I wish I could just stop thinking about all these church problems - today my mind probably covered several issues that I could write about, but I thought about another one now and felt like I could write about this one, even if it really is just me blabbing on and on --- how many people wish I could just shaddup right?
Anyway:: I quickly thought about my life and noticed how completely dishonest the LDS church was, and how they seemed to just expect me to live in their organization with all that dishonesty.
Here's why I say that:::
Back in 2001, the LDS church told me my good friend actually NEVER wanted ANYTHING to do with me. This was psychologically traumatizing for me (amongst other things perhaps), and well, church psychological services wanted to talk to me to "help me" deal with my psychological issues.
Of course, I immediately rejected church psychological services because the church just couldn't seem to accept the actual truth that my good friend was the one who actually started the relationship --- and in fact in all appearances to myself, that friend ALWAYS had wanted me. There are a number of clues for why I thought "she never wanted me" was a lie, but here's one:: if she never wanted anything to do with me, then why did we spend over a year being good friends with each other? I mean, we knew each other for at least 3 or 4 years before someone decided we weren't allowed to be friends anymore.
That's the other one::: the church vaunted their belief in freedom and liberty, but then they only just decided to control us and make us not be friends with each other. They said we had to forgive, but to not talk to each other anymore. It was all complete BS.
Anyway, so I rejected LDS church psychological services because of one glaring dishonest fact distortion or lie that the church never decided to correct.
So - the church sent me to regular psychiatrists, and the church instructed me to follow and obey these regular psychiatrists.
What's interesting, however, is that the LDS church gave me a patriarchal blessing that said I'd witness and perform miracles --- and I was already having a number of experiences with this power --- so when the church told me to obey the psychiatrists they were actually telling me to deny my miracles --- because the psychiatrists had absolutely no belief in any thing of the sort it seemed.
And eventually, when some government or charitable entity caused Avril Lavigne to sing about me -- and she recognized how my good friend always wanted me but just wouldn't admit it -- the holy ghost verified to me that this song was about me, and the church wanted me to deny that as well.
And then the stake president even just denied that the holy ghost would ever speak by voice, even though my patriarchal blessing said the holy ghost would speak by voice.
What's weird is, the stake president told me as I progressed in the gospel I would see my blessings come true, but he just told me to deny my testimony of the holy ghost voice and it's utter hypocrisy that I'd be progressing in the gospel or seeing my blessings come true at that point. Just plain stupidity.
So, to recap:::
1) I avoid LDS psychological services because church won't admit she was actually interested in me.
2) Church declares freedom and liberty and agency, but instead decides to control our lives in a very forceful fashion.
3) Church essentially decides I should deny miracles.
4) Church decided I should deny my revelation from the holy ghost.
5) Church decided voice of holy ghost never actually exists.
6) Church says the blessings will come true even as they contradict and deny the blessings.
Anyway --- I'm just so psychologically disturbed about it all ---- In worthiness interviews with Bishops they seem to demand so much honesty, but then they can't even get the facts straight with some pretty obvious factors in my life.