Saturday, June 21, 2014

Where things are now - media

So, Twitter marketing is now aggressively targeting me to get me to market on their platform. They have high hopes, they think I have high potential.

I'm not so enthusiastic anymore, I've already spent so much on advertising and marketing and most people aren't interested --- I'm starting to feel like I could just live my life on AiSH and never worry about any popularity contests ever again.

There was a time when I thought that I could have learned guitar and become a rock star, but there was so much force acting against me that I only manage to have "representation" in the media and very little exposure to myself personally.

I thought about how if my story became a public issue - how that would reflect negatively on so many people, possibly including myself.

Then I realized that news media will create big stories and hubbubs about issues quite a bit smaller and less dramatic than my own --- so with how my life's story is legitimately a big drama on the world stage - why does news media appear to not care at all?

I mean, with all these things that happened in my life - you'd think I'd make the front page news. But I don't. My next door neighbour's death made front page news - but I remain obscure, only finding representation through artists in media.

I looked up "Kris Attfield" on youtube. Besides finding my own videos, I found Chris Hadfield singing with the Barenaked Ladies - a Canadian Pharmaceutical Research Journal run by students (music video) - and a story of Kim Kardashian being proposed to by Kanye West at an AT&T stadium.

These things are all related to me in one form or another - it's like the media representation thing, and they're all far more popular than I am too. I remain obscure. No one is interested in buying anything from me.

And of the books I have distributed - most people are disappointed with or hate my story somehow.

Maybe I should just be happy to live my life as it is, no need for anymore adventure - no campaigning in the popularity contest.

The ONLY reason I see myself ever possibly having any fame or high stature among people was because of my service to Jesus and my potential apostleship. That all fell through. Well, I can still serve Jesus ---- but I'm done with Mormonism, so I don't know how I could legitimately have a high stature in media anymore.

Yes - there was a time when I had potential, and maybe I still have potential, but I'm thinking I might let it all slide.

It's flattering to know that someone at Twitter (the company) actually thinks I have high potential, but I don't have high hopes for book sales anymore. Nobody really cares. Maybe I'm just not a good marketer - but I've spent so much already with such limited success.


I suppose I should also mention that I am either truly a legitimate case of magic, a legitimate case of insanity -- or a mixture of both.


I don't know what to do anymore. I don't handle people very well - I'm so introverted.

This Twitter marketer wants to talk to me, he wants a meeting with me, but I am very hesitant. I have no idea what good I could possibly do in the world as a famous person.

It used to be that I'd be famous whilst promoting the LDS gospel - but now I don't care for the LDS church anymore - so what would I be famous for? What good could I possibly do? What is my purpose before the eyes of the world? I have no purpose anymore. Not one that I can see right now at least. Maybe I could be a mentalist - but I'm not nearly as good as today's legitimate performers, like Kreskin.

And I don't handle stress or people very well. Maybe I should stay in my bubble. :)

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