OK --- so after I sent a few profanity-laced messages to my stake president, and then refused to read his responses, I finally received one message from him with a subject header asking me to not send him email if I'm not going to read his.
He is being completely reasonable, and I realize I'm being a bit of a jackass by sending the "spam" and then not reading anything he has to say. It's just some strange quirk of my psychology at this point in time.
My Stake President is actually a very nice man, and I have nothing personally against him, but I just have so many psychological issues about the LDS church that I can't help but "jeer" at them.
So --- What should my personal relationship or relatability to the LDS church be? I like to be completely separate from them, so as to NEVER repeat episodes that I remember so easy and even post about on this blog - but it is clear that there was some kind of "magic" about certain individuals in the church --- they're not all screwy.
The Patriarch who gave me my blessing somehow understood very well what my potential future could be -- and if it wasn't for certain LDS people trying to make me fail/ cause me to fail I might have succeeded.
Anyway --- there really is some kind of mysterious magic in our world, and the LDS church seemed to be my channel of tapping into that --- even if I don't care to have anything to do with them anymore.
Is the LDS church from God? Is it Satan? It seems quite possible that it's Satan --- but perhaps it's from God with Satanic influences - who knows? It's hard to tell, Joseph Smith, though often respected as a religious genius by many -- in my eyes he was an idiot.
yeah --- I know there is a "spiritual magic" in our world, and it was the LDS influence in my life that led me to it....
Anyway, it recently came to my remembrance the fact that I scored highly in school for a long time. 100% math final exam. 98% chem final exam. Award for top average grade. That sort of thing.
I guess I am, myself, a scientist, and I re-discovered telepathy. I am reasonably certain that there is a real way that information can be transferred between minds without written or spoken word.
And, as for the glowy-computer thing I reported last night ---- was that real or just hallucination? And it may have a very religious basis for having been that way in my experience.
Anyway --- for the sake of science, maybe the LDS church's magic could be studied, if they allow it (which they might not). But I just have personal psychological problems and issues with that church so I wish I could stay as far away from them as possible.
And be careful ---- they really might just be a church of Satan. It doesn't matter how much some glowy guy claiming to be Jesus Christ may have appeared to Joseph Smith or any LDS prophet --- there is always a possibility that it wasn't the actual real Jesus anyway. There is such a thing as a false christ, according to some written prophecy somewhere in the holy writ.
Anyway ---- so, I've been a real dick at my stake president, and I wish I wasn't, I should apologize, but it's also true that I really don't want to have anything to do with them anymore, and my dad would like me better if I completely stopped thinking about them.
My Stake President is a nice guy, and he's being completely reasonable asking me to quit writing to him.
I just have psychological problems and discoveries about these problems that I like to share -- and I don't read messages from the church because often I feel very bad inside when I receive these messages, I usually don't feel warm and inviting holy ghost feelings (which, according to the LDS' own doctrine, means they themselves are not trustworthy, if those feelings don't exist).