are all true even though that doesn't really work:::

But personally, I think it would be reasonable if we could SCIENTIFICALLY examine things I know to have happened in my own life. Don't believe in any notion of anything about me in blind faith --- I try to be truthful, but if I thought something was God and it turned out not to be, you know what I mean.

Anyway. yeah. How can we measure the truthfulness of my claims? I don't intend on travelling and preaching anymore, I intend to enjoy my own personal and private life ----

But perhaps we should be asking the question::: What exactly is Kris Attfield experiencing in these experiences?

Why hallucinate being touched sexually? Why see visions of Jesus? Why is the next door neighbour dead, and where did the popular media about him come from?

I think I have proven to some extent the reality of "God", or something like that. You may not believe that I proved God, therefore I may be crazy, so just wonder, first of all::: was the media just being playful when they reported my next door neighbour died? If he actually died::: is that not in itself a real evidence of an existent God or Devil?

anyway, I don't want to control anybody, but I would like to get my experiences figured out. I'm probably not just "totally loony", as I see reality in my experience, but if I am just a loony, then great, I live on my government disability welfare --- and that works for me.

I guess it's all just about finding the truth. there was so much that happened, and I don't know if we'll ever really figure it out. I would like to know what the actual truth of what I experienced is though. And yes --- it's hallucinatory, but when your hallucinations involve successfully predicting the future, well, something is going on - right?


Earlier today I thought maybe I'd post about peacemaking and asking everyone to get along, stop fighting, live peacefully, coexist harmoniously. But then I realized that I don't know every situation of every person or society in the world, and thought that maybe I'd be insane to try and take on that topic - with my limited knowledge and experience.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Being a reasonably obedient mormon but finding there's too much control in the church.

Today I just remembered some things from my life, and I guess I should post these memories here, so you too, whoever you are, can also know.

When I grew up in Mormonism, I took my baptismal covenant seriously. I actually wanted and tried to obey and be part of the religion.

One thing I did with my Mormonism is I kept the Sabbath Day Holy.

That meant Sunday is not a work day. Sunday is a day of rest.

So, I did my homework on friday night or saturday, and Sunday was my day off. I actually followed that rule.

So, one sunday, I've got nothing to do, and I feel like relaxing a bit and enjoying a videogame. I loved videogames.

So, on my day of rest, a Sunday, I started playing a game on my computer.

Lo and behold, my Mom starts screaming at me to turn off the computer. It's like, apparently totally unlawful to enjoy your day of rest by playing videogames.

Especially when your sisters are doing their homework.

Yup ---- My mom treated me like I was wrong to rest on sunday and enjoy a videogame while she wanted to let my sisters do their homework on their holy day.

Compute in how church leaders are obsessive about making us obey our parents, and obviously I am going to be insane.

I mean -- I obeyed the rule, I didn't work on Sunday, yet for some reason a relaxing pass-time of playing videogames is also wrong on that day.

It was somehow right or OK for my sisters to do their schoolwork on that day while it was wrong for me to play a videogame. Apparently I was supposed to be reading my scriptures or something.

Which is strange, because every day is a scripture reading day in mormonism (note:: I practically aced seminary, I knew the ins and outs of the book of mormon like no other student), yet apparently Sunday is an especially important scripture reading day without any room for other things like videogames.

Blew my mind. My sisters are doing their homework, and they're allowed to do that, while I'm being screamed at to not play videogames.

When I mentioned this to my dad today, he said he and mom were just trying to do as they were told.

I remember that bishop::: the kind of bishop who won't even let you be friends with Avril Lavigne even though she sings about you and you are friends anyway.

Yup --- apparently it was so important to not play videogames and not be friends with Avril Lavigne that my mom, at one point, felt like getting rid of the internet connection.

And of course, I can probably safely assume the Bishop was behind it all, or at least someone at church.

Yes --- I grew up being sexually molested by demons (or maybe it was grandma) and being unable to avoid sex --- but this is the church that will just punish you and say "you should have resisted the demon harder", or, though your hormones really are beyond your own control, the church will condemn you for being what you are.


So, though I reasonably obeyed Mormonism by not doing my homework on sunday (and also being the top of the class in school), for some reason I had to be told to not play videogames on my day of rest or to not be friends with Avril Lavigne even as my sisters were encouraged to do their homework on the Holy Day.

Yes --- I am a completely freakin' mental case after that.

The church won't allow a fun passtime, won't allow friendshipping with someone who is absolutely amazing, will turn off the internet connection and then encourage the young ones to do their school work on the holy day.

What a church.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Stand Up for Canada

I didn't want to comment today, because with some of the subject matter of this blog, maybe I'd be asking for trouble (from any source),

But I feel driven to say a bit about how Canada is a great country, and ever since 9/11 I felt a great deal more patriotism for my great nation.

I am upset that someone would perform such an awful act towards Canada or Canadians, and I believe Canada to be such a great nation that I would understand anyone who takes a serious position against Canada in such a way to be deluded.

If I wasn't so mentally ill, and/or if I wasn't so physically unfit, perhaps, maybe I too would want to serve Canada.

Weighing almost 400 pounds, I am clearly not physically fit.

My mental illness may range anywhere from just feeling unmotivated or lazy to thinking I can see and talk to God - who knows how I wrong I am.

But my desire to serve Canada would stem from being a bit patriotic, as well as knowing "it would be a job, something to do".

Anyway, I love Canada, and I'm proud of my country.

I didn't want to say anything for fear of trouble, but I feel almost or seemingly compelled to express some form of patriotism.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

An Observation from reading the New Testament

I'm reading the New Testament.

