OK - maybe it's not impossible to make money, but I'm now telling myself it's impossible to make money because I want to calm down any lofty hopes I may have ever had to get rich from selling product online. I do make make some money, but usually not much. And in order to make a great deal of money, you have to show great skill at what you do, which I cannot, as I am either an amateur or at most seem only semi-pro.
It appears people have completely stopped downloading The Book of Finch. Maybe nobody is interested anymore, or maybe the Mormon Zeitgeist has decided that my book is bad and should not be read. It makes me feel unloved.
But, in reality, throughout my whole life, I've never really been loved by anybody, not even the church I grew up in that proclaimed "love one another". Maybe my parents love me, but their love for me comes in a form of "their will before mine". Hahaha.
Anyway, it's impossible to make money, and the Mormon church appears to have completely unfriended me.
I was totally gung-ho to go be a mormon and do the mormon thing, but so many things went wrong with that.
So where do I stand on the Mormon Church?
1) There are many things about my experiences with Mormonism that seemed to indicate to me that there really is a magical or miraculous reality in the LDS church. I was a full-blown believer (even if I wasn't the greatest mormon boy (I tried to be good though) I really believed in it) and the church really did appear to be magically real in my sight.
2) There are some good things and people in the church, but I personally ran into some pretty deplorable behaviours in my experience there. There's just something wrong about the people or the organization, which I will not go into any detail about here.
3) Though on the surface the Mormon church appeared to be good, there seem to be some fundamental flaws in doctrine and after doing lots of research, something really doesn't seem right about this organization. If you dig far enough, you'll find that there's something just plain wrong with it. People who don't do their research live with the happy-flowery-sunshine-and-rainbows idea that Mormonism is all just great and wonderful ---- but if you dig into the doctrine and history - and even just live with the people 'intimately' --- there's something wrong with the whole thing.
So --- how do I reconcile my realization of miracles in the LDS church with all that seems so wrong? I call it satanism. I don't know the whole truth of everything, but from what I can tell, I would just call it a satanic organization, seriously deceptive.
Anyway --- the Mormons have unfriended me and they don't care to read my truth anymore --- they never really cared about or loved me --- and because so many people are so poor, it's hard to earn money from people who don't have money or are unwilling to spend.
I grew up poor and had dreams of becoming rich. It now seems impossible to get rich.