One thing is very clear from my reading::: Jesus has a real problem with the Pharisees.

This leads me to pray to God, and my prayers to God indicate (if I am not just crazy) that God does have some kind of problem with the Jews, as is indicated in the New Testament.

So:: According to both LDS and Christian scripture God has a big problem with Jews, and no one takes this seriously.

Makes me think of 1st Corinthians 10:13 which says that 'no sin has overtaken you except that which is common to man', or in other words, if everyone's doing it, you probably do it to.

I remember growing up in the LDS church, and with the way the church made a big issue out of masturbation, well, they really really brought me down over that little "sin".

Anyway, I think it can be clearly understood that sexual sin, or even just masturbation --- really is common to man.

I can't be ashamed of masturbation if it's a sin so common that I was gonna be overtaken by it.

Yet the LDS church seemed to insist on completely shaming me over this common problem I didn't feel I could avoid.

Anyway, if everyone is going to completely ignore the "jewish question" as indicated in Christian and Mormon scriptures, then I don't see why the church had to be in a hissy fit about masturbation too --- they should probably just leave those of us with the problem alone (and I'm sure it's a common problem).

When we all do something wrong, we shouldn't condemn each other over it.

So, as I have observed past in my life, the next time someone from the church tries to shame me about my "common masturbation" problem, I can just ask them what they think about Jews.

It might show the hypocrisy.

Anyway, yeah, it's clear God doesn't like Jews as I see it, and if you are willing to ignore that part of His will, then please don't bother me about the masturbation either.

Basically:: I'm not saying you should do anything to Jewish people. I'm just saying if  you are gonna be an extremist and take my pound of flesh for my little sin, then realize what God also seems to say regarding Jews. So don't be an extremist, forgive the Jews, forgive Gays, forgive me for masturbating.


It makes more sense to not condemn.

God seemed to show a willingness to condemn various things all throughout the scriptures, but then he taught forgiveness and mercy, so I guess condemnation isn't all that important, so unless you want to start a fight, stop shaming me about my little physiological problem.

There, I think I've said it enough.


In other news, I am kind of getting tired of discussing these things, and sometimes I feel like taking my blog down. I don't know if I will yet --- but right now, at this moment, I feel like moving on with my life.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

I feel sorry for LDS Apostles

I feel moved with a sort of compassion or pity to say that I actually feel sorry for the 15 LDS apostles.

I used to be angry, I used to want some kind of revenge ---- but now I just feel sorry for them.

When I was growing up, amazingly the LDS church was in a way able to "prove" itself to me with the reality of their miraculous nature, I believed in it and I thought my faith was justified because I found miracles to suggest the church was real or true or whatever.

There are two options for why I feel sorry for the apostles, one of these options is true, and in the case of the true option, this is how I feel sorry for them::

Option 1)) The LDS church really is/was true.
If the LDS church really was the truth, then I feel sorry for the 15 LDS apostles because of all the attacks the church faces, and I feel sorry for the apostles because their people don't necessarily represent the Christ-like goodness that they were always supposed to represent.
Even if the LDS church was the truth, it fails so badly that it seems like a sinking ship, and I feel sorry for the LDS apostles because they are left with lifetime duties to a sinking ship, with people who don't make very good choices and all kinds of attacks on their religion.

Option 2) In the more likely case that the LDS church is actually false/some kind of Satanic fraud::
I feel sorry for the 15 LDS apostles that they were duped into giving their whole lives to an organization that was actually just a Satanic lie. I myself offered my whole life to this organization, and if it wasn't for a misbehaved bishop and stake president shaking me out of it, I might've ended up spending my life with the wrong church. I got lucky, but now I just feel sad and sorry for the 15 LDS apostles --- that their lives are spent trying to deal with a very bad situation where they have millions of believers giving their lives --- but those believers are delusional because the church misrepresented itself and if people find out then the 15 apostles might get in trouble.

I feel sorry for them, it's very sad that they lead a church that has so many problems. The church these men represent has had some pretty bad ways of believing in things in their history, and I'm sorry that these 15 men are or seem forced to spend their lives with the insanity. It must be a very difficult situation to deal with.

Thank God I got out of it. I wouldn't want to have to deal with those kinds of problems.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Lets try to organize my thoughts

So:: Today I had 4 main thought points I thought I felt like discussing, but because I have no friends I'm putting it on my blog, and we'll see how well I organize these thoughts.

So: I have no friends. I write too much to the few I do have, and I'm obsessed with religion. Must be pretty freakin' annoying.

I would love to play local multiplayer ouya games. But I have no friends. Tonight I wanted to play some local multiplayer --- but my mom went for her LDS visit teaching and my brother is going for his swimming class.

If it's not work, or regular life duties, it's the LDS church getting in the way of a good family fun time. Ugh.

Oh -- and my parents don't play videogames much or very well.

I suppose developing videogames was a fun thing to do: but seeing as how I'm not a real artist on my own, I was open to criticism on ouyaforum for not doing my own artwork. Apparently it's a crime to pay someone else for their artwork.

Anyway, the point is, even though I'm not inherently an artist, and though I don't think I was quite planning to get into the video game industry (or, not as an indie at least), I suppose I did myself a disservice by not taking art in school.

Yup --- through out all my schooling I was taking options like Spanish, Foods, Drama, Computers ---- but I never took art. Being a lone indie game developer is tough, when you never learned art, and it's become some kind of social crime to pay someone else for their art.

As for "social crimes", if that's what this next topic can be called:: Remember when Dairy Queen was doing their "Monster Cookie Blizzard Special"?

I remember it:: Monster Cookies at Dairy Queen.

I grew up eating my Mom's Monster Cookies. She got the recipe from someone else she knew long ago, and well, she made them so much when I was a kid and our family just loved them.

And then Dairy Queen stole the concept and made it into a blizzard, and I don't remember very well but I don't think it quite did justice to what I had as a kid.

I'm writing about Monster Cookies because my parents came home from shopping today with a tray full of peanut butter cookies.  Reminded me of Monster Cookies.

I don't know the exact recipe, but if Dairy Queen wants to get Monster Cookies right, the recipe involves Peanut Butter, Chocolate Chips, M&Ms, Oatmeal.... and probably a few other chemicals to make the cookies turn out right, but I got the main flavouring in there.

Yeah, monster cookies are kind of like Reeses in that they go with the chocolate/peanut butter thing, but they're cookies and not "candy". And they don't look anything like Reeses.

So yeah --- I talk too much, I have too much to say and too few people to say it to. So, I might be one of the most annoying people on earth, with how if you become my friend you can expect an at least somewhat filled inbox. Sorry everyone.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

A Double-Bind Out of Mormonism

I didn't mention this yet (except in an email), but on Monday the 13th, which was Canadian Thanksgiving, I had over 2000 visits to this blog from Israel.

Considering some of my subject matter --- that is actually kind of scary.

Anyway, after finding I had over 2000 visits from Israel midday that day, I went on, eventually going to my daily reading of the New Testament.

I read a chapter of the New Testament, and I felt moved to pray, pray in a way I don't normally pray --- and in my prayer I felt ready to meet Jesus again.

I was trying to set up and appointment to see Jesus Christ again, because I wanted to know what I should be doing with my life, I wanted instructions, and I also would have liked Him to help me with weight loss.

Up to this point God had always been just telling me to just live my life, there aren't any real instructions.

So, I went outside, with a book in hand, and decided I'd wait and see if Jesus Christ would arrive.

There was only one character of interest who walked past my house in that time I waited::: he was dressed up like a carpenter, but looked very different from past times I had seen Jesus. I didn't recognize him as Jesus when I saw him, but his appearance was stunning enough that I said "hi" to him as he passed and he greeted me, continuing on his way.

Anyway, the thoughts in my head, or the "thought-voice of God" eventually told me that I had already seen Jesus that day and I could stop waiting.

According to The Book of Finch, Jesus Christ is supposedly capable of making himself appear as a dark-skinned-black-haired man, so if I had seen Jesus Christ again in that little wait, he looked different than the past times I recognized Him.

Anyway, realizing I saw someone dressed like a carpenter walking home from work on a holiday when he could've been driving, I realized who Jesus may have been, but was confused enough by his very different appearance I asked God for further confirmation that this was the Lord.

I asked God that if I really had seen Jesus Christ that day, that I would get a burning in my bosom --- and if I had not really seen Jesus that day, I would get a splitting headache --- in keeping tradition of the Mormon way of knowing truth by feelings.

So, after hours of watching Netflix, I could only say that I had more warmth in my heart, and absolutely no headache, so therefore if it really is any indication, I had seen Jesus Christ that day.

How or why is this a double-bind out of Mormonism?

1) If Jesus Christ never actually appeared to me that day, then the Mormon way of knowing truth by feelings is absolutely faulty.

2) If I had seen Jesus Christ that day, it's interesting because he appeared to me after I stopped believing in Mormonism. Having denied mormonism, Jesus Christ appeared to me anyway. Very interesting.

Anyway --- No Jesus didn't stop to chat with me about instructions or weight loss, as near as I can tell I'm still just supposed to go on and live my life.

So --- I might be crazy. I could be wrong to think I saw Jesus -- but if I didn't see Jesus, then Mormonism isn't really all that right either.

And it is kind of scary to get thousands of visitors from Israel.

Gotta go, have a nice day.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Insecure about the miracles

So: My LDS patriarchal blessing told me I would witness and perform miracles, and I totally 100% believed it.

In fact, I do believe I really have witnessed or even performed numerous miracles throughout my life.

But when I discovered how absolutely flawed the LDS/Mormon church is, I become concerned. The LDS church is so flawed in so many ways it seems very unlikely that it really is the truth, much less the one truth.

And finding that the LDS church is so extremely flawed, I wonder where my miracles came from, God, or the Devil?

I've learned so much about Mormonism::: And to be honest, it seems completely unlikely that they really are the truth, even if they are people of good works and even provably miraculous.

Mormonism is attractive as a social group, a place to go to be with friends and others.

But even if the Mormon church really is true, I don't see myself being a part of it anymore.

First off, it's unlikely that it really is the one and only true and living church.

But if it is the truth, I'm not good enough for it, they didn't treat me very nicely, and a zillion historical and doctrinal reasons to call it quits.

Am I crazy to think I was really into the miraculous in that Church? I actually don't think so, I might have some level of insanity in my life, but there really was a miraculousness about what I was going through.

It may have been miracles from God, to help me get through life in a church that wasn't treating me very well, or they may have been miracles from the Devil, to try and convince me of a fraud that wasn't treating me very well.


The church told me I'd witness and perform miracles, and then they treated me like I was crazy for having believed what they told me. Even if the miracles were valid, the church just seems totally unreasonable to be involved with.


I'll just note, that in Mormonism, even if you live a perfect life, if you just have any anger or remembrance about bad things that happened, then you are automatically worse than the bad thing that happened. This seems unreasonable.

Also, in Mormonism, even if you life your life totally and absolutely forgiving everyone around you::: all the forgiveness you express won't necessarily get you off the hook when you've done something that's considered wrong.

It doesn't matter how forgiving you are, you can still be officially punished.

It doesn't matter how perfect you are, you are the worse man just for remembering a sin.

It just seems like a very unreasonable religion.

Monday, October 13, 2014

On Good Works [in Mormonism Part 2]

I suppose I made a mistake in my analysis in yesterday's blog post.

I said, that in Mormonism, if you always forgive, you'll always be forgiven.

OK ----- in Mormonism, even if you always completely forgive everyone who has ever wronged you --- if you do something that's considered wrong, and you don't confess and repent of it, then the church can take you to law over it.

So, I guess I made a mistake with yesterday's blog post. I thought mormonism was about always forgiving everything and always being forgiven---- because in christianity if you forgive you'll be forgiven----

but if you do something wrong, if you don't confess and repent then you'll be taken to law.

And remember::: In mormonism, even if you are taken to law for doing something wrong, and you are punished for it --- they are still forgiving you even as you are being punished.

In Mormonism, forgiveness is just this thing where you don't feel angry or have any remembrance about something bad that happened. If you remember the bad thing that happened, then you are condemned of a sin worse than the original offence.

Yeah. Huh.

So, if you die, and get judged by God, God will forgive you for your sins::: You get damned to hell and God just doesn't feel angry. That's the Mormon way!!!


The forgiveness issue is one big reason I reject Mormonism now. It doesn't make sense to me how the mormons do things.

In regular Christianity, "Forgive" is the word used when you let go of justice, when you let someone off the hook.

In Mormonism, I actually don't know of any commonly used term the mormons use to let people off the hook ---- they are constantly forgiving, but that word doesn't mean "let off the hook".

Yeah. The Mormons changed the definition of the word, and it confuses me.

I still reject Mormonism at this point.

Anyway ---- always forgiving and always being forgiven in mormonism sounds good, but when you actually examine the doctrine they'll punish you as they forgive you, which means you are supposed to be a "good boy" anyway.

There is no word for "let off the hook" in Mormonism.

And I find it very confusing.

Oh --- and even if you do confess to what you've done like you're supposed to, there's still a chance that someone in the church will hold it against you forever anyway -- or even if you do confess, you'll still be punished anyway even though confession and repentance are supposed to stay the hand of justice.


Anyway, I am way too obsessed with religion/mormonism. I kind of wish I could stop talking about this topic.

I am obsessive. I write too much. I probably bug the people I'm closest to online. I feel like an idiot about it.

It's a real good thing I have a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse to write to --- cuz if I didn't I'd be full of things to say but no one to say them to --- because my dad doesn't like talking to me about much of what I'm interested in. Ugh.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

On Good Works [in mormonism and christianity]

In Mormonism, you are always meant to forgive absolutely everything.

If you forgive everybody of everything, then you will always be forgiven, and therefore can really do no wrong.

But - my Dad says - you are supposed to always be doing the right thing and always being a good person in any good church - including mormonism.

Well, Mormonism teaches that we are saved FROM sin -- Or at least that was what Alma and Amulek taught -- therefore we are always supposed to do the right thing, right?

Well, I can only imagine Alma and Amulek were influenced in their teaching by the evil and wicked King Noah --- King Noah thought salvation came by following the law of Moses. Therefore, as near as I can tell, the Mormon attitude that we are saved from sin actually originated from the bad guy.

Before the bad guy influenced Alma to teach that thing, we have Nephi who seemed to think the law is dead and ought to be done away --- Nephi believed that Jesus Christ fulfilled the law and therefore there was no need for any more law.

That probably explains why the prophet Joseph Smith Jr. had over 30 wives adulterously --- the truth of the religion is that the law was fulfilled and ought to be done away, the bad guy said follow the rules, and if you forgive everything then you'll always be forgiven.

So -- that's mormonism. My dad likes the good works of religion, but he doesn't realize that mormonism is actually about doing whatever you want and always being forgiven and it was the bad guy who believed in following the rules.


Christianity, in the bible, says "Faith without works is dead".

So, in order to be saved, all you have to do is believe in Jesus. Bang, Jesus saved you. And then, having been saved, you are born a new man who is inclined to do good always --- if you aren't being a good boy then you're dead, because if you have the faith you have to have the good works.


So, Mormonism is "works+grace=salvation", which means if you always forgive everything then you've done all your works and you'll always be forgiven which brings you salvation.

Christianity is "faith = grace = salvation + works" and "dead = faith - works" and "alive = faith + works".


I have to say, I'm not convinced by the LDS way of doing things. I like christianity much better (even if I don't go to a church, it's kind of hard to attend a church when part of your family is still doing the LDS thing, and you don't live alone and can't drive a car).

Friday, October 10, 2014

Seeking a sign

Seeing this sign at a local mall gave me a chuckle and reminded me of something:

I've been reading the New Testament lately, and Jesus says a wicked and adulterous generation seeks a sign, and that there will be no sign given except for that like Jonas and the whale- I think he was referring to his own upcoming crucifixion as well.

Any way, I think it's interesting that the Book of Finch story discusses a similar kind of sign- involving LDS prophets.

Yes - The Book of Finch discusses what could be considered an actual legitimate sign.

I always thought the sign was from God, but if LDS is of the devil then we can't be so sure.

It seems hard to discern what came from where, but if 'The sign if the book of finch' really is legitimate from God, well - even that is relevant to the Jewish discussion I've been going through, and like I said in the book - what is God trying to say by these things?

If the deaths if the LDS apostles is a legitimate Godly miracle, then it either points out folly in LDS doctrine or points out its legitimacy, I'm a little too confused at this point to make the judgment call I think-

But if the LDS doctrine is legit, then Mormons aren't fully following like Uchtdorf said (in the earlier reference to the hypocrisy)

If the doctrine is being pointed out is folly, then I guess we can just go on with our lives without the church maybe.

I don't like discussing this anymore - it was just a funny sign at the mall that made me think.


Now that I'm back home::: The scripture reference is Matthew 12:39.

Kind of reminds me of the Jonas brothers (I thought it was Jonah and the whale, turns out it's actually Jonas - wrong name in my mind), and the burning up tour and how Avril Lavigne was involved in that.

Yeah. Hmmm.


Anyway, I'm getting sick of this topic::: and I realize I could be wrong at any point, I know I'm not perfect, all I know is there was some really magical-like experience I had a while back that may have involved God or the Devil and it's a sign like mentioned in the New Testament like Jonas and the Whale and it involves LDS doctrine involving preaching to the Jews --- and it's all kind of confusing for me to deal with now.

I've inspected much of the anti-mormon stuff, and well, I am very concerned about the LDS church, especially considering all the negative personal experiences I've had with it.

But --- according to my personal testimony which I will not deny, there is a real legitimate magic or miraculousness about LDS Mormonism. I just wonder if it's really God or if it's the Devil is all.

Back to the Basic Question

I'm getting sick of my religion obsession, but I just have a mental drive to think and talk about Mormonism, because I grew up in that church and the church wants to take over your life, essentially, they make you obsessive about it.

I kind of wonder if I should voluntarily take down my own blog and/or unpublish some of my books. Issues.

So --- back to the basic question::: Mormonism obviously has some magical or miraculous quality about it, in my experience, so is this the church of God or the Devil?

The Mormons make people miserable over small imperfections -- does that sound like God or the Devil?

The Mormons believe people should be punished for their obedience (the whole Jewish question) --- does that sound like God or the Devil?

I think Dieter F Uchtdorf (Come, Join With Us, October 2013) admitted that the church is full of hypocrites::: would God rely on a church of hypocrites to save the world?

Mormon Doctrine can be completely confusing and contradictory with itself and normal christianity once studied more in depth --- would God really do that?

Would God make us all believe in "ancient civilizations" of the americas that leave no archeological trace?

I might as well stop the list of questions now.  Does this sound like "Christ's one and only true and living church"?

Anyway, something to think about --- if that really is God, I still don't see the point of being involved. It could easily be Satan's church, a deception and perversion of actual christianity.

Anyway --- I wish I could make myself shut up about these things, I hate this topic now --- I am so sad that my brain is obsessed with it.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Is Talking to God UNRELIABLE???

Growing up in LDS Mormonism, I learned about prayer and revelation, that when you pray you are supposed to spend 60% of the time LISTENING for God, as a feeling or [thought]voice in your head.

I like to engage in two-way conversations with God personally, like I'll ask him what I should do, and for the longest time in recent memory he'll just say I can do what I want - he has no job in particular for me right now.

Anyway, so I asked God this question related to my earlier blog posts today:

Me: "God, did you forgive the Jews?"

'God': "Nope, I punished them"

Me (astounded): "God, that doesn't really make sense, why would you punish a people for committing a sacrifice they were always meant to make? Punishing people for their obedience seems unreasonable".

A 'though-voice' as though from someone else: "Your grandmother is gonna hoot about that one" (or something like that)

Me: "OK God, answer my question, did you forgive the Jews? Why would you punish them for their obedience".

'God': "I forgave the jews, you are correct".


Here's the funny thing about the above conversation, God wasn't necessarily God. In fact, the two times God spoke it wasn't necessarily the same being speaking each time either. There might've been a demon in there.

Here's another conversation I had with God I remember from a little while ago:::

Me: "God, did you really meet with Joseph Smith in the sacred grove?"

God: "Yes I did".

Me: "So which of the 9 accounts of the first vision was the correct account?"

God: [God seems to admit that there was no first vision and that the church isn't actually true, but I can't remember the exact wording I thought this being in this conversation used, I just got the impression in this conversation that God was admitting to me the church wasn't actually right]


So - um, yeah. Talking to "God" is real funny business because if you start to logically reason with "Him" or question the veracity of doctrine he seemed to uphold, at least in my experience "God" will change his position and won't enforce the Mormon viewpoint.

Anyway ---- Talking to God is strange like that because he seems, at first, to enforce Mormonism (in my mind), but if you start questioning and reasoning, the charade stops.


I would just like to note that I do have some reason to believe that this "God" I speak to is real, even if just a demonic entity. I know this because when I was young many years ago I made a deal with "God" where I would serve "Him" all my life in exchange for my celestial exaltation.

The reason I know there's a reality to this stuff is because the LDS Stake Patriarch had the elements of my agreement with "God" outlined in the blessing he gave me. How could the patriarch know my personal agreement with God when I never told him? It was pretty spooky --- it was a way of convincing me or trying to convince me the LDS church was true.

But, as the Bishop told me a little later, I had made a deal with the devil. I thought the Bishop was completely bogus about this at first, and I was very confused. Turned out the Mormon God really is likely to be some kind of devil, as I've learned, so the deal I made may have been with a devil and the Mormon Bishop may have just been warning me.

I didn't like that Mormon Bishop for a long time, but after years of thinking about it, I'm now thankful to him for helping me avoid the Mormon life and letting me take a different path.


So yeah::: That "God" I talk to is real, but sometimes "God" might not be the real God and might just be a demon or something. It's confusing and annoying, but that's the way I see it.

A Topic that Causes Anxiety

The topic of the post I wrote earlier today is not a nice one.

It's causing me anxiety.

Millions of lives in the balance and your eternal welfare at stake.

This is an issue and a scripture/doctrine I took to heart long ago because I knew it would be a big issue.

And I am sick about it. It's causing me great anxiety. Kind of makes me feel like I wish I didn't exist, perhaps suicidal feelings.

I'm sure the issue makes many people uncomfortable.

I'm not even sure it's really all that great to talk about online.

I am so sorry to everyone involved in these horrible issues.

My heart goes out to LDS people who don't seem to understand the actual truths or issues at stake.

I'm sorry for all the terrible suffering that has ever been caused by this issue.

I myself am just kind of wishing I could disappear from life so I don't have to face these issues.

I guess that's all I need to say about this for now.

I am truly sorry for all the problems the discussed issue might cause or be for people. It's a real big issue, and and a real big problem.

God's Actual Will

I've been thinking about what the Mormons teach:

As far as I can glean from LDS Mormon teachings, the Mormons believe that what Nazi Germany did to the Jews was actually God's will --- and there is apparently a bit of a history, apparently, of LDS church leaders supporting the Nazi government.

1) Would Jesus, or a loving God, really seriously condemn a whole race of people so badly?

What the Jews did to Jesus was insignificant compared to the pain "Jesus" returned upon them.

Jesus was SUPPOSED to atone for the sins of the world --- and the death didn't last, Jesus rose.

If the Jews were just doing as was prophecied, why would God condemn them for an act they were always meant to carry out?

I feel sick.

I grew up in the LDS church being hypnotized by their ideas that the book of mormon is totally true and the Mormons represent the one true church. When I found 2nd Nephi 25:16 I thought that was a very interesting doctrine and I always remembered it in case it was important or needed investigation.

God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son etc.... I mean, God wants to help and save the world, not condemn it.

It's true that Jesus didn't seem to like the Pharisees very much, but why would he do such horrible things to an entire race over something they were supposed to do??

Spencer W Kimball made it clear in The Miracle of Forgiveness that God did not forgive the Jews....

but the Jews did what they were supposed to when they crucified Jesus, and I find it hard to believe that God would condemn them for doing their part.

Mormonism is just sick. They get millions of followers, and if my sample population was any case they don't even realize what their prophets have actually said regarding the Jews.

Mormon doctrine believes that the Holocaust was God's will, as near as I can interpret what I've seen --- but it doesn't make sense that a LOVING GOD would do such horrible things for a "crime" which was always meant to happen and can actually hardly be considered a crime.

The Jews of Moses' day and forward sacrificed their Lambs, supposedly, as a type of the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ which was to come. Jesus was always MEANT to die.

And then God punishes Jesus' people for the final atoning sacrifice they were meant to commit? Doesn't make sense.

Doesn't make any sense at all.

I've argued the Pro-Mormon attitude on this issue before, but it was faulty. The rebuttal against me was that God loves all his children --- why would God do such horrible things to his kids for something they were always intended to do?


Basic point of this blog post::: Mormonism is folly, mormonism is completely wrong. Please love your fellow man as yourself, and that includes Jews. The Book of Mormon was probably mistaken when it said God scourges the Jews, and Mormon prophets aren't trustworthy on this issue it seems.

Anyway, there probably is no need to be evil at the Jews.

The Mormon church is most likely a satanic lie and deception.

I am so ashamed of having tried to support that organization.

It just doesn't make sense that God would do those horrible things for a crime that ways always meant to be committed. Maybe the antithesis of my viewpoint could be logically argued --- but what the Nazis did was so horrible I don't understand how a loving God could do such a thing.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Impressed with General Conference

So --- General Conference was this past weekend.

I visited LDS.org to have a look at what was being taught. I only found a list of speakers and audio/video links for their talks.

I asked God "Of this weekend's LDS general conference, which speaker do you think I should listen to the most?"

God seemed to respond that I should listen to Jeffery R Holland's talk.

I just watched the whole talk.

And I am very impressed.

Throughout my questionings of LDS mormonism, even now in my rejection of the church I see Elder Holland's talk and I think he has done something wonderful, to preach those things.

So -- I question why my family would continue with the church when there are such glaring faults and problems that I see ---- well, I will not deny that LDS apostles are always/usually very impressive men.


Elder Holland gave his talk about helping poor people. Excellent topic. Excellent truth.

I can't help but have some love for this man despite my consistent rejection of their church at this point ---- Of course, perhaps I am happy with this teaching because it helps me feel better about myself and my life ----

because in my life I was poor and was helped.

in my life I help poor people.

The talk that Elder Holland gave was socially-conscious, beautiful, and spoke to me from my personal experience.

Yeah --- I guess I can't be all negative about the church -- even if I have some difficulty with various things about the church or whatever about it --- LDS apostles are very impressive men and I usually end up agreeing with them.

Yup --- even in my rejection of this church in all it's faults, I can still praise their leadership to some extent for how impressed I am.

And ---- just go watch his talk, he's the one who taught the necessary doctrine.

The point of Holland's talk was to help poor people.

The point of this blog post is to concede that Holland has done something wonderful.

Crazy Things LDS Leaders Say

So, I let my family go on with their lives, whether it be in the LDS church or without.

I don't really totally understand why they follow that church, because there are reasons from experience and study that tell me the church isn't really cracked up to be anything worthwhile.

Like, in the LDS church, you are not allowed to say anything critical about your leaders, even if what you say is true.

So when my old stake president said God doesn't talk by voice, he's obviously contradicting known scripture (both LDS and regular) and my patriarchal blessing --- so what am I supposed to do?

You see, I have seen LDS people get upset at me for criticizing what the Stake Persident said. If what the stake president said is true, then there's absolutely no reality or truth to any christian church or religion. If what the stake president said was false, then why do I have to put up with these mormon-minded individuals who think it's such a crime for me to point out the error in the church leader's word?

Basically, Brigham Young said Adam was God. Either this is true or false. if it's true, then that radically changes the LDS church as it is today. If it's false, then I can only imagine how much you're not allowed to criticize what the leader said.

LDS church leaders criticize all kinds of things and behaviours, great and small. But when they say something especially stupid themselves, no critical comments allowed --- it is actually just hypocrisy.

So, Brigham Young said Adam was God.

My old Stake President said God doesn't actually speak by voice to man, contradicting scripture and my patriarchal blessing.

My old Bishop thought that Avril Lavigne can never be saved because of her musical and clothing styles, even before she released her 2nd album. This means that when "Jesus died that all mankind may be saved", the translators forgot to include the part of the verse that excludes Avril Lavigne from salvation.

Basically, when the church goes around saying Avril can't be saved just because she isn't already a mormon and she sings music and she wears clothes, I mean, what business does the church think it has being in my home, with their home teaching and missionary work when they can't let Avril be saved?

if Avril can't be saved -- then I can't be saved either, which means it is absolutely POINTLESS to have missionaries visit or home teachers.

yet - somehow the church thought that even though they rejected Avril, that they could come call me or visit me in my home whenever they felt like.

If Avril could have been saved (and myself likewise) --- then it's ridiculous how I have to put up with a controlling bishop who says very stupid things and then the church can't let me criticize anything the bishop has said even though the bishop himself is critical of all kinds of little things.

Basically, it just doesn't make sense for me to continue in the church.

Your bishop could sleep with your wife and you wouldn't be allowed to criticize it, right?

And if it was a criticizable offence -- then what makes any of the above offences any different?

Why is "bishop sleeping with your wife" so much more criticizable than "Stake president blaspheming holy ghost"?

If it is possible for a church leader to be criticized -- if there is anything a church leader can do that crosses the line, then I don't know why everyone has to be belligerent at me about how I saw my own church leaders cross the line.

And if you really can't criticize church leaders, then I guess your bishop might as well be sleeping with your wife and his own councillors, maybe they can have a foursome.

Anyway, yeah --- church leaders said things to me that blatantly contradict accepted doctrine and reason, and for some reason I wasn't allowed to say anything critical about it regardless of how these leaders like to criticize little things like masturbation.

Yup. There are all kinds of reasons I could go on about why I don't believe in the church. If there was any reality or truth to the church, it's all gone now for many numerous screw-ups they've committed.

And, I suppose I should be sorry that I keep going on about this. I've said my bit about all this stuff already --- but the church has engrained such psychological problems in my mind that I just feel a need or urge to talk about what I think, and this blog is the best place for me to go so I'm not spamming any individual personally.

Thank God for psychologists/psychiatrists.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

I Don't Believe in Mormonism Anymore

I've had a good look through all sorts of aspects of the "reality" of the LDS church, and I don't believe in it anymore.

Growing up, I never saw the opposing viewpoint about Mormonism and I was always told the church was the one and only true and living church on earth, so I was essentially hypnotized to believe in Mormonism.

I was under the power of mind control, I think.

So:: what about all the miracles I thought I experienced? What about how I saw "evidence" of my LDS patriarchal blessing? There are explanations for that --- but is it because I really am mentally ill, or is it because of some grander cosmic or mystical political scheme that stays hidden from young and naive minds?

I never lied when I wrote my book, or at least I always tried to tell the story as I saw it. When I had the vision when I got my LDS Patriarchal Blessing --- as far as I remember that was real. The miracles I thought I experienced, I really thought I experienced.

So - am I mentally ill? Maybe. Probably.

Is there any mystical reality? Probably too.

I suppose I could say that my experiences and 'system of being' are based on both legitimate mental illness and legitimate mysticism.

The question is:: Is my mysticism really from God, or was it the Devil? Both are possibilities, and both might be true in different cases in my life as well - both God and the Devil had a role to play in everything I experienced. Of course, figuring out which experience came from which source might not be the easiest thing to figure out.

But it is clear that LDS Mormonism isn't really true -- that it is likely even demonic.

My position and thoughts and "world view" have shifted so much in at least a few ways over the years.

I was like "Church is totally true" "church not making sense" "church not true" --- the simplest way to describe it.

So, yeah, basically I've examined all kinds of facets of the LDS church and all their stuff --- and there really is nothing about them that really is reasonable to believe in.

This is a church that teaches "always do what you're told even if you think it's wrong", and then in 2nd Nephi 25:16 we learn that it's God's will that countries do horrible things to Jewish people.

What's sad is, I see the reality of the above sentence, and I wonder how anyone in my family could possibly think the church is really worthwhile - they follow Mormonism, yet don't (on the surface) accept God's behaviour.

Either the Mormon God is right or wrong. If he's right, then why aren't you obeying him to the best of your ability? And if he's wrong - then why the heck do you continue going to the temple and doing all that LDS church stuff?

Basically -- it's possible that the LDS church is a church for mentally ill people, and my family fits that bill perfectly.

But --- I mean, if you really believe in Mormonism, why aren't you doing everything you possibly can to be saved? And if you don't really believe in Mormonism -- then why are you wasting your time with that God forsaken organization?

My family is mentally ill. Some members in my family seem to think it's OK to be involved in a church that demands total obedience, and their scriptures say it's God's will that people mistreat Jewish people. And then they don't actually follow/believe those parts of it --- so really, my family is pretty brain-dead at this point I think and it's not helping me, or us, get through life.

All that money given to tithing could be more properly used to benefit your own life, or help the government through legitimate taxes -- but no, we have to waste our money and the government's money on an organization that does who knows what for mentally ill people --- actually, this organization just drives people insane (it drove me insane).

No idea. We've been wasting many years of our lives on some complete baloney, and certain members of my family just don't seem to have the brains to figure out what it's really all about.


Thursday, October 2, 2014

God makes me feel good

So, yesterday I wrote my bit about how hatred is a disease because of how I was feeling those evil feelings, i was picking up on "an awful spirit" somewhere.

But, no fear, I was able to pray to God the father, and those evil feelings of hatred which I sensed melted away and I became full of Love again.

Now --- the feelings of Love I got from God the Father had nothing to do with a testimony of the validity of The Book of Mormon or of Mormon Prophets --- LDS church lore had nothing to do with those good feelings, I had good feelings of happiness and love, seemingly, just because I got back in contact with God.

If there was an evil spirit causing bad feelings in my heart, well, talking to God sent those bad feelings away and I started feeling A LOT better.

Yup. Hmmm.

Not much to say --- it was just interesting to note that the disease of hateful feelings in my heart was sent away by prayers to God who replaced those feelings with feelings of love and those happy and warm feelings had nothing to do with any testimony of The Book of Mormon or mormon prophets. They were just the feelings you get from praying to God.

So, whatever a scientist might glean from that - who knows - the simple act of praying to God the father can remove the evil feelings and put in good and loving feelings. Interesting fact of what I experienced last night.

It's kind of strange, though, when Mormons get to you to pray to God, and then they tell you the feelings He gives are actually telling you about the truth of their book. I'd say those are just feelings of Love that God emanates somehow, and don't necessarily have anything to do with the truth of anything.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Hatred is a Disease

I am a pretty bad sufferer from mental illness. Part of my mental illness, whether it be just in my own brain or an emotional sensation caused by my spiritual surroundings, is that sometimes I feel or sense a feeling of hatred in my heart, even sometimes an extreme hatred.

I've learned that my medication is likely a good way of not acting on those feelings, hopefully something will keep me away from those feelings, because what those feelings represent really is not a good thing.

Of course, my life fits the bill of Luke 14:26 pretty well, on multiple occasions this scripture has become true for me, it reads:

"If any man come unto me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple."

How could Jesus say such a thing? If hatred is such a disease, then why would Jesus want to make disciples of hateful people?

Well, from my personal experience, growing up in the Mormon church you are supposed to do the best you can to be a good person and do the right thing. If your family totally follows mormonism/is devout, yet you know they aren't trying their hardest to be right and true, and when you realize that there's actually something completely wrong with the people you live with, well, you actually will start to hate your life and the people around you. I know, I've been through it.

The great thing about Jesus is that as his disciple, a hateful man, you will learn to love one another, God is love, so once you realize how utterly pathetic you and your family are, Jesus can come in and teach you properly. You HAVE to be humble. You have to become as a little child, capable of learning new things.

Pride and thinking you know everything and never thinking you could be wrong isn't really what Jesus was going for.

So yeah --- I am a sufferer from a serious psychological disease that will even cause me great feelings of hatred even for no reason whatsoever. For a long time now, when I get those feelings I know to not act out on them, I know how to stay calm and reasonable and let the feelings flow off me like 'the water off a duck's back'.

Love is a really good thing.

And yes --- life might become so bad for you that you can't help but hate your life and the people around you --- that's when you need Jesus, that's when Jesus will come. He'll lift you right up and make things better.

And now, I say this in the most loving way I can, because I don't want to hurt or offend, and I'm not angry anymore, I just see the pure logic of the things I know.

Though I don't care for LDS Mormonism, but a number of my family member still follow that path, I do not hate them. But, I do think they themselves must also suffer from some kind of disease or mental issue as well - even if it's not diagnosed.

Basically, I said hatred is a disease right?  Well, after learning all sorts of things about the mormon church, this might sound wrong but now I realize that mormonism is also a disease.

For people who don't know, who are being enticed or seduced by the LDS church, well, the church will just try to make a guy like me seem "anti" and tell you not to listen to me.

But --- for the same reasons the psychiatric doctors told me I was schizophrenic (because I totally believed in Mormonism), I now also know that Mormonism is just a disease. Joseph smith was actually a heretic/lunatic.

I could go on for ever and ever on this topic, but my dad hates discussing it with me, and I need to keep this post shorter than it would be if I went on a complete in-depth discussion.

I'll just leave you with two thoughts:

1) 2nd Nephi 25:16 says when countries treat Jews badly, they're actually doing God's will. But then LDS people through misunderstanding or misinterpretation don't understand this reality about their book. My own family has this problem.

2) Mormon 4:5 says the wicked punish the wicked, while D&C 64 says we are require to forgive all men. To keep this brief, I will leave you with the idea that both these scriptures come from the LDS God, yet they completely contradict each other. One scripture says 'don't punish anything' while the other scripture says 'wicked people are ok by God to punish others'. Not only are these two scriptures contradictory, but they also completely contradict or pervert actual christianity as well.

So --- hatred is a disease, that I might suffer from a bit though I'm keeping it under control, and mormonism is a disease that can spread like wildfire, and well, my family suffers from it.

I have an idea that this blog post may be seen as extremely controversial - but Jesus (who is Love) is the answer and as near as I can tell Mormonism can't be understood to be true in any complete form once you've completely studied their doctrine/history or theology or what have you.

Yes, it's unfortunate, but that's how I see it.